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When the world changed and monsters came crashing down, destruction and disaster in their wake, Kim Rok Soo changed along with it.
No – at first, he could confidently say nothing seemed to change at all.
People died, that was true.
Monsters razed the earth and laid waste to the country, this is also true.
But somehow, some way, the world was not different.
The signs telling him wrong wrong wrong were all there from the start, but at the time, Kim Rok Soo did not know what those signs were. Or maybe he tried his hardest to ignore them.
People still milled about, walking the streets.
Children ran through playgrounds, laughing and cheering without a care in the world.
Office workers rushed to work, bag in hand, eyes frantically checking their watch to catch the next train.
It was all so normal, everyday, ordinary, that it wasn’t until closer inspection that Kim Rok Soo finally realized that things were entirely different.
For him and the world.
The streets were broken, sidewalks cratered and blood splattered. Entire cities awash with blood, the stench carrying for miles.
Children sobbed under slanted slabs of concrete, alone, no parents or guardians in sight.
Trains lay crushed and waysided off the rails, looking like helpless mechanical worms left stranded on bare ground.
A couple months into the cataclysm, the survivors concluded that certain individuals had awoken with strange powers.
They vary from person to person, in strength and versatility. But at the very core of their being, they are considered superpowers. Or, abilities, as they’ve been coined.
And the lucky few, the ones born with god’s favor, have two abilities to their name.
But, Kim Rok Soo was an odd one.
He had three. Or, he suspected he had three.
Record. Instant. And a third.
He didn’t know what to call it yet. He was unsure if it was just an extension of Record or something else entirely.
But, it let him see ghosts.
The people milling about, walking the streets.
The cheerful children swinging and dangling off the jungle gyms.
The harried office workers trying to beat the clock.
Life carried on. Separately. The past juxtaposed over the present, making it hard to separate the two from one another, entwined as they were.
The illusion of normalcy had Kim Rok Soo struggling to decipher spirits from reality. One overlaid against the other, if it were anyone else, wouldn’t they turn a blind eye to suffering and bask in the beauty of a world without a cataclysm?
Slowly but surely, that became the new normal. Not the normal of the past, and not the normal of today, but one of his own, a strange amalgamation of two time periods, stitched together by silk threads and pointed needles.
The ghosts never really interacted with him. Which he was grateful for.
Many most likely didn’t even know what happened to them–probably killed the moment the cataclysm impacted–crushed under the paws of beasts or the unforgiving weight of concrete.
Eventually, though, that changed too, like everything in the world is bound to. As dictated by fate.
Ghosts that were aware. Ghosts that knew they were dead – having died so terribly that they couldn’t not forget. Ghosts that knew he could see them.
Ghosts that reflected their moment of demise, terrible and twisted in such a gruesome way, their afterimages haunted Kim Rok Soo even beneath his closed eyelids, eyes squeezed shut and head turned away.
Mangled bodies, exposed organs, blood slathered across every surface and pore of their skin, spread and smeared like macabre body paint. The images haunted him both day and night.
Bloodied hands pawed at his shirt, clawed at his pants. But no red stains were left in their wake. Because they aren’t real. He told himself. They cannot harm me.
Wailing sobs and mournful moans follow his footsteps and his shadows churned with death and sorrow.
He can’t escape their grasp. So, he does what he’s always done.
Learn to live with it. Pretend the sight doesn’t shake him to the core, or keep him restlessly tossing at night. Pretend that the shadows aren’t lurching out to pull him into their desperate hold, or yank at his ankles to drag him with them to the pits of hell.
He lives with it and carries on.
—
Park Jin Tae had distinct fox-like eyes, enough that you could pick him out in a crowd of people and know it’s him just by that signature arrogant gaze.
Kim Rok Soo found himself staring into those very same eyes.
It was a day after the shelter fell.
He was separated from what was left of the shelter survivors, and leagues away from any form of safety. The ground was desolate and monsters prowled in the open, searching for blood. Kim Rok Soo was alone.
And then, he wasn’t.
“You.”
A voice called, rough and harsh, a familiar tone that sparked memories of cruel beatings and poisonous words.
Kim Rok Soo turned and there he was. Park Jin Tae – or, what was left of him.
But he only let himself cast a quick look, quickly letting his gaze skitter away as if it was merely coincidence that Kim Rok Soo looked Park Jin Tae’s way.
The boy – and he really was just a boy, forced to take on responsibilities no one should be thrust into so early in life–was nearly unrecognizable if not for those fox-like eyes.
Kim Rok Soo never liked Park Jin Tae, and hated the guy for ganging up on him, but he never wished…this on him. He’s torn to shreds, to put it lightly. Limbs rendered and chewed up like a human-sized toy, flesh merely clinging to what remains of the torso. The boy had stayed behind to let others escape, holding off the invading monsters until his last breath. It shows.
Kim Rok Soo isn’t really sure how Park Jin Tae is upright and standing on nonexistent legs, but, well, he chalked it up to ghost physics. Ghosts float and stuff, right?
“You.” Park Jin Tae continued on. Thankfully, he didn't realize Kim Rok Soo could see him. “Why is it you? I hate your guts.”
‘Yeah buddy, me too.’ Kim Rok Soo thought, somewhat sarcastically. He steps out from his hiding place and starts to head in a random direction. He needs to meet up with other survivors, or find a new shelter.
