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“I-i want my mum…” He whispered brokenly through a sob as he curled up to Regulus. He was much taller and did not really fit against the smaller frame of the younger boy. Regulus did not mind, though; he'd hold James in his arms as best as he could, offering comfort. He ran his hand through James’ tangled hair, placing a gentle kiss atop the curls. “I- Reg-”
“Shh, I know, I know baby,” He said, continuing the calm rhythm in which he'd been combing his hair in, hoping it would make him more relaxed. James nodded, though his next exhale came out with a gut-wrenching sob; they escaped his throat without his permission. He could not help it; they simply forced their way out of his body. The longing hurt his heart more than anything else ever had. He needed Euphemia. The feeling was similar to when he’d get lost in the supermarket as a child, frantically looking for his mum. Only this time, she would not be there to wrap him in a warm, comforting hug, telling him nothing bad had happened. “Shh, I know, but do you think you could take a deep breath for me? Please, Jamie, you don't sound too good. I'll help, just breathe with me.”
Regulus took in deeper, more audible breaths, hoping James would be able to follow after him. James took in choppy breaths, getting caught up in his throat before releasing them in short huffs. “I-i can't- can't b-breathe.” He sobbed, shaking his head feverishly, face hidden in Regulus' chest. Regulus nodded. If it were another situation, he might say something along the lines of Well, not like that, you can't. But he just slipped his fingers under his chin, gently guiding his head so he would be able to get some fresh air.
“Darling, just breathe with me, I know you can. Just follow me.” He said, starting to run his hand up his back and breathing in at the same time. “Breathe in for three-” he let his hand rest at the top. “Hold for three, and out for three.” Regulus ran his hand back down, repeating the instructions and movements. James usually did this for him whenever he woke from a nightmare in a panic; it worked then. He hoped it would now, too and it would calm him down. The technique worked, though it still took a while until James' breathing calmed down. The harsh, breathless sobs turned into small sniffles and occasional tears. The head resting on his collarbone grew heavy after a moment, and James' breathing evened to near its normal rhythm; he'd fallen asleep.
Regulus wasn't surprised he'd exhausted himself with all the crying and emotions; he was glad that he could rest for now. There was no pain while he was asleep; it was all okay for a moment, even if it would be short-lived. He continued stroking his hair, slowly solving all the knots, his hair hadn't been washed in a week or so. James had been too tired to really take care of himself, understandably so. Maybe Regulus could draw the boy a nice warm bubble bath, wash his hair and solve all the knots in his hair. It was too pretty to let mat like this.
He gently removed James' glasses so he wouldn't be so uncomfortable while sleeping, kissing his forehead when he stirred. James stilled again, hiding his face more into Regulus' neck. He cleaned the tear stains off the glasses, setting them down onto the nightstand. He grabbed his book at the same time, starting to read while James napped. It was a bit hard to focus on the story, though, because he was much too worried.
He wished he could make everything better for James, but all he could really do was to sit with him and hold him close. Hopefully, that would be enough. He was glad James could sleep now, at least, he had not been sleeping well lately, as he kept having dreams that made him feel more exhausted than the night before. They were not necessarily nightmares, but simply bad dreams. They did not scare him, but left him without rest and anxious about things that had happened.
James fluttered his eyes open after nearly half an hour had passed. He quickly closed them again as he was met with the bright light of the bedside lamp. His eyes hurt, and his nose was painfully congested as the aftermath of the tears. He sniffled, rubbing his nose against Regulus' collarbone. Regulus found it adorable, though he wished it wasn't because he was so, so sad. James realised his head hurt too, pounding at the back of his head. Hopefully, it would disappear soon.
“Hey, sunshine,” James smiled slightly at the whispered endearment, though it faltered quickly. Regulus marked the page he was on, setting it back onto the nightstand. “Did you sleep well?” He nodded as a shiver ran through his body. Regulus rubbed his arm in response, an attempt to warm James up, pulling up the duvet over him. “I'm glad, darling. How are you feeling?”
“I don' know,” he whispered, sitting up so he could look at Regulus, who smiled sympathetically as James just squinted at him: his vision all blurry. He was then handed a tissue to blow his nose, and Regulus grabbed James’ glasses as well. “Thank you.”
“No problem,” He smiled, carefully placing them on his nose, giving it a small kiss, caressing his cheek for a moment. James laid his head back down on Regulus’ shoulder, taking in a deep breath. “I was thinking, I could run you a bath later, solve your hair, maybe? It's a bit tangled.”
“Would you?”
“Of course, anything for you, baby.” He smiled, kissing the crown of his head. James curled back up to him, taking in a deep breath as he got comfortable. Regulus picked up his book again, this time starting to read out loud, knowing James liked it, even if he did not know what the story was really about. The soft voice and calm rhythm made James feel calm and comfortable. He felt safe and loved; everything would be okay for just this moment.
…
James settled into the tub, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head on them. He watched Regulus go around the bathroom, collecting things and lighting up a candle before sitting on the edge of the tub for easier access. He rolled up the sleeves of his jumper, smiling softly at the boy. The water was nice and warm, wrapping him in a comforting hug, in a way. There were some bubbles too, which smelled like vanilla; he liked it. It reminded him of the baths Euphemia would run him whenever he was ill.
