Chapter Text
“Oh please~, I could easily beat you any day of the week.” Shadow Milk said dismissively, though it was clear he was purposefully trying to provoke the other beast.
“HA! You? Beat me? I could crumble you blindfolded.” Burning Spice said confidently.
“You have a high ego for someone who can never win in monopoly.” Shadow milk said, tapping the spicy cookie on his forehead.
“Don’t even get me started on that! Hey, wait, you don’t even win either?!” Burning spice retorted in a mix of confusion and challenge.
“Okayyyy~ BUT! I would win if it were just US, but instead she has to be such a try-hard.” Shadow Milk shrugged his shoulders while pointing his thumb towards the other cookie.
“Get your finger out of my face. Shadow Milk Cookie.” Her voice was cold and insistent.
In a comically slow manner, Shadow milk pulled his hand back. He then took two steps away from the woman while maintaining eye contact.
“And also, it is not my fault that neither of you possess any skills or knowledge when it comes to monopoly…among other things.” Mystic Flour said as she gave her two fellow beast companions a side glance. Her judgement was very noticeable.
“Hey..watch it. There's two things I hate being called, dumb and, or, weak. And I’m pretty sure you’re trying to call me the first one.” Burning spice cookie took a step towards Mystic flour. He was trying to be menacing but she didn't waver even the slightest.
“Well, actually there's three things you don't like being called.” Shadow milk inserted himself between the two.
“Huh?-” Burning spice turned his head, he looked annoyed and confused.
“Yeah. Remember? Remember that one time when I called you ‘one of my pookies’ and then you said ‘if you ever call me your ‘pookie’ I will make sure that you and any of your pathetic followers crumble’. It was quite rude I might add.” Shadow Milk said in a matter-of-fact tone, while lazily pointing a finger at Burning Spice. When Shadow Milk was quoting the beast, he tried to mimic his voice. He was surprisingly good at it too.
There was a moment of silence, a pause, between the cookies, before Burning Spice broke the silence.
“How in the- no, what on Earthbread does that have to do with this conversation.” Burning Spice asked in a speechless but annoyed tone.
“Well you said that you didn’t like being called two things, but I had to correct you because it was actually three things.” Shadow Milk said as though it were common sense.
“Sometimes I wonder if the ingredients were spoiled in the batch they made you two.” Mystic flour said with indifference.
“Sometimes I believe that you should've been a depresso espresso cookie, it definitely suits you better. Not to mention, there's nothing ‘mystic’ about a cookie like you. So cold and harsh~. Tsk Tsk.” Shadow milk sighed dramatically.
“Ugh, I’m bored! Fighting with a jester and emotionless girl is so not amusing. As the great beast of destruction, you think it wouldn’t be too much to ask for some entertainment around here.” Burning Spice threw his head back exasperated.
“You must think so highly of yourself, don't you?” Mystic Flour scoffed.
“Well I am the strongest beast.” Burning spice said with a smirk.
“I thought we already went over this, I could easily make you crumble.” Shadow milk claimed.
“Here we go again-” Mystic Flour sighed.
— — — — — — — — — —
“ITS SO %(#&%(@)$ HOT OUT HERE. WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE.” Shadow Milk cookie kicked a random rock.
“...”
“Even Mystic flour cookie is speechless at your weakness. It is barely even hot here.” Burning Spice turned to Shadow Milk.
“I CAN FEEL MY SOUL JAM MELTINGGG” Shadow Milk whined.
“Weren’t you the one who said we should go outside for a walk.” Mystic Flour questioned.
“Well that was a whole 20 minutes ago and I only suggested it because Burning spice was oh so so bored.” Shadow Milk protested. “I didn’t think we would be walking through the freaking desert..”
“You are so dramatic.” Burning Spice mocked.
“No I am not! Out of all the places in beast yeast we could have gone to. WHY THE @($# DID WE CHOOSE THE DESERT.” Shadow Milk made a point to put both of his hands on his cheeks right under his eyes and pulled them down, acting like he was melting.
“I obviously wanted to come here to show you how superior I am to you.” Burning Spice said with pride.
“Though this doesn’t bother me, the heat I mean, it would be quite annoying to hear Shadow Milk Cookie whine the whole time.” Mystic Flour said nonchalantly.
“This happens every time we hang out together, me and that stupid joker fight, and then you go and side with him. Yall are totally ganging up on me!” Burning Spice huffed.
“The last time we were ‘ganging up on you’ was because you were stealing money from the bank in monopoly.” Mystic Flour sighed.
“I WASN’T STEALING NOTHING. I WAS THE BANKER AND TOOK SOME EXTRA MONEY CAUSE I WAS ENTITLED TO IT. BEING THE BANKER WAS MY JOB SO I JUST PAYED MYSELF FOR DOING MY JOB. WHAT? IS THE ECONOMY SO BAD THAT I CAN’T EVEN GET A MEASLY PAYCHECK.”
