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Sirius's eyes scanned over the letter again, just bringing more burning tears into his eyes. He took in a deep, steadying breath, letting the letter fall onto the floor as his hands shook. He knew this was bound to happen at some point, they'd find out about him and Remus. He knew it, but he hadn't expected it, not now and childishly thinking what if they'd actually be nice about it.
He wiped his eyes to his sleeves, finding the soft knitted fabric comforting. It was Remus', too big for him, but it was soft and warm and brought him so much comfort. It smelled like coffee and vanilla; this one was one of his favourite ones, it was burnt yellow with some patterns going around the hem and sleeves. Remus got it for Christmas last year from Hope, apparently she had knitted it herself. It was nice.
He laid down on the sofa, watching as the fire burnt; he listened to the quiet crackling and occasional popping sounds as he waited. He had been waiting for about an hour already, it was a habit, difficult to break, even though he would like nothing but lay in bed and sleep. Remus was doing rounds, so he was waiting for him to come back, Remus did the same thing whenever he had practice. They always waited for each other.
It took a while until the portrait swung open and Remus walked into the common room, looking around before walking over to Sirius. “Hi, baby.” He smiled, sitting down onto the floor by Sirius' head, frowning as he saw the tear tracks on his cheeks. Sirius smiled tiredly. “What's going on?”
“Got a letter,” He whispered, staring at the letter that lay on the floor right by Remus' knees. He grabbed the letter, taking Sirius' hand into his, kissing his knuckles as he started to read it; immediately recognising the handwriting as Walburgas. His eyes filled with tears as he read over it, horrified by the way his love was talked to by his parents. It was awful, and it didn't get easier over time, even though Sirius insisted it did. This situation was very similar to when they were kids. Sirius would simply shut down and hide somewhere to cry alone about whatever his mother had said this time. “Don't cry, Remy… I'm sorry.”
“Hey, no. It's not your fault, baby.” Remus soothed, caressing his cheek where a tear rolled down. “You haven't done anything wrong. This- this is not wrong…” The words almost got stuck in his throat, hating that he even had to say this, that their love was not some kind of sin, and he wouldn't burn in hell for an eternity for simply loving someone.
They were so violent with their words, each syllable hurting more than the last. The words themselves were awful, and he just knew Sirius would hold into them like it was the truth. He would dream about them being yelled at his face as another curse or a slap was delivered. He'd wake up in tears, refusing to accept comfort. Remus wished he could do or say something that would make all the hatred etched on his mind disappear. To make the scars of so-called wrongdoings away, wash them away, so Sirius wouldn't have to worry so, so much.
Sirius despised his bloodline, but sometimes, everything he had gone through surfaced. It made him think they had been right all along. Every nasty word that had been spoken to him, every hit and kick, a push down the stairs. Everything that he had endured simply for existing appeared to the forefront of his mind. It made it all worse, all too real, and all his fears come true.
Ever since they started dating, Sirius had been afraid of this. Afraid of his parents finding out that he was dating a boy. They had for a while known he was gay: they had read his diary. They had been furious, of course they had, but they still had hopes of conversion and simply beating it out of him. But now that Walburga and Orion knew they were together, it was all over. In their eyes, he was doomed for eternal suffering along with the one who had ‘turned their son gay’.
“What if it is?” Sirius whispered after a moment, eyes frantically going over Remus'. He loved those eyes. They were so beautiful with their amber colour, and he hated to see it drowning in tears; from the pain he had essentially caused. Remus shifted to sit on his knees, making sure to look at Sirius, cupping his face in his hand, holding Sirius' in the other one.
“It is not,” Remus said, caressing his cheek as a tear fell. “And, even if it is, Nothing can ever stop me from loving you. I’d love you anyway.” He said, a few tears falling down from his own eyes, dripping down as Sirius gazed at him, gray eyes glistening with tears too.
Sirius propped himself up so he could look Remus straight in the eyes. He cupped Remus' cheek in his hand, pulling him slightly closer. “I'd love you anyway.” He echoed quietly, smiling softly despite the tears falling. “I love you, Remus.”
“I love you too,” He whispered into the air between them, leaning to give Sirius a sweet but chaste kiss. It was a small little peck, but it meant so much more. It confirmed their love for each other, sealing it to be just for them, for it to be something that couldn't be taken away. When they pulled away, Sirius smiled, starting to giggle quietly as he leaned his head on Remus' shoulder. “What…?”
