Chapter Text
JUNGWON
People often misjudge me because of how I look.
My first impression is completely fake. My face? It’s deceiving. Soft, round, apparently “cute.” People see me and immediately assume I’m harmless, easy to figure out. But they don’t know the real me. They don’t know how stubborn I can be.
Take Sunoo hyung, for instance. Most people would’ve given up trying to get close to him — he’s careful with his heart, quiet when he wants to be, hard to read. But not me. I saw him, and I knew, I knew I wanted to stay by his side.
So I did. I followed him around, slowly, steadily, until he got used to me. I didn’t force it. I waited. I became his shadow, his twin, his favorite dongsaeng — and eventually, his best friend.
I could’ve taken the single room in our old dorm. Leader privileges. But when Sunoo hyung casually mentioned he’d be staying in the four-person room, that was it for me. I moved in without hesitation.
We shared everything — dance practices, rides, interviews. I made sure we were together as much as possible. I told myself that if I just stayed close long enough, maybe he’d feel something too.
And now? I think he does. I really think he does.
It’s in the little things.
Like when I was studying answers for an upcoming interview, and he came and sat beside me. He didn’t say anything. Just stayed there, the entire time, until I was done — and only then did he leave.
Or the time I came back from vocal practice, completely drained, and he handed me a bottle of cold water. He didn’t ask. Didn’t make a big deal of it. Just looked at me and said, “You looked like you needed this.”
Then there was the coffee. He hates bitter things. I know that. Everyone knows that. But one morning, I made coffee, and suddenly, he was beside me. “Can I have some?” he asked, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He even drank it — his face scrunching, but he finished the cup. Just to share that moment with me.
And it doesn’t stop there.
Then on our rest day, when everyone else was busy or locked in their rooms, he came into mine. With his blanket. “Your bed is comfier,” he said, laying down next to me. He napped right there — not touching, but close enough to feel his warmth. Close enough to pretend.
And every time I leave my room now, he’s there. Waiting in the hallway. Making up reasons to linger.
This has to mean something. Right?
So that night — when we were alone on the living room sofa, and the dorm had gone quiet — I decided I couldn’t wait any longer.
I had my laptop open, pretending to work. He was beside me, playing a game on his phone. Every few minutes, he glanced at me. My heart was racing. I needed to say it.
I turned to him and said, “Sunoo hyung.”
He looked up immediately. “Hmm? Do you need help?”
I shook my head, already feeling the nerves in my throat. “No… I just wanted to talk about something.”
He paused his game mid-round. Put his phone down. Turned fully to face me. His eyes were wide, curious. Focused entirely on me. And that gave me the courage to go on.
“I know this might sound sudden, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while. You’ve been spending more time with me outside of work, and I’ve noticed it. I think... you like me.”
I swallowed. My heart pounded in my chest, threatening to break through my ribs.
“You always show up when I leave my room, even though you hate leaving yours. You sat next to me the whole time I was studying and didn’t even leave early. You brought me water without me asking. You drank coffee — bitter coffee — just to sit with me.You slept in my bed, hyung. You said it was comfier, but you didn’t have to do that.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me sometimes when you think I’m not watching. I know I might be reading into things, but… I like you. I like you so much, hyung. I’ve liked you for a long time. And I thought — maybe — you felt the same way.”
I kept my eyes on my lap, too afraid to meet his gaze. The silence that followed was loud.
I counted the seconds in my head. One. Two. Five. Ten. Still nothing.
My stomach twisted. My mouth went dry.
I finally forced myself to look up — and what I saw crushed me.
He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t blushing. His face was completely blank. Like he’d just shut off.
Not confused. Not flustered. Just… done.
I panicked. I stood up, mumbling something incoherent, and rushed to my room before I could humiliate myself any further. I didn’t even wait to hear what he might say. I slammed the door shut, heart aching.
Curled up on my bed, face pressed into my pillow, the embarrassment hit me all at once.
Was I wrong?
Did I imagine everything?
Does he hate me now?
Maybe I was too much. Too clingy. Too loud. Too hopeful.
I should’ve stayed quiet.
I hope things don’t get too awkward.
But honestly… I’m terrified they already have.
