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As an esteemed member of the Kaneshiro clan—one of the leading criminal organisations in the year 1789, established and run by Lord Kaneshiro who dabbled in operating illegal games such as gambling and lending money to people at excessive interest rates in hopes of devouring them overnight—it was only right that people envision Luca’s life to be the perfect blend of flashy, adventurous and action-packed.
It was only right for him to be deemed as a spoiled bastard since he was the son of the oyabun , born with so much wealth and land, it made people fume at the mention of Luca’s name, wishing it were them instead.
Except that they were entirely wrong. Luca did have money and land but it wasn’t in his possession yet. As for spoiled? Him? Come on! And he was anything but a bastard! Luca could admit to being annoying or mischievous, yes, but not a bastard. He didn’t even look the part!
Regardless of what the rumours said, unfortunate for Luca, his life was neither flashy nor adventurous. If anything, his days were layered with honest boredom where he’d get lectured to the point of madness. Hard to believe huh? Not only was Luca burdened by a lengthy list of uninteresting chores, but he was surrounded by even more uninteresting people whom Luca tolerated daily against his will. How annoying, tch .
Recently turned fifteen, Luca’s busy routine consisted of training how to use different weapons (he preferred the sword… certainly not because it was cool or anything!), often accompanying his father to the gambling den to observe how he ran the whole thing, seeing him converse with different people and receiving looooooong boring lectures that might bore one to death. What?! He wasn’t exaggerating.
There was a reason for Luca’s ever growing resentment toward his way of living.
At the beginning of it all, like every naive child who found the simplest things amusing, Luca was also eager to learn about the world his father had built from scratch. Luca’s childlike desire to please Lord Kaneshiro, to fulfil his every wish, had made him study fast.
He would listen and listen some more, drowning himself in duties and whatnot (drowning out the sounds of his own heart)—at an age where he should've been messing around with other kids. Instead of playing with sand and rocks, Luca learned how to sharpen a knife. It felt like the right thing to do back then. Or the only thing he could do.
Over the course of Luca’s life, he had earnestly played the role of the perfect son as his father had intended. Some rejoiced. Some despaired. But Luca? He never disobeyed nor stepped out of line and only did what was asked of him.
Where did that get him years later? Closer and closer to becoming a puppet, for sure. The admiration Luca once felt began to fall apart and his eagerness to please Lord Kaneshiro shaped itself into a rotten apple. He realised, with much dismay, that perhaps his father was a thorn stuck in his limbs. Still, Luca didn’t have any desire to get rid of the man nor did he want vengeance for his stolen childhood.
Luca’s problem, in fact, didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was clearly being used by his father. What bothered Luca the most was that he did have a purpose given to him by Lord Kaneshiro but in his hands, it was as good as lifeless. Like carrying the dead weight of a rotten corpse on his back. Luca found himself bitter and unsatisfied with the way things were.
Sure, he had a fair share of tasks to keep him occupied but none of that was fun or thrilling or even remotely captivating to smother the hunger bubbling inside him. Luca didn't know exactly what was missing from his life. If there was even a shape or a name for it, whether it came in the form of a person or an object or a personal goal. All Luca knew was that he yearned for a thing he didn’t have yet.
He had stayed awake on countless nights wondering which piece would help fill the gaping hole in his chest. A hole that refuses to close like a stubborn, neglected child who was deprived of affection.
Whether it was out of spite to go against Lord Kaneshiro or a simple childish wish, Luca needed a spark of fire to set things off. For his soul to shake desperately and be in pieces. A burning desire that would overwhelm Luca’s being for days— no , years to come. An uncanny path with the right amount of twist and turns. It had to be all-consuming or nothing. He wouldn't settle for anything less.
Surprisingly, Luca found himself face to face with that spark sooner than he expected. A few months after Luca turned fifteen, Lord Kaneshiro ordered him to attend his first official meeting with another clan.
It spurred a lot of anger and chaos within the community. How could a child possibly take part in such a sacred activity?!?! Talk about some bland criticism.
Believe it or not, Luca was more than prepared. He grew up in a world surrounded by hungry beasts waiting to devour him. Naturally, Luca had to become one too as a means of survival, to appease his father and to protect himself. In the end, it was all just a game, was it not?
Early in the morning, Luca was dressed by the servants in a cream-coloured kimono that felt odd on his skin, waves of golden swirls beautifully drawn on his sleeves and a black sash tied around his waist to hold the garment. Luca's shoulder-length hair was pulled behind his neck and secured with a band. A lone golden earring dangled from Luca’s right ear, a gift which he received from Lord Kaneshiro in his early childhood. Luca’s clean face still had some baby fat.
The cold hand of his father was pressed to Luca's shoulder as he guided them both toward their destination. Not comforting. Not warm. Just there... lingering like a ghost.
Some would say it was rather reckless to bring a young boy into a room full of criminals who wouldn't hesitate to hurt Luca if given the chance, who were armed with dangerous weapons, struggling to conceal their jealousy.
Luca was yet to present so he was unaware of the repulsive smell of hatred floating in the air, curling over his neck. But one sweep was all it took to understand what was written on their faces. Luca couldn't blame them for envying him.
Lord Kaneshiro was a cruel and cunning man. He had deceived people and robbed them of their homes in a matter of hours just to become the man everyone feared today. Luca wasn't a fool to not acknowledge that at least. After all, he had taken scoldings so intense, one would cower or pee in their pants when faced Lord Kaneshiro’s rage and his raised voice, especially of an alpha as wicked as him.
Although not many had the audacity to act against the Kaneshiro clan. Not like this. Certainly not during a civil gathering. But Lord Kaneshiro, for the stubborn man he was, wanted to make a bold statement anyway and dangled the result of his cultivation in front of those who begrudged him.
Look at my blood and the weapon I've honed with my very hands. What a show-off.
Fortunately, the timing of Luca's first official meeting couldn’t have been better. It perfectly aligned with the Yamino clan's one yearly meeting, arranged to take place in Luca’s family’s third residence used for this kind of business.
The Yamino clan were infamous merchants who sold forbidden or stolen goods, rumoured to be involved in illegal trading and strange eerie practices. Their leader, Lord Yamino, was another alpha known for his clever voice and elegant appearance.
The intriguing part to note was that his father seemed to have some sort of old resentment for Lord Yamino. He would frown at the suggestion of Lord Yamino's name as though even the mere reminder of his existence brought a bitter taste in his mouth.
As far as everyone knew, they hadn't interacted much outside of meetings and their domain of business was different, so why would he scorn? What reason could his father have to begrudge Lord Yamino? His status and reputation was far above Lord Yamino’s, if anything.
So was it just some petty rivalry for show or they were truly enemies thirsty for each other’s blood? Had the fire between them been prompted on its own or was it lit by someone else on purpose? Sadly, Luca could only make speculations, for his father was quite stingy with what little information he shared and the last time Luca asked about the origin of the Yamino clan, it sent him into a fit of laughter that was quite frankly terrifying. What could’ve happened between the two to invoke such intense emotions?
Perhaps Luca could unravel some of those secrets during the meeting. For that, he had to be on his best behaviour and make a good first impression all the while keeping an eye on everyone. Surely, he could handle that much? Surely, he could show off his training.
When the hour finally arrived, Luca walked into the room with his chin raised high. He was a bit nervous but mostly curious to see the face of the man who brought such madness to his father.
And swear to God, he was a sight to behold. Not the grumpy old Lord Yamino. Oh no. Luca meant the boy seated next to the leader, draped in a dark robe with hues of pink, purple and gold engraved in them. His face was all sharp lines, his beauty unparalleled, as if he was carefully carved by the hands of an artist, each stroke drawn to immortalise his brilliance. If looks could kill, Luca would be six feet beneath the ground.
The boy’s back was posed straight and eyes narrowed into thin slits. Not a single strand of his hair was misplaced. He looked like royalty the way he carried himself and his appearance made every other person seem dull in comparison.
The moment Luca saw this boy in all his glory, his steps unconsciously slowed, mouth agape, for Luca had never seen something this divine up close. (He was, in fact, not prepared.) Amethyst eyes so bright, Luca wouldn't be surprised to find galaxies trapped in them.
