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Why does the sun hide during a particularly nasty storm? It takes its time to reproach. Why is that? Yashiro was trying her best to avert her eyes from the window as clouds approached, thunder grumbled in the distance, and rain drizzled softly, bouncing against the window in a soundly rhythm.
She was preparing to say goodbye to the friendly warmth of the sun to welcome the coming unfortunate weather.
“You know… You should probably start heading home soon, Yashiro.”
She frowned slightly in response; she didn't want to go, not yet. She had a question she'd been meaning to ask him.
“Hey—uhm.”
“Yeah?”
“If you could wish for anything, Hanako... what would you wish for?”
The question had snapped him out of a trance. He was staring out the window; he looked a tad empty for reasons she couldn't understand. Not yet, at least.
“Hanakooo~” She beamed, “C’mon! Answer me~! Stop staring out the window, you weirdo.”
He adjusted his glare to meet her eyes. “Well…” he giggled, “I’d wish for…” Her eyes grew wide; Yashiro was fidgeting, anticipating his response with a hopeful gleam. She had a feeling in her gut that she knew his response wouldn't be serious, but a part of her had hoped…
“Donuts! An unlimited supply!” he responded with a catty expression.
Her smile dropped. “Really?!” she huffed, shaking him roughly. “That's a horrible wish!!”
He laughed, “Nooo!! It's a delicious one.
"Stop messing around and tell me gahh!~” His eyes were focused with warmth as he smiled brightly at her response; softly, he grasped her shoulders, pulling her inwards towards his chest.
“One day, Yashiro... One day I'll tell you.”
Yashiro's eyes widened; she wondered what he meant. Why did he always have to be so secretive? It drove her crazy. She decided to just let it go, agreeing to the hug. Snuggling into his embrace.
“Okay… and maybe one day I’ll tell you mine too.”
He retracted the hug and gently brought his hands to hers.
“Sneaky sneaky!” He giggled. “One day”
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“If you could wish for anything, Hanako…” She stopped, looking around, obviously dazed. The words tasted sour in her mouth. Something felt… Wrong, why did the question sound so familiar?
“Yashiro?”
She blinked a few times, then shook her head.
“Oh—uh.”
He returned her glance with a curious nudge.
“You mean what would I wish for?” he questioned helpfully.
“Mmh, yeah!” Yashiro was barely paying attention; she was too focused on why she was here. Fidgeting with the chain around her neck, the hourglass—why did it take her here, to this very day?
Everything, from the temperature in the girls' bathroom to the hairstyle she was wearing, was reminiscent of a certain conversation she had with him a few months prior. "Ah, so I'm in the past then," she thought to herself. She remembers this conversation very well; she remembers truly wondering what he had wished for, wanting him to be clear and transparent, she remembers feeling disappointed.
Now that she thought of it, it's been a while since she had seen…Hanako. Yashiro's eyes grew heavy; this was her Hanako—well, a past version, but still him. The thought of it made her eager, made her impatient. Screw it! Yashiro pulled him in closer. “I’ve m-missed you, H-Hanko.”
He watched as ugly tears fell from her eyes. “Wooah, Yashiro~” he giggled. “Missed me? I haven't gone anywhere.”
That's right, he hadn't, at least not yet.
—----------------------------------------
Yashiro tried desperately, flickering through each moment.
Again and again…
Every single time—
She kept ending up in the same loop, with the same question; her head was throbbing, her mind was racing, and her heart was aching.
Maybe she could try again?
One more time, and then it would stop.
—----------------------------------------
“If you could wish for anything, Yashiro... What would you wish for?”
The question had snapped her out of a trance.
“W-what?” Hanako was facing her front on, his hands on her shoulders. “I wish?” Nene shook her head; she looked around in a confused daze. “What day is it…”
Hanako tilted his head. “Hmm? What do you mean?” A look of concern drew onto his face. “Yashiro, are you okay?” He noticed how the glitter in her eyes wasn't as bright as it was, as if the sparkle was sucked out, as if the light was snuffed.
