Work Text:
[Private Messaging: Maddie and Buck]
Buck: maddie stop what you're doing this is so important
Maddie: I'm feeding my child
Buck: ok fine do that first
Maddie: What do you need?
Buck: how do you eat your pizza?
Maddie: Oh Jesus not this
Chim already texted me
Buck: gdi chimney
how could he 😩
Maddie: Well you're gonna like my answer just as much as he did
Buck: MADDIE
NO
ET TU BRUTE??
i thought you were my sister
i thought we were in this together
Maddie: Evan relax, the way I eat my pizza does not change the fact that you are my brother and I love you
Buck: but WHY
Maddie: Why do I fold my pizza?
Buck: yes
Maddie: Because it's too floppy otherwise
Buck: so you just support it with your other hand!
Maddie: And get TWO hands greasy??
Buck: the grease isn’t on the bottom of the pizza???
wtf kinda pizza are you eating mads??
Maddie: The normal kind?
Like when you’re in New York and you’re running around, you can’t use two hands
I’m pretty sure you’re actually *supposed* to eat New York Style pizza folded
Buck: ...
lemme do some research brb
5 minutes later
Buck: ……ok so you may be right
turns out you ARE supposed to fold new york style pizza bc the pieces are so wide and thin and floppy. i guess it also keeps the toppings from falling off
whatever
doesn’t mean i like it
also i refuse bc if you fold your pizza before eating it then all your mouth feels is crust and that’s icky
Maddie: I’m sorry Evan
Sending you my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time
Buck: 🖕
Maddie: 👼
Buck: ya know, at least it’s better than whatever the fuck your husband’s doing right now
Maddie: Oh
Yeah
The upside-down thing?
Buck: yeah
why tf does he do that?
Maddie: I dunno he says it tastes better that way?
I try not to ask too many questions
Buck: …i fear your husband may be broken
Maddie: *sigh*
I fear you may be right
[Private Messaging: Buck and Eddie]
Buck: hey
so
i have a question
Eddie: I may have an answer.
Buck: how do you eat your pizza?
Eddie: With…my hands?
Buck: no no
like
do you fold your pizza?
Eddie: Pizza isn't laundry Buck.
Also you've seen me eat pizza a million times.
Buck: ok but consider i don't remember *how* you eat your pizza
kinda have more important things to look at when i'm with you
Eddie:
Buck: i never should've taught you about memes
ANYWAY
do you
eduardio diaz
Eddie: Not my name.
Buck: fold your pizza
Eddie: Buck I have never paid that much attention to how I eat pizza. I just…eat it.
Buck: k well we're all sitting down eating pizza rn so i'm gonna doordash some to you and you NEED to tell me if you fold it to eat it or not
Eddie: Why is this so important to you?
Buck: it's for science
also i need to prove a point
and win a bet
and decide how much i love you
Eddie: WAIT is there somehow a correct answer here??
Buck: well yes
Eddie: Buck…
Buck: eddie…
whoops gotta go - we have a call, text me when you get your pizza!!
30 minutes later
Eddie: I got the pizza.
Buck: great! eat it!
Eddie: This isn't the kind we normally get.
Buck: i know! it's new york style
Eddie: Why?
Buck: because that style of pizza originated in new york city
actually, the first pizzeria in the US was opened in new york city
it's called Lombardi's
if we ever go to new york we should go there
Eddie: Buck -
No.
I love you.
But that's not what I meant.
Why did you send me THIS type of pizza?
Buck: oh
well that's the kind we were eating when this whole debate started
so
pls just eat a slice before it gets cold and show me how you eat it
it's for science
Eddie:
Buck: i'm divorcing you
Eddie: We're not married???
Buck: we're getting married tomorrow so that i can divorce you
Eddie: Over pizza???
[Group Chat - 118 bitches!!]
Buck: 
Hen: …what
Chim: ooooh can Jee be the flower girl??
wait
Eddie: You have GOT to be kidding me.
Bobby: Buck, please stop changing the group chat name. - Bobby Nash
Ravi: wait…were you two not already married??
Chim: ravioli you've been here for four years, keep up
Hen: I'm guessing this means you did not in fact find someone who eats their pizza like an animal like you
Buck: how dare you
i eat like a human being
Hen:
whatever, enjoy my latrine duty pretty boy
Buck: ugh 🙄
Chim: I still think my method is superior
Hen: No
Ravi: no
Buck: no
Bobby: No. - Bobby Nash
Eddie: I dunno what your method is but I'm gonna say no.
[Private Messaging: Buck and Eddie]
Eddie: Hey babe?