Whether they liked it or not, the boy’s presence demanded everyone’s attention, luring them to a predator’s waiting mouth and Luca ran straight into that trap without a second thought, a willing subject.
“What’s gotten into you?” Lord Kaneshiro whispered-hissed in anger since Luca was so busy gawking at the young boy. “Hurry up.”
Luca snapped out of his daydream and flushed a deep scarlet as he rushed to his assigned seat on the floor with his head ducked, embarrassed to get caught red-handed. God , talk about an upsetting first impression! Yucky . At least it would be memorable. Haha, right?!
The leaders sat facing each other on the raised dais with their weapons resting alongside and whichever member was closest to them sat on the slightly lowered one. Luca’s weapon of choice was a saber small in size so he could accommodate its weight.
The room fell silent when Lord Kaneshiro and Lord Yamino made eye contact and stared at each other far longer than necessary, deliberate and meaningful but with obvious disdain. As if they were exchanging insults with their eyes alone. Luca could’ve been fooled by their act but he caught a flash of an unknown emotion on their faces, a history that was impossible to trace, a past that was lost to a time that couldn’t be undone.
The air in the room grew thick with tension and everyone held their breaths as the rancid smell spread like wildfire, on the verge of suffocating them in the process. Most people were forced to lower their heads into quiet submission. Luca could sense the pressure between the two alphas but was oblivious to its effect on him. The boy also remained unbothered.
Then finally, the two alphas exchanged bows, a customary greeting and the ice broke.
"Lord Kaneshiro." The one to speak was Lord Yamino, his polished voice not betraying a single emotion. His gaze landed on Luca, slow and steady. It felt like being watched by a hawk, like his every action was being judged and if Luca wasn’t careful, he was going to get devoured. Luca shifted uncomfortably, clenching his sweaty fingers beneath the table and Lord Yamino’s gaze slid over to the sway of Luca’s earring with obvious fascination.
"Do my eyes deceive me or have you finally brought your son today?” Lord Yamino asked in amusement. Luca wondered if this was the man that shaped his father into the twisted person he was today.
"So have you, Lord Yamino." His father, for all his hard lines and wrinkles, managed a hollow smile. He sounded too prideful. "What a wonderful coincidence, isn't it?"
The buzzing in Luca’s ears dulled and the details faintly registered to him. So the boy was Lord Yamino’s son? Naur way. That was too ridiculous to be a coincidence.
"Certainly. It seems like you’ve won this time,” Lord Yamino praised. No one understood what he meant by winning. “Let us discuss the rest of our business over hot tea and biscuits."
Strange . Those two were strange. It felt like they were taunting each other about something in the nicest way possible while maintaining the facade of being civil. The audience, mesmerised and confused, was left to assume the details on their own.
Not that Luca cared (he did care but not at that particular moment). All this talk was tedious to him and he zoned out of the conversation. Not entirely. Sort of. Kinda. It wasn't on purpose! Luca would rather use his precious time to admire Lord Yamino’s son instead. He stole shy but curious glances at him like a child eyeing at sweets from afar, hopelessly captivated.
What Luca found the most fascinating was that not once did the boy take a peek at him. Was he not bothered by Luca openly staring at him or did he just not care? He was like an unshakable object. Rather than feeling bummed out by this rejection, Luca was, more or less, delighted. There was something very bittersweet about receiving the cold shoulder. It made his craving more intense and wild. He always liked a good challenge, anyway.
After going over the details of their previous boundaries, establishing some new ones and promising to not meddle in each other’s business, the meeting finally came to an agonising end. The sun had already gone down. Lord Yamino and Lord Kaneshiro stood up at the same time, followed by their sons and bowed one last time. They seemed like mirror pieces.
Luca released a deep breath. It was over at last. He watched the crowd scatter in different directions. One second the boy was there and the next instant he was leaving through the main door. Luca was tempted to follow but his mind didn’t allow it. Instead, he dipped his head in defeat and followed after his father with a heavy heart. It felt wrong to walk away.
Would he come to regret it later like everything else he had to let go in his childhood?
Just as Luca was down a few corridors, he made the split decision and blurted an excuse about dropping his earring somewhere. Luca didn’t wait for a response and ran with shocking speed to pursue the Yamino Clan’s members, leaping from random objects and walls, ducking between servants strolling by and yelling sorry and watch out . They only saw a flash of golden hair flowing past them.
Relief flooded in Luca’s chest upon seeing the Yamino clan hovering at the entrance of his house, waiting for the horses to arrive. It was easy enough to spot the boy among them. He was admiring the flowers placed in the yard attached on each side of the entrance while Lord Yamino spoke with his members a few feet away. The odds were in his favour.
Yet Luca’s feet remained stuck to the ground, frozen in fear. There was a possibility of him messing this up big time and blowing his one shot (Luca didn’t know what he was hoping to gain from talking to him ). And, well, there was also the threat that was his father. Would he get angry? Luca had never gone behind his father’s back. He didn’t have a solid reason. Until now. Until Luca was face to face with divinity itself and every fibre of his being was telling him to act.
At worst, if word got out, Luca would either be on house arrest or receive some lashes depending on his father’s mood. He could endure that much.
But what would Luca even say? Introduce himself? Stupid! Ask him to become his friend? Nonsense!
As Luca was contemplating his options and mentally building up the courage to speak, he saw the boy begin to move. Instinctively, Luca dashed from his spot and as if possessed by some great spirit, he caught the edge of the boy’s sleeve and stopped his movement entirely.
(Desperation often forces people to act like fools.)
The boy didn’t flinch nor yell at Luca’s rash action. He let out a soft ‘ah’ and turned halfway to stare at his sleeve held between Luca’s fingers. If they were noticed like this, hopefully others would think of them as kids being kids. Good.
All thoughts, however, vanished from Luca’s mind when those amethyst eyes finally settled on him and they were eye-to-eye. Suddenly, Luca was a galaxy trapped in those eyes. Whatever he had planned to say, which wasn’t a lot, dissolved into his mouth like ice.
If Lord Yamino’s son recognised Luca, his face gave away no sign of recognition nor a hint of annoyance. Truly a well-crafted mask but Luca didn’t like it since he couldn’t get a read on him.
They continued to stare at each other in all their awkwardness. One confused and the other hopeless. Another moment passed.
The boy’s gaze flickered between Luca’s face and his caught sleeve, his head slightly tilted. Even that gesture was elegant. “I think you have something of mine.”
His voice was like music to Luca’s ears, a tune so soft it reminded him of the rustling leaves late at night, of rain pouring in the distance, of lost clothes dancing through the wind.
“It seems like I do.” Luca blinked owlishly. Damn his stupid mouth!! What the hell was he saying? “I mean, what?”
“You’re holding my sleeve, mister,” he repeated. Still patient, still overly polite. Luca wanted to be the one to break through his mask. “Let go.”
Some senses came back to him and Luca hastily obliged. “My apologies!” His face was very, very warm. With both of them now standing, Luca realised he was slightly shorter than the boy. “I didn’t mean to…”
Lord Yamino’s son didn’t let him finish. “I’ll be on my way then, excuse me.”
Luca’s heart dropped and he lunged forward, desperately trying to find purchase. Once more, Luca’s fingers wound up in his sleeves. “Please wait!” He pleaded so willingly, not knowing what was compelling him to behave in such a way. He knew he had to be fast before his father could notice his absence.
The boy hesitated, unsure but wary. “Be quick,” he said, peering at his surroundings. "I don’t want to be seen conversing with you.”
“Y-Your name,” Luca started, his lips wobbling into a nervous smile, "May I know your name? If you don’t mind.”
The boy looked taken aback but didn’t hesitate to drive the nail into the coffin. "I do mind. Is that all?”
"Oh." Luca's joyful expression fell instantly like someone had told he was going to die. "Yes, that’s all.” He half-bowed, ashamed of his foolish actions. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”
The boy slowly scanned Luca’s doleful face and must’ve found something that infuriated him. He sighed and mumbled unintelligibly.