“My mother would murder us if she saw this,” He laughed, and Remus did too, glad Sirius was feeling well enough to joke about it. He lifted his head after a moment, smiling slightly as he looked at Remus. He smiled too, leaning down to kiss his nose, bringing both of his hands to cup Sirius' face. He wanted to be so incredibly close with the other boy; He wished he could simply intertwine their hearts so they'd always be close like this.
“That she would,” Sirius smiled slightly at that, sniffling quietly as an aftermath of the tears. “You feeling any better, love?”
“A bit,” he said, eyes scanning over Remus'; they were so gentle and soft like his words. The care he always put into everything made his heart swell with love and happiness. “Only because of you, Rem. You make me feel better.”
“I'm glad, baby,” He smiled. “You make me feel better, too, always.” Remus started to get up, though he only got up halfway before Sirius grabbed hold of his jumper, then his hand. “What, sweets?”
“Cuddles? I wanna be with you.”
“And I with you.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss Sirius' hand that was still clinging onto his. “But, can we go have a cuddle in bed? I'll give you chocolate, hmm?”
Sirius nodded, slowly sitting up and then letting Remus pull him along up to their dorm. “Do you have any chocolate frogs?” He asked as they climbed the stairs. “Or any of those- what are they? The Muggle ones I like, moony.”
“Chocolate oranges?” He asked, glancing back at Sirius, who nodded with a smile. “I think I do, I'll see, baby.”
“Thank you…” He whispered quietly. “I love you.”
“Love you too. Go to bed, hmm? I'll be right there with chocolates.” He ran his hand through Sirius' hair, kissing his forehead before going to the bathroom. Sirius settled in Remus' bed, getting under the blanket, kicking off his socks and pushing them off of the bed. Their dorm was empty; Peter was off with his girlfriend, and James was in the hospital wing, healing a broken wrist. He was fine, really, but Madam Pomfrey wanted to make sure it healed properly with the potion he was given.
Sirius watched as Remus changed out of his uniform into his pyjamas and then made tea for himself at the little tea station they had created atop their dresser. “Do you want tea, love?” He asked, turning to look at Sirius, who nodded a little shyly, feeling bad for being such a burden on Remus despite the offer.
Remus soon climbed in bed next to him, handing him a steaming yellow teacup. “Thank you,” he whispered, taking a careful sip, glancing at Remus, who smiled, leaning to kiss his temple. “I'm sorry for all this- this mess,” Sirius said, looking down to his lap, trying to figure out the words to express what he was trying to say. “You shouldn't have to deal with it… with me.”
“Baby, no… look at me, please.” Sirius looked up, watching as Remus balanced the cup on his lap, cupping Sirius' cheek. “It is not your fault, nor mine. Don't apologize for things like this. You've got nothing to be sorry for.” Sirius nodded slightly as Remus caressed his cheek. “I don't ‘deal’ with you, I love you, and I love taking care of you, I want you to feel better.”
“But- it causes you pain. I don't want you to.”
“Mm, but, Sirius love, it's not your fault. It causes you pain, too, and I don't want that.” He said, leaning down to kiss his nose and forehead when Sirius just laid his head on his shoulder. “Maybe we can make each other feel better, hmm? Together, yeah?”
“Yeah,” He smiled, taking Remus' hand into his, giving a gentle squeeze. “What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Being right there is enough,” He said, taking a sip of his tea. “I just want to be close to you, don't need anything else.”
“I don't need anything else either… just you.”
“So you don't want chocolate?”
“Don't be stupid now,” Sirius said, that mischievous glint in his eyes as he glanced up at Remus, who laughed, leaning down to kiss him. He then reached to the top drawer of his bedside table, grabbing a few different things from there. He did have Sirius' favourite in there, which immediately made the other smile as it was set down onto the bed. “Thank you, moony.” He whispered, peeling off the foil and popping a piece into his mouth.
“No problem,” Remus whispered, closing the drawer and turning back to Sirius, wrapping an arm around him so he could hold the boy closer. Sirius leaned his head in the space between his shoulder and chest. He took another sip of his tea, finally feeling comfortable after reading the letter. Maybe it would be okay in the end; they'd be okay.