She was starting to shiver; this felt wrong … wrong … Wrong!! How was she back here again? And why was he now asking her the question? The same dang question!
“Woah, Yashiro, you don't look so good.”
She took his hands and pulled them off her, stepping backwards a few steps, glancing towards the mirror with an ache in her stomach. “I—I’m fine,” she breathed out. Taking in her appearance in the reflection, he was right; she didn't look good. In fact, she looked awful. Heavy bags under her red swollen eyes, a shake lingering in her whole body, her hair drooped and its curl in a frantic mess. She looked absolutely exhausted.
“Yashiro…”
She could hear the crackle in his voice; it was obvious that she was concerning him. Yashiro, who couldn't pull herself away from the mirror, was tugging on the chain around her neck. The hourglass isn't supposed to be able to take her to the same time more than once, so even if it's Hanako who's asking what she had wished for, why is she returning to this exact conversation?
“Yashiro… What's that around your neck?”
She was silent, taking a moment before she regained the strength to speak.
“You asked me… What would I wish for right?”
Hanako drew closer to her.
“You don't have to answer—”
“I wish… to hold you near me right now.”
A confused glance drew from beside her; he was hesitant to react. He opened his mouth, but words seemed startled to come out.
“Y-you don't ever have to wish for that, Yashiro.” His appearance melted, becoming soft, fragile, and brimming with a sweet sulk. Hanako pulled her gently away from the mirror and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m here, I’m here.”
Her eyes grew heavy; she was so tired. When did she become so tired? It was like a wave that crashed into her, affecting every part of her—her soul, her being, her gut twisted. Why couldn't she stay here forever? Why can't she just stay with him? It hurts. Her eyes started to slowly close; she was falling asleep in his arms. She tried her best to fight against it, but she always liked sleeping in the cold.
“Yashiro?” He noticed her drifting; her breath was light as it was delicate. Hanako smiled; he could sense the exhaustion radiating from her. It had given him deja-vu. Hanako scooped her up and leaned her against the window sill; she could faintly hear him say, “Want to know what I'd wish for?” He whispered, “I'd wish for you to be happy again.” Her heart couldn't help but give a flutter.
—----------------------------------------
“If you could wish for anything, Yashiro... What would you wish for?” The sun was shining brightly from the window. Smiling at her, teasing her. Yashiro's heart started racing. No-nonono… Why was she here? Again and again and again?
“No—no, no—! This is all wrong.” She stumbled backwards, her knees began to wobble, and she couldn't keep herself balanced.
“Yashiro!!” Hanako lunged forward; he had wanted to catch her, although she had collapsed to the ground too quickly for his notion.
“Please, please stop,” she spoke loudly, scooting further away from him, her voice echoing with frustration and devastation, as if she was pleading for help.
“S-stop what?” Hanako reached for her; his eyes were growing heavy, and tears pricked at the corners. Hearing her voice shake like this, it hurt him, it really hurt him. “Yashiro? Yashiro, please, I want to help.”
She looked terrified. “Help? You c-c-cant help me.” the words flowing out, each syllable without intention.
“Yashiro's breath…” He said, she was gasping at this point, her whole body shaking, her heart beating in and out of her throat. “… Breathe,” he said calmly.
“Hhuff.” “Huff.” It wasn’t working; she couldn't grasp onto air around her, her hands now clawing at the ground. “P-p-please.” Hanako didn't know what to do; he didn't know how to comfort her. All he could figure was to sit with her until she calmed down, but after a couple minutes her breath was still rocking her. That's when he noticed it, the chain around her neck that was now untucked, revealing an object that Hanako recognized.
“No… no—Yashiro, I’m so sorry.” He decided to move in closer to her.
“You—you’re not my Yashiro, are you?” She turned to look towards him, her expression shifting. “H-how did you?”
