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Castiel kissed Dean's stomach softly and he stared up at him, smiling when Dean blushed and looked away. They still had some clothes on - Dean's pants remained and Cas's shirt did too, but that was all Dean could handle. And that was okay with Cas.
"Why are you staring?" Dean asked, his cheeks growing warm and hiding his eyes with his hands. It was a playful gesture, but Cas knew he felt a bit weird being looked at.
He didn't reply for a moment, waiting for Dean to uncover his eyes. He peeked through his fingers, and Cas snatched the opportunity. "Because you're beautiful."
Dean swallowed thickly, and dropped his hands from his face. He looked away, trying to focus on anything but those big, blue eyes gazing back at him. Cas continued nibbling and nuzzling breathlessly at his stomach, but then stopped.
"I'm not lying, Dean," he said, raising an eyebrow, and Dean closed his eyes, trying to hide. But Cas wouldn't leave it alone. "You are absolutely beautiful."
Dean could feel his eyes watering. "I - " he began, his breath hitching. "I'm not, Cas. I'm not."
Castiel licked his lips and pressed a kiss to his tummy again, trailing up all the way to his collarbone. He had his arms on either side of Dean, making sure he was balanced well enough. He peppered kissed along his neck, and to his ear, then let himself bite softly at his earlobe. Dean inhaled sharply, gripping the sheets and whimpering.
"I'm not, Cas, I'm not," Dean's voice sounded broken, and Cas knew he was starting to cry. This did happen often - anxiety attacks. Thinking back on old, bad memories was something Dean did unintentionally. "I can't - I'm not - I - " he reached up and grabbed Cas's neck, bring him even closer to bury his face into his shoulder. "I'm not," he sobbed into Cas's ear, and Cas's heart clenched.
"Shhh," he whispered back, kissing his jawline. "Dean, you're mine. Right?"
Dean nodded, and didn't stop. "I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm - "
"Deep breath," Cas said, balancing on his elbows and bringing the pads of his thumbs to his cheeks. Tears strayed, and he wiped them away, staring into his eyes. Dean was looking everywhere but him.
"I'm not - I'm not - " his breath increased and he started hypervenilating. "I can't - I'm broken - I -"
"Shhhh," Cas stroked his face soothingly. "You're mine, remember?"
Dean nodded. "I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm y - " he halted, taking a deep breath, and then sobbed into Cas's shoulder. "I-I can't d-do this anymore," he cried, gripping Cas's arms tight enough to bruise. "He hurt me, Cas," Dean's green eyes dulled even more when he looked at him. "He hurt me, I'm not beautiful, I - "
"Shhh," Cas soothed. "Breathe. You're mine. Nobody else's. Just mine."
His breathing slowed a bit, and his grip loosened. "Just yours," he echoed, looking around. His tears were almost dry, and Cas exhaled slowly, having Dean follow. He stroked him through it, until his breath was regular and he had stopped shaking.
"Dean?" he asked after a few minutes.
Dean's eyes rested on something behind Cas, but then, he looked at him.
"Are you good?"
Dean stared, his eyes no longer as bloodshot as they were before. "Yeah," he croaked, squeezing Castiel's arms. "I-I'm sorry."
Cas kissed the corner of his mouth a few times, then his lips, carefully. "Don't ever apologize, Dean." Cas rolled off of him, spooning him from behind.
"I-I love you, you know?" Dean's quiet voice came after a while.
Castiel kissed his neck and smiled. "I love you too, Dean. You're beautiful to me."