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Taylor didn’t have a definite answer as to what his religion was. He grew up as a Christian, his family being the type to pray before meals and go to church as often as they could. His earliest memories were of him kneeling at the foot of his bed before bedtime, hands clasped together, eyes closed as he recited the oh-so-familiar prayer that his parents had drilled into him as soon as he could talk.
He didn’t go to church anymore, now that he was an adult who no longer lived with his parents. He prayed every now and then, just a simple ‘God help me’, whenever he felt his weakest.
He still had his childhood bible, somewhere in the back of his closet. Still had the cross necklace he’d worn around his neck in his early teens. He couldn’t bring himself to throw them away, the reminder of the suffering that hell could bring preventing him from doing such a thing.
But it didn’t prevent him from someone.
It was no secret that he had feelings for his roommate, who lay beside him now, peacefully asleep in his bed. Adored them, wanted to spend every second in their presence if he could. But, of course, whatever god that was out there must hate him, for his roommate was a he.
To enjoy, crave the touch of another man was nothing short of an abomination. A sin. How could he? What was wrong with him? He was sick, that was the only answer. The action, the notion, the idea itself was sickening, disgusting. He could only imagine how his family would react.
Anyone and everyone had drilled it into him from a young age that same-sex relationships were sinful. Marriage was between a man and woman! Adam and Eve! Procreation! Why would you go out of your way to destroy God’s image of a perfect family, perfect relationship?
It haunted Taylor. He didn’t do this on purpose. He didn’t mean to disobey. He couldn’t help who he loved. Could he?
God didn’t make mistakes. If something wasn’t right, it was him who was wrong. That’s all there was to it. He was wrong, he was a sinner, he was the sin. Disgraceful! Disgusting! Would he really choose eternal suffering for another man?
The Lord would never forgive him. Even if he were to repent, he knew he’d find himself in Chuck’s arms again by the end of the day. He’d be cast down to hell as soon as he took his last breath.
He sighed to himself, brows furrowing when he suddenly felt a hand on his arm. He shifted his gaze to find his roommate looking up at him sleepily, though his brows were furrowed in concern.
“You okay?” He murmured, groggily, words slurred with sleepiness. Taylor’s eyes softened. He couldn’t help but smile.
“Yeah, ‘m fine. Sorry if I woke you.”
Chuck smiled at him, then, that same wide-grin. Different this time, though. There was no mischief behind it, no humor. Just adoration, love. Taylor swore his heart melted. Could it really be a sin to love someone like this, so purely, so deeply? If anything, he was blessed, for Chuck was his very own angel, sent down just for him, only him.
“Come on ‘n lay down,” his angel yawned, one hand coming up to rub at his eye. “You’ve got work in the mornin’, remember?”
Taylor hummed and laid down, taking Chuck’s hand from his eye and pressing a kiss to the freckled skin at the back of it. Chuck grinned, but he was already dozing off again, eyes beginning to flutter.
Taylor’s own eyelids were beginning to feel heavy, his nerves having been calmed by Chuck’s smile. He sighed, thinking of how he let his his thoughts run wildly, how he’d gotten ahead of himself.
Damn it all, the entirety of it. Hell, if the Lord didn’t forgive him, well, he’d still have his baby, and that was all he needed, all he’d ever need. What did he need the blood of Jesus for, when he could see how Chuck’s would rush to his cheeks when he said something sweet? The body of the son of God was worthless to him when he remembered how his angel’s felt under his fingertips on warm nights.
He pulled Chuck closer, as close as he could. His warmth was divinity, his love was paradise.
Shy as he was, he’d have to tell Chuck how he was heaven to him. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe years from now.
After all, he had the whole of eternity.