HEESEUNG
I’m the oldest. The one who’s supposed to be dependable. Calm. Collected.
I was the most polished trainee in I-LAND — the one everyone assumed would debut. The producers were practically rooting for me from day one. Everything felt… secure. Clear. Certain.
And then came Kim Sunoo.
All soft smiles and glowing skin. Eyes that sparkled when he laughed and a laugh that lit up the whole practice room. He was cute, sure — everyone said that — but it was more than that. He had presence. Talent. His expressions were captivating, his voice was strong and sweet and undeniably special.
I would never admit it back then, but I was scared.
I saw him as competition. Someone who could match me. Someone who made my “certain debut” feel less certain. So I did the only thing I knew how to do — I kept my distance. I stayed polite, friendly, but distant.
But that’s the thing about Sunoo.
You can’t ignore him. He walks into a room and somehow the air shifts. He has this way of pulling you in, whether you want it or not.
And before I even realized it, we debuted together.
Part of me was relieved — I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore. But another part of me? Terrified. Because now the whole world would see what I had spent so long trying to hide.
That he was special to me.
The fans noticed it first. How my eyes softened around him. How I looked at him when he wasn’t looking. How my voice changed when I said his name.
Then came the edits. The ship names. The tweets. The fanfics.
It made me spiral. I started overthinking everything.
What would the company say?
What would the members think?
Was I that obvious?
So I did what I always do when I’m overwhelmed. I pulled away. Again.
I stopped initiating conversations. Sat further away during breaks. Avoided late-night hangouts.
I kept telling myself it was for the best. That space was safer.
But that space? It felt empty.
And then, recently, something changed.
We moved into the new dorms, and I don’t know what it is — maybe it’s the energy, maybe it’s just time healing things — but Sunoo started seeking me out again. Gently. Quietly.
One night, I came out late to make myself some ramen. I wasn’t expecting company. But then, like magic, he appeared.
“You shouldn’t eat alone,” he said with that signature Sunoo smile — soft, familiar, devastating.
He sat across from me, and we talked like we hadn’t in months. Like no time had passed. He laughed at my stupid jokes like I was the funniest person on Earth. I didn’t realize how much I missed hearing that laugh until I heard it again.
Then there was the time he knocked on my door, holding a notebook.
“Can you help me with this lyric line?” he asked.
It was simple — a line he could’ve easily done himself. I knew that. He knew that. But he still came to me. We spent hours working, laughing, and just being… comfortable. I caught myself staring more than once.
And then one day, after a long schedule, I fell asleep on the couch in the living room. When I woke up, someone had placed a blanket over me. The others had all gone to their rooms. But Sunoo’s door was still slightly ajar. I smiled the rest of the night.
So yes — maybe I was imagining it.
Maybe I was reading too much into the soft glances, the quiet moments.
But maybe… just maybe, he liked me too.
And tonight, I was going to tell him that.
It was another one of my late-night ramen cravings. I wandered into the kitchen, humming softly, only to find the atmosphere weirdly quiet. Sunoo and Jungwon, who were usually glued to each other, hadn’t interacted all day. The energy between them felt off.
As I stirred the noodles in the pot, I heard footsteps. Sunoo walked in, looking tired — emotionally drained.
I offered him a bowl without thinking. He blinked, surprised, but accepted it with a grateful smile and sat down at the counter.
We ate in silence. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was familiar. Gentle. Peaceful.
Even after our bowls were empty, neither of us moved.
This was it. Fate had given me a quiet moment. I had to take it.
“Sunoo-yah,” I said softly.
He looked up at me. His eyes were big and soft, like pudding — too pretty for this world.
“I’m sorry,” I started. “For how I acted. For pulling away all those times. For making you feel like I didn’t care when the truth is… I cared too much.”
I swallowed hard, willing my voice not to shake.
“I know you like me. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. The late-night ramen. The lyric help. The way you cover me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch. The way you always seem to know when I need someone.”
He didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at me, wide-eyed.
“I like you too,” I said finally. “I’ve liked you for a long time. But I was scared. Of what people would say. Of ruining things. Of making you uncomfortable. So I pushed you away. But I want to stop running.
