Work Text:
Ten years ago.
“Dess, can I come in?”
The guitar playing from the room paused as Dess shouted through the door, “Yeah!” before starting to play again. Noelle smiled and entered the room, closing the door behind her. Dess was sitting on her bed, her guitar in her hands. She wasn’t playing anything in particular, just some tunes that Noelle recognized from the radio. She didn’t stop playing as Noelle sat next to her on the bed, or as she asked, “So what’s up, Ellie?”
Noelle pressed her hands together. She’d been preparing for this conversation all day. Butterflies were flying in her stomach. Still, she worked up the courage to ask, “So, um, you and Azzy… you started, um…” A blush came to Noelle’s face. Or maybe the one she already had just got brighter. “Going out, right?”
The chord Dess had been playing went sharp. Noelle flinched, then turned to Dess. But a sight she’d only seen a few times before greeted her. Dess’s nose was lit up. It happened to Noelle all the time; at home, at school, at the Dreemurrs’ home, at the store. But on Dess, it was a rare sight indeed. When she noticed Noelle watching her, she shook her head. The glow dimmed, but didn’t go away. Then she said, “Oh, uh, you… You noticed that?”
“Well, uh, Kris was the one who pointed out. But… yeah, I noticed it too.”
Dess scoffed, “That little brat.” She looked away for a few moments, then sighed, before continuing, “Yeah, we are. Just don’t tell mom about it, or Aunt Toriel. Dad’s probably fine, though.”
Noelle nodded, but didn’t say anything else. After a bit, Dess started to play the guitar again, her nose ceasing its glowing. Noelle sat and listened for a bit, mustering up her courage. That question was just one part of why she’d come here. The hard part was still next. After a little while, she spoke up again, “So… how did you know you liked Azzy? I mean, you’re friends, but how did you know you… like-liked him?”
Dess paused her playing again, but only for a bit. Noelle knew that Dess always collected her thoughts better when she was doing something else like this, so she waited patiently. After a few moments, she started talking, “Well, I always liked hanging around him. We have fun together, y’know, like you and Kris.” For some reason, Noelle felt a funny feeling in her stomach as Dess said that last part, but Dess continued, “But after a while, I started feeling… different. Like… he’d smile when I made a joke, and it felt like my stomach did a flip. Or, ugh, there was a time I was practicing after school and hit a ball out of the field, and he said ‘Good hit’ and my nose started blinking. I had to pretend like I was sneezing to get that under control.”
She stopped playing, but a smile was on her face, “I dunno, I guess it wasn’t just one thing, it was just a bunch of stuff that added up over time until my brain finally went, ‘Hey, dummy, you like him.’ Then I went over to his home and we talked and he told me he’d been feeling the same stuff and I ended up kissing him and that was that.” She just sat there quietly, smiling for a bit, before starting to play again. “You’ll probably understand when you’re older. And make sure to tell me all about it, too, eh?”
Noelle blushed at that. Now was the moment of truth. The reason she’d come to talk in the first place. She took a deep breath and said, “A-Actually, that’s why I wanted to talk to you about it. I… I think I’m feeling the same way about someone.”
At that, Dess immediately stopped playing and turned to Noelle with a grin on her face. “Wait, for real? Who is it? Catti, maybe? Never liked her sis, but she’s alright. I don’t feel like Jockington’d be your type. Or is it someone I don’t know?”
Noelle blushed deeply under Dess’s assault of questions, curling up a little. But no, none of her guesses were correct. She was kind of surprised, actually, that the correct answer hadn’t come to her. She didn’t really want to have to say it out loud, but there was no backing down now. Quietly, she said, “I th-think I like… Kris.”
Dess went quiet, her theorizing ended in a flash. Then, she laughed. “Hah, nice one. Seriously, though, who is it?”
Noelle’s nose lit up, “No, really! I think I actually like them!”
The smile on Dess’s face faded, and she was quiet for a bit. For a moment, Noelle thought she’d upset her somehow, but then she put down the guitar and put an arm around her. “Alright, serious big sis time. So, why do you think you like them?”
The light from Noelle’s nose stayed bright as she pushed her hands together, thinking of what Dess had told her and thinking of the feelings she’d been having this past while. Softly and hesitantly, she said, “Well, um… You mentioned your stomach feeling funny when you think of Azzy. And I feel kinda like that with Kris, too. Like, when they pull a trick or prank on me, or when I’m pretty sure they have one planned and I’m trying to look out for it. My stomach’s usually pretty weird then.”
