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I carefully balanced all the items I’d gathered on the tray as I made my way to Zayne’s bedchambers. A brief flash of embarrassment caused my cheeks to flush as I remembered the last time I had ended up there by accident, but I pushed on with determination toward the door and only hesitated a brief moment before I knocked.
I waited anxiously for a reply, nervousness twisting in my stomach.
I hadn’t seen Zayne since I had helped him out of the tower prison. The sight of the ice crystals piercing his body as Zayne was unable to stop it, or even so much as hide his pain from me still made me sick to think about.
That had been nearly two days ago now and while I had thought at first that I should give him space, that maybe even helping him would only bring further punishment from Astra, I found I could no longer stay away.
I didn’t get a reply, so I knocked again, swallowing hard. “Zayne?”
I could hear the rustling of sheets and a soft grunt from beyond the door.
“I just have some things for you,” I said quickly, reaching for the doorknob. “I-I’m going to bring them in.”
I wasn’t going to let him protest. I opened the door and stepped inside.
Zayne was lying on his side in the bed, his back to me, covers around his waist. He still wore his loose under robe; the outer portion had been discarded to lie over a chair and I could see there were some rusty stains on it. I felt my stomach twist at the sight but I made my way over to the bed and set the tray down on the side table.
I heard his slightly shaky inhale, his body growing stiff on the bed as his eyes opened and blinked up at me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice groggy.
“I was worried,” I said simply, straightening the items on the tray so I didn’t have to meet his eyes. “I haven’t seen you, and...”
He sighed deeply. “There’s no need to worry yourself, this is not the first time—mmph.”
He started to push himself upright, but stopped with a wince, hand hovering over his chest.
I swiftly bent to help prop him against the pillows, letting him sit up more comfortably.
“I brought tea. The herbs in it are good for pain,” I told him, picking up the steaming cup and setting it into his hands before he could protest. They were cold, I realized, feeling his icy, scarred fingers brush against mine as I handed the cup over. I had the sudden urge to take his hands and warm them in my own, but the cup would have do that for me.
Zayne gave a small sigh as he looked down at it. “Your kindness is appreciated, if unnecessary.”
I felt a little upset at his words, but I didn’t say anything. Instead, I picked up a small bottle from the tray. “I made this as well.”
“What is it?” Zayne asked tiredly as he sipped the tea cautiously.
I gestured vaguely. “For your wounds.”
He let out a long exhale, but there was a hitch in his breath as if it still hurt. “That’s unnecessary.”
I put my foot down. “You’re obviously still in pain. I went through the trouble of making this for you. I had to find all the herbs from your basement and everything and take the time to grind them down.”
He looked slightly guilty and his emerald eyes showed pure exhaustion as he finally looked up at me again. “Very well, I will try it.”
I felt relief and unease at his acquiescence. He was either simply being nice to me, or he was really in so much pain still that he was willing to try even a tincture of old herbs that may or may not work.
“Let me see, then,” I motioned to his chest, then felt my cheeks heat. “Your…clothes, um…”
Zayne’s breath hitched slightly before he handed his half-drunk tea to me. I set it aside as he started to untie the loose robe and slide it down his shoulders. I tried not to stare, though realized I would have to look soon enough. It was undeniable that Zayne was a very well-built man, and the realization made my cheeks burn even more, but I was soon sobered by the sight of all the scars that covered his body. I had seen them briefly when I’d accidently caught him in the bath thanks to Jas, but now seeing them up close like this, made me wonder just how many times Zayne had been forced to hurt himself as punishment for disobeying Astra.
He saw me staring and sighed as he reached for the bandages wrapped around his torso. “I’m ready.”
I swallowed hard and motioned for him to lie back against the pillows before I took up the small pair of scissors I’d brought and snipped the old bandages off. Blood had crusted on them and I winced a little as I pulled them away, the thin cloth sticking to his wounds.
Zayne hissed and I quickly turned to grab the bowl of warm water on the tray. Sitting down on the side of the bed with it in my lap, I wet a cloth and started to clean the dried blood and discharge from the wound in the middle of Zayne’s chest.
He shifted, a bitten off grunt escaping him.
“Did you even bother to change your bandage since you’ve been hiding away in here?” I demanded. “You’ll get an infection like that!”
Zayne let out a tired sigh, his head tilting back against the pillows. “Astra would not let me die so easily.”
I pressed my lips together as I continued, seeing Zayne’s bandaged hands gripping the sheets beneath him.
Once I had finished, I picked up the bottle of tincture again and a clean cloth. I poured some out and started dabbing the cloth over the wound.