“I want to make it right. I want to earn your forgiveness first. So don’t answer me now, okay? Just… let me try. Let me show you that I mean it.”
I stood up before I could lose my nerve. Took both our empty bowls and rinsed them in the sink.
As I turned to go, I gave him one last look. “From tomorrow onwards, I’m not leaving you alone.”
I meant it.
Kim Sunoo likes me. And he’s mine.
I went to bed with that thought, and for the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.
My heart was thudding so loudly in my chest I wondered if he could hear it. But for once, I didn’t want to quiet it down.
As I walked to my room, I let the silence settle around me. I was terrified, honestly. What if I was wrong? What if I misread it all? What if he was just being kind?
I crawled into bed, eyes wide open in the dark, my mind replaying every shared smile, every moment we’d stolen between schedules, every time I caught him looking at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention.I pulled the blanket up to my chin and stared at the ceiling with a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.
Kim Sunoo is mine. And this time, I’ll fight to stay by his side.
Even if I have to win him over all over again.
Tomorrow, I start.
JAY
People call me the composed one — Jay hyung, the one who always knows what to do, the one who takes care of others.
But when it came to Kim Sunoo, I didn’t know how to be composed.
Ever since our trainee days, there was something about him. Something so annoyingly radiant and lovable that I couldn’t help myself.
Back then,even now, my way of getting his attention was… unconventional. I’d flick his forehead, pinch his waist, poke his cheeks, or slap his butt as I passed by — playful, harmless things. But to me, they meant something. It wasn’t just mischief.
It was the only way I knew how to blur the line between caretaker and something more. I didn’t want to be the hyung who just helped him when he was tired or handed him water during rehearsals. I wanted to be someone he’d choose to be around. Someone he liked. Someone he noticed.
But no matter how many times I teased him or how many inside jokes I tried to build, it was never really me that he was closest to.
First it was Jake, always by his side with that infectious laughter. Then Heeseung hyung, with his gentle presence and quiet understanding. Then it was Niki, who despite his age, understood him in a way I envied. After that, Jungwon — the leader who somehow became his emotional anchor.
And me? I was always in the peripheral vision. A dependable hyung.
Never the first choice. Never the one he clung to when he was scared or tired.
At least Sunghoon was in the same boat. We’d joke about it sometimes. Laugh it off, mask the sting.
But then something shifted.
We moved into the new dorm, and maybe it was the fresh environment, or maybe the universe finally decided it was my turn — whatever it was, Sunoo started drifting closer.
It began with small moments.
He started helping me clean up the kitchen after dinner — voluntarily. We’d stand side by side at the sink, sleeves rolled up, him humming softly and occasionally splashing me with soap suds just to make me flinch.
One night, as we scrubbed dishes in silence, he suddenly said, “You know, this is nice. Doing dishes isn't such a punishment anymore.”
That one line kept me awake for hours.
Another time, when most of the members were locked away in their rooms playing games or catching up on sleep, Sunoo walked past his room and joined me on the balcony. He wrapped himself in a thick hoodie, sat cross-legged beside me, and just... talked. About everything. His thoughts, his day, his skincare regrets, the dream he had last night. I didn’t even say much. I didn’t need to.
He looked so peaceful under the moonlight, his face glowing faintly in the cool breeze.
Then there was the afternoon last week — we had a free day. Everyone else planned to rest or stream something. But Sunoo knocked on my door and asked, “Do you want to go shopping with me?”
Just like that. Like it was the most natural thing.
He said he wanted my opinion on a few skincare products, but we ended up spending the whole day hopping between shops, grabbing bubble tea, and taking silly mirror selfies.
I was convinced.
Finally, it was my turn.
I didn’t know what had happened between him and Jungwon — they barely spoke that morning. Heeseung hyung was acting weird too — he randomly bought snacks for everyone, especially for Sunoo. That alone was suspicious.
Tomorrow was a break because a shoot got canceled.
And tonight, as we washed the dishes together again, I knew I had to tell him.
He looked so soft — hair still damp from his shower, sleeves pushed up, humming lightly under his breath. I watched the curve of his cheek as he laughed at a joke I cracked, and I just… couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Kim Sunoo,” I said, trying to steady my voice.
