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Usnavi was a pretty oblivious guy. He’s been described as such by nearly everyone in his life for as long as he could remember. But he wasn’t so clueless that he didn't catch that Sonny had been stocking the same drink in the same fridge for over 10 minutes. The bodega had just closed, and usually, Sonny would be finished with stocking and sweeping as quickly as possible so he could go to the park before it got too dark. But not today, it seemed. That, along with the lack of his usual energy and chattiness, was alarming.
“You're gonna let all the cold air out, papi,” Usnavi said simply, to no reply. He knitted his eyebrows together. “Yo, Sonny, you good?” Usnavi tried again.
Sonny just blinked and shook himself out of his trance, shutting the fridge door. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Sorry, I just—I think I wanna tell you something. Something that feels heavy in my chest. I’m just tryna figure out how to say it, I guess.”
Absolutely terrifying response, in Usnavi’s humble opinion.
“You in trouble or somethin’? Hurt?” Usnavi asked.
“Nah, nah, I just…” Sonny trailed off. Usnavi noticed a tremor in his usually confident voice and a slight shake in his hands, despite his unreadable expression.
“Just what?” Usnavi urged.
Sonny met his eyes and darted them quickly, bit his lip, cracked his knuckles, ran his hand through his hair. Did just about everything except tell Usnavi what was going on. Usnavi could only imagine what the kid was hiding. Sonny was a good kid. A smart kid. But sixteen-year-olds get themselves into stupid situations all the time. If something was the matter, Usnavi needed to know.
So, he put on his best “strict older cousin voice” he could muster. “Sonny, if something’s wrong, you've got to tell me now .”
One second passed. Two. Three.
“I ain’t—” He stopped himself and looked at the ground and took a few deep breaths, which, to Usnavi, sounded more like desperate gulps for air. “I ain’t straight,” He finally said, so quickly Usnavi almost didn’t catch it. “Like, I don’t really feel stuff towards girls. I…I’m gay. ”
Usnavi blinked and just stared. He wasn't expecting that. Not even a little bit. He was around Sonny every day for hours and had helped take care of him since he was little, and he never even considered for a second that he could be gay. He was sure, if anything, Sonny had a little crush on Nina. He had never caught any signs.
Clearly, Usnavi’s processing must’ve been taking too long because Sonny started blinking hard as he let out a trembling breath.
“Shit, I shouldn't have said anything, huh?” Sonny’s face twisted into something much more readable. Panic. And his words were choked and rushed. “I’m sorry. That was so stupid. I thought—I thought I’d feel better once I…this is so much worse. Forget I said anything. Just…I don't even know what I'm talking about, to be honest. I don't want you looking at me differently or thinking I’m—”
That snapped Usnavi right out of it. Sonny sounded so scared. Terrified . It broke his heart to see his little cousin so stressed. His own shock no longer mattered.
“Ay, ay, ay,” Usnavi rushed away from the counter and towards Sonny, grabbing his shoulders. “Don’t start freaking out, Son’.” When Usnavi felt Sonny’s shoulders shake under his grip, he pulled him into a tight hug. “Mierda, I ain’t mad, c’mon. I just didn’t see it coming.” Usnavi scrambled to explain, now panicking a bit himself.
Sonny’s throat hitched as he buried himself into Usnavi’s chest—something he’d probably be embarrassed about later. “I didn’t want you to hate me or nothin’,” he mumbled. “I've never heard you talk about this stuff. I didn't know how you’d feel.”
Usnavi squeezed him impossibly tighter. “I could never hate you, baby. You hear me? Never. You never gotta be afraid to tell me anything.” He held him as close as he could before stepping back for a moment to cup his cheeks. “You don’t gotta cry. It just caught me off guard. It’s fine.”
“I’m scared, Navi,” Sonny whispered. Usnavi was sure that being run over by a bus would have probably hurt less than hearing his baby cousin say those words so defeatedly. “I hear what people say, man. I know how people feel about that kind of thing. How they feel about people like me. They hate it.”
“I don't want you scared when you're just with me . You're my family . I don't give a fuck who you like.” Usnavi's voice was raw as he continued. “I love you more than anything.”
“Love you too,” Sonny whispered.
Usnavi opened the fridge again and grabbed Sonny a glass bottle of Jarritos. “On the house. For…being gay, I guess. And for crying.”
Sonny snorted as he accepted the bottle, and just that made Usnavi feel lighter. After a few moments of silence, Usnavi began again. “You shouldn’t let stupid people scare you. I mean, ain’t you all about social justice? You go to all those protests, don’tcha’?”
“It’s just different. Or it feels different. I don’t know,” Sonny answered, rubbing at his eyes.
“That’s fine. You don’t gotta know everything.” Usnavi assured. “You seeing someone?” There was a bit of protectiveness laced in his tone. “Because you’re too young to be dating.” Usnavi knew that sixteen was not too young, but he also knew he didn’t trust that anyone would be good enough for Sonny. Let alone a man.
“Nah, I just guess I've always kinda known. I just haven’t acknowledged it until recently. I don’t even think I’ve fully accepted it. I just know it’s true.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“Just you.”
Usnavi’s heart grew. “I'm glad you trust me like that, papa.” Usnavi kissed Sonny’s forehead and swung an arm around his shoulder. Usually, Sonny would swat him away, but now he leaned in closer this time. “I gotchu’ no matter what. Always.”
“I know,” Sonny nodded. “I feel it.”