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"I think I'm pregnant," Victoria lets out nervously as she crawls back in bed. It's around 12 pm on a Sunday and they had just started waking up after a night out with their friends, which this time consisted of Trinity, Dennis, and Ellis.
John opens his eyes and glances at her, composed as ever. "Want me to kick your womb or something?".
"I'm serious!"
"You're on the pill, Victoria" he replies incredulously.
"I could still get pregnant. There's like, a 1% probability. You're a doctor, you should know that," she squeals.
"Why do you think you're pregnant?"
"I'm a day late and I threw up a little," she mumbles, fidgeting with her fingers.
"You did? Are you okay?" he asks, sitting down to scan her face.
"I'm fine now. But it could be morning sickness, you know?"
"Or maybe the five shoots of vodka and the two Malibus you drank last night? With the burger and fries you ate and the pizza we made at 3 am after that?"
"Oh, shit, you think it could get like, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?" she gasps, eyes wide.
John laughs. "God, you're charming".
"I'm serious!" she repeats.
"And highly hypochondriac," he adds.
John reaches to kiss her cheek but she turns her head and stands up instead. She scans the floor for her clothes and starts changing into them. "I'm taking a test, and when I'm pregnant you can... I don't know, pay for child support and try not to get murder by my parents".
He hums and smirks up at her. "Easy enough, I'm in".
"Oh my god, what if I have a baby that inherits your slow pace? What if I have a no-sense-of-urgency baby?"
"You'd have a cool baby, a level-headed baby, a handsome baby, dare I say".
Victoria walks out of John's bedroom, frenetically searching for her car keys. "Oh my god," she whines. John laughs and then there's a moment of silence before Victoria's head is poking in again. "John?"
"Yes, Victoria?"
"Can you go buy me pregnancy tests?"
He breathes out and takes a moment to stare at the ceiling before getting out of bed.
"Sure".
He comes back half an hour later and she's sitting on his sofa, eating the leftover pizza and scrolling through her phone. Her face is puffy and she's sniffing a little. When she sees him, she puts it down and glances at him.
"I've been thinking," she says as John hands her a drugstore plastic bag with two pregnancy tests and sits next to her to grab a slide of pizza.
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, I've been thinking and if I got into college at 13 and I got pregnant at 21—"
"You're not pregnant," he mumbles before taking a bite of the pizza.
"Let me finish. If my thirteens are everyone's eighteens then my twenty-ones are everyone's twenty-sixs, and being pregnant at 26 is not that bad, is it?"
John swallows the food and leans to kiss her cheek. "I'm not sure about that math, baby".
"We should get married," she says, turning to him. Her eyes are wide and her expression is so serious he can't help but laugh.
"Okay, sure," he chuckles.
"Ugh, shotgun weddings are so unclassy".
"Maybe go take the test now," he smiles and pats her thigh.
Victoria nods and stands up, handing him the plate with pizza she was holding and grabbing the plastic bag instead.
He chuckles to himself as she enters the bathroom with an audible and dramatic sigh. John turns on the TV and lays back. Two minutes pass before Victoria comes out with the bag in her hand.
"Nevermind, I just got my period," she chimes happily as she sits back down next to him, and unceremoniously throws the bag over the coffee table.
John snorts a laugh and opens his arm to welcome her into his chest.
"So we are not getting married?" he jokes after placing a kiss on her temple.
Victoria shakes her head. "Nop".
"Sucks. John Javadi had a nice ring to it". Victoria giggles and cups his face and brings him down for a kiss. He smiles against her lips. "You taste like pizza".
She hums. "You do too".
"I love you," he says after kissing her cheek.
"I do too. Thank you for not getting me pregnant".
"Anytime, baby".