He paused, tilted his head slightly like he always does when he’s curious.
“I know you like me. And I like you too. Let’s try dating.”
I cleared my throat,
“Wait. Let me say everything. Please.”
“I know you probably think I’m just jumping to conclusions, or that I might’ve misread things. But I didn’t. I saw the way things changed between us, especially after we moved into the new dorm. And I just… I need to tell you why I thought — why I think— you like me too.”
I took a deep breath.
“Remember when you started helping me clean the kitchen late at night, without anyone asking you to? You could’ve gone to bed or just chilled in your room, but you stood next to me, humming, laughing… Those weren’t just casual moments to me.”
“And the balcony talks,” I continued. “Those nights you chose to sit here with
me when you could’ve FaceTimed your sister or stayed curled up in your bed. You told me you liked being with me. You have no idea what that meant to me.”
“Then there was that shopping trip,” I said, a small smile tugging at my lips. “You asked me to go with you. You said you needed skincare advice, but we both know you know what you’re doing better than anyone. We spent the whole day together. You even bought me bubble tea because I looked grumpy.
“You stayed behind to help clean up the mess everyone else left. You told me you liked doing things with me. Small things. Ordinary things.
Sunoo, I noticed all of it. Every small moment. Every shared glance. Every time you chose me.”
I reached out slowly, resting my hand on his, letting it stay there unless he pulled away — but he didn’t.
“I know I wasn’t always the one closest to you. For a long time, it felt like I was just… there. Not your first choice. But recently, it felt different. You made me feel like I mattered. Like I was important to you too.
I’m just here to say that I’ve liked you for a long time. And I don’t want to keep it in anymore.”
I turned toward him, gently squeezing his hand.
“So if you really don’t feel the same, tell me. I’ll step back. I promise. But if you’ve felt even a little of what I’ve felt these past few weeks… let’s give this a chance. Let’s try dating.”
The air was still. The moment lingered between us like the hush before a song begins.
Sunoo looked at me, eyes wide, lips parted — surprised, a little overwhelmed maybe. But there was warmth there too. Amusement? Irritation? I don't know.Just... Sunoo.
There. I said it.
He blinked. For a moment, just one long moment, he looked at me like I’d told him the sky was green. Then — and I swear I didn’t imagine this — he pinched his arm. Like he was checking if this was real.
My heart was thudding so loud I was sure he could hear it. I waited, trying to read his expression.
And just when I thought he was going to smile and say yes… the door burst open.
“Sunoo-yah!”
It was him. Sunghoon. Marching in like an uninvited third wheel sent by the universe to ruin my moment.
“You promised me you’re going to help me with my hair and this annoying pimple,” he declared, totally ignoring the moment. And without waiting for an answer, he dragged Sunoo away.
I stood there. Dishcloth in hand. Mouth slightly open.
Was he serious? Did he really just—?
Ugh. Why does he always do this?
It’s like he has radar for when I’m about to make progress.
But still. I smiled.
Because I saw it — the way Sunoo looked at me right before Sunghoon barged in. There was something in his eyes. Surprise. Warmth. Maybe… hope.
He didn’t say no. That’s what I keep telling myself.
He pinched himself. That has to mean something.
Tomorrow is a break. We’ll talk. For real this time.
No interruptions. No penguin sabotage. Just me and him.
I lay in bed that night replaying the moment over and over. His expression. My words. The near yes.
I finally told him. And I know — deep down, I know — Sunoo likes me too.
Tomorrow… I’ll prove it.
Tomorrow, I’ll make him mine.
JAKE
I met him first.
Before we were idols. Before the screaming fans. Before we knew what debut even felt like.
Back when our biggest concerns were monthly evaluations and what was for lunch at the company cafeteria.
Back when dreams were still soft and untouched by pressure.
Kim Sunoo walked into my life like he belonged there. Effortless, radiant, and with a kind of charm that made people fall in love with him before they even realized they were staring.
He had that glow — like sunlight after a storm. Like the golden hour you wish would never end.
I remember the first time we trained together. We were both nervous — unsure of where we stood, if we’d make it, if we were good enough. But when he smiled, that wide, crinkly-eyed, bunny-toothed smile, it made you forget everything for a moment.
