Work Text:
[Click]
[UNITED KINGDOM]
(Mutter) I don't see why I have to talk with this git.
[LOWER SAXONY]
She is holding a tape, United Kingdom. I think you should be more worried about yourself being recorded.
[RUSSIA]
Yes, don't be so rude, Malcolm. I know you're fed up with whatever Stephanie tells you to do, but your mother does have a point. Well, you do know that I'm here to ask Heidemarie about Malcolm's uniqueness, yes? I didn't expect her to bring him with her.
[LOWER SAXONY]
It is quite fortunate that both of you were in Germany's jurisdiction... if he was not, I would not have him tagged in, Russia. But I'm sure it's only best to bring the man himself into a discussion concerning his oddities from England.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Oddities?!
[RUSSIA]
(Harrumph) Must I remind you both to stay low? We are not in a private place here. If Heidemarie chose a more secluded spot, I wouldnt't have apprehended you both for this. Ah, and you, Heidemarie, perhaps don't use prosoponyms here.
[LOWER SAXONY]
(Mutter) I never quite understood why we needed to stay hidden anyway.
[RUSSIA]
How about we just go forth with our talk, yes?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
I'd prefer so. I have things to tend to. My mother wouldn't be quite fond of me slacking off and scurrying away to who-knows-where.
[RUSSIA]
I'm sure Malcolm himself knows, so, Heidemarie, tell me this, what is this oddity that you speak of from him?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
(Grumble) I'd rather call it a curse than an oddity.
[LOWER SAXONY]
He can see the dead, though only limited to Personifications.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
That dead maternal uncle of mine is the worst to even speak to.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Who, Wessex?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
My mother was Wessex, Heidemarie. I'm talking about her half-brother.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Sussex?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Goodness me, you are not well-versed in English history.
[LOWER SAXONY]
There is not a need for me to, is there? Frankly, I only care about the Saxons.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Of course you do.
[RUSSIA]
He was referring to Mercia, Heidemarie.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Ah, you mean England's only dead sibling?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
And this is why I find her to be insufferable. The only redeeming feature of her is just her leadership skills and politicking.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Why, yes, that is why you left continental matters to me when we were still in personal union, no? You, on the other hand, were too busy with your colonies to do such a thing. Dare I say, you took inspiration from that Dutch-ie, Katelijne, on how she manages her country.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
I did not. That is simply how my mother did things before I took over her work.
[RUSSIA]
Were you born with that sight, Malcolm?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
I was. I'm sure Matilda has the same thing too. She just doesn't acknowledge it as much as I do.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Your sister? Ah, yes, she told me that at one point. I think it was when you were in the Americas during the War of 1812.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Why is it that she told you before even ever telling me?! I'm her brother.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Maybe she just found me more bearable than you. I do not know for sure, go ask her instead.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
You are impossible!
[RUSSIA]
Do you know how or why you even have the ability to see ghosts?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
I don't even know how one can see ghosts—
[LOWER SAXONY]
By encountering Death and returning alive.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
—Yes, that; and I know full well that I have not died as of yet. Considering my sister has it too, I'm sure it's hereditary to a degree, somehow, and that would mean that either of my parents could see ghosts as well. But if ghosts is only due to their alive-or-dead situation, then tell me, why is it that both my mother and father can see ghosts?
[LOWER SAXONY]
Let us assume both of them have met Death before.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
And if we assume that, then I wouldn't be the only one with my sister with such a condition, yes? If two Personifications who can do such a thing and produce offspring who have the same capabilities, we would not be the only example. I have done my research, believe it or not. But the chances of two such Personifications forming a union and producing offspring is a rarity in itself. And none of the other scarce examples resulted in what my sister and I can do.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Yes, I do not see neither Arnulf nor Sieglinde seeing ghosts, despite both Germar and Walaswintha being able to do so.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
What even happened to the two?
