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Skin on skin, drumsticks pounding with passion, and a warmth that captured every atom in Tyler’s body was what the singer yearned for every time he looked at the dark haired drummer in the chair next to him. They were in a small studio, doing an interview for their album ‘Regional at Best.’ But, no place nor time would stop Tyler from soaking up every ounce of Josh’s presence that he could.
The way his lips moved as he spoke cautiously and so carefree at the same time, the way they pinched between his teeth when the nerves grew too thin, and the way Tyler wanted to forget about everything and knock the microphone between them out of the way so that he could occupy the rawness swelling around Josh’s mouth.
He knew Josh could feel exactly where his eyes were glued, it was impossible not to.
‘You’re staring.’ Tyler kept reminding himself every time he had the will to pull himself out of a trance and return to the simplicity of the interview. He answered every question as honestly as he could with the feeling of Josh’s eyes on him whenever he wasn’t looking. For his own sanity, Tyler kept his posture leaning in Josh’s direction and his hands as close to the drummer as possible with out being too obvious. Or at least he thought it wasn’t that obvious in the moment.
These kind of thoughts and actions weren’t exactly…unusual for the singer, but they were definitely still new and there was still so much to be explored and understood.
Tyler and Josh didn’t have a name for what had been going on between them, truth be told it wasn’t a priority for them either. All the two of them knew was that it was a slow build from the first moment they spoke. And in the past couple of months, it had become impossible to keep brushing off.
They had managed to keep it casual enough to not be distracting…sleeping in the same bed when it was convenient, holding eye contact during shows just long enough to know exactly how much they craved one another in that moment, and only a few spur of the moment kisses that were curious and gentle, but always excused by delirious nights and the sake of “experimentation.”
But, right now in the middle of this interview, Tyler was painfully aware of how hard he was laughing at Josh’s smallest jokes. For once he felt like he could see it all from the outside, like how they flawlessly threw jokes between one another without caring if it made sense to anyone else or not. Apparently the two of them were in their own world more than they ever realized.
The palm of Tyler’s hand held a subtle warmth from where he had just high-fived the drummer. It was just a brief break in conversation after a genuine agreement of how much they enjoyed making music together. But, the singer was more than willing to make a pathetic attempt at quieting his internal screams for Josh’s touch.
If only it were that easy. Tyler was thanking every overseeing power for Josh following the high-five with a joke meant for the interviewer. Something about reverb? Or maybe editing? Tyler lost almost all connection with the world in front of him the second that lingering warmth spread past his hand. Up his arm, across his shoulders, directly up his throat into his skull, and quickly pooling down into his chest. He didn’t predict that. He didn’t predict it seeping into his veins and following the laws of gravity as it washed over his legs and made them feel numb.
The singer’s subconscious moved faster than his own mind. Tyler laughed absentmindedly and slightly turned way from Josh, making it look like a normal shift in posture while he carefully brought his knees together. It wasn’t until he fully sat up in the chair and broke his gaze away from the drummer when his brain finally caught up with his body. Minuscule inklings of a feeling that Tyler had persistently chased away after the first time he saw Josh play the drums.
How the fuck was he meant to sit there and answer mindless questions for fifteen more minutes without doing something incredibly stupid?
“It’s ‘cause we met in prison.” Tyler spoke directly to the interviewer, hoping his words fit somewhere in the conversation that he had lost track of. Josh caught the slip, but he couldn’t tell if it had a reason or was just a joke dragged on too long. Either way he nodded in agreement with the singer and laughed as the interviewer gave Tyler an awkward thumbs up.
Tyler was usually happy to be the one who led interviews because it gave Josh the space to contribute as much as he was comfortable with. But, at this point he could practically feel the warmth in his body shutting down any working parts of his brain.
He turned his face away from everyone in the room as the interviewer started asking another question; nonchalantly pretending to find interest in something on the desk next to him. Sweat peaked through his hairline and the singer internally cursed whatever idiot probably turned off the air conditioning.
He pinched the blue fabric on his chest and shook it a few times in an attempt at creating air flow…completely useless. Tyler immediately realized that nothing he could do in this moment was going to be what he needed. He let go of his shirt with a sigh and refocused his gaze onto the bland looking man in front of him.
He couldn’t let himself continue staring at the drummer. He couldn’t keep joking around with him because every time Josh laughed, Tyler felt a sense of pride that would lead him to dangerous places if he wasn’t careful.
