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“Hey, Dark Cacao, I wouldn’t normally question your fashion sense, but it’s way too hot to be wearing that,” Hollyberry said, trying to ignore the sweat dripping down her forehead.
Even Hollyberry had switched out of her normal puffy dress for something more suitable for the weather. Dressed in knee-length trousers, a short-sleeved shirt, and a pink vest, she was still on the verge of collapsing under the intense heat of the sun. And the Hollyberry Kingdom wasn’t known for its subzero temperatures like the Dark Cacao Kingdom, either. Her friend must be burning up in his fluffy hanbok.
“No, I will be fine,” Dark Cacao said. His hair was slicked back from sweat, and he looked miserable. That nonchalant assurance was precisely the response Hollyberry expected. She would’ve bet money on her stubborn friend collapsing before he uttered a single complaint.
Skeptical, Hollyberry shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked out at the horizon. “No kingdom in sight, my friend. We’ve got a long trek ahead, and it’d at least do you some good to roll your sleeves up instead of melting in this heat.”
“Hollyberry, do not worry about me. The temperature does not trouble me,” Dark Cacao said, wobbling slightly. He increased his walking pace to prove his point, but nearly tripped over a small stone beneath his feet in the process. After barely catching his balance, he nonchalantly glanced over at Hollyberry to check if she’d seen. Hollyberry smiled, amused. The king of the Dark Cacao Kingdom was graceful in snow and ice and remarkably clumsy everywhere else. Especially on stairs. The poor guy could not climb stairs properly.
The two cookies didn't converse much as they trekked onward, all their energy directed toward navigating the sweltering environment. It was just their luck that the only day they decided to travel on foot was the hottest of the year.
After about thirty minutes of walking with no end in sight, Hollyberry stopped to catch her breath. “Now, I was pretty excited to see Gingerbrave’s kingdom, but this is hardly worth it. It’s hotter than an oven out here,” Hollyberry wheezed, making a show out of fanning her face with her hand. She added on in a mutter, “I could really go for a cold glass of juice right about now.”
Dark Cacao, just as exhausted as his companion, retorted, “You could always go for a cold glass of juice.” He panted heavily, his legs shaky. He took a swig of water from a canteen strapped around his hip and then offered it to Hollyberry wordlessly.
“Much appreciated,” Hollyberry nodded, taking a small sip before handing it back. “How are you holding up?”
Dark Cacao gave Hollyberry a weak thumbs up, but he was evidently unwell. His skin was pale, and he looked nauseous. Flashing a glance of concern at her bitter friend, Hollyberry placed her hand on his shoulder and pushed him downward gently, under the convenient shade of a small tree. He collapsed onto the ground easily, his knees giving up on him. Hollyberry sat down beside him, crossing her legs and leaning forward to shield her eyes from the sun.
“I’m tired. We’re resting for a little while,” Hollyberry said, knowing Dark Cacao would never stop for his own sake. The one downside to his impressive persistence was that he never seemed to know when to step back for a second and take a break.
Dark Cacao nodded, his eyes glassy. He looked like he was suppressing the urge to vomit. “Are you sure you’re alright, Dark Cacao? You don’t look well,” Hollyberry inquired, worried. Even he had to admit at some point that he wasn’t doing the greatest.
“I am fine , Hollyberry,” he said, his voice an agitated growl. As if to prove his point, he pushed himself upward, but abruptly collapsed.
“Shit… Dark Cacao?” Hollyberry was beyond concerned now. Dark Cacao was stubborn, but he wasn’t stupid. He could most certainly recognize the signs of heat exhaustion just as well as Hollyberry could. So why was he so adamant about wearing his hanbok? He wasn’t normally so ill-prepared for difficult climates.
Hollyberry poked Dark Cacao twice in the ribs to confirm he was out cold (or rather, out hot) before she decided she had to take his jeogori off to cool him down. “Sorry, friend. I guess you should’ve dressed for the weather a little better,” Hollyberry sighed, knowing full well there was no way Dark Cacao would hear her. She awkwardly wiggled the limp warrior’s arms and head out of the loose clothing, saturating one sleeve with water and placing it on his forehead with a dull thwap.
Afterward, she took a couple of steps back to admire the strange (and likely painful) resting position she’d placed Dark Cacao in. He was definitely going to be sore when he woke up. Hollyberry wasn’t all that guilty about it; that was what he got for neglecting his own health. “Why are you always so stubborn?” she playfully asked the unconscious cookie, rolling her eyes before staring down at his limp figure.
Stopping in her tracks, a cold realization dawned on Hollyberry as she surveyed Dark Cacao a little closer. He was covered in scars. And not the battle variety. There were rows upon rows of calculated strikes on his arms and stomach. Most seemed to be healed, but some lighter scratches on his wrists were definitely new. No wonder he wouldn’t go anywhere without long sleeves.