Luca froze. "Huh?"
"Shu! Yamino Shu . That is my name," he announced it so proudly like it was a badge of honour. "Happy? Now unhand me.” Luca sheepishly set him free and Shu spun around, waving with his fingers. “I’ll get going then. Don’t talk to me again."
Shu. Shu. Shu. His name was an echo of a song, the kind Luca could get used to singing to the whole world.
“Nice to meet you, Shu! I'm Luca,” he called after him, grinning from ear to ear. "I hope to see you soon!”
Shu turned to glare at him, his expression clearly said— did you not hear what I just said . Luca stood there for a while, a little dumbfounded and a little in awe, looking at Shu’s retreating figure until he was entirely gone.
One thing was clear. Luca had found his muse.
Ever since that day, Luca had something to look forward to every year, something to chase, something to dream of even when he was wide awake, a stream of never-ending thoughts leading to one person.
It was a whole new feeling. To want to know someone to such a degree. To follow them despite knowing the risk. For his mind to give space so willingly to an intruder.
Luca suspected his intense emotions might’ve come from a place of loneliness because growing up he didn’t have many friends. Not a single person had come close enough to claw at his secrets. It wasn’t like he didn’t try. He did, multiple times, but they would always scatter like wind as soon as they discovered his rank.
As if Luca’s very name was enough to fill them with dread. Well, that was his father’s intent but it made him utterly lonely. A cornered, starving beast hungry for a drop of affection.
The seasons changed but the clan members remained cautious of him, never letting Luca cross nor climb that barrier between them. He had respected their wishes and started to keep his distance.
But not with Shu. Luca wasn’t sure if he could contain all these newfound feelings. Luca didn’t have the will in him to see Shu walk away without reaching out. Nothing had moved Luca’s soul the way Shu did.
And perhaps things could be different this time since they were of the same rank. It could work out with Shu.
Of course, Luca’s teenage brain considered the possibility of seeking Shu out himself—the idea indeed was tempting—but judging from how their first conversation went, Shu probably didn’t want anything to do with him and Luca wasn’t eager to embarrass himself again. He needed some time to digest.
Besides, the people of the Yamino clan were very secretive with their activities and it was hard to find them in common places. And Luca couldn’t forget his dear father, who liked keeping tabs on his whereabouts which made it harder to not leave his traces behind when so much was on the line. Luca didn’t want to give himself away so early. Where was the fun in that?
Regardless, Luca was happy. In fact, he was dying to feel that feeling once more. His hunger and curiosity, which was always restless in Luca’s chest like a raging storm, had stifled at the sight of Shu, suddenly all bright-eyed and obedient.
It made Luca wonder what was so appealing about Shu. Was it his beauty or his fierce personality? Was it his bewitching aura or his ethereal eyes? Either way, Luca was delighted to entertain these fantasies.
More than anything, Luca wanted to confirm if what he felt was real and not just a fluke. That rush and ecstasy—what if it was just a one-time thing? What if Luca was reading too much into it? Would he be disappointed? Or would Luca crumble like he had before? These kinds of notions plagued his mind as he waited (not so) patiently for the year to pass just to get a glimpse of Yamino Shu. The waiting game was a reward in itself.
In their second encounter, Shu somehow managed to look more graceful and charming. Luca wasn't sure if it was his imagination playing a cruel game on him or if he was being biased with his judgment but Shu was utterly, undeniably the prettiest person Luca had the pleasure of seeing. There was not a single flaw in his appearance.
Maybe it was true when people said the fruit of patience makes the outcome sweeter.
Shu, being his usual polite and obedient self, didn’t spare Luca a glance, making him further agitated. How cruel was it to dangle water in front of a thirsty man? Come on! Just one look! Was it so hard?!
Nothing changed for a while. But by destiny or chance (or the result of Luca’s efforts), their eyes met for one instant and Luca found himself transported in that same bubble again. He was a star this time, caught in Shu’s orbit. It was real. An invisible weight lifted off of Luca’s shoulders and the corner of his lips effortlessly lifted into a smile.
Shu was worth waiting for, Luca decided then. Every second of it.
Unable to contain his joy, Luca playfully wiggled his eyebrows at Shu, who pressed his lips tightly and went back to ignoring him. It didn’t hurt as much as Luca thought it would. If anything, it made him want to work hard for Shu’s attention.
The year after, with luck, Shu and Luca reached for the same cup and their fingers brushed against each other. Before Luca could help himself, an uncharacteristic squeal came out of his mouth as if he had touched icy water and withdrew his hand, only to realise Luca had disrupted the meeting. Both leaders were staring at him in question. Well, shit.
Luca threw a quick excuse, followed by an apology and picked the topic right where it was interrupted (yes, he was listening in bits and pieces). Somehow he managed to salvage the situation and all was soon forgotten and they went back to their discussions.
On the other hand, Shu looked rather smug like he had just won a little game, smiling around the rim of his cup and even went as far as to slightly raise it in Luca’s direction. As though he was mocking Luca on purpose. Seriously?!? That was what made him react? Luca raised a brow in surprise, taking notes. How interesting.
Luca knew since then that he could never forget the cold touch of Shu’s fingers or the way his heart had overflowed with warmth.
In their fourth encounter, Luca’s actions grew bold and he prepared a gift for Shu, carefully tucking it beneath his kimono. Luca had mused over how the scene might unfold in his mind, playing it from every angle. Yet nothing could’ve braced him to face the reality. Luca couldn’t sleep the night before due to his excitement but when the hour arrived, he became a nervous mess. His heart was beating unbelievably fast and threatened to burst out of his chest.
Luca decided to not stare at Shu today. Because if he did, he would reveal his true intentions and ruin his surprise. Luca was well aware of how he wore his emotions on his face like an accessory.
He would admit that it was tempting. Luca could see Shu from the corner of his eyes. It would be so easy to just take a peek but he endured through the pain of not watching Shu. Just this once.
By the time the meeting came to an end, Luca’s head was a throbbing mess. He was focused too hard on what he was not supposed to do rather than paying attention to a single word.
Without wasting another second, Luca snuck out first and wrapped a scarf over his head to conceal his golden hair and hid in the shadows near the entrance, waiting for the Yamino clan to pass. There was no other way he could do this.
People poured out of the house one by one, chattering among themselves. Luca waited and waited some more with sweat-soaked hands until Shu’s frame was within his line of sight. Then he saw the perfect opening, a small gap in the crowd. Luca deftly walked out of the shadows, the rhythm of his steps matching with everyone else and swiftly blended in that empty spot as if he belonged there. Luca was grateful for not having presented yet. No one would be able to detect his scent either.
Right ahead of him was Shu, with his long hair wrapped in a high bun and pale neck exposed to Luca’s hungry eyes. For the first time, he felt the urge to just bite , hard enough to leave him aching in all the wrong places.
The pounding of Luca’s heart was too loud in his ears for what he was about to do, drowning out any other sound. Luca moved his fingers with practised ease and precision, a skill refined through many years of intense training, as he quietly pulled out the gift and slipped it into the back of Shu’s hair bun as if Luca were the breeze gently brushing past Shu’s head, a fleeting touch that wouldn’t be remembered by anyone but him.
As quickly as Luca had swept in, he wandered off before anyone could trace the evidence back to him. Like a season of spring gone by in a blink.
Luca's gift was the same flower he had seen Shu admiring in his yard all starry-eyed. A tulip.
Which resulted in another year of waiting, wanting and waiting some more. The passing of time became as torturous as his father's lectures after a long day of training. Regardless of how many times Luca had gone through the waiting period, of endless days trying to conjure up the image of Shu, endless days of holding his voice together in Luca’s memories—it never came easy to him.
If anything, time went by slowly and the only thing keeping Luca intact was the certainty of seeing Shu again. Between the gaps of his lonely days and unrelenting training, Luca’s treacherous mind would circle back to the same thing.
Did Shu know? That it was Luca who gave him the flower? If not, then Luca would be disappointed. What was the point if Shu didn’t even blame him for it? If he didn’t feel a speck of annoyance?