He frowned, “Your necklace,” pointing towards it with a shaky hand. “What are you doing...?” She was shocked. How had he known? Actually she had a bigger question: how could he see it? Has it been visible to everyone?
“Listen to me, Yashiro, you need to stop.” She thought his words idiotic.
“You don't understand.”
“No—I understand perfectly.” With a stern tone, Hanako grabbed her, his hands squeezing into fists. “You need to let go of whatever it is you’re searching for; it’s not worth it.” Her focus was sharp; she was in shock as she noticed the now heavy tears strung to his eyes.
“Trust me, Hanako, it's worth it,” she said with a gentle smile.
“Look at you, Yashiro~! This is tearing you apart!” Her hands were now also wrapped around his.
“The thing I've been looking for…” Yashiro took a deep breath, easing herself. “It’s you, Hanako.”
“Me? you're doing this for me? Why—I don't understand.. what happened?” Yashiro was scared to respond, knowing she couldn't talk about where she came from or use any direct language due to the restraints of the hourglass.
“I love you,” she said, Hanako's eyes glistening brightly in reaction.
“I—that doesn't answer the question!” his face was burning red.
“I love you, Hanako. I love you.” His expression was twisted into something she couldn't quite place. “I love you, I love you, I—”
“Okay, okay...”
“I love you, I love you, and I’ll love you again, and again, and…” She was sobbing, her words turning and twisting like a gear in her brain, again and again. She wouldn't stop; she just couldn't. Not until she could find an existence where he was hers again, where she was his, where she could hold him for eternity, no matter what that meant.
He twirled her hair in his hands; he gave in, not being able to restrain himself from comforting her. She looked broken, soulless; it was visibly breaking him. “I love you too.”
She didn't want to leave, she didn't want to leave him, and she was shivering at the thought of missing the comfort, of not getting another opportunity to hold him like this.
All she wanted, all she's ever truly wanted, was to feel loved. Right now… she did. Though why had the universe been so reluctant?
“I don't want to go,” warm tears bathing the floor. “I don't want to go, please.” The hourglass was pulling on her; she knew she had seconds. What did she need to do to stop this loop? Every time she returned to this conversation, it was only a reminder that she was never going to get her wish, that no matter how much she held him, no matter how much she craved it, nothing was permanent…
Gasping as she took a moment to realize something, Yashiro frantically rushed to his side, tears pillowing onto his uniform. “I have my wish, Hanako,” she shook him. “I- have- my- wish.” The boy anchored his attention on her ruby eyes. She hummed lightly, satisfied with his eye contact.
Her mind wavered for a moment; all this time, she had been wishing for something that deep down she knew was impossible, and she needed to let it go, or else this memory wouldn't let her be. Like a plague corrupting her vision for the future, a parasite that leached onto her conscience, dragging her further and further away, the light becoming tinier and tinier, microscopic even.
“Hanako,” her hands were trembling, “I wish...that you would let me go.”
She shivered. “I don't want to be saved.” Her words rang through, echoing loudly. Silence was his response, but his eyes happened to say everything she needed to hear. The sand clock whirled, and as the last hint of sand fell through the crack…
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The room fell silent; dark storm clouds draped over the last inches of sun, and it trickled through the window. It felt warm; it felt temporary, hitting her face in just the right way, where its shine lit up her achingly shattered eyes.
Everything was the same—the feeling of ease, the hairdo she wore, the temperature of the restroom—everything, every single little detail, except the most important one, the one she cared for the most, the one that cradled her in desperation. Hanako… He wasn't there.
She sang tenderly as she watched out the window, a breath of torment replacing each word of the tune.
“We’ll meet again… Don't know when… Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do. Till my blue skies drive the dark clouds far awayyy~, so will you please say hello to the folks that I know?”
“Tell them I won’t be long… They'll be happy to know that as you saw me gone, I was singing this song.
We'll meet again.
Don't know when, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
“Some… sunny… day”
“I wish…”