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Kong is rarely, if ever, associated with pessimism.
He is thought of as the personification of a ball of sunshine, regardless of the setting. He never fails to make people laugh with his jokes, gush at his cute antics, and cheer them up -- consciously or unconsciously -- when they feel down.
On set, he is considered the main moodmaker. Just a smile is enough to stir warmth in people’s hearts.
He is not doing too bad as a student in Chulalongkorn University, either. He actively contributed to his group projects and strived to excel in academics and help others when he could. Despite the difficulty of being an engineering student, he had been able to maintain good grades.
While living his double life, he tries his hardest to not let the stress or judgement get to him.
That does not mean that he is immune to what others have to say, though, especially when it concerns how he treats fans. As someone who feels that he rose to fame too quickly, he’s deeply grateful for the love he’s received—but equally haunted by the fear it could all disappear overnight.
To Thomas, Kong is his whole world and a half.
He is the second brightest thing next to the sun -- on some days the first. Ever since the two became a pair, they have become each other’s emotional support. They grew close fast, being inseparable and more open with each other. Through countless conversations in the car and over food, they’ve learned everything from their favorite animals and sports to their insecurities and deepest worries. As a result, Thomas was aware of the worries Kong had all too well.
So when he saw those comments trending on Twitter, he worried more about how Kong was faring than anything else.
Following fancalls for an event, some fans had taken it to the internet that they felt they were receiving disproportionate fan service compared to others, that other fans were getting more attention than they were. Over and over again, they continued to question and attack the pair’s sincerity and gratitude, asking if they were appreciative of their fans at all.
This whole thing started trending midday -- when Thomas was arranging his schedule and when Kong was busy with his classes -- so there was not much Thomas could do but read and analyze. Every couple of minutes, he’d be tagged onto yet another hate speech and, as much as he tried not to let those words get to him, he was only human. The more posts he read, the more his heart tore.
Consciously, he knew that he could not cater to every fan, regardless of how much effort he put, as that is just how the entertainment industry is. Still, he hoped that their fans did not turn their back on them. Even if they did, he hoped that they would do so quietly. Knowing that some of their fans were leaving because of something out of their control made it hurt worse.
When he went to pick up Kong, he saw him with that bright, pretty smile as he waved his friends goodbye. But once the door was shut, Kong’s expression quickly fell like a light switch switched off.
Throughout the drive to Kong’s home, Thomas asked about his classes, his schoolwork, his projects—anything to steer both their minds away from what was happening. In turn, Kong asked about his day. He could tell that Kong, too, was trying his hardest to ignore what was going on. But despite their efforts, it was impossible to bring the usual comfort and brightness between them. The hesitance in their actions never left.
As Kong was about to leave the car, he was stopped by a gentle tug on his wrist.
“I tried putting this out of my mind but I’m sure the current situation is weighing on you too. Will you be okay? Do you need me to be here with you?” Thomas said, asking slowly but surely, eyebrows furrowed in worry and a gaze so tender.
For a moment, Kong hesitated, almost giving in. It would’ve been okay since the rest of his family were on vacation and the house was empty. But he shook his head, the small smile blooming on his face.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. It’s okay, P’Tho . Go home. The sun is setting.”
And though Thomas insisted that he could stay, Kong made it clear that he wanted some time alone. Reluctantly, he waved goodbye and made his way back to his own condo.
Thomas had turned off notifications from his social media accounts long before, but his worries only grew. Into the evening, the comments became worse, shifting from complaints to borderline threats, asking for apologies from the two for supposedly lacking sincerity, saying that they regret supporting them at all.
When he picked up the call from Kong later that night, close to midnight, he heard sniffles and the thickness in his voice on the other end.
Immediately, he was on his feet. Truth be told, nothing would have prepared him for his heart to drop like this, even if he was expecting it. Anxiety was snapping at him, ready to pounce.
“ Phi , you come over?” Kong asked, voice choked with tears. “I…I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“Give me 10” was all Thomas said before he grabbed his keys and went flying out the door. He could swear he had never driven so fast. Speeding tickets be damned. The only thing in his mind was Kong—getting to him, holding him, making sure he was okay.