“A-and my nose blinks a lot around them, too. They usually tease me about it, fahah… And, I mean, we hang out a lot and talk and play… And that’s what couples do, right? I mean, we haven’t, um… k-kissed or anything like that, but we hold hands sometimes when we’re going places. And that sometimes makes my stomach feel funny, too. And, um… there was also… they, we…” She knew there were other things she'd planned to say, but in her embarrassment, they were slipping through her mind. Her nose was so bright that even when she closed her eyes she felt like she could still see the light. Eventually, she just stopped babbling and became quiet.
Dess was quiet, too. Noelle opened her eyes and watched her, and she seemed in thought. It took a while, but eventually Dess turned back to Noelle and smiled again. She said, “Heh… Alright, well, look. Your feelings are your own, and you can decide how you feel about ‘em. But… I dunno, I think your stomach stuff may just be nervousness. I’ve told that rascal to knock it off with targeting you, but they keep doin’ it.”
Noelle blushed a bit more and said, “W-well, I told them I don’t really mind it. It’s… kinda fun, you know?”
Dess didn’t seem impressed. “‘Fun.’ That’s a word for it, I guess. Well, like I said, that’s up to you how you feel about it. But about the other stuff… No offense, Ellie, but your nose blinks at everything. And holding hands is pretty normal at your age, too. Hanging out is just… something everyone does, doesn’t have to be a romantic thing.”
Dess brought Noelle in a bit closer, and Noelle rested her head on Dess’s shoulder. She continued, “Look, whether or not you’ve got a crush on ‘em, your friendship still matters. I know I’m not setting the best example with me and Azzy, but sometimes a friendship’s just a friendship, y’know? Doesn’t make it less than a romantic relationship, it’s just different. Honestly, it hasn’t even been that different for us two, we just do the stuff we did before but sometimes we kiss or cuddle. So… guess what I’m really trying to say is, just give it a bit to sit and think about it before you get into it, alright?” She ruffled Noelle’s hair with that last sentence, and Noelle giggled.
“Alright, I’ll think about it. I mean, it’s not like I was planning on just… kissing them out of the blue, or anything.” Her nose had been dimming a bit, but that thought made it light back up in a flash. And the thought of kissing Kris did make her stomach feel weird again… Though she wasn’t sure if it was in a good way or a bad way.
Dess just snorted and ruffled her hair again. “Yeah, didn’t expect that from you. Then again, don’t think they would be either, so if you ever wanted to get them back…”
That thought just made Noelle burst into laughter, and Dess followed her. Noelle supposed Dess was right. She’d think on it.
The next day, Kris hid under her bed and grabbed her ankles when she went to get up and she screamed, and that was the last time Noelle thought she might have a crush on Kris.
Seven years ago.
“Hey, let’s go on the Ferris wheel!” Azzy moved quickly, bringing Dess along by the hand. Noelle and Kris followed behind, the lights and sounds of the festival all around them.
“Really?” Dess asked, “Didn’t figure you’d be into that.” She finished off the corn dog she’d been eating and threw the stick away. “Ain’t little kids anymore. Well, these two are,” She jerked a thumb at Kris and Noelle, and Kris stuck out their tongue at her. Noelle giggled, and Dess cracked a smirk, too, completing her thought, “But us?”
Azzy took the camera he had hanging from its neck strap and grabbed a picture of the wheel looming over them. He replied, “Well, what you don’t know is that they’ve got a new model this year.” Noelle vaguely remembered hearing her mom saying something about that during the hundreds of phone calls she'd been making over the past few weeks, and it did look different than the last times. As they approached the line, Azzy continued with a grin, “And this one’s gondolas only fit two.”
Noelle was just confused, but Dess seemed to get something she didn’t, as Azzy winked at Dess. Dess chuckled, “Pff, alright, you dork. Kris, Ellie, you two okay with sharing one? We’ll be in the one right behind you.”
Noelle turned to Kris, but they just shrugged, leaving it to her to make the decision as usual. She honestly wasn’t a fan of Ferris wheels, usually clinging to Dess as they rode higher and higher and not wanting to look out the windows. But Azzy and Dess seemed excited to do it, and at least Kris would be with her… She supposed she could just close her eyes when they were too high. She turned back to the teens and nodded, “S-sure, it’ll be fun.”