Speaking of, Luca so badly wanted to know what Shu's reaction was like. Did he frown or roll his eyes? Did he crush the petals or curse Luca's name under his breath? It didn’t matter whether it was anger or affection, as long as Shu felt something toward him, as long as Shu’s mind was plagued by the thoughts of Luca, as long as there was even a flicker of spark in Shu’s heart burning in Luca’s name, he would take it.
Luckily, there was an end to Luca’s wait—a streak of light waiting for him at the end of the tunnel.
In their fifth encounter, Luca was no longer the boy with chubby cheeks. He had a sharp jawline instead, broad shoulders with fine muscular arms Luca gained through intense training. There was also a sudden spike in his height that made people turn their heads.
Nonetheless, Luca somewhat made an effort to look handsome. He wore a black kimono with specks of purple and yellow engraved in the garment. His golden hair was in half a braid and half open, the same lone earring fastened to his right ear, a ring on his thumb and some wooden sandals to finish his look.
While they were waiting for the guests, Lord Kaneshiro eyed him not-so-discreetly. Luca endured a few awkward minutes before his father spoke. “You look different today.”
Luca had mastered his poker face by then. Or he thought he did. “Do I?”
“Yes, I’m thinking you might present soon,” he explained, letting out a sigh of disappointment. “It’s already been well over a year since you missed your assigned date. People are expecting.”
Luca couldn’t care less about his secondary gender. It seemed more like a hassle to him and he was tired of reaching new expectations for the sake of other people. But the true nature of things couldn’t be avoided forever.
“It should be close,” Luca assured, only to give a sense of false hope. How would he know exactly when it was to come? If it would ever come. He dreaded such a day.
A long, suspicious pause. “It would be better if you’re also an alpha like me.”
Ah . No wonder he would say that. No wonder he was paying close attention to Luca’s appearance. “I would hope so, father.” As if any of that was in Luca’s hands. What a joke.
And they didn’t speak again.
The meeting was short and wrapped successfully since there wasn't much to add. Just ensuring their boundaries and affirming to not harm each other. Again .
It was still odd. This whole arrangement and its rules. How orderly and effective it was running. How the leaders behaved so bizarrely. Why sign a pact with the person whom his father clearly despised? The benefits couldn’t have been the sole reason but it worked out in Luca’s favour so who was he to complain?
In the meantime, Luca watched Shu to his heart’s content, observing every little of his reaction, taking note of Shu’s long eyelashes and the furrow of his eyebrows whenever he heard something displeasing. Luca filled his heart to the brim until it was overflowing yet somehow still empty. He would look back on these memories with fondness. This was all Luca had to carry with him. Just snippets of their encounters that feel like a lifetime long.
When everything was said and done, Luca remained seated for a little while, purposely stalling before he went to the yard. See, the act of waiting was an art in itself and sometimes it was important to let the other party have a taste of it too. Well, that depended on if Shu was waiting for Luca. There was no surety so he had to do what he did best: Gamble .
Luca brightened at the sight of the same ravenette hair he longed to see every day and approached Shu with all the grace of a gentleman (despite his body urging him to sprint, despite his eagerness on the verge of spilling everywhere). Luca’s steps were soundless, hands tucked behind his back.
"I had a feeling I'd find you here, Shu," Luca said upon arriving, sounding a little breathless as he stood next to him and dizzily thought; he won the damn gamble.
"And I had a feeling you would come," Shu retaliated, his thin long fingers gliding over the petals in smooth motion as he caressed them.
“Looks like we’re on the same page, huh?” Luca mused happily, entranced by how elegantly his hands moved.
Then suddenly, all serious, Shu was speaking, "Luca."
The way his name rolled off of Shu’s tongue sent a delicious shiver down Luca’s back. An unfamiliar sensation thrummed beneath his fingers, wrestling to come to the surface. When was the last time Luca heard his name and didn’t feel like retching on the spot? His name had always been a war cry, a tool for people to use.
So it was nice and refreshing to see Shu hold Luca’s name in his mouth like an indulgent sound. Like he meant it.
Luca couldn’t help the smile from spreading on his lips. "Yes, Shu?"
He didn’t respond. Not immediately. Just watched Luca like he was dissecting a puzzle piece, his eyes squinted. Standing face-to-face, Luca realised he had finally grown taller than Shu and it made him gleeful.
"So it really was you," Shu remarked in a dry voice, "who gave me the flower."
Luca coughed a laugh, grasping onto the last thread of his pretence. "Wha—I didn't even say anything, Shu !” (His happiness had no bounds.)
"You didn't try to hide it either?!” Shu rolled his eyes, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “It's written all over your face."
"Sorry, old habit." Luca smiled wider, scratching his neck. "Was it to your liking?"
Instead of answering, Shu levelled Luca with a deadly stare. “I don't have time for your stupid games, Luca.”
The blonde man crossed his arms. He was in a playful mood. "What do you have time for then, Your Majesty?"
Shu’s lips twitched, the slightest giveaway of his patience running out. Good. "Get to the point. What do you want?"
Luca hummed. Not the question he was expecting but it would do. “I want us to become companions.” Was that a little blunt? Oh, well. It couldn’t be helped.
Shu looked at Luca like he was crazy for a moment too long before he burst out laughing. (It was silent for the most part.)
“No way! Do you hear yourself?” He wheezed, then composed himself when Luca didn’t budge. “Wait, you're serious?!”
“You think I go around giving flowers to anyone? Tch .” Luca pushed back his hair, hoping to sound sincere. “Of course, I’m serious, Shu. I want to be your companion.”
“Not possible.”
Ouch. “Why? Do you dislike me?”
Shu gave Luca a once-over and calmly corrected him. “I don’t trust you.”
“Not a problem! That will change once we get to know each other.”
“So unjustly optimistic. Have you forgotten what we’re part of and where we stand?” A crease appeared between Shu’s eyebrows. “They’ll have our heads. You should know that much.”
“Which is exactly why we’ll keep it a secret, Shu,” Luca suggested enthusiastically. “No one has to know what we’re up to and if people suspect, we can pretend to hate each other.” Like our fathers .
A faint understanding flickered on Shu’s face. “I’m afraid you’re setting us both for a tragedy.” Was that disappointment in his voice? “And I’d prefer not to risk my life for your stupid fantasies.”
Shu’s stubbornness was truly admirable. It was one of the reasons why Luca liked him so much. Alas, he needed to break through it one way or another.
“So you’re just scared,” Luca concluded in an arrogant note, cocking his head. “I should’ve known, Shu. You’re right.”
Shu’s expression crumbled into disbelief. “Hello??” He sounded quite offended, his voice pitched unexpectedly high. “It’s called being reasonable! There’s a clear difference, you piece of— ugh whatever! Why do I even care?”
Woah . Shu’s reaction was kind of like a fire, slowly wounding around Luca and licking open his soul. It was the most alive he had felt.
“Alright, fine.” Luca relented but he was still unwilling to back off. “If you have any better suggestions, I’m willing to lis—”
“Absolutely not . This thing you’re trying to spark between us… it’s too dangerous.” The two puppets stared at each other. One hopeful and the other hopeless. “Accept it, Luca. We’re not meant to walk on the same road.” Shu hesitated, thinking over his next words. “I’d give up if I were you.”
Luca sighed. He had known it wouldn’t be easy to gain Shu’s favour. They were still too young, rough and unsharpened around the edges with many targets on their backs. One stupid mistake could cost them their lives. Indeed, Shu was being reasonable and smart on his part.
Nonetheless, Luca would try again and again because a wise man once said, ‘You cannot conquer the tallest mountain if you are the tallest mountain.’ He needed to conquer every hardship, climb his way to the top and become the tallest mountain. That was it. Luca wouldn’t stop drilling until their paths were merged together as one.
(Despite everything, the rejection stung like a poisonous bite, slowly seeping through his skin. It made Luca bitter inside.)
“No, Shu.” He took a step closer, determined to prove his worth. “I won’t give up on you.”
“Oh yeah?” Shu’s tone was challenging, sultry even with the way he often dragged his speech.
