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Our Bodies Are Our Gardens by AnnaRobots
Fandoms: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
14 Jun 2025
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Summary
Nerdanel ignored the protests and held up a head of red leaf lettuce. “This is a vulva,” she said.
“That is a vulva,” Turukáno echoed dutifully.
“You cannot simply tear off the tough outer leaves to reach the tender inner petals,” Nerdanel said. “Gentle and slow is the way to approach. Massage the outside. Use your fingers, tongue, lips. Don’t be afraid to really salivate on it. Most importantly, use your imagination, and watch how the leaves respond to your touch. Here, you try.” She handed each pupil a head of something green and leafy.
Findekáno stared at his iceberg lettuce. “Do they, the real thing I mean, do they really have leaves?” Findekáno whispered to Makalaurë.
Makalaurë shook his head no. At least, he didn’t think so.
The princes of the Noldor learn about an important loophole, and swear a foolish Oath. Parties, after-parties, improbable help from parents, many first times, and declarations of love. Also, blowjobs.