The line was short, at least, and when it was their turn, she and Kris stepped into the small gondola, facing each other. Dess waved as the door closed, and Azzy grabbed the camera he had and snapped a quick picture of the two. The wheel jerked into motion, shaking the car, and Noelle gripped the side-rails tightly. Kris actually seemed a little jolted by it too, which at least helped Noelle relax a bit. She wasn’t alone in this. The gondola slowly departed the station and began to ascend. Fortunately for Noelle, it didn’t get too high before it came to another halt, and she watched Dess and Azzy get into the next car behind them. That also brought her some relief; if there was a real problem, she could just yell for them.
She sat back in her seat as the wheel began to turn again. Daring a glance outside the window, she saw the canvas tops of the festival stalls grow smaller and smaller, and the music from the nearby carousel faded into the noise of the crowd. She also saw Azzy and Dess snuggle up in their gondola together… And then start to kiss. Noelle made a face and turned away, which caught Kris’s attention. They followed her gaze down and, after a moment, also made a face, which made Noelle giggle. After that, they just went back to looking out the window, a blank expression on their face. A calm silence fell on the gondola as it continued to rise.
Noelle always liked that about Kris. They didn't have to fill the silence. They didn't have to bug her about school, or her extracurriculars, or going to events. She could just sit in silence with them and enjoy the moment. The two of them could just… be. And even if they didn't say it, she knew they felt the same way.
At least… she thought they did. If they did want something more active, they certainly had examples from Azzy or Dess or the grown-ups. They'd say something if they didn't feel that way, right? If they were getting bored, they'd do something, right? They wouldn't just be stewing in the quiet, a bored look on their face as they looked away from her… Like they were doing now, would they?
It wasn't the first time her thoughts had gone down this direction. Fear came easy to her. Fear of mice and scary videos and humans under the bed, sure. But also fear that the people around her didn't actually like her. Fear that she was just an annoying kid that jumped at everything and talked too much about the games she loved. Dess always told her that wasn’t true, even Azzy the one time she told him, and it did comfort her, for a while. But the fear still returned.
The gondola jolting to a stop shook her out of her head. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't realized they'd reached the top of the wheel. She thought about looking outside to get the view, but her stomach was already feeling funny. So she kept her view to the gondola, at her feet, at the shoes Kris was wearing, at their face… their face that was looking right at her. How long had they been doing that? Were they scared too? She didn't know how they felt about heights.
Then, suddenly, they jumped in their seat. The gondola shook. It didn't look like they were scared. They kept staring at her. She mustered up the courage to hesitantly ask, “K-Kris? Are you feeling okay?”
They didn't respond, just continuing to stare at her. But just as Noelle was about to open her mouth again, they jumped again. The gondola shook, more than before, and Noelle reached to grab the handrail. Before she could say anything else, they jumped again, and again, shaking the car even more.
Noelle closed her eyes and gripped the rail as tightly as she could. Questions swam through her mind. Why were they doing this? Was this just another prank? Did they hate her? Why were they looking at her like that? Did they hear what she was thinking? Did they see the expression on her face, and didn't want her to worry? The questions piled up. She desperately wanted to say something, but nothing came. Why?
So the shaking continued, until finally something burst out of her. “KRIS!!!”
And immediately, they stopped. The gondola continued to swing from the momentum, but it began to slow, and eventually stopped. She clung to the rail for a few more moments, afraid they'd start doing it again after lulling her into a false sense of security. But nothing came, and the gondola came to a stop.
She slowly opened her eyes, fighting back tears that threatened to spill. Kris was still there. They weren't moving. They were just sitting there… smiling.
Noelle wanted to yell at them again for scaring her like that. She wanted to laugh at their stupid prank. She wanted to thank them for getting her out of her thoughts. She wanted to burst into tears. She didn't do any of it. Their smile faded.
The gondola started to move again. The two got off when it reached the bottom, and that was the last time Noelle went on a ride with Kris.
Three years ago.
The house was quiet. It usually was these days. Mom and dad had gone out, and Noelle had test prep to do. She was sitting at the dining room table, textbooks and study material spread out next to a spread of celery and carrot sticks and a raspberry vinaigrette for dipping. She scratched away at the paper, formulas and equations filling in the white space.
Ever dutiful, Noelle worked until the pages were done, front and back, and the snacks had been depleted. A quick glance at her watch told her she'd been studying for hours. But there was still more work to be done. The backpack by her feet contained yet more books, yet more subjects to memorize, more pages to be filled. And filled they would be. Her mother's eyes would make sure of that when she returned.