“As a matter of fact,” Luca went on, promising with confidence, “I won’t stop haunting you either.”
Shu regarded him with a heated gaze, the kind Luca was sure to spend hours piecing together and undressing in the privacy of his chamber. “I’d like to see you try.”
In a way, that was exactly what Luca needed. For Shu to throw a bone at him, to have something to chew on whenever his teeth ached with want, something to circle his mind like the rings of Saturn. Luca didn’t know if it was kind or cruel of Shu to provoke him like that but it was a start, anyhow and Luca would hold onto those words until his last damn breath.
And then ensued a long, winding dance between them for years in the making. To be fair, it was mostly Luca dancing, coming up with a stunt or a silly reason to move around the ravenette and Shu would sway every once in a while, indulging Luca with a snappy phrase (‘I’m not short! You’re just built like a tower.’) or a soul-stirring reaction ('Do better, Luca-kun or you’ll get left behind.’) just to keep him mesmerised on his toes. It was a new rhythm each time and Luca never got tired of it, never wanted this dance to end.
During many such occasions, Luca gifted Shu with a book titled: ‘The Benefits of Having Friends and How to Court Them.’ To which Shu’s response was: ‘Bold of you to assume I read.’ A pity, indeed. (Not that Luca had read the book himself. In his defence, he picked it up just for its interesting title.)
Yet, in the wake of everything, Luca’s advances were never really reciprocated nor appreciated by Shu. As if he was merely tolerating Luca’s presence. It hurt some of his pride but as long as Shu kept his gaze locked on Luca and perceived his actions, as long as Luca was the centre of Shu’s attention, what was there to whine about?
Even if all he got was a couple of hours, nothing could compare to the joy of messing with Shu or being on the receiving end of his soft lilting tone, of those amethyst eyes tracking Luca’s every movement like they were trying to sew them in his mind. Shu was just so fun to chase, you know?
And so, Luca was content with being a distant star in Shu’s sky, content with whatever they had going on. Their silly dance, Shu’s half-hearted smiles, those stolen or accidental touches, the occasional banter and the thrill of it all. For a long while, that was enough.
Until it wasn’t.
It took three whole years for Luca’s patience to run dry. In hindsight, it should’ve happened sooner because the seed of obsession was often accompanied by greed and Luca was no exception to that.
Not when Shu’s name had made a home inside his head, not when every part of him desired infinite things (all of which included Shu in some ways), not when his hunger kept growing in size. Luca needed something to change, for a more solid thing to take shape between them. Something he could hold in his mouth whenever.
Of course, he was bound to get greedy. In fact, the seed had already taken root in his body. It was just a matter of when it would bloom.
A week after Luca’s twenty-second birthday, he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Judging from the warm afternoon light sneaking through his window, he must’ve missed his morning training session. There was someone repeatedly knocking on his door but the sound was far away, muffled by his own thoughts. Luca’s back was soaked with sweat, his limbs stiff and body cold. A weird combination.
Luca had lost his sense of taste and smell two days prior, brushing it off as a minor cold and headache. But now, buried deep in the blankets and physically unable to move, Luca didn’t need to be told what was happening. In all honesty, he feared the outcome and how it might change things for the better or worse.
Luca twisted and turned every minute, fighting against the animalistic urge to shred or bite into his pillow to numb the ache in his mouth. Luca had no recollection of how much time passed but Lord Kaneshiro eventually barged in his chamber with a hand pressed to his nose. “He’s in the process of presenting,” he explained, “alert the guards, secure the gates and—”
The rest of his words drifted over Luca’s head and he felt a wave of annoyance wash over him. “Be quiet.” he hissed, surprising them both with the edge in his tone.
Lord Kaneshiro’s distant voice travelled in his ears. “Don’t leave your quarters until you finish, Luca.”
Where would he even go in this vulnerable state? To Shu.
Luca barely had the chance to register the thought when all at once, a foul and unfamiliar scent flooded his chamber, invading Luca’s personal space and drowning him. Repulsed by the scent, Luca physically jerked, his sharpened nails digging into the mattress as he snarled toward the crowd gathered around him. “Get out!”
It was not a request but an order which everyone complied with.
Then began the hours of unrelenting heat crawling its way into his bones, of images Luca thought he had buried or lost over the passage of time surface back. His head felt like it was splitting in two. Luca was here and somewhere else, whispering the name resembling a song. Shu. Shu. Shu.
Everything that followed after was mostly a blur of events. He remembered his rushed and desperate movements, his hips buckling under the weight of the pressure building inside as Luca rutted against the bed and tried to get rid of the release clinging to him like a second skin. He was whole but empty.
Many hours later, when the fog lifted and his mind became conscious once more, Luca realised he had presented as an alpha. He didn’t know what to make of this but a part of him was relieved.
Lord Kaneshiro seemed to have forgotten all about his complaints regarding Luca’s late development and how much he pressured his child into madness. Ironically, his father was now the happiest person alive. He wore the face of a victor. Luca felt like a fool for not knowing this, too, was a game for him.
To his shock though, Lord Kaneshiro held a social gathering to honour Luca’s success, sending invites far and wide, and singing empty words of his praises. Lord Yamino and Shu were among the invited guests. His father was so predictable sometimes.
Luca was adorned in luxurious accessories from head to toe, his hair fastened into short braids with some loose strands framing around his face. Luca’s kimono was a mix of black and dark gold, perfectly tailored to hug his defined body. Lastly, his saber was fastened to his back and he was ushered to the massive living room where guests were waiting for him.
The area was packed with people dying to have a drop of Luca’s attention, tossing him endless compliments. It was annoying to receive praises for something he had no control over, Luca would admit that. Even worse, he was told by many known voices that he was the spitting image of his father. It was both an insult and a reminder of whose legacy he was carrying.
However none of that was relevant because the moment Shu arrived at the scene, Luca’s gaze was chasing the ghosts of him, desperate to outline Shu’s frame in the canvas of his mind. Finding Shu among the crowd wasn’t the tricky part though. The real difficulty lay in not being able to swallow the distance as soon as Luca saw a glimpse of Shu’s back, pretending as if he wasn’t fighting the very impulse to envelope Shu and paint him in his own scent.
It was only natural for greed to take a hold of Luca in their eighth encounter, seizing him by the throat and holding him captive.
The buzz and the chatter within the room didn’t reach Luca nor the sound of the man talking next to him. His entire focus was locked on Shu, who was busy greeting other people while making his way to where Luca was waiting, politely offering a smile or a nod as he passed by them. Some part of Luca twisted in envy and his vision blurred as he struggled to keep his pheromones from flaring. The colour of his eyes flickered between lavender and gold. He squeezed them shut.
Who would have thought the simple task of standing still could be so hard?
“Congratulations, Luca!”
Lord Yamino was in front of him, offering a smile so mellow, Luca did a double take. “Look at you, boy! You’ve shut up quite a lot of people with your recent stunt.” He praised Luca in a way his own father never did. “It’s good to see you do well.”
Whether it was the shift in the setting or the lighthearted mood bleeding into Luca’s head, it was safe to say he had never seen Lord Yamino in this light. A nice and easy-going person emitting a warm scent and providing words of encouragement. Luca wondered if this was the man his father fell for once upon a time.
“Thank you, Lord Yamino! It’s a pleasure to have you here.” Luca returned the smile with the same energy. “I hope you enjoy the party and wait —! Has anyone told you that you look wonderful today?”
Unexpectedly, Lord Yamino let out a laugh. “Quite the gentleman, aren’t you?” He patted Luca on the shoulders and his eyes flitted toward Shu for a split second who was a few steps behind him. “Well, I’ll be around enjoying the food. Why don’t you take it from here, Shu?”
They exchanged a nod before Shu stepped forward, poised and untouchable as ever. Luca could detect a faint scent on Shu—like the sea winds chasing after the shore and rolling around in sand, like the smell of rain that often lingered in the air after pouring heavily. Shu smelled like nostalgia. Luca inhaled deeply and the storm in his chest was lulled to sleep. He was finally relieved to be near the object of his devotion.