Zayne hissed, teeth gritting together as his body flinched.
“Sorry, it probably stings. I’m trying to be as gentle as possible.”
“You aren’t gentle in the slightest,” Zayne muttered, narrowed eyes looking up at me. “Is this…all simply you trying to avenge yourself?”
I gave him an offended look. “No, why would I do that? I’m not going to take advantage of you—especially not when you’re injured like this.”
I felt slightly guilty because I had briefly thought of stealing the Creatio Protocore while he was an invalid, but the guilt and self-disgust had quickly shoved that thought aside. My worry for Zayne had overtaken my need to steal his staff for myself. I suppose I had changed since I had gotten to the tower.
I turned back to the job at hand, working on massaging the oils into his wound, hoping that it would do something for the pain.
Zayne finally reached up and grabbed my wrist, stopping me. “This…will do,” he said, voice strained.
I paused, watching his face. “Is it helping at all?”
He let out a slightly pained sigh. “I’m not feeling any effects, no.”
I frown. “I can make another tincture if you think there’s something else that would work better—”
He held my wrist tighter as I made to stand up.
“It will do little good,” he admitted. “There is no medicine in the Tower of Thorns.”
My frown deepened at that. “What do you mean, Zayne? I made this and if it’s not working we can try something else. You don’t have to suffer.”
He gave me a sad look, shaking his head. “Let me rephrase—there is no medicine for me in the Tower of Thorns.”
I paused, simply staring into his eyes and seeing the pain and resignation in their depths. “You mean there’s nothing that will work for…this?”
He nodded slowly and finally released my wrist, lying back against the bed wearily. “That is correct.”
“Then what did you do before?” I demanded. “You said this wasn’t the first time this happened, so how did you treat your wounds then?”
“Before?” Zayne asked, sounding like his voice was drifting far away for a moment. “I…cannot recall.” He looked away, staring at the wall. “Why I was punished, or how I recovered…it escapes my memory.”
I felt my heart clench at that, staring at all the scars on Zayne’s body again. There were so many…just how many “punishments” had he been forced to endure over the years while he was imprisoned in this tower?
I didn’t know what to say, so I simply reached for his hand and clutched it tightly. To my surprise, Zayne didn’t pull away, simply wrapped his fingers around mine.
“I do believe I will remember this, though,” he said softly, almost to himself.
I felt a flutter of warmth enter my heart as he turned back to look at me. “If any remedy for me truly exists…I might have already found it.”
I found myself leaning closer before I realized what I was doing, and by that time it was too late to stop. So I simply closed my eyes and lowered myself the last few inches until my lips were pressed to the corner of his mouth.
It heard and felt Zayne’s breath hitch as he froze. “You—”
I cupped his cheek and boldly kissed him fully on the mouth before he could speak. His eyes fluttered shut, lips melting against mine almost instantly as if warmed by the spring thaw. His hand came up to slide up the nape of my neck, fingers threading into my hair as he deepened the kiss, breathing me in. I kissed him back hungrily, breathing in his comforting scent of fresh snow and spearmint, accompanied by the herbs I had used on his wound.
I didn’t know how long it was before we pulled away, slightly breathless, eyes locked on each other.
I could already see the guilt and uncertainty in Zayne’s eyes and I took his face, fear leaping through my chest.
“Zayne…I…I’m sorry. This won’t…you won’t be punished again, will you?”
He surprised me by pulling me down onto the bed, arms wrapping around me as he rolled onto his side once again, facing me.
His expression softened as he gently brushed my hair away from my face. “If I am, then I will accept the punishment.”
“Zayne…” my heart ached, but he leaned in to kiss my forehead, his lips a lot warmer now.
“Shh,” he murmured as he pulled me closer and tucked my head under his chin, closing his eyes. “Allow me this. Just this once.”
In that moment I didn’t know if he was speaking to me or begging Astra forgiveness, but I found I couldn’t deny him. I didn’t want to leave his side either. I felt his chest contract with a long exhale.
“You are my best medicine,” he whispered to me. “Please stay.”
The honest vulnerability in his voice made me cling to him tighter before pulling the blankets over both of us, cocooning us in the quiet warmth, hidden away from the frozen world outside.
“I have no intention of leaving,” I told him.
And like that, Zayne finally seemed to find some peace, slumping against me as if he had been waiting for permission.
I held him as he slept, thinking, perhaps foolishly, that I could protect him for at least that moment. But whatever was to come for the two of us, I knew that I wouldn’t forget this moment frozen in time.