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To be truly alone…
Glinda felt it most when she was surrounded by others.
She looked everywhere for a sign of what once was, she took comfort in even pain as long as it was familiar.
A thorn of the red rose Fiyero gifted her would prick her finger. She recalls calling Elphaba’s hat sharp once.
As she watched the blood trickle down her finger, she remembers her largest and deepest wound. It didn’t bleed, instead it went straight to scarring. Often times, she refused to let Fiyero touch her chest for fear that he may reopen it. Or worse, she’d realize how much she wished it was the person who ripped her open to be the one to repair her.
Glinda was often alone.
Not physically, of course. No, Glinda the Good was never on her own. And yet… she was forever lonely.
What was the point of a friend you couldn’t trust? Why have a lover when you loathe the way they touch you?
Glinda tried to take comfort in the loathing, but it was different. It had all of the disdain with none of the passion.
Fiyero never saw her. Oz, Fiyero never even looked for her. Not that Glinda could blame him. Why be satisfied with the woman next to you when you long for the only person who has ever made you feel alive?
Her princess smiles were starting to come naturally, and she was beginning to forget details. What did Elphaba smell like? How many freckles did she have? How did she used to breathe when she was sleeping? How did her eyebrows used to furrow when she was frustrated? How did her touch used to feel?
The further Glinda escaped into her bubble, the more she forgot. The crown became a sparkling cage, and she had become her own captor.
She began to write letters. She would burn them right away. But at least she could be honest in them. Late at night, while Fiyero slept light and uneasily, Glinda would tip toe to her desk and bring out her favorite emerald pen.
It was here where she could tell the truth. It was here that her smile could stretch to her tired eyes. It was only when she away from the gazes of every living soul that she could talk to her friend.
Dear Elphie,
I went to another ball today. Those things just get more and more dreadful as you age, did you know that? Well, no matter, I’m sure you have much more pressing matters to tend to…
I hope you’re taking the absolute best care of yourself. I know you have a tendency to get lost in your tasks and forget to eat! But who am I to judge? I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a meal. But how could I? I know you were fond of Fiyero but that boy chews like a cow!!
Well look at me, rambling as I always do. Some things never change, right Elphaba? Well anywho, I actually have a point to make. Shocking, I know.
I was at the ball today, and it reminded me of Ozdust. Oh Elphie, you should’ve seen the decorations, it was almost uncanny in its similarity! It made me long for simpler times… not that anything was ever simple for us.
I looked for you in the crowd, but you weren’t there. One day, could you be there? I know it’s a lot to ask but it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just once Elphie, can I find your face in the crowd? Can I be selfish and ask to not be alone, just for one night?
I know it’s too much to ask, but I’ve always been too much and you’re the only one who never seemed to care about all that…
Forever yours,
With love,
Sincerely,
Galinda
A tear dropped on the pale pink paper right where she dotted the i. Not that it mattered. The letter was up in flames before the splotch ever had a chance to dry.
Fiyero had been right all those years ago. Nothing mattered. Maybe something did once, but it was long gone.
Elphaba was long gone.
The only one who mattered was lost to Glinda forever.