Chapter Text
"Gather your shit together, 'cause you ain't saving lives if you become one of them sooner."
Ning Yizhuo repeatedly chants the phrase like a ritual song for the sake of college survival. The chant is partly to reignite her passion to heal those who are mentally ill, but it was uttered mostly to keep the screws in her head tight because her career is surely taking a toll on her sanity.
And if one would be able to watch the tired college student in person, they would just pee their pants out of horror and deliberate shock because the scene right now looks straight out of a horror movie.
Ningning walks like a possessed human being uttering incoherent words along the dim hallway, as the ward patients try to scream and reach along the cells as an attempt to convince the poor student that they are sane and must be freed from this institution.
The sight is totally not for the soft hearted, and Ningning is still having trouble with stoicism even when she's currently training to be tougher in one of the world's most unsettling places: the psych ward. With her exhaustion and thinning compassion, she's starting to think that maybe her heart's really not cut out to be a rock and that her dreams are actually far from her true work goals and personality.
However, no matter how far and doubtful her career path seems, the hospital's rooftop will always be nearer for her to do a little thinking and self-reflection. Maybe if she used her I.D this once to unlock the rooftop, maybe she could remember the shit ton of money her family spent on her tuition and that she's only a few months away from tossing a graduation hat in the air so she must not give up now.
Upon the not-so-legally unlocking of rooftop premises she wasn't suppose to enter unless given authorization, she quietly leaned through the railings as she wordlessly watched the midnight sky. The young student was supposed to rekindle a new fire of passion with the help of the fresh 2am breeze, but instead she relieved another desire that has been gnawing in her guts everytime she's high (literally, in a higher place)
How would it feel to jump off of the rooftop of a mental hospital?
The sudden urge feels more of a whimsical instinct for her, because it occurs whenever she's at high altitude- like a really weird kink of the brain where it unconsciously thinks about the rush, adrenaline, and pain of falling head first to the ground.
Lucky for her though, that her skeletons and muscles don't seem to be interested with whatever unreasonable shit the brain wants her body to do.
"Focus, Ning. You're here to reorganize your thoughts and eliminate negativity. Not to eliminate yourself from the world." Ningning cooes herself as she turns away from the beautiful view to sit on the cold concrete instead. She thinks it's better than having to deal with her weird ideations.
But seeing nothing other than concrete, water tanks, and wirings: she feels more terrible and suffocated than ever that she started to wail and kick silently as a form of venting out her frustrations. Feeling a lot better after thrashing around like a kid, she slowly admits that there's no shame in being crazy once in a while especially when you're alone in a rooftop, and your life is about to turn into shambles.
It must've been the pleasant feeling from doing the things you weren't supposed to do that the young student had the courage to stand near the railings again. This time though, she pulls off a braver stunt of leaning farther forward, feeling her heart beat faster from the imminent danger she's putting herself in. She knows her life is currently on thin ice, but there's no other way her brain could think straight when all she could see back at the rooftop deck are plain, bland walls that suck like unflavored jellies.
Now that her mind is feeling more settled, she finally snapped out of her childish stupor and decided to take advantage of this situation by practicing her reasoning skills for the upcoming thesis defense. The decision is outright random and impulsive, yes, but it's not everyday that she's alone where she could speak freely without criticisms so she let herself get sidetracked from her original intent of self-motivation. Not really wanting to think about their study for now, she just opted to think about a topic she wanted to debate against herself since she's only doing this to develop critical thinking and logical reasoning anyway.
"I refuse to die when I haven't fulfilled the role of a successful aunt who travels overseas, so why do I feel like jumping off anytime?" She blurts out mindlessly to the wind, comfortable with the feeling that only the moon can hear her uncanny thoughts.
"But what if-- Ah-hm!"
She was just about to counter herself and talk about the possibility that it may be her mind's way of conveying its desire to feel alive when suddenly her audience: the moon, must've grown tired of her rambling mess that it decided to grow arms and push her off the edge of the cold railings. She wanted to let out her supposedly last scream before life flashes in her eyes but a cold hand to her mouth stopped her from doing so.
Now it looks like the moon isn't the only VIP audience that had the special privilege to watch the younger student break down and be stupid-- there's an extra, extra VIP entity that witnessed everything up close which is obvious for 2 logical reasons: number one, even if natural pink ravens were to exist, the moon will never grow hands or even get too close to Earth just to push somebody off of a building. Number two, the moon isn't alive to hiss in pain nor is it lightweight to pin her down and silence her up without crushing her to death. With the last wave of reality coming back to wash over her shaken state, Ningning realized that she was just pushed aside and that there's literally someone above her. Someone who's tall and smells like... berries and soothing forest?