Regulus started by pouring water over his hair with the cup he had brought, wetting it thoroughly so it would be easier to solve. He took some conditioner into his hands and started to lather James' hair in it, lastly grabbing a comb from the side. “Tell me if it hurts, okay? Quite a bit of knots you have here.” He said, no bad intent behind his words, he just wanted to make the boy comfortable. He waited for James to nod before slowly starting to solve the knots with the comb, trying to be as careful with it as he could.
“I'm sorry,” James whispered after a while, looking down as he felt tears burn in his eyes. Regulus should not have to do this for him; he should be able to take care of himself. “You shouldn't have to take care of me.”
“You're not forcing me, are you? Mm, no thought so. Jamey, love, I want to take care of you, it’s no bother to me, do not worry, love.” He assured, leaning in to press a kiss onto his temple, hoping to make him feel better. “You're having a rough time at the moment… I'm here for you, and I want to be. Whatever way I can help, I want to.” James simply nodded, slowly turning to look at Regulus, who smiled. “I love you, chéri .” He whispered, kissing his cheek, wiping away a lone tear before leaning back and continuing to solve his hair.
“I love you,” James whispered back, a small smile on his lips, before turning his head again to give Regulus better access. Regulus continued solving his hair, which was done soon. James' hair was now free of knots, and once dried, it would be silky smooth and shiny.
“I'm all done, darling.” He said, running his hand through the now-solved hair, smiling as James looked up at him. “I’ll go get you some warm and soft pyjamas, and make tea for us. Sound good? You can wash and dry off in the meantime.”
“Yeah,” He smiled faintly, feeling so loved and well cared for. It felt so good he might just cry. Regulus was so good to him. “Thank you, Reggie.”
He just smiled before leaving the bathroom, grabbing James' favourite pyjamas: an old pair of red checkered pyjama bottoms and a worn-out band t-shirt. He grabbed an oversized hoodie as well, unsure which one James would prefer today. Before entering, he knocked on the door frame to warn James of his presence. He set the clothes down on a bench, grabbing a fresh towel from the cupboard too.
“Blow out the candle when you leave,” He reminded, and James laughed with a small nod. Regulus was just glad he was feeling a tad bit better. He made them both tea and grabbed some snacks from the cupboard, gathering them on a tray and then carrying them to the living room. Before settling on the sofa, though, he went to change into pyjamas too, wanting to spend a nice evening with his boyfriend. They could get all cosied up on the sofa, have some nice food and then head to bed, hoping for a better tomorrow.
Regulus curled up in the corner of the sofa with his cup of tea, turning on the television on at a low volume. There was a nature documentary going on, not the most entertaining, but definitely calming. Soon, James padded to the living room, smiling slightly as he sat down next to Regulus, pulling a soft blanket over his feet. His hair was slightly damp still, but the curls were so much more defined than before. His cheeks were healthily blushed, and his features looked so much softer than they had only a few hours ago. James reached for his cup, taking a small sip, and then leaned against Regulus, wanting to be close to the other.
“Are you feeling better?” James simply nodded, glancing up at Regulus, who leaned to kiss his forehead. James lifted his head, leaning in to give Regulus a soft kiss, who gladly gave it to him. They fell into a silence then, both focusing on the documentary and cups of tea. After a while, though, James' eyes focused on a picture frame in the large bookcase sitting next to the television. There was one with a candle set in front of it, but it hadn't been lit. Regulus did not want flames around his books. It was mainly there just because it had to be.
“What are you thinking about, sunshine?” Regulus asked, pulling him out of the spiralling train of thought he had fallen upon. He could pretty much figure out what James was thinking about, but maybe talking about it would help.
“Mum,” He whispered. “I just- I miss her. I'm sorry.”
“Hey, no… You're allowed to miss her, she's your mum. No saying sorry.” James just nodded, taking another sip of his tea. “Do you want to talk about it? About her, anything? I'm here to listen, baby.”
“I- I want to chat with her or hug. Anything. I just need her here, with me…” He said, swallowing thickly, he did not feel upset, bittersweet maybe. He just wanted his mum; he needed the comforting fact that she was alive and could just call her. Life without Euphemia felt weird and scary. He didn't know what it looked like; it felt like all the air had been forced out of his lungs for weeks. It was hard to pull in a deep breath; every breath felt like a stab right in the heart. The only thought constantly running in his head was simply: I need to see her. I need to see her. I need to- “Reg, I just need her. I don't know what to do.”
“Mm, I’m sorry you feel like that, darling.” He whispered into his hair, planting a kiss on to it as he thought about what to say to comfort the boy. “I’m sure it is scary, but I know you can do it, you’re so strong. There’s no time limit to grieving; you are allowed to take as much time as you need.”
“Yeah…” He said. “I don’t know how to get over it. I need to, but I can’t.”
“I don’t think you need to,” Regulus said, watching as James looked at him with a confused expression. He took a sip of his tea before speaking again. “What I mean is, you don’t just get over things like this, you learn to live with them, love. Which isn’t the easiest, but you can do it, with time.”
James nodded, taking a moment to think over the words. “I don’t know if I can…” He whispered after a moment of silence. “Learn to live with it, I mean.”
“And, that’s okay too,” Regulus said as James leaned his head against his shoulder. “Whatever happens, though, I’ll be here for you. I love you, Jamey.”
“I love you too,”