Work Text:
[Click]
[RUSSIA]
One, two, three, and I sure hope this little thing is going. Hello there, you're back with me—Russian Federation, Moscow—and as you can maybe hear in the background (sound of rushing waterfall), I am not indoors as of now. And well, I don't think I'll be indoors for the whole recording, actually.
Uhm, I know I said that I'd really only use these tapes for HERON, but I think it's best if I just use it for other stuff. Important ones, in my opinion. I'll make a separate short recording explaining that.
Anyway, I'm outdoors, and if you know me for a while, well, I'm not really an outdoorsy person. Well, I don't mind, but I feel like lately I've been in my house— home, a lot more. And that is true, I certainly have. Doesn't matter though, I'm back in the woods. Ugh, stupid things. Whatever, I am currently in Sweden. Don't even ask why, I'm not going to answer that.
I should keep track the date too. Well, it's uh, 2023, thirteenth day of January, and the location where I'm at is just a general wooded area in Southern Sweden, I won't say where, but it's in a property I own. Also don't ask why I own a chunk of land in Sweden. And I'm actually in a cave behind a waterfall, the woods are out there on the other side.
I'm facing a weird state here. How do I explain this. Imagine like, a dingy cave, but the walls... well, not really? It's more like the... yeah whatever. Walls. Walls on one part of the cave decided to shatter and there's a gigantic rift in the space here. Well, uh, it's not actually connected to the wall, so just imagine a floating shatter-thing in front of the wall, like, a few metres from it. Five.
I think it's better for me to say that you should just imagine a lone wooden door leading to nowhere in particular standing in the middle of the cave. But replace the wooden door with the shatter-thing. Rift? Something. I have no idea what this is.
This isn't even the first place I've seen this sort of thing. But well, usually, when these shatter-things form, they just disappear immediately after. Like a glimpse, blink and it's gone. Well, this one isn't. I mean, this also isn't the first time this long-lasting shatter-thing happened, the last time I personally saw it happen this long was a few decades ago. Well, I guess it isn't personal because it was the Soviet Union who saw it, not the Russian Federation, but still.
(Pause)
Oh, I think you wouldn't mind a bit of story time. Or if that's too childish for you and you're a super-mature no-fun kind of person, call it context.
It was post-Caribbean crisis. Just directly after, actually. Once the whole issue was finished, Union was only a few hours away from her plane going back to Moscow. But well, in the... I guess avenue where she was, she felt a peculiar energy in the corner. So, she went there. Bad idea, I know.
Good news, nothing happened. She just comprehended the same thing I just described. You know what she did next? She hopped into it! Top ten idiot moves, maybe, but I wouldn't call it so. It's more... ah, calculated than you might first assume.
Then she found herself in a new world. Ooooh, so scary. Well, it wasn't, she was just more or less pissed over the fact that she fell ten metres from above right onto the prickly foliage of trees. Anyway, new place, Union was practically blindsided. Okay, I get it, not a funny pun.
Thing is, she figured this place was a familiar erm, well, area. So, following her instincts, she decided to go east and found herself at the shores of that island. Well, she didn't know it was an island, but she knew it was an island, you get it? No? That's your problem to worry about, not mine.
She made a boat and sailed a few thousand kilometres to another continent. No biggie. Just took a few months there and she didn't eat at all. But well, she didn't really need to eat, you know? It'd been months since she last did so before she got there, anyway. I remember Moscow nagging the Hell out of her for that. Can't get scurvy if you don't eat.
So, new continent, and Union kept walking east. It was a bit funny, really, but she decided to go to some mountain range for no particular reason. It wasn't too east, it could still be considered as the western part of that continent, but considering she had only been going east at that point, it's still east.
Surprise! She meets other Personifications.
Yeah, really, that's it. Next thing she knew, she went back to that weird shatter-thing which was also a long-time one in that mountain range and then she found herself in the Swiss Alps. Well, specifically in the United Nations Office at Geneva.
The first thing Moscow did when she met Union was to send a chair flying at her way. It hit her head. Union found out she'd been out for only a few... eh, a few months. The same timeframe as the time she spent in there.
That's it. Also I took an off-day for work today. Whoops. It's the end of the week. If I talk weirdly, as in I'm treating you like a child, just note that it's because usually I would be talking to children now. I work as a primary school teacher, you know. Hell, I'm only doing that because I felt bored. Well, generally, I am, but I'll stop this work by the new semester. Not sure what I'll do past September.
(Pause)
Back to where I was before. This shatter-thing is basically a portal. Of sorts. Genuinely don't even try going in there. The first thing Union did when she arrived was to throw up everything in her guts. Which was nothing. So she just retched for sixteen hours, nine minutes, and four seconds not being able to get anything out. Uhm. Yeah. Don't ask why it's so specific and how I know that.
Anyway, I'm not gonna enter this shithole now. Union couldn't figure out what happened to the shatter-thing when she went out, so right now, I'm gonna wait here until this thing disappears. Yeah. Boring or whatever, but I can talk to this tape and normalise my behaviour. I'm not autistic. Actually no one knows about that but I don't plan on testing. I don't like psychiatrists.
I keep getting— anyway. Anyway. Is there a specific way to describe what this shatter-thing looks like other than being, well, shattered? I guess I can say that it's glowing white. Plus the lines of the shattering are white too. What else... ah, distorted, is a way? Also, if you get too close to this thing, you get like, flashbacks? It's a bit unnerving, but that's the closest thing I can compare it too. Actually, no, I'm pretty sure it shows glimpses of things which never happened.
Yet.
Weird stuff, honestly. Not even The Thing which hangs around— inside me wants to spill what the Hell this is. Every time I try asking Teutonic Order, that little shit of a Personification who just likes being with me for some reason—and I know you're there and are listening to me. I can literally see you—has no idea.
Oh, also, when Union got into that shatter-thing, Luise wasn't brought over with her. Okay how about you tell me your experience when Union went in there? I'll speak it out loud because I know your voice wouldn't be caught in the recorder.
(Pause)
According to Luise Ritter von Preußen over—shut up, I know that's not your actual name—here, when Union went in the shatter-thing, she just stood there with a stare and basically floated away. I can imagine you looking at the shatter-thing like Kurt Angle. What? Am I wrong? Yeah, exactly. I'm never wrong.
Oh, look, it's closing. Alright. I'll try to describe it to the tape. Well, I think the best way to explain is that it's folding inwards? Like imagine a flower closing its petals, or whatever. I think you get the idea. Eugh—
(Pause)
I keep pausing. Don't mind it too much, it's just that once it fully closes it just decided to send a flashbang at my way and I still can't fully see. No. It's not because I'm half-blind. You know what I'm referencing, Luise. (Sigh) Maybe I should've thrown you into the shatter-thing when it was still open. What? Perfectly reasonable in my opinion.
Okay, I think that's it for today. If I see any weird stuff, I'll pull this thing out again. I don't think I will, though. So, yeah. You'll hear more from me soon, I believe. I need to talk about the stuff that happened in the past too with Union, Soviet, Empire, or whoever else.
Yeah? No— get away from me. I don't like it when— stop— okay, that's it, you're going to—
[Click]