Chapter Text
April 8th, 2007
Five months ago, TK Strand turned thirteen. He had a huge party, held in his step-fathers mansion, but his father couldn’t attend. It was a work thing, so TK does not blame him.
Three days ago, he experienced hair on his face. His stepfather, Enzo, had noticed his distress over the very few sprigs, and explained to him what they meant.
And so today, his father teaches him how to shave it off. The white of his shaving cream covers his jaw and up his cheeks, still chubby with baby fat. He watches as it glides over the older man’s slightly wrinkled sideburns, admiring it.
He follows his father with his own cheap green razor, squinting to really see it as it goes. It leaves agitated and bumpy skin behind, but his dad, Owen, only smiles.
“Look at you, you’re becoming a man.” He supposes it may be true, seeing as though he is only nine inches shy of his being as tall as his very own father. He huffs, “don’t make this a thing, dad.”
Owen just laughs just before teaching him how to rinse his face off when he is finished, and it isn’t until TK Strand is an adult that he remembers how his dad had watched him, with love and admiration for his son.
When they’re done, they find themselves in Owen’s living room, his father with a bowl of trail mix and TK with tiny pinches of it every once in a while. They watch a movie together, to soak in their time before he has to go home later tonight.
He hates custody agreements. Why can’t he decide when he goes home to his mother’s house? If he wants to stay with his dad before he goes to work on Tuesday, why can’t he?
His white socks turned just slightly gray brush against his dads bare feet, and the action brings him back to life as he focuses on the film playing before him. He has seen this once before, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his dad when he excitedly told him about it.
Sweet home Alabama, and what is currently running is when Bobby Ray is told he should just go to a gay bar. TK swallows, letting his eyes settle on his father, who is frowning. Is he frowning because he disapproves?
Bobby should not go to a gay bar, TK knows this now. The television is suddenly on pause, and his father looks a little deep in thought. “Need something?” He asks, voice as calm as he can get it.
Owen looks at him, giving him a polite smile, “no, son. I’m alright.” TK’s brain runs at a mile a minute, his hands shaking, unable to control it.
His dad takes a breath and moves to play it, but TK can’t let him, not yet, anyway. “Dad, wait.”
Owen hums, looking at him with gentle but curious eyes.
TK blinks, unsure what to say now that he has his dad's attention. He should forget it, brush it off and act like all he wanted was another bite from his dad’s bowl. But instead, he says it.
“I’m gay,” the words feel like fire, like a dragon that has been let out of its cell. His dad doesn’t say anything, and he deflates. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Kiddo, why are you sorry?” TK shakes his head, the tears that he has felt welling up since his father hit pause come rushing out, running down his cheeks and dripping onto his shirt.
“Don’t cry,” Owen scoots closer, afraid, but reaching out anyway. TK hiccups, wiping away salty tears at rapid speed. He really is a wuss, coming out to his father and then crying like a baby.
“I’m your only son– what if you never have grandchildren? I’ll never get married, dad. I’m so sorry–.” His father shushes him, gripping his TK’s neck and bringing his head to his chest.
TK tries to resist, but he gives up as quickly as he started. He sobs into his dad’s crewneck, apologizing and begging for forgiveness. “I’m not mad at you.” His voice says, slightly muffled by the shirt pressed against TK’s ears.
“I’m.. scared, but mostly for you. I don’t know anything about this stuff, Ty. Hell, I can’t even teach you sex ed.” TK chooses to ignore his father’s choice of words, and instead listens to the other half of what he has to say.
“Yeah, I’m scared.” He breathes, lifting TK ever so slightly to look into his green eyes. “But I love you, and this? This could never change that. Nothing could.”
He hiccups again, and his dad smiles. TK shakes his head, “I’m scared too. But I’ll be careful, I promise.”
“Okay, son. And no boyfriends, you’re too little for that.” TK can’t help but laugh, rolling his eyes. “I’m thirteen.”
“And? My point still stands.” TK chuckles, and as he quiets, so does the room around them. He breathes, and so does his father.
“Does mom know?” Owen asks, his hand lost in his son's hair. He shakes his head, licking his lips. A salty taste lingers on his tongue as he responds, “there hasn’t been a good time, yet.”
“Okay, well, you should tell her soon.” TK nods, already having known that would be the case. He trusts his mom, and he isn’t scared to tell her, just.. nervous.
“I love you, kiddo.” TK wipes his eyes, staring up into his fathers blue ones. “I love you too, dad.”
April 21st, 2007
It isn’t until three weeks later that TK tells Gwyn. It’s a Saturday, one of very few that she isn't at the office, so she takes him to get dim sum on spring street. They sit down, and they eat. He asks her about work, and she asks about school.
He hates eighth grade, but he doesn’t tell her as much, just that it’s going well. “Getting ready for highschool?” She smiles, even though that is four months away as of today.
“Yeah,” he grins halfheartedly, twirling around noodles with chopsticks. He asks her about her recent hire, and she tells him all about how she is doing good, but she is very shy and so sometimes that can get in the way of her ability.