"Don't. you. dare. listen. to. l'appel du vide."
Say what now? lapel ju vij? l...lafel what?
"hmmb- you almost killed me!" Ningning doesn't understand what the stranger meant, but she started ranting the moment the hand lifted off of her face. "what are you even saying? Are you trying to curse me? You think I'd take advice from some random stranger who attempted murder?!"
"Yeah, but I didn't push you forward, didn't I?"
The truth is, Ningning is just extra ratchet today: The railings are almost as tall as her (just below her chin) so it would really take a big push for her to fall, and the fact that the stranger actually pulled her back to safety says that Ningning is just dramatic. The stranger was just 'lucky' enough to be at the receiving end of Ning's overstimulated blabbering.
The stranger tried pulling herself up with much struggle, a small grunt escaping her lips. Ningning was still a dedicated future health worker, so she helped the girl sit properly only to earn a scoff after.
"And I thought as a worker in this institution you're supposed to know such condition? l'appel du vide? the call of the void? your desire to jump off of high places as you were ranting earlier?"
Oh, so that's what it was. Of course Ningning already searched for the name of that sensation before, it's just that she never looked up for the pronunciation. All her life, she's calling it 'el a-ppel du-vayd' and no one actually corrects her since nobody talks about that same experience anyway.
"You could've just said it was the call of the void you know? That french name actually sounded like a hex curse in Harry Potter."
The other girl gave her a blank stare that turned into a horrified look of disapproval. If Ningning is dramatic, the other girl is just as comical with her expression which made the whole scene look like a cartoon unfolding.
With a quick pause to scan her name tag and (judge) Ningning from head to toe, the stranger looked like she was done for.
"And you're supposed to be an intern here? Ning Yizhuo, psychiatric department apprentice, right? Not knowing such condition makes me feel like you're gonna be one of those psycho doctors who misdiagnose their patients and force them into taking weird medications. It's fucked up, I'm fucked up, we're all fucked up!!!" The stranger went down to a complete spiral on her own, after making assumptions on the poor student that was originally there to console herself from the harsh realities of her career.
So much for trying to have a self-pep talk in the middle of the night to tie up her crumbling passion.
"Jesus, calm down! Being a healthcare employee doesn't mean we know everything like the back of our hands, okay?! Atleast the only thing I didn't know was the pronunciation!"
"... Well, I suppose that is true."
"How are you in here anyway? You are a patient here aren't you?!" Ningning panics upon the realization, but the stranger just let out a sheepish laugh that sounded literally like a 'hehe'
"Oh shit, did I forget to double-check the door locks for each patient room?Oh god, I am so going to be expelled for this, I'm gonna get my head hung for negligence of duties... so much trouble for trying to be a caring mental health worker, god help me so!" It's now Ningning's turn to spiral down, pacing back and forth the concrete slab with a hand patched to her mouth and her big, boba eyes glinting with the warning of tears.
"Girl, chill the fuck out. Don't worry, I'm actually getting discharged later as soon as the sun rises. My lazy sister just don't want to pick me up right away because she thinks I've caused her enough problems for the day already."
The girl stood wobbly, still not used to the crutches that supports her banged-up knee.
"Aeri, btw. Rude of me not to introduce myself before rambling this much--Not my fault tho, good deeds before formalities should always be prioritized. I just got carried away because I thought you were planning to jump out of this building. Trust me, it's not worth it."
Ningning blinks in confusion with the sudden introduction. As much as her head is filling with questions and the fact that there could be dutiful negligence on her part, she still finds this encounter interesting.
" Huh.. you were admitted and set to discharge that fast? Rule number one for us interns is to never trust the patient, as they are the masters of mind bending. How sure can I be that you're not playing with my head?" Ningning also stood up, trying to keep a good distance between the other girl to assess her body language better.
"Ooh, very promising. If this was the psychiatric nurse who busted a sedative at my ass when I tried protesting that I'm not crazy, I would've been thrown at the sensory jail all wrapped up in foam for trying to trick her. What I mean is, that's honestly very caring of you to actually know my side first. That's touching. "
"Girl, what are we, the Azkaban prison? your bar is so low, we're not monsters. We just train to analyze lies from patients so we can give them more appropriate care as most of the time, they try to pretend they're okay and all."
"Anyway, nope, I'm not lying. I wouldn't be roaming freely in here now, wouldn't I? You can ask the front desk and confim that I am cleared of any actual illnesses."
"Good heavens, no. I would not be seen walking with a patient who's roaming the halls and followed me through the rooftop off-limits"
"Duh, I only followed you through the rooftop because you're making a lot of strangled noise-- I thought another patient has lost its wits to this jail cell of a hospital so I came to the rescue as a sane person. Also, I just saved your ass from banging algaed concrete. Heed your desire of jumping from heights then you'll end up just like me."