“Trying to charm my father, huh?” Shu’s clipped tone sliced through the air like a knife. How interesting.
Luca wasn’t trying anything but if it came off like that, who was he to deny? “Might as well since it doesn’t seem to work on you, Shu.” He teased with a shrug.
“You’re horrible at flirting, Luca.” A tiny frown had appeared on Shu’s face but Luca didn’t have too much time to dwell on it. “Here.” He shoved a package in Luca’s arms instead, his lips still upside down. “Take this.”
It was a bouquet of fresh flowers— tulips to be specific, bunched together in different colours, full of love and light.
Luca gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a dying fish. Words, for once, had eluded him. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Even the mere suggestion of what this could be had Luca in pieces. The bouquet in his hands felt like a treasure of some sort. Or a lifetime worth of secret promises.
“For me?” Luca asked in the smallest voice he could muster, just to be sure.
“Who else would it be for if not you?” It almost sounded like Shu was assuring him (or maybe Luca was deluding himself again). Shu was quick to notice the grin spreading on his face. Or the light in Luca’s eyes. “Don’t get so happy. Father asked me to pick a present for you,” he explained rather begrudgingly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Is that so, Shu-kun?” Luca couldn’t help using his comical deep voice. “Then why did you pick tulips out of all the flowers? Hm?”
Shu crossed his arms, his tone matter of fact. “Because they’re my favourite.”
Luca’s laugh was breathless. “And you’re willing to share your favourite flowers with someone like me ?” He swooned internally at the implication. Luca quickly took action and leant forward, pretending to remove invisible dirt from Shu’s shoulders only to whisper quietly in his ears. “Thank you for being so thoughtful, Shu. You’re the best!”
Shu’s eyes went wide in alarm, either by their close proximity or the simple honesty in Luca’s tone. “You’re so easy to please. What are you calling me the best for?” He grumbled, his cheeks a faint tint of red. “All I did was give you some flowers. I think you’re looking too much into it and—”
The rest of Shu’s words were cut off and his body reeled forward against his will like he was free-falling. It was obvious that someone had pushed him but Luca was quick to grab Shu before he could fall, holding him by his shoulders. “Are you okay, Shu?”
Shu’s expression was scrunched into confusion, strands of his hair came loose and fell over his eyes. He seemed to be in a daze.
Luca’s gaze went past Shu. There was a man towering over them proudly. Tall and egoistic with the stench of an alpha who was up to no good. Luca faintly recognised him from one of the clans that weren’t on good terms with the Yamino Clan.
“What the hell are you doing?” Luca’s anger slipped through without any effort and so did his pheromones. He wasn’t one to lose control but his body was itching to square up. To protect Shu from people’s shallow prying gaze. It would be so easy to take this man down, Luca thought. A knee to his stomach, another hand around his throat, slowly squeezing until he was begging for mercy. But Luca remained still. His entire world was in his arms, after all.
“Doing what I should’ve done a while ago, Lord Luca,” said the man with a look of disgust. The way he addressed Luca in a honey-licked tone was sickening. “Don’t you see it? He’s trying to win you over. A well-calculated plan to get the Kaneshiro’s on their side!”
Luca’s mouth twitched and he glared at him through the wolfish green of his eyes. “And how is that any of your business?”
“I’m just trying to help, Lord Luca.” Again with that tone. Something wasn’t right about it. The man suddenly turned around. “Have you all gone blind? Look here!” He wasn’t talking to Luca anymore but rather the crowd that was curiously gathering around them and putting on a show to incite them.
Luca watched in horror as the man grabbed the bouquet that had fallen on the floor at some point and waved it in the air like it was something humiliating, then tore the petals in a matter of seconds. “Look at his worthless attempt to seduce the oyabun’s son! Tell me, am I wrong to call him a slut?”
Luca’s last thread of restraint broke in pieces and only after making sure that Shu could stand by himself did Luca bared his teeth and pounced with the sole intent to hurt. He punched at the man’s face, who stumbled a few steps but didn’t get a chance to recover before Luca held up by his collar to look him in the eyes, enunciating each syllable. “You don’t get to come to my party and disrespect my special guest in front of everyone.” Luca dragged him toward Shu and forced the man on his knees. “Apologise to him right now.”
The man below their feet whimpered, muttering a string of incoherent sentences. What a coward he was.
“Louder,” Luca commanded, raising a fist to land another blow but a cold hand around his wrist was all it took to cease Luca’s movements.
“That’s enough, Luca.” Shu strangely sounded very upset. “You’re going too far.”
Luca wasn’t prepared to see the venomous look in Shu’s eyes and how much anger they suddenly held for him. Like everything was somehow Luca’s fault. It didn’t make any sense.
“He insulted and accused you of something heinous, Shu.” Luca managed to point out calmly, despite feeling annoyed and confused by Shu’s reaction. “I can’t just sit back and watch him destroy your reputation.”
Another whimper came from below. Luca glanced down, surprised to find Shu pressing the heel of his sandel to the man’s hand, almost crushing his fingers. “You could’ve let me handle the situation.” Shu hissed under his breath with an exasperated expression.
“Yes but,” but of course, Luca’s anger had already got the best of him, “he got what he deserved. Does it matter which one of us did it?”
Before things could get any more heated between them, their fathers rushed to dismiss the crowd and took the spotlight from their sons. The man and his clan members were dragged out of the party by Luca’s guards, sent with a warning to never to step foot inside their space ever again.
While all this was happening, Shu used the distraction as an opportunity to pull Luca into another room, somewhere they couldn’t be seen or heard by anyone else. Somehow no one batted an eye when they left the scene.
“What have you done, Luca?!” Shu cornered him as soon as the door was closed, his voice laced with dissatisfaction. “You did it all wrong.”
“How?” Luca didn’t understand why this was a big deal. He had simply acted on his emotions, driven by his alpha instincts. “I was only trying to help you.”
“ Nononono . You were doing way more than that!” Shu shook his head aggressively. “Protecting me like that in front of everyone… What were you thinking? Do you even know what that means?”
“I don’t know, Shu.” The amount of anger Luca restrained was impressive even to him. “I just wanted you safe.”
“When an alpha like you pulls that kind of stunt in front of everyone,” Shu went on in a frenzied tone, “you were declaring me yours.”
“So maybe I was!” The admission didn’t come easily. From the way he said it to the time and place, everything was wrong. But it was out in the open before Luca could help it. “Is that so bad?”
With his tightly pressed lips and wide eyes, Shu was finally stunned for good.
“Don’t act so shocked now.” Luca was quick to steer the momentum in his favour. “I’ve made my intentions clear to you since day one. Why won’t you give me a chance?”
“Because I know we’re going to fail. Horribly.” Shu glared at him through his thin, long lashes. Even while losing his temper, he looked beautiful. “When that happens, then what?”
Said without any hesitation, “I would still want you, Shu.”
Luca could visibly see Shu’s resolve faltering, his jaw tensed and shoulders stiff in the way it wasn’t natural. He looked like he was contemplating… like he wanted to say something… then Shu turned away.
“How many times do I have to make it clear?!” His voice, although slightly unstable, was back to that polished, poised tone. “What do you think we are, Luca? Look at us. We aren't anything. We can’t be anything.”
(Luca took contempt into that, disdain, but it was more like despair. Forget lovers, they couldn’t even be allies. Shu had power, he didn't. Kobun and oyabun. Alpha and beta. Their fathers would never allow it. They’ve got roles to fill. Bones to chew. But all Luca felt was rejection, hurt. Shu had denied him, time and time again but it had always been a challenge, right? It was always one more hurdle for Luca to inevitably surmount. A race, a game. And for years, Shu had been playing along. Hadn’t he?)
Shu’s eyes narrowed, brows cinched in anger. “You need to stop fooling around,” he demanded, tendons working in his neck. Shu’s golden earring swayed, a solitary bar of light against the backdrop of his dark hair. It was identical to the one Luca often wore. Was it always there?
“Luca.” This last, the utterance of his name. A flint struggling to spark tinder, or water dousing emerging flame. That was what did it.