That day, I thought, he’s going to be someone special. And not just in this industry.
In my life too.
But things never turn out the way you imagine them, do they?
As the competition grew, so did the distance. Not physically — no, we were often in the same room, on the same stage, side by side in practice. But emotionally, he slipped away.
He bonded with Jay first. Their chaotic energy matched, and he loved teasing Jay.
He idolized Heeseung — looked at him like he hung the stars.
He tried to get close to Sunghoon, with his cool demeanor and quiet charm.
He laughed the loudest with Jungwon and shared secret snacks with Ni-ki.
And me? I faded into the background.
So, I did what many do when love turns quiet and painful. I distanced myself.
Not enough for him to notice. Just enough to protect myself.
I stayed close, but not too close.
Smiled, but not too brightly.
Watched, but never reached out.
Still, I hoped.
Hoped that maybe he’d miss me. That he’d notice the gap and seek me out again.
And maybe… maybe he did.
When we moved to the new dorms, something shifted.
It started with little things.
He knocked on my door more often. Asked for help with his English homework, even though I knew he understood the lessons just fine.
He’d plop down beside me during drama marathons, his head on my shoulder, laughing at my dumb impressions.
He began lingering in my space.
He'd ask to sleep over because “your bed smells nicer than mine.”
He started showing up just when I thought of him. Like he had a radar.
There was one night he came in quietly, barefoot, holding a blanket, saying, “Hyung, my room is too loud.”
I had no clue what that meant but it was Sunoo.
He curled up beside me like he belonged there.
And for a few hours, I let myself believe he did.
And there was that one night he told me, half-asleep, “Your voice calms me.”
He might not remember it.
But I do.
I remember everything.
Then came the socks — ridiculous, colorful socks with cartoon animals on them. “I got these for you,” he said. “These ones reminded me of you.”
Mine had sleepy puppies. His had bright sunflowers. I didn’t ask why. I just wore them and hoped he noticed.
There was a day we were in the kitchen alone. I was eating leftover chicken, and he came in, sleepy and yawning.
He didn’t say anything. Just sat next to me, rested his head on my shoulder, and said, “Hyung, feed me please.”
My heart did a whole backflip.
He probably didn’t even mean anything by it.
But it meant everything to me.
And then… that night. The night I decided to tell him.
We were supposed to watch the last episode of our drama together. I cleaned my room (which is rare, I’ll admit), got our favorite snacks, and even made hot chocolate.
When he came in, all soft eyes and oversized hoodie, I felt my chest tighten.
I sat him on the bed, brushed his bangs aside, and whispered,
“Sunny, my Sunny… you’re so pretty.”
His lips curled into a shy smile. For a second, I swore the air between us changed.
But of course — of course— Ni-ki came in.
Like a force of chaos.
He scooped Sunoo up and said something about not being able to sleep without his "human pillow" and dragged him out.
Just like that.
Gone.
I didn’t sleep that night. Just stared at the ceiling, angry at the universe, at Ni-ki, at myself for waiting this long.
But I didn’t give up.
The next morning, I asked him to come with me to a pet shelter.
I figured the dogs would keep me calm, and he loved animals too.
We sat side by side, two fluffy retrievers at our feet, sunlight streaming in through the windows.
And I took the leap.
“Sunoo-yah… I know you like me. And I like you too.”
He blinked, clearly surprised, but I didn’t let him speak yet.
“No — let me finish. Please. I’ve watched you fall into everyone else’s arms. I stood by while you laughed louder with Jay, looked up to Heeseung, held hands with Jungwon, and cuddled Ni-ki like he was your other half. Got closer to Hoon.
But I’ve also seen the way you come to me. The way your eyes soften when you say my name.
You asked for sleepovers. You held my hand during scary movies. You hugged my pillow when I wasn't there.”
My voice cracked. I didn’t care.
“I know everyone wants you. But I want to be the one who gets to keep you.”
I was finally brave.
But before he could reply — again— our manager burst in, breathless, telling us fans had gathered outside and we had to leave. Immediately.
Why does the universe always interrupt when I’m baring my soul?
Now we’re back at the dorms.