Ningning blinked once. Ningning blinked twice. Eyes anywhere but the girl in front of her.
Cast on her leg
Crutch to keep her upright
End up just like me?
The intern seems like she's reaching her brain capacity as her tired mind connected the dots.
"Oh... so you.. you actually acted upon the call of the void--"
"It's L'appel du vide--"
"Yeah that, or whatever-- so you got called on to the mental hospital, because you jumped off from somewhere high? And- and.. the crutch and cast is treatment from the fall?!"
"Good job smarty, you figured it out! See? I'm not a complete nutcase afterall. I'm just a little curious that's all."
"So that's why you were that triggered when I tried to get too close to the edge of the railings. My inner thoughts about jumping off must've been out loud."
"Ugh, again, you were loud I had to rush to the rooftop to make the weirdo shut the fuck up or make sure they're okay-- no in between. Now are we gonna get out of here or you'll wait for the hospital management to find out you're sneaking at the rooftop with a patient?"
"Well, shit. There's that possible negligence and there's this 'gotta make sure you're legit' thingy. You better be!!! I'm risking my life, my name, and my student loans betting on your story!"
Ningning huffed trying to come off strong, but in reality she's just too soft to lock up the girl right away. Not when she's looking this cute and innocent and genuine under the moonlight glint--
"Hello? Earth to Ning? you're about to walk on a column by the way. Are you sure I'm not the worker here and you're the crazy one? geez it's like walking a toddler"
Thank god it was midnight and hospitals always had this eerie low light aesthetic that masked her reddening face. Did she just find this stranger, let alone one of their patients, attractive?
"Oh, Ning? Aren't you supposed to be out an hour ago?--"
"Hi, I would like to leave a message for my sister, Katarina Yu. If she comes in here to fetch me, please tell her I've discharged myself. I'm sane and independent enough to go home on my own, thanks."
Aeri cut off the front desk employee, trying to boss her way out of this place. The employee looked intimidated by Aeri's aura that she immediately felt compelled to dig into their computer data and verify her discharge status.
"Ma'am, we don't allow such requests because we can't risk the name of this institution by allowing patients to go on their own. Not especially those who sustained physical injuries. You need to be assisted on your way out."
"Assisted? Oh please, I'm not even in a vegetable state. Besides, if it's assitance you're worried about, I bet Ning here is happy to escort me out."
"I'm sorry, what? Assist you?
Oh, right. Ningning was still too tired and gay and mesmerized, still thinking about why she found this particular girl attractive that she hadn't noticed how Aeri practically walked her into the hospital's main lobby. Talk about how Ning is a responsible healthcare worker, being walked by a patient much more stable than her is wild.
"Just. go. with. it. I promise you, this will be worth it. Even your student loans won't be a problem if you just cooperate--" Aeri faced away from the front desk, forcing Ningning to do the same while whispering harshly in her ear.
For someone admitted on a hospital, she smells like berries, and autumn, and comforting forest after a gentle rain-- Nothing is running on the poor intern's head, but thoughts of Aeri's scent as she scooted closer to whisper in her ear. This must either be the work of the gay gods finally watering her withering love life, or her brain withering away from exhaustion after spending an hour too long on her unpaid internship.
"H-hey! no talking behind my back please, I'm gonna report you to the upper admin if you're acting suspicious."
Ningning finally snapped out of her trance, or did she? because she must be out of her wits to not protest with the patient's absurd request. Afterall, she isn't paid enough(more like, completely) for this job.
"There's a thing where you sign for substitute representatives, right? Let's just sign one so I can go home. Don't worry, she's chill-- met her on the way and had... interesting talks. Uh so yeah, this is why I was an hour late from signing off of work."
"You- what? You agree to this? I mean, yes! We clicked right away, it's like she's my best friend now! Right, Ning-ah?" Aeri scooched even closer to Ningning, linking her free arm with the intern to show how 'close' they are.
The only thing showing though is Ningning becoming flustered with the sudden contact. Did she experience a soul-swap thing when Aeri tackled her under the moon? because it seems like Ningning is more fitting as a patient and Aeri as the passionate, once lively intern. Or maybe it's simply just her suppressed gay, feeling soft bossoms squish her shoulder (a foreign sensation to the poor, withering, closeted gay).
"Huh, you are? no wonder Ms. Dullface here stayed for much longer. She's nothing but study and work, but comes dashing off the door right at the end of her shift, always. You must've striked her very well to break her boring little world." Miyeon, their front desk and a 'close' friend to the spicy chinese, teased her that she might just be whipped for Aeri which kept her from running out the door the second her clock goes ding.