Luca teared himself away, his action abrupt. The ornaments in his hair jangle. He tried to smoothen his elaborate robes but somehow only put them further out of place. He felt like someone had placed a stone in his stomach, or stabbed him to death. “You know what? Fine. It’s fine, Shu. You’re right.” He bared his teeth in a horrible grin. “My father thinks I’m a fool. You think I’m a fool. I guess I’m starting to believe it too.”
"I didn't mean it like that."
But whatever more Shu planned to say didn’t matter. Luca was already gone.
No one noticed when he slipped away. Wasn’t that awful? It was supposed to be a party for him, honoring him. But it was all an excuse for his father to gloat, to use Luca to justify his ruthless power. The guards at the door moved as if to follow him, hands on their swords, but Luca snarled at them, unable to control his alpha pheromones.
Don’t follow me. I don’t care what my father told you. He wanted to say. Instead, he stared them down, his irises flashed and changed color, pale purple sunsetting into that greenish gold predator eyeshine. They bowed their heads and backed away. Of course they would tell his father as soon as he was out of their sight, but who cared? Did any of it matter?
Luca stormed off. The Kaneshiro clan owned all the surrounding businesses in the area. They own most of the commercial district, they own most of the town thanks to his father’s landowning schemes. Shops, restaurants, drinking holes, at least one brothel. He could go anywhere. This confidence urged his feet toward darker places, meaner scents. Fatty meat, perfume, tobacco, the hard smell of people at work.
He could get a drink. With what money? Just demand one. Didn’t they know who he was? Like a brainless thug, like the bastard everyone had always said he was. Luca’s upper lip curled to show his teeth. He fiddled with his robe, pulled his arms back from the wide sleeves. So bothersome. Hand-dyed silk from the northwest, the best in the country. But too heavy, too hot against his skin.
Wooden sandals traded for better shoes. Or not. Luca’s father might have wanted him to get all gussied up for his official presentation ceremony, prettified like a bride-to-be. Maybe he was even playing that angle, subtly, which made Luca want to throw up. He took off one shoe, then the other, then hung them around his neck. The dirt road was warm on his bare feet, dry clay vertebrae cracked by countless wheels.
It was childish. What he was doing was childish and nonsense. Storming out of his own party. Stumbling through the gutter like a drunkard, a wraith of shadow and anger. Now he ended up in some alley, a home to broken crates and bloodstains. That hungry feeling was inside him again, that bone splintering urge to devour, like when he was a kid but worse. From before. Before he met Shu.
Shu, held in his mind’s eye like a sword, a taut length of silver ribbon. European paintings of the sea. Water, salt, clean. The cool balm of his thumb on the back of Luca’s hand. Shu, who made him feel alive.
“We aren’t anything.”
What tipped Luca to the edge of the cliff was Shu’s denial even after he had bared his heart to him. It was shocking how the gesture meant… nothing to him. This was no longer about Luca’s pride. He was wounded to his very core.
Luca laughed loud, too loud, without a single lick of humor in the sound. His hands came up to stifle the sound, because it was all just coming out and he couldn't do a single thing to stop it. It was funny, wasn't it? That must be why he was laughing.
Since the day they met, Luca had tried his best to get closer to Shu, for them to form a meaningful bond but in reality, it felt like he was getting farther and farther from him. All his attempts had been worthless after all.
Shu was right. They weren’t anything and their relationship was as meaningless as two strangers passing by. If it weren’t for their fathers holding those stupid meetings, there would be no threads to tie them together, no points for them to meet and connect.
By the time Luca finished drinking to his heart’s content, his anger had turned into a bitter poison, seething off of him in waves. Sensing his foul mood, strangers cleared the way for him, bowing and muttering a string of apology he didn’t care nor asked for.
All these years Luca had kept his feelings at bay, convincing himself it was okay if Shu ignored him. It was fine if Shu rejected or resented him. But he couldn’t pretend anymore. Luca was upset, so upset that he could punch something to pieces and it still wouldn’t change anything about the way he felt.
Luca was on the street again, walking and walking with no destination in mind, kicking a stone on his way and occasionally grumbling to himself.
From nearby, the bendy wood snapped off a sliding door slammed open. Multiple voices travelled from somewhere. People came rushing.
Who’s making that racket? Pipe down, eh?
Shut up!
Who’s that?
Has he lost his mind?
He stinks! Alphas really are too much.
Wait a second…Kaneshiro? The Kaneshiro brat?
The sound of his father’s name snapped Luca out of it. Nearly, almost, not exactly. Luca couldn’t make out the hazy details because of his blurred vision. Perhaps he drank too much.
What’s the oyabun’s son doing here?
Who cares? This asshole made a fool out of me in front of his father’s entire clan. Thinks he’s untouchable.
Clearly he needs to be taught a lesson.
“We aren’t anything.”
There was a careless tap on Luca’s shoulder. As though they wanted to confirm something. Then came an aggressive push that sent alarms blaring in Luca’s head. Something was not right.
He barely noticed the first wound he got, a slash to the arm opening a hole on his sleeve and a tear on his skin, staining the golden accents of his robes with blood, but it didn’t even get a grunt out of Luca’s lips.
He jumped headfirst with reckless abandon. Years of training and teaching in fighting classes to poorly recruits summarized his attitude. Luca pulled out his saber and exchanged forceful slashes, his face reflected into blades passing by too close to comfort. That ugly feeling had been boiling inside him mixed with the slow killing poison of doubt, nagging at him, chipping away bits of his sanity. Everytime Shu turned him down, the poison dripped in Luca’s body. Tip, tip, tip. And tonight, it finally settled in his stomach. He was losing control.
An outsider might think it was just another drunken brawl, another kid that drank too much and picked a fight with the wrong people. They may even be inclined to help. Until they noticed the gold glittering, the fine clothes that had no place in these parts, the sharp sword adorned that only real money could buy and they dropped their heads and moved along. People knew not to get involved in those kinds of fights. Luca felt like laughing. Of course even now there was no one really on his side.
The fight kept going, more slashes and more parries, more blood drawn from both sides. 3 on 1 was a disadvantage, sure, but not one Luca hadn't fought with before. In battle, what mattered most was a single moment of distraction, an opening where Luca could pounce. Except his head was not all in the game, not really.
Luca was a second too short to protect himself from the second strike, a deep cut that pierced through his left side, near his stomach. That one could cost Luca something vital. He stumbled back and collapsed down onto one knee no matter how hard he fought to keep himself upright. Luca’s wild grin slowly faded.
He could defend himself if he wanted, he still had some energy but what was the point? Luca was a puppet to someone and a fool to another. Maybe he was better off gone.
While Luca’s deep in his thoughts, a fiery ‘X’ manifests from nowhere, from nothing, a point of emptiness just in front of Luca’s breastbone, whooshing forward in a thrust toward his attacker. Luca didn’t have any idea what was happening, or what that thing was, but he was disappointed when his assailant didn't burst into flames or fall down to pieces. The enemy only staggered slightly, and the fear on his face transmuted back into wicked confidence. Luca’s face fell. He didn’t stand a chance. Not in his mind-numbing, drunken state.
All at once, the shadows in the alleyway changed. A twitch, a shudder. A deepening. They suddenly looked so much darker than they did before.
“Seriously? Three people against one?” A familiar voice taunted from the dark. “And you guys call yourselves alphas? Pathetic.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Your mom,” said in the most unserious voice, followed by, “just kidding!”
“Show yourself!”
“Well.” Shu materialized from the heart of the darkest shadows. A halo of purple flame unfurled behind him, framing his face like a pair of wings. “You asked for it.”
No . Luca struggled to prop himself up with his saber, trying to get back on his feet. Three against one? And three alphas at that, bloodthirsty and aggressive and spoiling for a fight, alphas holding a black-hearted grudge against the person Luca most wanted to protect, to cherish, his only meaningful connection in this miserable world. Up , he had to stand up, to do something besides bleed.