Hollyberry had to violently stifle her urge to throw a punch at the tree that was now providing shade for her bitter friend. How could he not tell her this? He knew she wasn’t the type to judge. He had to know. Even if he was ashamed, there was no reason he should have chosen heat exhaustion over explaining what was going on inside that thick skull of his. Actually, now that Hollyberry thought about it, that did sound exactly like Dark Cacao, but the gesture still hurt all the same.
Hollyberry couldn’t help but worry about the severity of some of those scars. He was capable of doing enough damage to potentially endanger his own life. Lying on the short grass, Hollyberry realized that for the first time since the two had met, Dark Cacao seemed… unlike himself. He was normally so imposing, but here, with his scar-covered body curled up into itself, he looked almost pitiful.
Hollyberry couldn’t stop herself from screaming. Her heart ached with an unusual potency, the pitiful cookie below causing tears to well up in her eyes. First, he casually mentions wanting to die after a couple of drinks, and now this? How much hardship was Dark Cacao going through on his own, too oblivious to realize his friends were willing to help?
Resting her head in her hands, Hollyberry spent longer than she cared to admit being furious at Dark Cacao for staying silent through his struggles. She was just as angry at herself for not noticing any of the signs. Though she was prepared to yell at Dark Cacao when he woke up, she realized as he stirred that she didn’t have the heart to do such a thing. The poor cookie was already going through enough. She didn’t want to push too hard about his issues like last time, but she had to know why he’d done this to himself.
When Dark Cacao awoke nearly ten minutes later, he was dizzy and disoriented. He struggled to comprehend what had happened; his mind fuzzy. He felt the dirt below him and something damp on his forehead, and the-
He felt the wind on his arms and chest. His injuries were fully exposed, out in the open. Dark Cacao shot up abruptly and looked around, terrified to face any cookie who might’ve seen his scarred body. He was able to quickly piece together what had happened upon seeing Hollyberry beside him, under the tree’s shade. Her head rested limply on her knees, and her shoulders sagged with defeat. When the normally energetic cookie looked up at her newly conscious friend, her eyes were red and puffy, and her expression was solemn and full of pity.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hollyberry asked, her voice cracking miserably. “I… I could’ve helped. When- when did you start doing this?” She was dangerously close to tears again. At least she could healthily express her emotions instead of just bottling them up like some cookies.
Dark Cacao didn’t know how to react, so he kept his face as neutral as possible and stared behind Hollyberry blankly. This was the third time he’d been forced to talk about his… negative behaviors in just a few months. He was ashamed he couldn’t hide it better. “They are clearly healed. This issue is none of your concern,” he said firmly, hoping she wouldn’t notice the fresh scratches on his wrists. He’d had a bad night a couple of days ago, but it was really nothing severe. He’d debated going further, but every time he tried, he imagined his Dark Choco and Pure Vanilla’s disappointed faces and decided to sleep it off.
Hollyberry felt a surge of rage from deep within her. How could her friend be so ignorant to the severity of this situation? “Dark Cacao, fucking look at yourself! How could it not concern me?! I don’t know when you did this, or how long you’ve been doing it, but the fact that you would rather get heat exhaustion than just open up a little bit is insane!”
Dark Cacao opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He looked away from Hollyberry, instead directing his focus toward a particularly enthralling patch of grass beside him. “Look. At. Me. Explain to me why you did this to yourself.” She’d adopted the authoritative tone of an extremely worried mother, perhaps out of instinct. She lightly grabbed Dark Cacao’s scratched wrist, careful not to hurt him. “These are new.”
“It is nothing more than a bad habit, Hollyberry. I am trying to quit, and would like to avoid any further questions on the matter.” Now he was just as angry as Hollyberry herself, realizing he’d found another disappointed face to imagine whenever he tried doing anything self-destructive.
“How will I be able to sleep at night knowing you’re capable of hurting yourself with this kind of severity? These are not tiny scratches, Dark Cacao. This is dangerous.” Hollyberry wiped her eyes, but Dark Cacao hadn’t even noticed she was crying. Her tone was remarkably steady and unwavering despite the circumstances. “Please, just tell me what’s wrong,” she begged, trying to look the other cookie in the eyes. He avoided her glare altogether, staring emotionlessly wherever she wasn’t looking instead. ”Please, Dark Cacao, you’re scaring me.”
Dark Cacao briefly remembered the last conversation he’d had with Hollyberry about this type of issue. She had kept pushing for him to say something, and he had stayed silent. The guilt he’d felt later was crushing, so he forced himself to apologize. He knew he had to show Hollyberry that he meant his apology; he knew her pushiness came from a good place, even though it got a little overwhelming at times. And yet… he still could not find it in himself to open up.
“I… Hollyberry, I am sorry.” Dark Cacao dug his hands into the grass beside him to keep them from violently clutching his injured wrists. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything besides apologize. What was wrong with him?