Buck: don't babe me when i'm divorcing you
Eddie: Buck
Buck: ok fine
yes, sweetheart?
apple of my eye?
my reason for living?
the air that i breathe?
my better half?
the reason why i have to do extra nasty shit for the next two weeks?
Eddie: Well okay then.
Anyway.
I was thinking...what exactly were the terms of the bet?
Buck: so basically i bet hen that i could find at least one other person who didn't fold their pizza when they eat it
bc like dude that's so unnecessary
if it's too floppy to eat with one hand you just cradle it with a second
give it a lil extra support
plus when it's folded all you get in your mouth is crust and that feels weird
…maybe chim was onto something with the whole eating-pizza-upside-down thing
then you just get a bunch of gooey cheese on your tongue 🤔
Eddie: First of all, don’t “dude” me I've been inside you.
Buck: 😏🫦
Eddie: 🙄
SECOND, I can't believe you couldn't find ONE person that doesn't fold their pizza?
Third, are we sure Chimney wasn't dropped on his head as a child?
Buck: unclear
and tbf the only people i asked were you and maddie
bc i couldn't think of anyone else to ask
and you both failed me
Eddie: Babe that's sad.
Buck: hey??
Eddie: I'm sure you could've asked so many more people.
Luckily for you, I shared my pizza with someone who just so happens to eat it just like you.
Buck: carla? i can’t believe i didn’t even think to ask her!
Eddie: What? No, I’m home, Carla’s off today.
Buck: oh my god is meth lab jim back???
Eddie: Oh dear lord I’m in love with an idiot.
Buck: ouch??
Eddie: Buck, who is the one person you love more than me who also literally lives with us?
Buck: OMG CHRISTOPHER!!
MY SAVIOR!!
i knew he was my favorite diaz for a reason
Eddie: I would pretend to be offended if I didn’t already know.
Buck: i can’t wait to rub it in hen’s face
Eddie: It really is amazing how much he takes after you. Like he just picked up the piece, put the pointer finger of his other hand under the tip of the slice so it wouldn’t flop onto his wrist, and ate it.
Which is exactly how you eat your pizza.
Buck: 🥹🥹🥹
man i love that kid
please tell him that
Eddie: He rolled his eyes and said he loves you too.
So, about that wedding invite…
Buck: oh yeah i should probably tell the team the wedding’s off
and the divorce
Eddie: Yeah, definitely want to let them know that divorce ceremony is NOT happening, not on my watch.
That wedding invite though…
Buck: yeah, sorry, it was stupid and silly and i just threw it together on my phone on our way back from a call
i’ll make sure i delete it
Eddie: Well -
I don’t think you need to delete the whole thing.
I just think some changes need to be made.
Buck: what do you mean?
Eddie: Well we can’t exactly plan a proper wedding in a day, right? So we’ll need to figure out a different date. Honestly I also don’t think our house is the best place to hold a wedding. Wouldn’t Bobby and Athena’s new house be better? So we’ll need to change the address.
Buck: oh my god
eddie
are you seriously proposing to me over TEXT?!?!?!?
Eddie: Hey, you’re the one that said we should get married AND made a wedding invitation!
Buck: it was a JOKE!
Eddie: Yeah, okay, but what if it wasn’t?
Buck: oh my god
stop texting me, i’m on my way home
Eddie: I love you 💚
Buck: i said stop texting me!
I love you too 💙
[Group Chat: fam bam thank you ma'am]
Buck: 
for real this time
Chim: ahhhh congrats!! ok so, for real this time, can Jee be the flower girl?
Eddie: Of course.
Karen: Congratulations! 🎉
Maddie: I'm so good at keeping secrets 👼 congrats you two!
Buck: i literally told you five minutes ago
Maddie: Well -
Hen: Congrats, I’m real happy for you both, but I'm gonna need this gc name changed immediately
Buck: no
Karen: Buck -
Bobby: Unfortunately this is a thing he does. We're working on it. - Bobby Nash
Athena: Oh I'm so happy for you two! And also confused. Why does the location say TBD?
Buck: welllll we were kinda hoping to have it at your place?
Eddie: Only if that's okay!
Athena: Of course you can have it here, our backyard would be perfect!
Buck: thanks athena 😊
Eddie: Thank you!
Ravi: i'm so confused
are you still getting divorced
so that you can then get married again???
Chim: oh ravi…
Ravi:
literally what's the point…
Hen: I'll explain it all to you later
Bobby: In all sincerity, congratulations Buck and Eddie, I'm so proud of both of you. ❤️ - Bobby Nash