Later, on restless nights when Luca was alone in his fine bedchambers, with no one and nothing for company but his memories and blue darkness, he would try to mosaic together what happened that night. It was an impossible task. Events blurred by time and pain. He remembered the fluted brightness of flames, burning without smoke or heat or noise, flames shooting through the air like meteors, flames unfurling at Shu’s feet like worshippers. Cries of fear, pleas for mercy. A storm of paper angels, unfolding. An orchard of black bones growing into the skeletal arms of a half-dozen soldiers, an attacker struggling in the grip of bony hands. Shadows dancing, a festival of violence in silhouette.
Maybe. Maybe something like that.
All he really knew for sure was that when he finally roused back to proper consciousness, there were three men on the ground, knocked out cold, and one man standing.
“You owe me for that.” Shu picked nonexistent dust off his billowing sleeve. Luca wanted to burn the image in his mind forever.
“I don’t recall asking for your help.” Luca didn’t even try to keep the smile off his face. It would be a much cooler, more impressive line if he could stand upright and blood wasn’t starting to seep through the front of his kimono.
“This looks bad.” Shu clicked his teeth. Luca didn’t want to look down to see what kind of wound he was carrying. It was horrible, he knew that much. “You’ll need actual medical attention.” Shu knelt down beside Luca, brisk and methodical, pulling something out of his sleeves. A sheaf of paper? But then the paper moved, twitched, crackling and peeling apart. It formed into a small wing, one, two, a dozen. They flurried around Shu, an anxious orbit.
Luca thought he was hallucinating but one papered wing flew toward his face and settled itself on his forehead. He felt warm inside.
“But I can do something. Or I can at least try something.” Shu sounded determined, his jaw set, holding forth an ofuda between two fingers, the paper’s edge levered like a scalpel. This close to the scent glands on his wrists, Shu’s smell was clear, tantalizing. Luca breathed it in.
Magic, Luca realized. Sorcery. The rumoured whispers, the hushed secrecy regarding their past, suddenly made sense. The Yamino clan’s shadowy arcane arts. That was what Shu was going to do, right now, to him, while he was helpless and bleeding in an alleyway, barely able to hold his ground.
“Wow, a front row seat to the magic show?” The words came out slurred, weak. “Just for me? I’m honored.”
Shu made a sound through his nose. Was that a laugh? “Don’t talk.”
Luca had always liked his hands. It had been a near-decade of Luca admiring every part of Shu’s form, the upsweep of his lashes, the clever crook of his mouth. But always his hands, his short palms, his long fingers, articulate and serene. Luca had wanted to hold them for years. He never imagined those same hands poised over his wound, blood-daubed. (Were they trembling?)
“I said, don’t talk.”
Luca didn’t even realize he had spoken aloud. Shit.
The ofuda burst into flame, pink and purple and bright white. Luca had to fight to keep his breath steady.
The livid pink flames flared across Luca’s wound, skittering, leaping, somehow refusing to burn. Strange visions and ideas danced through Luca’s mind, impossible-seeming, fresh from a dream: glowing clouds at sunset, skin, vein, silk thread finding needle. A split tree grafted to another. Loom, shuttle, a bright pattern coming alive. Peppermint taste. Cold water running over the back of his hand on a hot day. Things that made Luca think of wholeness, coming together, of healing. So different from the simpering doctors of his childhood illnesses. Real comfort, not all that fakey-fake concern. There was a warm blossom of pain, quickly assuaged by visions of tulips swaying in a breeze, a familiar hand sifting through his hair.
Then reality settled back around him. All fires extinguished without a trace. Moonlight through paper. The little angel shaped wings started to fall, listless snow. Shu plucked them from the air before they reached the ground.
Luca dared to look down. But there were only uneven crosshatches of drying blood, a white slash of scar tissue across his tattoos.
So that was the real power of magic, huh? No wonder Luca’s father wanted to maintain ties between their clans.
“I don’t know if that scar will ever fade.” Shu’s hand drifted over the closed wound, tender, a cool balm over Luca’s left side. He shuddered. “But you’ll live.” Shu sighed, sounding exhausted and relieved.
“Why, huh? Why’re you doing this for me?”
Shu glared at him. “Letting you die is not an option.”
Luca propped himself against the wall, his brows pinched together in confusion. “Why, why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because it isn’t!” Shu snapped, followed by a crack in his voice that was unlike him. As though Shu cared for Luca’s well-being. As though he meant something to Shu.
“You mean you haven't guessed? You really don't know?” Shu uttered in disbelief when Luca remained silent. “For a guy who claims to like me, you sure are oblivious.”
If Luca remembered correctly, he had never explicitly said those words out loud. “When did I say I like you?”
He gave a pointed look. “You don’t have to. It’s always written on your face.”
Shu suddenly got so close, too close, his face filled Luca’s vision end to end. His golden earring swayed, light rocked along its edge. His throat, bared. The smell of him, so clean, so perfect. Luca’s alpha instinct bucked back to the fore, his fingers tingling with want. Luca barely kept himself from rubbing his jaw and cheek and lips all over Shu’s neck, scenting him, marking him. Luca’s pretty sure he could sell that as a prank or something, a bad joke, ‘whoops so sorry but you gotta admit it's funny.’
Instead Luca forced himself to back away, cowed. Lowered his eyes to look at Shu’s kimono, the knees of which were smeared with dirt and worse than dirt.
Shu sneered. “You’re a pathetic fool and I’ve had enough of you.”
But Luca knew now he didn't mean it.
It must be the alcohol in his system that made him say, “I could be your fool. Haha.” What accompanied afterward was dead silence. Shu only blinked at him. Luca’s cheek turned red from embarrassment. “How did you find me, anyway?”
Shu masked his laugh with a fake cough for Luca’s sake. “I have my ways.” He shrugged. So nonchalant, so cool.
“How does it work though?” Luca asked curiously. “Can you track people down? And how far?”
“Luca,” Shu uttered his name with a delicacy that was unrivalled, “You could be in any corner of the world and I’d still find you.”
“Oh.” The words didn’t register to his muddled, hazy brain. Luca nodded. “I see. I see. That’s nice.”
Luca could hear shouts in the distance, faint echoes of his name. Finally his father's goons had realized he'd been gone too long and rallied into a thin search party. Stupid, but persistent, eager to curry favor with the boss.
“I've. I've gotta go. That's the–my father's. Kaneshiro.” A name that was bigger than Luca alone. “We shouldn't be seen together.” Not after the party, those accusations. The last thing the Yamino clan needed was more scrutiny. But it was so hard to turn away from Shu.
“Sure,” Shu demured. He knew, he could tell it was hard for Luca, so he moved away first, lowering his head in a bow. “Of course.”
Luca started to shift, already thinking up his cover story. He would tell the truth, but only part of it. There would be no mention of Shu. Luca took on those three guys all by himself. Barely a scratch on him. Oh, all this blood? Not even mine! He smiled to himself, practicing, his stumbling gait, a winsome smile fixed itself upon his face. There would be rumours, sure but it would further confirm his story. The spoon-fed child, the golden brat, up to no good yet again. He whipped around, turning away, toward the mouth of the alley, back to his world that didn’t quite belong to him.
A pull from behind.
Shu caught the edge of the man’s sleeve. Luca could’ve ignored it, could’ve freed himself if he wanted and went about his way. But his body and soul would never allow it, and he was powerless against Shu.
While Luca watched, so still, so scared, Shu lifted the fabric to his lips and placed a kiss along the bloodstained seam. “Until I see you again.”
Surely, his heart wasn’t deceiving him at a time like this? Man up, he thought. Just say the words, he thought. I want you. So bad. Let’s run away, Shu. Let’s leave it all behind. I’ll risk anything for you.
But they wouldn't come.
Luca merely nodded and Shu melted back into the darkness.
Maybe years later, when they both emerge as leaders, sharpened around the edges through and through, they could have each other. Or maybe they would run away from all the responsibilities and live the rest of their days in solace. Just the two of them. Maybe then, Shu would even allow Luca to touch or kiss him. Maybe they could have a chance at being together. Not now. But some day.
One thing was certain. Whatever tune it may be, whether bloody or peaceful, Luca would always be there to dance along the rims of Shu’s shadows.