Chapter Text
Mafuyu sat at his desk, hunched over his laptop, the glow of the screen washing over his face in the dark. His phone buzzed occasionally—messages from Hiiragi—but he hadn’t opened them yet.
Not because he didn’t want to.
Because he wanted to too much.
The search bar at the top of his screen was crowded with awkward, hesitant phrases:
Searches:
• What happens during gay sex?
• Does it hurt the first time?
• Why do people like bottoming?
• Is it supposed to feel good?
The websites weren’t what he expected. Either too clinical or too explicit. Some of it looked… painful. Others looked fake. Overacted. Like people pretending to enjoy something just because they were supposed to.
Mafuyu clicked away from one video almost immediately, shutting the tab like it had burned him. His heart was pounding—not from arousal, but something closer to confusion—and a little fear.
For a split second, his brain betrayed him—overlaying the image with someone familiar. Brown hair. Gentle hands. Hiiragi’s face, close to his, closer than it had ever been.
Mafuyu’s stomach twisted.
No.
That wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t supposed to feel like that—sharp, exposed, almost frightening. The thought of Hiiragi seeing him that vulnerable, that open, made heat crawl up his neck, equal parts embarrassment and something he didn’t know how to name.
He slammed the laptop shut.
This didn’t look romantic. Or safe. Or like the thing he imagined when Hiiragi kissed him slow and careful, fingers laced in his.
He sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. The silence in the room made everything feel louder inside his head.
Was this really what it was supposed to become?
Just… sex? That kind of sex?
Because what he was seeing looked intimate, yes. Vulnerable, even. But not in a way he understood. Not in a way he was ready for.
His eyes drifted toward his phone.
One new message.
Hiiragi: Don’t fall too deep into those weird sites. I know that face you make when you’re spiraling.
Mafuyu cracked the faintest smile. Of course Hiiragi knew. He always knew.
Then a second message came.
Hiiragi: If you wanna talk about it… we can. No pressure. I’m not expecting anything.
Mafuyu held the phone in both hands. He wanted to reply. He just didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to seem scared. Or childish. Or like he didn’t know anything.
But maybe being honest was better than pretending.
After a moment, he typed.
Mafuyu: I looked stuff up. Some of it was awful lol. I don’t think I’m ready.
Hiiragi replied almost instantly.
Hiiragi: Totally okay. You’re allowed to not be ready. I’m not really ready either, tbh.
Mafuyu stared at that line. His heart softened. For the first time that night, he exhaled—really exhaled, like his lungs had been holding onto something too heavy.
He closed his laptop.
Maybe they didn’t have to figure everything out right now.
Maybe they just had to figure it out together.
Still… what he saw online made one thing very clear: if they ever went further, it wouldn’t just be physical. It would be raw. Scary, even. He would be letting Hiiragi that close—closer than anyone had ever been.
Was he ready to be seen that deeply? To be that vulnerable?
Not yet, maybe.
But he wanted it to mean something. Not a performance. Not an expectation. Just… the next shape their closeness might take.
And when his phone buzzed again—a simple message—
Hiiragi: Goodnight 💤
Mafuyu smiled and whispered to the dark.
“Goodnight.”
Hiiragi immediately texted Shizusumi.
Hiiragi:
He’s spiraling. Not saying much, but I can tell. He looked up a bunch of stuff and freaked himself out.
Shizusumi didn’t even hesitate.
Shizusumi:
I’ll go over.
Hiiragi called almost immediately after the message went through.
“Hey,” Hiiragi said, skipping any greeting. “Are you seriously going to his place? It’s late.”
“I’m already getting my shoes,” Shizusumi said, pulling on his hoodie.
Hiiragi exhaled into the line. “I was going to go, but I thought I might just… make it worse.”
“You’re not wrong,” Shizusumi said gently, tying one sneaker. “He’s not scared of you. But he is scared of disappointing you.”
Hiiragi was quiet for a beat. “I never meant to make him feel that way.”
“I know.”
“I just—” Hiiragi paused. “If he brings up anything weird, or if he’s scared, or unsure… tell him I meant it. That I’m not expecting anything.”
“I’ll tell him.”
Another pause.
“You’re good at this,” Hiiragi admitted. “The staying part. He needs that tonight.”
“I know,” Shizusumi said again, softer now. “I’ve got him.”
“Thanks, Shizu.”
“We both love him,” Shizusumi said, already heading down the front steps of his foster family’s house into the cool evening air. “That’s what matters.”
Mafuyu’s phone buzzed again.
Mafuyu: Shizu-chan?!
Shizusumi:
Hiiragi says you’re struggling. You don’t have to prove anything. I am coming right over.
Twenty minutes later, he was standing in front of Mafuyu’s front door, breath faintly visible in the damp night air. Mist clung to his hair and the shoulders of his hoodie.
The door creaked open and Mafuyu stood there in sweatpants, looking small and unsure. The porch light was on—just in case.
Mafuyu stepped back to let him in. “You really came.”
“I told you I would.”
Shizu slipped off his shoes by the genkan and followed Mafuyu down the hall toward his room.
Mashiro leaned out of the kitchen with a dishrag still in one hand. “Is that Shizusumi-kun?”
Shizu gave a slight wave. “Evening.”
Mashiro glanced at Mafuyu, reading his face in a way only she could. “Are you okay with him staying?”
Mafuyu nodded. “Yeah.”
She softened a little. “It’s fine by me. Don’t stay up too late. Good night, boys.”
With that, she disappeared, closing her bedroom door.
The two sat side by side on the edge of his bed, a safe few inches apart.
Mafuyu stared at the closed laptop, then at his fingers curled in his lap. “I thought I should know more. Be ready. But all that stuff online just made it worse.”
“You don’t have to be ready for anything,” Shizu said. “You just have to be honest.”
“I told Hiiragi I wasn’t,” Mafuyu murmured. “He said he wasn’t either.”
Shizusumi smiled faintly. “Good. That’s real. That’s the part no one puts in those videos.”
Mafuyu was quiet for a while, then asked, “Can you stay here? Just sleep here, I mean.”
Shizu nodded without hesitation. “Of course.”
⸻
The window was open just a crack. The wind stirred the curtains gently as they lay side by side under the covers. Not touching. Not talking anymore. Just breathing in the same quiet space, the same air.
Mafuyu stared at the ceiling, the weight in his chest slowly lifting with each exhale.
“You okay?” Shizu asked in a murmur.
Mafuyu turned his head slightly, voice barely above a whisper.
“I think I will be.”
Shizusumi didn’t say anything. He just reached out and let their fingers barely touch, like a promise that didn’t need to be spoken.