Ningning just gave a glare to her friend as they wait for the paper to be printed out. The printing seems to drag on longer than her shift, even longer than the time it took for the stars and all the universal mass to come together after a huge cosmic event as majestic and vast as the big bang--
"Hey, it's too early for your adolescent crisis internal monologues. Sign the paper if it's okay with you, or let the pretty girl wait in here for a little longer."
Ningning didn't even think, didn't blink, didn't look at the pretty girl's way and signed the papers right away like she's held at gunpoint. She knew, oh she knew that when she turned her head towards Aeri, the gay will crumble-- she might as well take the girl in her cramped dorm because she doesn't have the heart to let the stranger walk home by herself. Ugh, why is she even stressing anyway? She did say that she's independent enough to go home on her own.
"You're... You're leaving me behind?"
Ningning stopped dead in her track when she heard Aeri squeak, a few tones higher and voice a little smaller and thinner.
"Wait, are you a psychic or something? how are you reading my thoughts?"
"Those are your thoughts? I'm pretty sure you just blurted them out in the open. Thanks for letting the air, the dust, and the plants know that I can walk miles alone, with crutches and all. Sure, sure, Seoul is just a footstep away anyway."
"Wait, you're from Seoul? How are you admitted in Busan when there's much nicer hospitals at the capital?"
"Just happened to be here with my sister to learn business. She left earlier for Seoul though, since we're supposed to go back after lunch. Those deals aren't gonna sign themselves so I insisted on being left alone. I knew she loved it though. Heard her muttering how troublesome it is for her that I tagged along."
"You seem well off with the business talks, why don't you just hail yourself a taxi or have your chaffeur pick you up?" Ningning kept up the conversation without ever looking back.
"... Can't, I don't have my phone because I broke it with my fall."
"Tsk, you shouldn't have jumped in the first place, dummy. What about cash? Did your sister leave you anything at all?"
The sound of rummaging and pained grunts struck a soft chord at Ningning. This is just too much for her compassionate (gay) little heart to handle.
"My wallet was in my old clothes. I was changed out of it so they can put a cast on my left leg. I don't think Karina left me anything though"
"Look, I'm sorry you have to go through this, I really am. But can you do me one last favor and lend me money for a grab car to get home? Promise I'll pay, in any from, currency, or amount you would like to discuss."
Wait, anything? as in I can make her pay to be my homemaker and cook and possibly as my wif-
"What? uhm yes, maybe I could come help you out at your dorm plus the cash I will owe you, how about that?"
Curse Ningning and her habit of voicing out her thoughts subconsciously: she almost let the other girl know that she's crushing on her this fast!
To save herself fron future embarrassments, Ningning went through her bag and pockets. Over and over, a little too much for just a few won to help the girl get home.
But her endless searching came to a halt when she only found a half-eaten bread and ten coins from her lunch money change. Now she only has three options:
One, walk the girl all the way to Seoul like a gentleman.
Okay, that's definitely out of the picture. She's a lunatic for thinking her crutched 'friend' can walk that long.
Two, Run and leave her be.
That's right, it's the best option. She might just come back at the hospital on her own after.
And third, let her in her dorm.
Why is this even an option? Her space is cramped and messy and no place for Ms. I-can-pay-you-whatever.
But then she heard hushed sobbing that shot like an arrow piercing through her rainbow heart, she smelled danger.
Ning, remember the rule in DRAMA: Never look back. Never.
But she did. She can't ignore it, no, not when the girl sounded hopeless and defeated.
Starting with a glance and finally a clear look at Aeri's face, she realized then and there that she's someone she wanted to care for.
"Sigh. Welcome to Ningning's cove, I guess. Gotta warn you though, It's no place for someone exuding a rich heiress glow."
"Wh-What? hairless? is my scalp balding that it shines under the streetlights?" Aeri, overstimulated and out of focus trying to control her sobs, only heard the heiress glow and misunderstood that part which earned a chuckle from Ningning
"You're such a... peculiar case. A pretty one on top of that, god really wants to hit me at my weakest. Hooray to bringing workload at home, yey." Ningning soullessly cheered.
"Pretty? and hey, I told you I'm clear of any mental illnesses! I'm harmless I promise. I'm not your patient, think of me as... a good friend in need, how about that?"
Yeah, sure. Aeri is Ningning's 'friend in need' for today. Ningning can just need the funeral later after figuring out how to accommodate the mysterious girl until her sister fetches her fine ass.
Through it all, Ningning just wishes this night is longer. For longer sleep. Definitely not to have more time to get to know the beauty that kept up with her sass.
Well, let's just say Ningning really prefers the first reason to save her ego from turning to ruins.
Let me know your thoughts if there's any! :)