Jay’s pacing like he wants to hit something.
Jungwon’s still sulking.
Ni-ki and Heeseung are playing games.
Sunghoon’s... well, being Sunghoon and staring into nothing.
He dragged sunoo into his room as soon as came back.
And me?
I’m sitting here, writing all of this in my head, because if I don’t put it into words, I might explode.
I don’t know what he’s thinking.
He hasn’t said anything yet.
But he looked at me differently today. Like he saw something in me he hadn’t before.
Maybe he just needs time.
Maybe he’s scared too.
But I’ve waited long enough.
This time, I’m not stepping back.
This time, I’ll fight for him.
Let them all line up — Jay, Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jungwon, Ni-ki — every single one of them who looks at him the way I do.
But none of them know his laugh like I do.
None of them remember how he cried during his first vocal lesson.
None of them kept every sock he ever gave them.
None of them stayed quiet just to keep him smiling.
This time, it’s my turn.
I won’t run.
I won’t retreat.
And if I’m lucky, he’ll choose me too.
SUNGHOON
When I was a kid, I didn’t have many friends.
Practicing ice-skating and running through drills took up my entire life. I was pigeon-toed, introverted, and awkward around people. Growing up, I learned to lean into silence rather than fill it with nervous chatter.
Becoming a trainee was my first real step outside my shell. I entered a world where everyone was competing, but I also found companionship.
Jay, Jake, and I became fast friends—our bond formed over shared late night practices and support during evaluations. Jay always led the way, breaking the ice. By the time debut phase arrived, we were inseparable.
Then he came.
Kim Sunoo.
With his soft voice and bright smile, he called me “Sunghoon hyung” in that sing-songy way, and I was instantly undone. It’s the first time I experienced an emotion that powerful.
From the moment I heard him say my name, something inside me shifted. I wasn’t just another trainee anymore—I was his hyung, someone he wanted to get closer to.
After debut, I kept teasing him like a teenager. I’d make jokes, flick his forehead, nudge him during practice—classic signs of liking someone you’re too shy to compliment openly. He never got angry though. Instead, he’d laugh softly, ruffling his own hair and shrugging me off with that warm grin. It drove me crazy—in the best possible way.
But I was still cautious.
I knew that despite the teasing, I wasn’t his favorite. I was his fun hyung, but not the one he confided in. That role belonged to the others. Jungwon, with whom he shared hidden fears and late-night talks. Heeseung, who was his stalwart pillar of calm. Jay, who brought laughter and comfort.Ni‑ki, and clingy ass. Jake, who everyone was comfortable with, his first hyung.
I stayed playful, but I watched and thought maybe, just maybe, I could earn a closer place in his heart.
And then we moved into the new dorms. Something changed.
It started small.
He came to me, saying, “Hyung, help me clean my room. I don’t know where half my stuff went.”
That alone was a huge deal—he’d always quietly retreat to his space. But that day, he asked me for help. We spent an hour rearranging his things, laughing at old photos and reminding each other of past jokes.
He looked at me when he laughed. These days, it wasn’t the usual glances he gave me in group settings. It was warm. Intentional.
Another evening, he knocked on my door.
“Can I come in? I want to watch that drama we started last week.”
We sat shoulder to shoulder, side by side on my floor mattress, quietly sharing scenes and commentary until his eyelids drooped. His head settled on my shoulder, and I fought the urge to freeze in that perfect moment.
There was also the time he came to me and took me to hide skincare shelf, examining lotions and creams with a grin:
“hyung, your skin has gotten drier and you and your makeup remover is bad?”
We tried masks together in my bathroom, and he giggled because my face looked like a mismatched cat mask experiment gone wrong. We ended up in a heap of laughter, pink masks peeling off our faces, forgetting time entirely.
Or that night he brought stray snacks to my room:
“I couldn’t eat these alone,” he said, shyly pushing the packet toward me.
We shared them while chatting about the upcoming schedule. His foot brushed mine under the blankets, and I felt that quiet spark again.
There was also a moment while walking back from dance practice—rain started, so he laughed and grabbed my jacket, tossing it over my shoulders:
“Hyung, you’ll get cold.”