---
By the time Kong set his phone down, his thoughts were already escalating into the edge of a full-blown panic attack.
Why are they leaving? I swear I did my best. It’s not my fault. At least I don’t think it is…is it? Am I doing too little? Too much? Would I be able to tell? What if everyone leaves? They hate me, don’t they…
He felt like he was drowning in a storm, lungs screaming, mind unraveling. No matter how hard he swam, the waves kept pulling him under.
The frustration, the panic, the pain came crashing together, leaving him feeling utterly defeated.
His heart pounded, vision spinning like a carousel. Ears ringing, head throbbing—he pressed a hand to his face and pulled back with surprise. Wet. Tears. When had he started crying?
The world was too loud, too close. His phone pinged again. Again. Again. Again. His skin crawled. His limbs were tingling. He wanted nothing more than to escape his own body. His mind was at war with itself.
Nothing was giving him any comfort. Nothing made sense.
It took forever just to move. He staggered, legs barely working, dizziness from prolonged hyperventilation blurring everything. He clung to walls and furniture as he stumbled down the hall. His legs gave out before he could reach the door, leaving him lying on the floor, gripping at his chest and gasping for air.
It was only a few seconds before Kong faintly heard the beeping of his door lock, then the slamming of the door. He knew it was Thomas. They had exchanged passwords with each other not long after they became a pair, just in case.
His hearing was getting even more muffled, making it feel as if he were underwater.
But then he felt strong arms lift him into their lap, cradling and rocking him like he was the lightest thing in the world. The warmth engulfed him, hugging him tight.
A fresh, woody scent washed over him, grounding him, comforting him.
Thomas gently guided Kong’s trembling hand to his chest, allowing him to feel him breathing, his chest rising and falling slowly, steadily, rhythmically. Beneath this, he felt his heartbeat, frantic but steady.
“Breathe with me,” he heard. “Nong, I need you to breathe with me. In…out…”
So though his chest protested, he tried.
Though jagged at first, his breathing slowly evened.
He could hear the humming of the fan and the crows outside as his tinnitus subsided.
And, eventually, things came into focus.
The first thing he saw was Thomas, blurry through tears and ever so handsome.
Thomas seemed to quickly take notice that Kong was coming to, offering a soft smile and cupping his cheek.
“There you are, sweetheart.”
Silent cries of panic were replaced with tears of relief.
He wrapped his arms around Thomas’s neck and burrowed his face to the crook of his neck, trying to let the overwhelming emotions subside. Thomas buried his hands into Kong’s hair, stroking slowly and soothingly.
That’s how they stayed for a bit. They silently morphed into each other, exchanging gratitude and love that went beyond.
“Can you stand?” Kong nodded. Slow but steadily, he made his way up the stairs. Thomas followed close behind, ushering but not hurrying, making sure that he was safe.
Once they made it to his bedroom, he rearranged the trinkets that fell off Kong’s bed stand and put books on the floor back to their places on the shelf before joining Kong in bed. He planned to stay just long enough to send him to sleep.
With the adrenaline from his spiraling disappearing, Kong felt the lethargy catch up to him quickly. Thomas rhythmically patting his chest didn’t help.
However, just as he was about to slip into sleep, he blurted the question he’d be holding onto for so long: “Do you think they’ll stay?”
He felt Thomas still for a moment and, when Kong cracked his eyes open, found him in deep thought — brows furrowed, lip bitten. After a moment, Thomas let out a breathe and they locked eyes.
“If they don’t believe what we’re doing is enough, then let it be that way. They probably wouldn’t have been fans for long to begin with. We can’t satisfy everybody.” Thomas brings his hand from Kong’s chest to cup his face. “And that’s okay. As long as we believe and support each other authentically, everything else will follow. Besides, it’s not like everyone is leaving, right?”
Kong slowly nodded and felt a smile blooming on his face, the remaining anxiety in him finally disappearing.
“Now, go to sleep. I’ll be with you.”
With his mind at ease, Kong closed his eyes and, within a few minutes, knocked out.