Hollyberry wanted to grab her friend by the shoulders and shake him until he said something that would ease her persistent worries about his health. But she knew continuing to discuss this would only make Dark Cacao more miserable. Opening up emotionally seemed to be a daunting, uncomfortable task for him. Maybe if Hollyberry eased up a little and let it go for now, he would open up when he was ready. Her heart violently protested her decision, but she knew it would be for the best. “I won’t press you any further, but just know I’m really worried about you, Dark Cacao.”
Dark Cacao nodded, suppressing a sigh of relief. Hands shaking, he tried to snatch his jeogori discreetly, but Hollyberry intervened. “It’s still too hot for you to be wearing that.”
“Hollyberry, I do not want to be seen like this,” Dark Cacao pleaded, desperately hoping she would soften her stance on the matter.
“We both know no other cookies are going to be traveling today, not in this heat. Nobody will see you,” Hollyberry retorted firmly.
“Stop treating me like a child, Hollyberry,” Dark Cacao barked, summoning the most commanding tone he could muster. “I will collapse from heat exhaustion whenever I please, and you have no authority to stop me.” He tried to catch her off guard and yank his jeogori back, but his arms were still far too shaky.
“Then stop fucking acting like one! You’re being irrational.”
Dark Cacao winced at Hollyberry’s unnaturally harsh tone. He couldn’t just let her call him irrational. There was a reason for his behavior, and all he had to do to get what he wanted was explain himself. Still, the task at hand seemed insurmountable and intimidating.
“Fine,” he huffed, “have it your way.” He took a long breath, subconsciously postponing his next statement. “I prefer to remain covered because it…” he trailed off, struggling to put his emotions into words. Dark Cacao paused once more, and Hollyberry looked at him with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. He couldn’t stop now, couldn’t disappoint her when she was evidently worried about him. “...This makes me feel pathetic,” he muttered, a part of him hoping she hadn’t heard. “None of our friends struggled like this.”
He couldn’t bear to look at himself, a cookie who had foolishly broken himself beyond repair. The regret of causing each strike had compounded over time, eventually surpassing the ferocity of the physical pain he’d once provoked. He felt sick and out of control, idiotic and insane. He just wanted to pretend to be strong again and hoped that maybe, one day, he could delude himself into believing in his power once more. He wished he could make Hollyberry understand this, wished he were strong enough to say more.
Hollyberry was silent for a moment. “I’m- I really am sorry, Dark Cacao. I know you’re going through a lot, and it’s not right for me to lash out at you like that.”
“Going through a lot? I am not going through anything that should have caused this,” Dark Cacao said quietly, resisting the urge to curl up into a ball and shut down completely. “You are right. I am irrational.”
Hollyberry was silent for a moment. “Don’t fault yourself for having emotions. Sometimes we let our feelings get the best of us, and that’s alright. We’re not machines, we’re not meant to live only based upon reason and logic.” Hollyberry paused, glancing over at her distraught friend and patting his shoulder lightly. He closed his eyes and pressed his hand against his forehead, quivering just a bit less than before. “Plus, you rule an entire kingdom. You have every right to be stressed, and you deserve to ease that burden. But… the way you’ve been coping with your bottled-up emotions isn’t healthy. I promise, talking about it makes everything easier.”
“I wish talking about it was as easy as you make it out to be,” Dark Cacao mumbled. “It seems so effortless for the majority of cookies. Why am I… Why do I struggle where others do not?”
“I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be perfect as long as you keep trying. And I’m confident that our friends will all be willing to listen when you feel you are ready to open up.”
Dark Cacao nodded. The two sat in silence for a while longer, Dark Cacao still overtly self-conscious. He pushed himself upward and leaned against the tree behind him before crossing his arms over his scarred stomach. Hollyberry noticed the movement, but didn’t say anything about it. “Have you ever tried writing about your troubles? If things are hard to put into words at the moment, maybe you’d find it easier if you had more time to think,” Hollyberry asked, hopeful.
“...In my youth, I used to write letters, but I never had the courage to send them. I doubt anybody would have cared even if I had. Most got burned or thrown away…But perhaps I could give it another try.”
Hollyberry smiled reassuringly, looking up at the clear sky. “If you don’t want to say anything more now, you’re welcome to tell me through letters. If you just pretend they’re nothing out of the ordinary, maybe it’ll be a little easier.”
“I cannot promise anything, but I will try my best,” Dark Cacao declared, his voice full of determination.
“Thank you,” Hollyberry replied, finally at ease once more. “We should stay here until it cools down a little more. It won’t be the end of the world if we arrive late at night.”
“That sounds good,” Dark Cacao agreed, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Even in the shade, it was still blistering. Quietly, he added, “...And thank you, Hollyberry. I appreciate your concern.”
Hollyberry laughed heartily, her eyes twinkling. “Of course. I’m here whenever you need.”
The two settled into a comfortable silence once more. Hollyberry dozed in the sunlight while Dark Cacao absentmindedly watched the bees and butterflies flutter across the sky peacefully. He was weary from the heat, and his body ached, but somehow he felt more refreshed than he had in ages.