But… surely she deserved a bit of a break, right? She got up and stretched, her knees aching at having been bent so long. At least there was track practice after school tomorrow, and not more endless studying. She reached into her pocket to get her phone; even if Dragon Blazers: Go on the Move! was a hollow imitation of what made the series great, at least it could numb her mind for a few minutes. But, her phone wasn't there. Right, she'd left it to charge in her room since she forgot to do that last night.
She tidied up her books and put the snack dishes in the sink, quickly rinsing them and making a mental reminder to properly wash them before her mom got home. As she did, though, her eyes lingered on the piano in the corner.
Nothing had changed about it. Not in a long while. Not since D on't think about it . Her mother's voice rang in her head, clear as a birdcry in a snowy forest. Just don't dwell on it. There's no point. It won't bring her back.
The piano still sat there. Unlike her mother's voice, it was hard to remember what it sounded like. The images came more easily, though. Kris with their hands on the keys. Azzy sitting at the table, snapping a photo. Dess next to Kris, accompanying them with her guitar.
Noelle's throat tightened, and she made herself look away, blinking away tears. There was no point dwelling on it. She hurried away, leaving the room and heading upstairs. She didn't stop as she passed by the closed black door, just went past it and entered her room. Despite her best efforts, all she saw was blurry blue, pink, and white through the tears in her eyes. She sniffled and grabbed a tissue to wipe away the tears. She didn't have time for this. There was no point dwelling on it. She sat at her desk, shoulders shaking as she tried to will the tears away. It didn't work.
She didn't know how long she sat there crying, but eventually the episode passed, like it always did. Her throat was still tight and her eyes were still wet, but she stood up to grab her phone and head back downstairs.
But when she opened her door to leave, something stopped her dead in her tracks. There was noise coming from downstairs. No. Not noise. Music. Piano notes.
And before she even knew it, Noelle was on her knees in the doorway, fresh tears streaming from her face. It was them. There was nobody else it could be. Kris was there, playing the piano. For her? For themself? For nobody at all? She didn't know, but she knew they were there. How long had it been since she’d heard them play? Since those long days where she would lie on the couch with closed eyes, imagining concerts just for her? She wanted to go downstairs and see them play.
…But she didn't. Reasons, excuses came to her mind. They probably saw that her mom's car wasn't in the driveway and figured nobody was home. They probably just didn't have a piano at home, and this was the most convenient one. They probably didn't even think to knock and ask her if they could come in, didn't know that she would have said yes in a heartbeat.
And so she kneeled, listening to the faint echoes of their playing. It came to an end, eventually. It had to. She heard the door open and close, the last note faded into the cold air, and that was the last time Noelle heard Kris play the piano.
Last Night.
Cold.
Her hands were cold. Her face was cold. Her guts were cold.
She didn't know when she left her bed. She couldn't even close her eyes, lest the snow become all she could see. She didn't know where she was going. Her finger throbbed in dull pain as she turned the doorknob and left her home. She didn't want to look at it, didn't want to see what was causing the pain, didn't want to remember.
It was cold outside, too. Colder than it should've been. The leaves were yellow, but they still clung to the trees. How long had they been yellow? It all blurred together. Her mind felt numb; there was no thought behind her actions. Somebody else had to command her, and she had to obey.
Ah. And there they were. Approaching her slowly, shambling their way down her driveway, towards her. What was their goal? What did they want? It wasn't for her to question. She would proceed.
When they got close, she saw their mouth open. But what came out was… wrong. Where was that voice? That wonderful, terrific, terrifying voice, the one that shook her and vibrated and resonated with her very soul? No, something was wrong. They spoke in a mumble, and she couldn't make anything out, not even as they clambered onto the porch and took her hand and her finger and
She gasped. The cold was gone. The warmth of the night settled on her all at once. And the first thing she heard, for the first time in so, so long was Kris's voice. “I'm sorry.”
She had doubted them before. Doubted their intentions, their feelings, their friendship. How much of it came from her and her insecurities, how much came from them and their distance, she couldn't say. But now, there were no doubts. It was her friend speaking to her.
And as she looked down into their teary red eyes, as they apologized and told her it was all a prank, as they told her Berdly would be okay, as they told her not to tell anyone, not even them, as they staggered back to their home, resolve built in her soul. Watching them walk away, she promised. She promised to herself and to them.
It would not be the last time Noelle would hear Kris's voice.