[LOWER SAXONY]
Walaswintha was my mentor, so I do know what happened. Archenulf Herrich had killed her, but for some unknown reason, she was resurrected somehow. It was before the incorporation of Saxony into the empire by Charlemagne. As for her husband, I have no idea. You did your research during the Seven Years War for those two, no? I am more surprised you didn't ask Randolf. He probably could have gotten an answer out of Arnulf one way or another.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Well, that's my loss. I did not take people's words seriously when they talk of how sincere his love was to his country's electoral half.
[RUSSIA]
How much does it bother you, this ability?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
It bothers me a lot, actually. I can also see the one next to you. Just what is it doing?
[RUSSIA]
Oh, her? I don't really know. You know she's as trigger-happy as Randolf.
[LOWER SAXONY]
And who is this ghost again?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Some knight. One of those Catholic Orders personified, I say.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Huh, interesting. Wait, do you mean the Teutonic Order?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
How am I supposed to know? I'm no Catholic. I wasn't raised as one.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Yelena mentioned Randolf, it is obvious to me that the only order associated to him would be the one who once ruled over Prussia... why is she haunting you?
[RUSSIA]
Frankly, she just felt bored over whatever her descendants were doing.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
I wouldn't be surprised... all Randolf does is train or dote to his wife-husband. Wilfried is the embodiment of greed, while Austrica was doing empress things. Nothing I can imagine a knight to ever like.
[RUSSIA]
Yeah, she just wants to see me do outlandish things.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Sure sounds like Luise von Deutscher Orden to me.
[RUSSIA]
Has it ever yielded you anything positive, this thing?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Whenever a ghost of the Great Powers come by, yes.
[RUSSIA]
You mean Austrica, Randolf, and the like?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Yes. Though, I haven't yet encountered Yekaterina. Which, shame. She was the one I looked forward to the most when it comes to answers. The dead usually care not about answering questions.
[RUSSIA]
You do know that you can just ask me, right?
[LOWER SAXONY]
You are not Yekaterina.
[RUSSIA]
(Scoff) Yes, I'm not Yekaterina, my name is Yelena. That doesn't mean I don't know everything she once knew.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
She must've been quite the loud-mouth to Soviet Union, that secret daughter of hers, then. And considering the Russian part within the union is always known to be the central and favourite one, of course you'd know. How can you be so sure that neither your mother nor your grandmother held back any information from you?
[RUSSIA]
I'm quite sure, actually. My mother died in child birth, while my father—if I remind you, my patronym is Stellanovna—recalls nothing of his own mother.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Strange.
(Silence)
[RUSSIA]
And when do you both plan to get a divorce? As far as I remembered, the Kingdom of Hanover and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland have ceased to be within a personal union for... fourteen years shy of two centuries now.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Ugh... can we just do it now so we don't forget next time?
[LOWER SAXONY]
Now? Did you even bring the paperwork you need for a divorce? I just know you did not.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
So when are we going to just finally get a divorce? There's no need for a divorce to be this complicated.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Oh, believe me when I say I have all the papers ready, Malcolm. It's only that you do not. All of this depends on how you will execute this on your side.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
My side?! How am I supposed to choose within the twelve stacks of papers of our marriage to bring to our court? Do you know how much time it takes to forge documents and to match with what you fabricated? Must I remind you, that we are not the majority. They would see our date of union and deem it false.
[LOWER SAXONY]
And how is that supposed to be my problem?
[UNITED KINGDOM]
Oh you insufferable—
[ENGLAND]
(Yell) Ah, there you are! You do not know how many I had to ask of your whereabouts, Britold, my son.
[LOWER SAXONY]
Ah, queen mother is here.
[RUSSIA]
I certainly hope that you survive the next batch of Stephanie's demands, Malcolm.
[UNITED KINGDOM]
... I will not.
[Click]
[Click]
[RUSSIA]
I'll tell you all just this, only because I felt like it. But England is the reason why both United Kingdom and Commonwealth of Nations can see ghosts. As for Scotland... Scotland also had the same hereditary thing. He got that because of his father, Pictland.
Huh, I'll probably talk about anastasis next time, then. I wonder if I'll talk about the effects.
[Click]
