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Linda
Dearest Darlingest Momsicle and Popsicle,
Today was terrible. There must be some confusion over rooming here at Chizz (summer camp). See, I have a roommate, Elph, yeah, her name is Elph, she wants to be edgy or something, I don’t even know her real name. I was told that I’d get my very own personal cabin… BUT NOOOOOO… Elph, my not-so-very-interestilylacious roommate decided to barge in and ruin my whole summer. I mean, she has no respect for my privacy, like can you believe that she came into the cabin while I was brushing my hair?! Completely and utterly unbelievable.
Elph
My Dear Father,
Why on earth would you send me here? I know I have to make sure that Dissarose is safe but she’s doing fine, she has a crush on this weird kid, I think his name is Bloq? What I’m saying is, I need to leave, I hate it here so much. The worst part of it? My roommate, Linda. She is just the worst, my complete opposite. She once got mad at me for walking into our cabin while she was brushing her hair!! Like, how does that make any sense?!
Both
I. Hate. This. Girl.
Linda
I met a boy a little ago, he was so dreamy. His name is so odd yet so dashingly attractive, Fire-O. He just transferred here from Camp Kikiwaka, and I fell madly in love from the moment he walked through that disgustikified cafeteria. He performed a whole musical number about dancing away from death and oh my goshness, I almost fainted. At some point he asked the group, but mainly me, what the most swankifalicious place in town was. I was about to speak but that one kid, I think his name is Bloq, answered before me saying that would be the Dust Particle Dance Floor. Fire-O practically squealed and told everyone to meet him there at night.
Elph
Linda is the worst. So is this stupid guy named Fire-O, like what kind of name is that?! Well, I can’t be talking, my name is literally Elph, with a ph. It’s almost like those parents who name their children Kaylie but spell it Kayleigh. Like what was the thought process there DAD?! Anyways, there’s this stupid secret dance that is being held at the Dust Particle Dance Floor, and I have to go, ‘cause my dear sister Dissarose has a date, stupid bloq with a Q. I literally don’t know what to wear, except for this hat that Linda gave me, it’s ugly but… Linda gave it to me, so I guess I might just wear it for her.
Linda
When I got to the party, guess who I saw? Literally Elph! She was wearing that ugliciously ugly hat that I gave her. Lowkey, she didn’t look as terrible as I thought she would.
Elph
Surprisingly, Linda didn’t look as bad as I thought she would.
Linda
I danced with Fire-O a little, he kept stepping on my feet, like what kind of gentleman does that? Whatever he’s still so dreamy. Then, Elph took the stage, she danced by herself in the middle of a circle of people who were all judging her. She's so brave, I could never be like that. But still, I went and danced with her, she didn’t step on my feet.
Elph
Why did Linda come and dance with me? I thought she hated my guts. Is it possible that I have a chance with her? The song ended but we kept staring into each other's eyes, but before I could move, that stupid boy, Fire-O, called her name, she walked away, but looked back at me once more before her departure.
Linda
Maybe Elph isn’t so bad after all. I wanted to give her a makeover and she agreed, I can make her popular, I just know it. I couldn’t seem to find a dress that was good enough for her, maybe she’s just too pretty for anything in my closet, I guess the simple frock will have to do.
Elph
I talked to Fire-O today, he kept flirting with me. Can’t he get the hint that I only have eyes for a certain blonde who obsessively wears pink 24/7 and was kind enough to dance with me? I spat in his face but I think that made him like me more, ew.
Linda
Fire-O has been off lately, he keeps mumbling to himself about carnage and destruction, should I be worried? Ah it’s okay, he’s probably just going through a phase. He invited me on a date in the forest tonight. I'm so excited, but I can’t seem to get my mind off of a certain girl who is exceedingly peculiar and altogether impossible to describe.
Elph
Linda told me she’s going on a date tonight, a date, with him.
Linda
When I got to the date, I felt like something was off. Fire-O was wearing a black trenchcoat, while I was wearing my usual frilly pink dress. He was carrying a suspiciously axe shaped thing in a bag. He took me to a very secluded part of the woods where he said no one could find us. That was kind of weird but maybe he’s just a romantic. As I looked back far enough, I could see something in the bushes, but I disregarded it. If something attacked us, I knew Fire-O would save me. When we got to the spot he told me to close my eyes because he “had a surprise for me.” Uh oh.
Elph
I followed them, naturally. Not gonna lie, he was being weird. Who wears a trenchcoat on the first date? That's some JD level behaviour. He was also carrying a suspiciously axe shaped bag, and Linda was still going along with it?! When he told her to close her eyes, that’s when I knew something was wrong. Believe it or not, the axe shaped bag had an axe in it. OH NO!! THE AXE SHAPED BAG HAD AN AXE IN IT!! I knew I had to do something so I jumped out of my hiding spot and tackled him. I screamed at Linda to open her eyes and she squealed when she saw what was happening. Linda threw the walking stick that Madam Horrible had given to her and hit Fire-O right in the head. Then I pushed him off me and stood up next to her.
Linda
Elph saved my life. I used to hate her, but maybe I want her to be my friend, or more?
Elph
I called the police once he was out cold. They came and took him away, thank joy. After that, Linda and I went back to the cabin. She was shaking, and rightfully so, her boyfriend(?) tried to kill her. We laid down on the couch and I held her while she cried. Oh my joy, I really like this girl, but I don’t want to ruin anything so I’ll keep quiet. Eventually she fell asleep, I stayed up thinking about what could’ve been. Eventually, I fell asleep too.
Linda
It’s the last day of camp and I still haven’t said anything, I probably won’t even send this letter to my parents, this for you Elph. Hey, guess what? I like you, like a lot. If I see you again, please don’t kill me, I’m sorry.
Love, Linda
Elph
When I woke up on the last day, Linda’s things were gone, everything, except a piece of paper laid on her bed. I rushed out of bed and picked it up to read it. As I read her words, tears started streaming down my face. Then I got to the last line, I like you, like a lot. WHAT?! I had to find her before she left. I found her waiting at the bus stop, it was raining, I was drenched, but it didn’t matter. “You idiot! I like you too!” That’s what I screamed. She turned around, squinting trying to see through the rain. She tilted her head in question and I held up the letter that was getting wetter by the second. She smiled and dropped her things, she then ran towards me and jumped into my arms, she called me stupid before she pulled me into a kiss.
Sincerely, Elph
(The letter never reached her parents)