He spent the next couple of minutes just chewing on the inside of his cheek as he listened to Josh honestly defend the differences of their band and how only having two people was never a bad thing to him. Josh preferred it that way, just them. With the frequent assistance of Mark and Michael as the exception, those sweaty, relentless nights before a gig consisted of him and Tyler giving their all to the name of Twenty One Pilots until the sun rose and their bodies gave out on them.
Just as much as Tyler struggled to keep his mind from wandering at the most inconvenient times, Josh had to remind himself that every stare from Tyler when they were alone didn’t have to be pursued. Even if it took every muscle in his body to keep himself at the drum kit when Tyler was across the basement, sprawled out on the piano, singing against the forces of nature…Josh was determined to make every intimate moment with Tyler gentle and intentional even when they usually danced around it.
Josh noticed Tyler looking everywhere in the room but at him. It would take a fool to not see the maroon lacing around the singer’s ears and blooming across his freckled cheeks.
If he did accidentally make eye contact with Josh, it was immediately broken and he would shift like he was sitting in the most uncomfortable chair in the world.
Truthfully, it was always entertaining to the drummer when he got to see Tyler become so antsy over him. That somehow just his presence could have that much of an effect on someone, let alone the one person that Josh would follow into hell if it came down to it.
After his mind looped through Josh’s perspective on the band a few times, Tyler was able to reel himself back in enough to ramble off of the drummer’s points for a while. It was enough to occupy his mind as long as he kept his eyes glued to the guy in front of him and words continued to leave his mouth.
But, eventually the window cracked for Josh to speak when they were asked another question and he started responding before Tyler could get anything out. Now the singer was right back to sitting and listening. Tyler laughed when Josh made intentional jokes or they were recalling unforgettable memories, but otherwise he was using all of his brain power to keep his hands to himself.
He moved them to and from his face, legs, and then hair before he finally settled for holding the side of the chair and leaning into the back of it, like he had been at the start of the interview. Tyler felt like he was circling the drain of longing and it was only a matter of minutes before he’d slip through. The singer had never been more disinterested in someone wanting to know about him. He only wanted to know if the drummer was thinking about him, and he wanted Josh to show him exactly what he was picturing if he was.
Time moved too slow in the stale studio with limited space and a temperature issue. The interviewer asked what seemed like fifteen more questions, but in reality it was only three or four. Tyler and Josh were finally able to manage a steady flow of responses that were undeniably fueled by their mutual desire to get out of that building and into the back of an air conditioned van where no one could see them.
Josh stared with revere every time Tyler started to tell another story. No matter how strong the magnetic pull between their physical bodies, Josh would always prioritize observation and admiration. No matter how far his mind wandered, his soul would always be content at just the sight of the singer and hearing his voice. Anything else that occurred was just a blessing to the drummer.
As Tyler finished up explaining some of the weirdest interactions he had encountered since he began playing live shows, he shifted in his chair again and cradled his arms around himself, a common soothing habit of his that doubled as a temporary fix for the absence of touch that he so desperately craved.
‘Anyone who watches this interview is going to think I’m crazy or lonely or not able to sit normally even if I was held at gunpoint.’ Tyler thought to himself and entirely blocked out the next question that was asked. That’s when he followed muscle memory and faced his entire body towards the drummer next to him as a way of passing over the question.
And that’s when he caught it. Tyler had been trying so hard to maintain his own spiraling desires that it took him almost the entire interview to notice the glint spreading through the hazel eyes staring back at him. It seemed like Josh was in a trance of his own and not expecting the sudden attention by the nervous laugh that quickly fell out of his mouth and how his eyes snapped away from Tyler’s face.
The drummer sat up and started stumbling over words about what things were the most rewarding to him as a musician. But, Tyler was a lost cause now. His eyes fixated on the way Josh’s fingers ran through the brown waves of his hair, the way his arm stretched back as he adjusted the hood of his red pullover, and mostly the way his lips looked in the sharp studio lighting. Something about the harshness only highlighted the tender hues of pink and accentuated the raw spots where his teeth previously dug into skin.
The singer couldn’t pull his gaze away. He was frantically examining Josh like it was the first time he had ever seen him. He hated how good Josh looked in everything he wore and even more so in everything he took off. Even the cheap bright hoodie that Tyler forced him to wear so that they could match the colors of their album, it fit him perfectly in Tyler’s eyes.
Red was his color. It brought every warm tone in his skin to life and drew even more attention to his dark eyes and hair. Tyler would be okay if red was the only color he could ever see, as long as it was on Josh. Whether it be his clothes, or some sort of makeup, or if he finally went through with the plan of dying his hair…Tyler would be enraptured by the drummer all the same.
