Chapter Text
The sunbeams were scalding his eyes as he kept using the Force to lift the rubble. After three days of work, the progress was significant, with the majority of the final bombs’ destruction cleaned away. But it was exhausting work, and eventually Obi-Wan allowed himself to rest on a rock for a few moments.
“No time for rest now, Jetii ”, one of the old Mandos spat out. “I didn’t think that the infamous Jedi would get tired so easily.”
Obi-Wan made no attempt to hide his eye roll.
“If you’d spent a year on the run with little water and even less food all while being constantly targeted, you wouldn’t be tired, sir. You would be dead.”
“You have a big mouth, kid”, the mandalorian said, shooting him a sharp glare. “Shouldn’t you be on your way now that the Duchess is safe?”
A sharp pain shot through Obi-Wan’s chest, and it had nothing to do with his exhaustion. Yes, he should be leaving any day now. And that thought filled him with misery unfitting for a Jedi. Suddenly he felt the need to distract himself.
He got up and returned to work, but a strong hand gripped his shoulder. His first instinct, after months of being attacked, was to slash the hand off with his lightsaber, but the Force guided him to restraint. That person was no bounty hunter, only another volunteer with a smug look.
“Don’t bother”, she told Obi-Wan. “It’s lunch time. Go eat whatever you jetii need to sustain your magic.”
She left, laughing to herself as she joined the others who were now clearing the area. Obi-Wan refused to follow, to have lunch with these people who thought of him as some weird creature.
He longed for the times when his only company was his master and Satine, when they would joke or bicker about anything while preparing whatever lunch they’d managed to acquire that day.
But all of a sudden the war had ended, when Satine had received a coded message from her best friend informing her the New Mandalorians planned to take over Sundari. Satine insisted on participating, and eventually Qui-Gon relented and allowed her to go. All she had to do was pretend to turn herself in -a plan that Obi-Wan despised, because it required their separation- to distract the guards while the resistance took over the city.
Bloodshed had followed. It was blamed on the traditionalists, but Satine had her doubts on whether her people had truly held on to their ideals. By dawn, the fighting had ceased, and the enemies were being led to cells to await trial.
All this felt like ages ago, but it had been only three rotations. Now Satine was rushing to pull together some semblance of a government to aid her efforts in rebuilding Mandalore, while Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon offered to help clear the bombed sites. All the rubble was placed in wagons to be gritted and reused for new buildings. With so little resources available, most of the planet destroyed, and Satine’s refusal to ask for help from the Republic, reusing materials was a necessity. The beskar of the fallen warrior would also be reused, or so Obi-Wan had heard.
He was so lost in thought that he almost missed the presence in the force. He froze on his tracks as he sensed someone close to him, too close, but there was no one around. He tried to keep his calm when he realized the weak presence was in the ruins.
He briefly wondered whether it was even possible that anyone buried for so long would still be alive. Three days was about the maximum one could survive without water.
But he didn’t have time to ponder on possibilities. He rushed to clear the remaining rubble, bringing the rocks crushing down to reveal an unmoving creature covered in dust. With what felt akin to panic, he ran to the site where the rest of the volunteers were chatting. They paused as he approached.
“There’s someone still buried in the rocks”, he said, practically gasping for breath. “Someone is still alive there.”
He tried not to let his anger get to him as he noticed the distrustful looks that were exchanged.
“Well, is anyone going to come and help? I can lift the body, but someone has to call an ambulance.”
He didn’t wait for a response. These people should care for their own compatriots more than they cared to dismiss him. As he returned to the now-mostly-cleared ruins, he called to the force to lift the body. It wasn’t a corpse, but a very near thing. He could sense it barely breathed and the heartbeat was so weak it could hardly be detected. It was impossible to tell the characteristics of the person, for they were covered by dust head to toe.
Footsteps sounded, and the rest of the volunteers finally joined his effort as he placed the body to a makeshift bench.
“Did anyone call for a medic?, he asked.
“Of course we did, kid. Help us clean this up.”
It seemed hopeless. Five people were scrubbing dust off the face, arms and clothes of the person, but the skin beneath wouldn’t show. When the white layer subsided and part of a cheek peeked through, its was bright red meat instead of skin.
Obi-Wan couldn’t focus on the conversation around him. He kept his attention to the fainting heartbeat, desperately trying to keep it steady, but he was no force healer. He wondered what his master would do, or what Satine might have done, were she in his place. Or what she’ll think if she finds out he didn’t manage to save one of her people, an innocent person buried in ruins.
The old man from earlier leaned close to the body and whispered something in Mando’a. Obi-Wan only understood a few words. He made a mental note to ask Satine what the rest meant.
The soul kept fading away, until at last it joined the force, departing from the realm of the living without a name or a face.
“They’re dead”, the Jedi announced.
From the hostile looks he received, one would have thought he had killed them.
•———•———•
“I’m glad you didn’t see it”, Obi-Wan whispered. “It was a horrid sight.”
“And we still don’t know the name of the dead?”
“No.”
Satine walked around her desk, carrying several binders, a holopad and a cup of caf that had long ago gone cold. She had spent the entire day in meetings, gathering allies and setting forth plans to restore and rebuild the wreckage that her planet had become. Naturally, she had acquired a mild headache, and she felt as if her legs wouldn’t support her for much longer.