It’s such a small gesture, but when he looked at me—sunroof light bathing his face—in that instant, I felt more alive than ever.
Each of these moments felt like pieces of a puzzle. I saw patterns in his behavior, signs that he chose me—instead of drifting away, like he did with so many others. I’ll admit, I started to read too much into some things. But after enough moments, you begin to trust your heart.
So, when that holiday came and I realized he’d gone out with Jake alone… I exploded.
Jungwon sulked like a cornered cat.
Heeseung smiled way too much, which was suspicious.
Jay sharpened knives at an alarming speed (hit people with it or just culinary skills?).
Ni‑ki hovered around the dorm like a detective on stakeout.
That clue confirmed it—Jake had taken Sunoo out. I spent hours pacing my room until my brain went fuzzy. Finally, I dragged Sunoo into my room and locked the door behind us.
The others well—Jay threatening murder, Ni‑ki whining, Jake shouting bloody, Heeseung probably rolling his eyes. Overdramatic, all of them. But here was Sunoo, tense and surprised.
“Not you too,” he said quietly.
His voice, laced with confusion, cracked me.
I took a breath, forcing a puppy-eyed smile.
“We were supposed to study skincare tips last night and we’re both free now. Let’s do it.”
He looked relieved —but then said yes, quietly choosing me.
I sat him down and began walking him through my routine—cleanser, toner, hydration masks, and all.
Halfway through, he fell asleep on my lap during the post-mask steam. I couldn’t stop staring at him, his face relaxed and innocent.
When he woke hours later, I leaned close.
“Sunoo, I know you like me. And I like you too.You started seeking me out. You came for my skincare help—twice now. You asked to watch dramas with me, you used my jacket in the rain, you brought me snacks. You fell asleep on my lap. You laugh at my terrible jokes. Sunoo, I like you so much. More than I have words for. I know I’ve teased you. I know I’m the hyung who jokes too much. But maybe that’s because I care more than I’ve let on. If you feel even a fraction of this… Let’s try.You chose me whenever the others were around or out—so many times.All these moments—little ones—mean something to me.
His eyes widened, amusement and surprise flickering in them.
“You don’t have to answer now,” I whispered. “Just… let me try.”
Before anything else could happen, there were loud knocks. It was Ni‑ki. “Not again,” Sunoo muttered, both of us pulled away.
“Kim Sunoo,” Ni‑ki said, “you promised steak.”
He sighed. “We’ll talk about this later.” And he left—with the faintest trace of hesitation.
He left his scent behind.
I closed my eyes.
I’m hopelessly in love.
I don’t know what he'll say yet.
Maybe he needs more time. Maybe the late arrival of daylight intervenes again. Maybe fans will notice soon. Maybe the others will circle like satellites.
But right now, I’m alive with hope.
Even if he says no, I’ll remember all those moments—the jacket, the skincare, the laughs, the shared blankets. And I’ll know he was mine, at least in fragments.
But my heart whispers something else—something braver and more daring.
This time, I won’t step back.
I’ll hold on, keep pushing, keep hoping—until he finally looks at me the way I look at him.
It’s stubborn. It’s crazy. It might break me.
But I’d rather break for love than live afraid of it.
NI‑KI
I’m from Japan.
My childhood was filled with the smell of my mother’s cooking and the warmth of my family home. I grew up as the baby of the household—coddled, cherished, and deeply loved. When I first moved to Korea as a trainee, everything felt foreign. The language, the food, even the sounds of footsteps in a dorm corridor threw me off. I missed my parents, my little sister, and the small comforts of home that whispered, “You belong here.”
Then I met Sunoo hyung.
He was the first person who genuinely tried to help me adjust. In I‑LAND, when I stumbled over Korean sentences or got lost in practice schedules, he’d quietly catch up with me afterward and explain things again—never rudely, only patiently. He took my hand once when I was homesick and said, “Hey, ni‑ki, you are strong. You can do this.” I don’t think he realized how much that meant to me. I still remember the way his thumb brushed over the back of my hand—like he was telling me, nonverbally, “You’re not alone.”