Fuck.
Their eyes met again and the singer instantly knew that he was being too obvious for comfort. Even though Josh’s eyes gleamed with something waiting to be fed, Tyler saw a wave of worry pass over them and understood that him and Josh could only keep playing this game as long as it was invisible to the naked eye.
So, he forced his line of sight to the floor and threw his hand up to the side of his face to block any sight of temptation. His fingers immediately made their way up to the short ends of his hair as he pulled and twisted whatever he could get a hold onto.
‘Don’t look.’ Tyler looped in his head like that would make it easier somehow.
Josh continued on about how important the shows were to him and how proud he was to be in a band with Tyler. “Playing these songs and looking out and just realizing that everybody that we looked at were singing the words along, I think it’s just such a cool feeling.”
Josh ran his hand through his hair again as he recalled those nights and could still see the look on Tyler’s face from each one. That smile was the top contender for his favorite thing in the world. He traced it in his sleep some nights when his mind brought those memories back as dreams and Josh got to see the contentment and accomplishment radiate from his favorite person all over again.
Now it was his turn to cautiously absorb every inch of Tyler as the singer wrapped up the interview. And just like that, it was over. The guy they were speaking to flipped a switch and gave them the green light to freedom.
Tyler stood up so fast that he was surprised that his legs continued carrying him forward and he didn’t hit the floor. He immediately grabbed at the blue fabric of his shirt for the millionth time and started shaking it as he made his exit. He didn’t turn around to see if Josh followed or if they were asked to stay for photos, he was set on getting direct oxygen and feeling the dry Ohio winds soften the heat under his skin.
He wondered for a moment if his readiness to leave would be seen as rude, but then the metal door to the alley swung open with a big push and Tyler quickly settled with himself that he would just call back later and explain that they had somewhere to be.
Which technically wasn’t a lie, Tyler and Josh agreed to meet Mark and Michael at Taco Bell after the interview, but whether or not they would be there on time was still undetermined.
It all teetered on what would happen when Josh’s face appeared around the corner and how serious him and Tyler actually were about things between them staying casual.
Tyler continued down the alley toward their van where it was tucked close to the back of the radio building. Tyler didn’t park them in a vision obstructed spot on purpose, but he was thankful for it now. He dug in his pocket for the keys to the van before he reached through the open window and started the vehicle with a rumble. If it was any louder, he wouldn’t have heard the heavy metal door slam shut behind someone else and echo off of the brick surrounding him.
It was exactly who he hoped it would be. He moved with intention, headed directly to Tyler, and a smirk grew onto Josh’s lips as he approached his band mate.
“Long time, no see.” The drummer’s voice was laced with irony, but Tyler didn’t have the human will to put up with Josh’s teasing in that moment. He grabbed Josh by the draw strings of his hoodie and started walking backwards before he pushed him against the side of the van with a single side step. Josh’s hands naturally landed on the back of Tyler’s ribs before sliding around to the dips in his waist.
That alone could’ve been enough for Tyler to relish in for the rest of his life, but they were both too curious and too far consumed with the thought of one another to turn around now.
Tyler cupped his hands around Josh’s face without hesitation and let their desire pull their bodies together. Tyler was already breathing with his lips split and absentmindedly sending waves of hot air across the mouth that was inches away from his own. If the inside of the studio hadn’t turned into an oven, maybe Tyler would actually be able to catch his breath, but him and Josh both knew deep down that he’d be acting like this regardless of the temperature around them.
Josh leaned in until their forehead’s met, “We aren’t making it to Taco Bell are we?” He laughed lightly because he already knew the answer by the heat spreading through his abdomen and the focus in the eyes of the singer. It was less of a question and more of a gateway for Tyler to kick open and explore whatever his mind had been mapping out during the interview.
Tyler pressed into him and pushed back on Josh’s forehead until the back of his head tapped the side of the van, “What do you think?” He smirked and Josh recognized a look on his face that had never flashed in a moment like this before.
Something that only came out when he was dead set on doing something right or having things go exactly how he wanted them. The only time the drummer had seen it before was when Tyler was very creatively inspired and wouldn’t rest until he completed whatever song was spinning around in his head, or at some of their more chaotic venues when the staff wouldn’t listen to them and then there were issues during the shows that caused Tyler to very kindly swear to never perform at those establishments ever again.
It was intimidating, Josh wanted to breathe it in and hold it until he fainted.
