Chapter Text
Jey is going to cry. It is stupid, and it is silly, but Jey can feel the burning in the corners of his eyes and his hands have been shaking for the better part of half an hour. He doesn't know why he's going to, and that makes the desperation for it to stop grow even more. He's curled up on the sheets of a hotel room, lights shut off and curtains slightly open. He doesn't even remember where he is, and all he wants is Sami. He's been like this a few times, when everything gets overwhelming, but he should be able to handle it. Like everyone else in his family does, like how Roman expects him to handle it. He's never let anyone know that he gets like this, not even Jimmy, especially not Sami, but he just wants it to be over with. He wants to be held in his boyfriend's arms, to be comforted and told that everything's going to be ok, even though he doesn't even know what's wrong.
No matter how hard he tries not to, he's definitely spacing out, staring blankly at the wall with burning, barely blinking eyes. He's too deep into his spiraling thoughts to hear the hotel lock beep, and then the door slowly click open, someone entering the dark room. He doesn't notice Sami walking towards him slowly until the older man places a hand on Jeys's back, and he jumps in surprise. The sudden motion makes Sami jump too, and he curses softly when he startles. Jey doesn't say anything, just blinking up at him in the dark. Sami leans over to turn the lamp on the end table on, and Jey grimaces, squeezing his eyes shut against the bright light.
“Habibi-” Sami begins, and Jey turns to look at him, and the moment they make eye contact, and the feeling he gets at the petname, Jey loses it. He starts sobbing, cutting Sami's voice off, his entire body shaking with the force of it. Sami immediately gets on the bed, pulling Jey's shaking body against his chest, wrapping his arms around him.
“Jey, Jey baby what's wrong?” Sami's voice is filled with conern, and it makes Jey feel worse.
Jey can't even respond, shaking his head. His sobs are echoing in the hotel room, and he can practically feel Sami's concern wrapped around him. He's trying to calm down as quickly as possible, trying to copy the rise and fall of the older man's chest, gasping around breaths. Sami smoothes down his hair in a repeated motion, trying to calm him down, whispering random reassuring promises when he realizes the younger won't be able to fully communicate any time soon. Sami starts to exaggerate his breathing, inhaling and exhaling as deeply as possible, getting Jey to copy him. When Jey's breathing has calmed down, no longer choked or gasping, just soft hiccups and sniffles, Sami tries again.
“What's wrong sweetheart?”
Jey looks up at him with a look that shatters his heart, and he softly kisses the young man's forehead, waiting patiently for an answer.
“I dunno.” Jey's voice catches at the end of his sentence, but he doesn't start crying again, taking a deep breath to steady himself.
“You don't know?”
Jey hums in answer, really not knowing how else to respond to that. They sit in silence for a few moments, Sami still petting over Jey's hair, before the older of the two speaks up again.
“Can you,” he stops, and sighs, before he continues. “Can you explain how you're feeling right now?”
Jey doesn't answer immediately, trying to organize his thoughts through the fogginess of his brain. “Just….I just get like this sometimes. When it's all too much.”
“You could've told me about it.” Sami's voice isn't disappointed, but Jey can't help but feel like he's done something wrong.
“Didn't wanna bother you.”
“Oh habibi.” Sami breathes out, resting his face against the top of Jey's head. “You'd never bother me, never.”
It makes Jey want to cry again, but he's determined not to. The name makes something warm settle in his gut, and he wants to hear it again. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just leans against Sami, sighing.
“Feels like everything’s just,” He waves his hand around his head, sniffling slightly. “Just too big. And m too small. I feel childish. Just want it to stop.”
“Is there anyway I can help you?”
Jey shakes his head, and Sami sighs again. “Just keep holding me?”
“Of course baby.”
Sami moves to kiss the top of his head, rubbing one of his hands up and down Jey's back in circular motions. There's no noise other than their breathing, and Jey's occasional sniffles eachoing throughout the room. Jey can feel his eyes get heavy, suddenly exhausted from literally everything that just happened, and he closes his eyes. Sami quickly kicks off his shoes, flinging them to the floor with a thud, and he lays them down on the bed, still tightly holding onto Jey. He moves for a moment to grab a blanket from the bottom of the bed and Jey is unable to stop the whining noise he makes at the distance between them, cheeks flushing as Sami just smiles. The older man lays the blanket over the two of them, laying a leg over Jey's, kissing the younger man softly. Jey practically melts into the kiss, and he sighs for the last time.
“I'm sorry-”
“Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry about, ok? I love you so much.”
Jey doesn't know how he got this lucky in life, surely he doesn't deserve it, but he doesn't complain, just lets the feeling of sleep wash over his body, the feeling of Sami's skin against his is comforting.
“I love you more.” His words are slurred, a bit muffled, but they make Sami smile nonetheless. He waits until he's sure the other man is asleep before he reaches over to turn the lamp off, and rests too, holding him tightly even in their sleep.