“THATS NOT HOW THE $(@*%#)^ GAME WORKS.” Shadow Milk shouted back at the screaming beast.
“OK THEN GENIUS TELL ME WHAT THE GAME MONOPOLY IS ABOUT.”
“MONOPOLY IS ABOUT CREATING A MONOPOLY AND BUYING OUT AS MANY PROPERTIES AS YOU CAN TO MAKE THE OTHER PLAYERS PAY RENT IF THEY LAND ON YOUR PROPERTY.”
“SO BASICALLY MONOPOLY IS A GAME THAT HAS TO DO WITH MONEY.”
“YEAH? THE GAME IS LIKE CENTERED AROUND MONEY?!”
“AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CENTERED AROUND MONEY. THE ECONOMY. AND IN THE ECONOMY, IF I WORK A WITCHES DARN JOB, I GET PAID FOR THAT JOB.”
“NO YOU CAN’T (&@$&$($) DO THAT!”
“YES I CAN. I CAN AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO!”
“THEN YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT”
“THE DISRESPECT! IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO INSULT ME THEN I’D SUGGEST YOU LEAVE BEFORE I ACTUALLY CRUMBLE YOU.”
“HA I WAS GOING TO LEAVE ANYWAY!” Shadow Milk turned on his heel and started going back the way he came. “AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M LEAVING BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH YOU, NOT BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY THREATENED BY YOU!” He shouted back after he was a fair distance away.
“Huff! That cookie is worse than spoiled milk, so disrespectful.” Burning spice grumbled to himself as he angrily walked further into the hot, sandy, domain.
…..
Mystic Flour stood there by herself as the two worked up beasts headed in opposite directions. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
“Next time we should just play uno.”
— — — — — — — — — —
It was hard being the best cookie of all time. Shadow milk reminded himself, it wasn’t his fault he ended up fighting with the oaf, because how could a cookie as great as him be at fault. His daily affirmations consisted of him telling himself this, and him also telling himself that he was good at disguises. If you believe hard enough it may just come true!
It felt nice to finally be by himself, he had managed to wander back to the forest, where vines and trees towered above him. He hadn’t felt this relaxed since he had joined Eternal sugar cookie in her garden, which reminded him, he should really make some time to go see her. They were besties afterall, she'd think he was neglecting her if he didn’t check in every once in a while.
“Welp that settles it then, tomorrow I will go see Eternal Sugar and her lovely gard-” Shadow milk whipped his head around, he could’ve sworn he just heard something. “Who is there! Come out now and maybe I, the greatest and strongest cookie to walk earthbread, might spare you.” He spoke with the confidence of a hundred men, Maybe he was a little too confident in himself, one might call it arrogance.
There. It happened again. Shadow milk tried his best to listen to the noise. He heard a…he heard whining?
He took a step, then two, then three, into the direction of the noise, the closer he drew the louder it was. There wasn’t many people who resided in these parts of the woods, but it surely was a cookie, it did not sound like a cake hound or anything of the sort.
Pushing the branches aside, shadow milks eyes widened as he looked at what was in front of him. A baby. The little girl wasn’t even wrapped in a blanket, but was merely tossed into the pile of leaves and sticks without a care in the world. Sure he was the all-powerful, feared, and greatest beast of all time, but he wasn’t a monster, he couldn’t just leave this baby all alone.
The child's head seemed to be held down by her own hair, where two apples hung on either side of her head. The apples were glazed in red syrupy goodness, matching the print on the girls thin pajamas.
Shadow milk sighed, he already had enough going on, he couldn’t deal with something else on top of it all, and yet, he felt a strange sense of obligation. He couldn’t just leave her here, here in the open forest of beast-yeast, where monsters and cookies alike could possibly hurt this young soul.
Picking her up, shadow milk wrapped his mutation of hair around her, to give her more warmth than those thin pajamas. He turned on his heel, his steps seeming to have a bit of haste to them as he headed back to his house, this child's new home. He thought about handing her over to the fairies or perhaps visiting that one kingdom, the one that Pure Vanilla is a part of. So many more logicals answers filled his knowledgeable head and yet he continued forward.
— — — — — — — — — —
The girl had stopped crying by the time Shadow milk was opening the door to his castle, bringing her, an outsider, into his home.
“Master! Master! Come look, I learned a new magic trick!” A small boy, no older than 8 ran across the marble floors, cards that he held in his hand slipped through his tiny grasp, leaving a trail of cards behind him. “Huh? Master shadow milk, who is that?” The boy tried to peer into Shadow Milk's arms.
“Calm down Black Sapphire, I’m trying to think.” What was he getting himself into he wondered, and yet he didn’t feel any regret. “Who is she?” Shadow milk repeated as he looked at the small girl he was holding, the beautiful candied apples seemed to pop out at him.
“She is Candy Apple cookie.”