Tyler’s hands roamed and his fingers twirled around the draw strings of the hoodie before he tied them into a small bow in front of the drummer’s neck. Josh smirked back at him and pressed his fingers into Tyler’s skin through the soft blue fabric, a wordless thank you for Tyler’s vulnerability even if it seemed mundane to the rest of the world.
Josh knew that the bow tie was something the singer always did to his own pullovers, and him doing it to Josh just so happened to be what led to their first kiss. It was Tyler’s way of giving a piece of himself to Josh and that made the drummer yearn to pick him up, carry him to the back of the van, and leave kisses in places that neither of them would ever forget.
Tyler’s dark brown eyes flicked up from the bow to Josh’s warm gaze and then at the same time, they both gave up on maintaining any composure that was left.
They moved seamlessly despite only ever weightlessly joking of things going this far. A joke that simmered over time and only turned into a second nature waiting to be awoken.
Tyler threw his arms around Josh’s shoulders and pulled him in by the back of his neck. Josh steadied his hands and guided Tyler’s hips straight to his own, invoking a sound from the singer that he needed to hear again. After fighting it for the entire interview, their lips finally met and if the world had have frozen in that very moment, nothing would’ve changed for them.
They molded to one another, their lips dancing messily, but with care. Palms of hands and tips of fingers, pressed and grabbed for each new delicate detail of the other. They twisted and now Tyler’s back was against the side of the van. He smiled at the action bigger than he anticipated and it only caused Josh to ease back and tilt his head as he examined the singer in front of him. He wondered if Tyler knew how handsome he was, especially when his cheeks bloomed cherry red.
Or when he looked back at Josh like a fool willing to risk it all.
“What?” A tinge of worry grabbed at Tyler’s throat that caused him to wonder if he had done something wrong or embarrassed himself without knowing.
The drummer just shook his head before brushing a thumb across the warm spots of Tyler’s face, “You…just you.”
Tyler let his face rest into Josh’s palm as he shot him a questioning look.
“When the interviewer asked for the most rewarding part of being in this band…” Josh’s thumb wandered across the singer’s bottom lip while he willed up the courage to tell him what else he had been thinking about when he answered that question.
“…I wanted to say you.”
Tyler’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “Even before all of this…” Josh looked down at their chests pressed together and his arm wrapped tightly around Tyler’s back, “I joined the band because of you. I love drumming, but I can do that anywhere or with anyone. I belong next to you and I knew that from the first time I saw you perform. The most rewarding part has always been chasing my dreams with you.”
The honesty dropped right at Tyler’s feet and he would’ve dug into the earth to collect it all if that was possible. But, instead he did the only thing that his sanity could bare, he kissed the drummer with the burning passion of every atom in his body.
Josh accepted it and took it as a promise. They had been through so many wordless nights and sleep deprived mornings where both of them opened their hearts for the other before crashing from exhaustion. This felt very similar, but with a hot surge of energy replacing the usual fuzzy fading of consciousness.
Josh’s teeth carefully nipped at Tyler’s lips each time their heads turned. It didn’t take long for it to become obvious that he wanted more. Tyler started to press into the action and let his tongue fall somewhere in between it all. This is exactly what he meant about wanting to occupy the drummer and give his nervous habits another purpose.
The hunger that engulfed the singer was mildly surprising to Josh for a moment, but as Tyler ran his fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck, the layers of heat burning through his abdomen passed the point of morality.
The drummer used one hand to loop a finger into Tyler’s belt loop and the other to grasp at the short walnut colored hair on the side of his head. Holy shit…the singer’s knees could’ve buckled in that very moment if he wasn’t pressed against the side of the van. But, Josh held onto him and kept their lips connected as he slowly turned. Tyler started shuffling with him and clung to the pullover that he was already anticipating the absence of.
As Josh stepped backwards, they stumbled, leaned into one another, laughed into the mouth of the other, and deepened every kiss even if they weren’t steady.
Then with a turn that Tyler wasn’t expecting, Josh had to drag him by one finger until their hips met again. It wasn’t unusual for his mind to move faster than the rest of his body, but his legs being slower than the mouth still linked to Josh was a sight to say the least.
Tyler caught a glimpse of where they were now and internally reminded himself to thank Josh later for reading him so well. Tyler reached out and his hand hit the back door of the van. This time it was Josh who smiled so big that their teeth clinked, causing them to finally break apart.
“Yeah?” Josh’s face shone bright and sweat from the summer heat had already begun to collect at the end of his nose.