I was always “the baby,” “the maknae.” By the time I turned eighteen, I promised myself I’d be more independent, more self-reliant, less dependent on hyungs. So I pulled back a little—I practiced solo, studied alone, even ate alone in the cafeteria. I told myself it was healthy, even necessary. I distanced myself especially from Sunoo hyung. But I forgot one thing: Sunoo hyung notices.
It took two years .
In the weeks since our dorm move, things changed. The dynamic between us shifted—the air felt different. I couldn’t ignore the way Sunoo looked at me sometimes, that soft, quietly caring gaze.
He started showing up in my room more often.
One evening, he knocked softly at my door and said, “Nii‑ki, can we go play pool?” A table had been installed in the game room downstairs.
We played pool under dim lights, joking and cheering each other on. When he missed a shot, he looked absurdly disappointed—but laughed when I imitated his “world’s worst player” face. I felt a bubble of warmth because he wanted to spend that idle time with me.
There was another moment after dance practice. We were cooling down on the studio floor, and he reached to tug at his sneaker lace. His knee brushed mine, and he looked at me and whispered, “That last move was amazing.” Just that. Nothing more—but how he said it, so soft and sincere, made my heart melt.
And there were little things only I noticed:
He’d hand me my favorite matcha latte just the way I liked it—half sweet, never too hot.
He’d ask me to help him with Japanese pronunciation, his dedication clear in the way he repeated words slowly until he got them right.
All those little moments! They made me think—is this honestly one-sided? Or does Sunoo feel something too?
I needed to know. To feel certain. So I planned to tell him. Tonight. He was treating me to steak..The dorm was quieter when we came back .
After dinner, I followed him to his room. Watching him remove his jacket and start folding clothes, arranging his skincare on the dresser—all of it felt intimate, domestic. It was as though I was seeing a private side of him meant only for me.
I took a steadying breath.
“Sunoo hyung, I…”
He paused, turning off the dresser light and looked at me. His gaze was expectant, caring—but something made him wary.
“Ni‑ki—not right now.”
He tried to walk away, but I followed.
“No, hyung, please. I… I know you like me. The way you stay close, the way you ask to do things together—pool, dinner, dance. I know you like me. And I like you so much. I’m sorry for taking so long to say it, for acting like I didn’t need you. But I never stopped feeling it.”
I swallowed, voice shaking.
“I’m sorry for pulling away. Thank you for always coming back. I don’t want to run anymore. I… I love you. I really do.”
And then—distracting light.
The lamp by his bedside clattered to the floor. It bounced once, flickered, then lay still. The lights overhead blinked. Earthquake? Electrical glitch? Or hyung’s emotions sparking overload?
“Ni‑ki, out—now.” His voice shook.
“But hyung—”
“Please,” he said softly, but firmly. “Out.”
I walked out, heart tangled in hope and fear. I found a quiet spot in the hallway and pressed my back to the screen door, breathing in deeply. What had I done? Was I wrong?
Was that too much?
Did I ruin our friendship?
Does he even like me back?
But even in that moment of confusion, my heart hammered with a fierce surge of joy and hope. I confessed. I was brave. And even though he asked me to leave, he didn’t shut the door all the way. It stayed cracked, just enough to let in a sliver of light—and maybe, a sign of promise.
I collapsed into my room later, mind racing.
I replayed every detail of the night. The way he looked at me when I walked in. Every memory, good or embarrassing, felt sharper now. I realized I’d never known fear so real. But I also felt something else—freedom. Freedom from pretending, from hiding, from waiting.
When he invited me to game nights even though he could’ve gone solo.
When he stayed under my arm in the rain to “feel like home.
When he smiled just before falling asleep on the couch because he trusted me to be there when he woke.
These were not trivial things. They were the threads I used to stitch together my courage, my rebellion against doubt.
Could I be wrong? Sure. Maybe I misread one or two moments. But taken together—so many little choices, so many small signals—they spelled something to me. Something honest.
Tomorrow is a new day.
We’ll need to face each other. Normal again—a little more complicated than before, but still together in this dorm, this group, this life.
I don’t know his answer. But now I have mine.
I love Sunoo hyung—not just in habit or comfort—but in whole, messy, hopeful ways. I’m shaken. I’m scared. But I’m also so, so happy.
And I will wait for whatever comes next.