“How was the weekend at dad’s? Did he take you out?” Last weekend is what she means, and yes, it has been about a week since then, but she hasn’t had much time to ask about it with how busy work is and her anniversary of two years with Enzo.
“Yeah, we went to the firehouse. They were doing that fundraiser, remember?” He can’t help the hint of sass to his voice, feeling a little angry that his mother could forget something so good that his father is doing. He is a good person, damn it.
“Oh, that’s right.” She smiles politely, but he can tell she is somehow manipulating the situation in her brain to make his dad the bad guy. The villain of her story.
He lets it go, because this is his mother, and he knows why she feels the way that she does. He breathes, letting the tension go with that breath. His shoulders relax, and he takes a bite of his egg roll.
He looks around. The place is never busy here, not even today, on a perfectly nice Saturday. There is one elderly couple five tables down from them, the woman in a polka dotted red dress and the man in a perfectly ironed out polo.
He feels sad watching them, knowing he will never have what they do. He will never have a marriage of twenty years or more, and he will never get to eat out in public with said husband.
“Hey, sweetheart. What’s bothering you?” He looks at her, shaking his head. “Nothing, just thinking about what to get Samantha for her birthday.” The lie comes out smoother than the truth, and it feels like hell.
“Tyler Kennedy, don’t fib to your mother.” She clocks him immediately, setting her chopsticks down and giving him that look that makes him shrink in on himself. It doesn’t go away, dark eyes staring at him with reason.
“I don’t know what to say,” he mumbles, scrubbing his face. She crosses her arms, and he wonders if she knows. He wonders if his dad did, too. Maybe one day, he will ask.
“You can tell me.” He blinks slowly, hands sweaty as his leg bounces on the floor. He lowers his voice, “I think I’m gay, mom.”
It’s such a whisper that he wonders if he even said it, until a hand covers his very own on the table, and his moms smiling face is looking at him. “Oh, baby, is that all?” He breathes, confused.
“What do you mean?”
“I had a feeling. A mother knows, TK.” She is silent for a beat, before she asks him a question.
“Is this why you have been distant lately?” TK frowns, thinking of all the times he has kept in his room for dinner, or stayed out late with his friends. Anywhere but home. He finds himself nodding, avoiding eye contact.
“Sweetheart, why? Did you think that I wouldn’t love you anymore?” Tears well, and he curses. Why does he get so worked up? Fuck feelings , he reminds himself. “Yeah,” he manages, barely understandable.
“My sweet boy,” she whispers as she stands from her chair across from him, scooting into the booth beside her son. She grabs his face, and kisses his forehead. She pulls away and that smile is present once again.
“Why would you ever think that?” He shrugs, sighing. “It’s not normal, mom. It’s okay if you are.. ashamed, or whatever.”
She shakes her head aggressively, pointing a finger in his direction. “No, I am not ashamed of my son. And you are not either, correct? Even you will not make my baby feel ashamed of himself.”
He finds her eyes, green against brown, and he laughs. It’s wet and half-hearted, but it happens.
“You are not less than just because you’re gay, okay?” She doesn’t whisper, but she doesn’t shout. It’s for them, just the two of them. He believes her, which feels monumental in itself.
“How long?” She asks, brushing her nails through his brown hair.
“Hm?”
“How long have you known this about yourself?” He doesn’t exactly remember. He can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but he does remember his desire to kiss Charlie Baker in Cheaper by the Dozen when he was ten years old.
He remembers how badly he wanted to be Anne, and swallows. “Maybe three years? Or before then, I don’t know.” He shrugs and she nods, “it’s been awhile, huh?”
TK sighs, laughs, nods, and sheds a couple more tears. Happy or sad? He couldn’t say.
“Okay, well, I will look into this. Maybe we’ll get you into an LCBP group? Maybe a sex ed class, too?” TK cackles, letting all of his feelings go through this laugh. His mom startles from beside him, confused but joyous as well.
“LGBTQ+, mom. And what is it with sex ed for you and dad? Weirdos.” She feigns offense, “you told dad before me?”
“I’m sorry! It was a matter of convenience!” He defends, giggling because he knows his mom isn’t serious. Well, he hopes she isn’t.
She ruffles his messy head of hair and shakes her head, “I’ll let that part go, actually, and ask you why you think sex ed isn’t important?”
TK rolls his eyes playfully, gagging in disgust. Gwyn shoves him, saying something about ‘teen boys ’.
“I’m thirteen, mom.”
“Exactly!” He stands from his seat, getting away from her before she attacks. They laugh together, bright vocals and shiny eyes. The couple across the room stares, but they are just as giddy, enjoying their lunch.
“Can we go now? You’re embarrassing me!” TK jokes, grabbing her wrist and pulling her up. She scoffs before reaching into her purse, leaving a ten dollar bill on the table before wrapping her arm around her son, kissing his head, and walking out with him by her side.
“Maybe we will stop at the goodwill, hm? Find you a nice LGB shirt?”
“LGBTQ+!”
“I knew that.” She states, her head held high as they walk the streets of manhattan. TK leans further into her side, and he breathes, no longer hiding such an important part of himself from his parents.