“Yeah.”
Tyler grabbed the handle and swung open the back left door while maintaining eye contact.
God damn.
Josh wasn’t maintaining anything anymore. He knew what both of them yearned for, and he wasn’t going to let the sun go down before his hands felt all of the places on the singer that he had admired from afar.
In the blink of an eye, the drummer stepped forward and grabbed Tyler’s t-shirt from the bottom and pulled up until it came off of his arms. Josh threw it in the back of the van and was already asking a higher power for forgiveness because of the untamed feelings that emerged from his body.
His hands wrapped around Tyler’s waist once again and this time his fingers pressed into the bare skin on his back. This…is what his hands were meant to do. Drumming was his passion, but the way their cells seemed to mend on contact couldn’t keep being ignored. Maybe holding the person that made him feel alive was his purpose beyond any career or talent.
Tyler’s face contorted and his eyes grew, the way Josh made him feel was otherworldly. Maybe the stars fell in that moment or the drummer pulled lightening down from the clouds, but Tyler felt like the static buzzing inside his head was going to make him implode if he didn’t submerge himself in every inch of Josh as soon as possible.
The singer glanced up and down a few times before Josh caught on. He smoothly lifted the bright red hoodie over his head with no hesitation and tossed it in the back of the van with the blue t-shirt. A pride filled smirk grew onto his face after he turned back to Tyler and watched as his pupils visibly widened.
Tyler swallowed, “No more games.”
A gentle gust of wind blew threw the alley, it ruffled Josh’s curls and cooled the beads of sweat sprinkled across both of their chests. A small section of time that gave the two of them a beat to finally absorb everything. No longer a daydream or a distant hope, but soul shifting reality staring right back at them.
Tyler lunged forward and hooked his arms around Josh’s neck, while the drummer wasted no time finding the singer’s lips again. The palms of his hands pressed into his ribs and pulled their bodies as close as possible. Despite the mild height advantage, Tyler still pushed upward into Josh as they kissed like someone inhaling the last bit of oxygen left on earth.
Their breathing quickly mingled and Josh pushed back, pressing his chest into Tyler’s until his back bumped into the open van door. The singer gasped softly and pulled away just enough to look Josh dead in the eyes, he wanted to see exactly how much the drummer wanted this.
Josh stared back into Tyler’s dark eyes and let himself be consumed. He would do anything for him…he wanted Tyler to understand that completely.
“No more games.” The drummer’s breath shot into the singer’s mouth, but the heat didn’t even have time to settle on his lips before Josh lifted him off the ground. Tyler wrapped his legs around Josh’s hips and kicked off his shoes onto the ground behind them.
Rough hands from relentless drumming tightened into denim underneath the singer’s thighs to insure his safety. Josh shifted and his mouth found its way to Tyler’s collar bone, laying gentle kisses across his flesh. His head instantly tilted like his body was dynamite just waiting for a spark. Josh had always been the spark that was meant to ignite Tyler’s soul and that was physically undeniable now.
Tyler’s fingers dug into Josh’s back as the drummer lightly pinched faint tanned skin in between his teeth. He felt every single movement and that was the precise affect Josh wanted. They deserved to feel together without it being followed by guilt and uncertainty.
The drummer leaned back and admired the rosy, sunlit features of his best friend before laughing lightly at what he was about to do. Within a second Tyler had been tossed into the back of the van and landed on his back, his sharp joy filled laugh now booming in between metal walls and echoing down the alley.
The drummer shook his head and smiled purely out of endearment. No matter how different things became, they would always be soulmates down to the core. Whether it be dull days sitting in a convenience store parking lot and planning their future, or years down the line after they made it as far as they dreamed and stopped caring about how others perceive them, Josh knew that Tyler was his person.
And that knowledge trilled through his bones as he watched the singer roll around in giggles on top of their own blankets and pillows left over from the sporadic tour road trips.
Josh stepped up onto the bumper before kneeling down and sitting on top of Tyler’s legs. He pulled the door shut behind him and his gaze fell down to the singer in front of him. Tyler’s laughter gradually faded into a soft grin as he stared back at the drummer, he fucking loved him. In more ways than he ever believed were possible for himself.
Mark and Michael would just have to be poorly lied to later about why they never showed up at Taco Bell. Probably something vague about being stuck in the non-existent traffic, the van that they just took to the shop wouldn’t crank, or maybe the interviewer talked enough for the three of them and Tyler and Josh were too kind to tell him they had somewhere to be.
Guess we’ll never know…