Obi-Wan offered a hand, and when he noticed that Satine’s were full, he took the binders from her arm in an attempt to help. Satine’s palm joined his, assured that they wouldn’t be seen this late at night.
But before retiring for the day, they had one last task. Satine hated to think of it as just another thing to cross off from her mental to-do list, but she was truly so tired!
They stopped outside the guest room that had been given to Qui-Gon and knocked. The old man answered with a tired smile and welcomed them in, but Satine insisted that they were only there to wish goodnight, as she was too exhausted for any conversation. She knew she had little room to complain when the two Jedi had spent all day outside with far more demanding labor, but that did little to ease the burn on her back.
Luckily, Qui-Gon agreed that it would be better to chat more in the morning and wished them both goodnight, but not before mentioning that he and Obi-Wan should get ready to depart any day now. That was another reason Satine had wanted to avoid any longer talk with the older Jedi. It wasn’t his fault, of course, that she selfishly hoped to keep Obi-Wan with her forever. But if she didn’t think about how close the end was, she might actually be able to enjoy the present.
Back in her chambers, she discarded the heavy fabrics she’d been wearing and slipped into a loose, silken blue robe. Part of the weight was lifted, though she still felt her body weak. It was due to the past year’s lack of sleep and harsh conditions which apparently still had an effect on her.
Obi-Wan had gone to shower, but not before he lingered at the door to watch her free herself from the constricting clothes. She liked to give him a show, and she purposely didn’t spare him a glance even as she angled her bare body to his view. No matter how tired she was, she always enjoyed teasing him.
As she lay down in bed, she promised herself she would wait for him. She wouldn’t fall asleep, no, she would only close her eyes for a moment, only until they stopped burning. It wouldn’t take long for Obi-Wan to come out of the shower, and then she could pull him close and cuddle, or kiss him as if he was hers forever, or fuck him until they were both breathless.
None of those fantasies came true that night, though. She was already falling asleep by the time Obi-Wan lay next to her, wrapped an arm around her waist and whispered goodnight.
•———•———•
When she woke up, it was to morning light that passed through the stained glass windows on the eastern wall of her room. The colored sunbeams were a beautiful sight, and she turned to look at Obi-Wan, perhaps wake him up to see the light, only to realize that the spot next to her was empty.
Panic washed over her as she realized that, not only will she have to get used to waking up alone soon, but it was entirely possible that Obi-Wan left in the middle of the night because he couldn’t stand to say goodbye. Maybe that’s why Qui-Gon had mentioned their departure last night. Satine knew it would break her heart, but she had at least hoped she would get to say a proper goodbye to both of the men that had kept her alive in the past year.
In a moment, all the anxious thoughts ceased when she saw Obi-Wan enter the room. He had a concerned look on his face, and he rushed to seat next to Satine on the disarranged bedsheets. Pulling her close into a hug, he whispered, “What’s wrong, cyare ? You look like you saw a ghost.”
She recoiled, placing her hands on his cheeks to hold him firmly in place.
“I thought you left, you di’kut ! I woke up and you had just disappeared, and I thought you left at night to avoid heartfelt goodbyes, and I-“
Realization dawned on him, and he pressed a tender kiss on her lips, grounding her back to reality.
“I could never do that, Satine. I could never live with myself knowing I abandoned you in the middle of the night.”
Satine let the words sink in. Keeping her eyes closed so as not to falter upon seeing his expression, she asked a question to which she already knew the answer.
“But you’ll still leave?”
She felt him pull back, and from the shifting on the bed she deduced he had reclined.
“Lie down”, he prompted.
Satine opened her eyes to see he had his arms stretched, welcoming her to a hug.
“I don’t belong here, Satine”, he spoke softly when she had made herself comfortable in his chest. “Your people would never accept me, and you know that.”
“I could make them accept you”, Satine protested. She hadn’t wanted to pressure him to stay, but she had expected a different reasoning.
“You’re already on thin ice in their eyes. And before you complain, I believe you’re the most capable person for this position, but you know that not everyone is convinced yet. If it became known that you’ve been taking a Jedi to your bed, there would be uproar. I would do more harm than good if I stayed as your consort.”
Now, that was more than she could handle.
She rose from where she had been lying on his chest and glared at him. Her Obi-Wan was not a coward. So why did he shy away from admitting that part of him wanted to leave?
“I know you belong with the Jedi”, she said in a firm tone, “and I won’t try to convince you to stay. But, for the sake of whatever you deem holy, don’t try to twist this around and claim you’re doing me a favor by leaving. Don’t you dare do that.”
She could tell she hit a nerve when he sat up as well, his calm Jedi facade fading as his emotions broke to the surface.
“You think I want to leave? Satine, I have no idea how I will manage to return to a life without you. Despite my best efforts not to, I got irrevocably attached to you. But I don’t belong among your people. These last few days I’ve felt so… out of place.”
Satine absolutely refused to cry, but she felt compelled to.
“You wouldn’t be happy here”, she spoke at last.
Obi-wan moved closer, brushing her hair away from her face.
“You are my happiness”, he confessed. “And if you ask me to stay, I will do so. But I-”
She didn’t want to hear any more of this.
She closed the gap between them and kissed him fiercely, wishing she could pause time. They both tumbled back onto the mattress, and soon there was no thought in her mind other than the feeling of his body against hers, and the love she had for him.