“Soo Hyuk-hyung always favored you. I have no idea why. You’re a weak-ass wimp.”
If this ghost is just here to curse him…Kim Rok Soo might just throw a fit. Can’t Park Jin Tae throw shade at literally anyone else?
“I’m the strong one. I’m the one he chose to lead the shelter.” His words are bitter, fueled by emotions kept pent up for months. “Hah.” He barks out a sardonic laugh. “But look where that got me.”
Kim Rok Soo continued to walk, not glancing back at the ghost trailing in his wake.
Silence settled over the two, heavy in the air. An hour, maybe two, passed. Kim Rok Soo hid from monsters along the way, scurrying behind bushes, making himself as small and quiet as could be. Park Jin Tae didn’t say another word, seemingly content to follow. What a weirdo.
Finally, Kim Rok Soo spotted an upright building in the distance. A shelter. His pace quickened, heartbeat speeding up alongside it. Safety. And hopefully, this ghost can find someone else to haunt.
“What a dumbass.” Park Jin Tae finally spoke. “You see a shelter and immediately run for it head first? This is how you get yourself killed.” He cursed under his breath. “This is why I always kept you useless non-ability users behind during supply runs. Ignorant fool.”
Kim Rok Soo is still a bit new to this whole haunting thing, but he really isn’t a fan of it…especially if the ghosts are going to curse him out every sentence.
There aren’t any monsters around–he made sure to check, thank you very much. So he makes it to the shelter without a scratch.
There are others there, some faces he recognizes, even. People that he lived with at the previous shelter. They mill about, nervously waiting for the next monster attack, but nonetheless alive and well.
“Hmph.” Park Jin Tae sighed. His voice sounded resigned, now, maybe even a tad happy. But Kim Rok Soo didn’t know the man well enough to really tell.
“That’s…good. You and your weak lot survived.” Here, his voice trailed off at the end, fading slightly. It sounded like an echo, wavering like a petal caught in a breeze.
Kim Rok Soo turned, pretending as if he was looking at something else.
Park Jin Tae had a smile on his face. It’s small, a little gruesome where his torn lips stretch across exposed canines, but it’s there. And Kim Rok Soo has never seen Park Jin Tae look so happy. It looks wrong, almost, not fitting on a face perpetually in a scowl. But at the same time it’s right. Peaceful.
Kim Rok Soo blinked.
And then he’s gone. Just like that.
Kim Rok Soo looked around, and the only ones who surround him are solid flesh, beating hearts, and warm bodies.
Park Jin Tae was gone.
—
Meeting Park Jin Tae made Kim Rok Soo realize that the ghosts he encountered aren’t all strangers. If someone he knew died, they had a chance to become a ghost as equally as anyone else. As long as they died with a grudge, unjustly, or unexpectedly, they were bound to become one.
It made him wonder if ghosts who died before the cataclysm walked the earth too. The existence of ghosts was undeniable, now that he could see them. Which meant they always existed, before superpowers, before the cataclysm, right? Or was it just a phenomena created through the cataclysm?
It doesn’t stop him from hoping. Because if ghosts existed before the world went to shit, would that mean he’d be able to see the ghosts of those from his past?
His mother and father?
He remembered the day they were killed, in all its startling cruelty. Remembered it even though it was before [Record] manifested.
The screech of wheels against pavement, the way the metal husk of the car folded like thin paper, the scent of burning tires and flaming gasoline, the tangy bitterness that filled his mouth, the seatbelt strangling his breath. And most of all, the limp figures of his mother and father.
His mother–slumped over the steering wheel, shards of glass littering her skin like gruesome pearls, empty neck dripping a steady tack tack of blood. His father–turned slightly to the side, as if to reach to protect both his wife and child but all too late. The half that faced Kim Rok Soo was surprisingly devoid of injury. But not much could be said for the other half. Not with the large truck rammed straight across the front end of the car, a smear of red painting its white side.
Perhaps if he returned to the intersection where they were killed, he would find them haunting the streets? Or maybe if he went back home–not the one that carried memories of heavy fists and drunken dazes, nor the one after that was really just a single room in a large orphanage, but his first home. The home filled with a happy family of three, cheerful laughter, and so much love.
There isn’t really anything stopping him from going to either of those places, other than how it’s a hundred times more dangerous to wander alone, especially as someone without high power combat abilities.
But that doesn’t deter him in the slightest.
He finds the intersection first.
The road is cracked and unrecognizable. No one could die here by car accident anymore, untravelable as it is now. Buildings have collapsed and hidden much of it from view, crumbled and stacked over each other as if a giant toddler knocked over a game of jenga.
The sight of it made his hopes fall. It would be tough to find anything here. But he searched nonetheless, scouring the cracks and crevices of the ruins.
He searched for days, carefully combing as much land as he could possibly cover without risking being found by a monster. Luckily, there was a shelter nearby. One he could return to every night, then set back out on his mission come morning.
But all he found were unfamiliar faces. Some alive, most dead.
Kim Rok Soo sometimes wondered if his parents would recognize him if they were to ever meet again. It’s been years since they passed, afterall. Where time stopped for them, it continued to plod on for him. He grew, lost the baby fat that rounded his cheeks, became wiry like a sprout. Only just recently was he finally putting on some muscle. Not that one could really tell from his emaciated and hunger-starved frame.
But Kim Rok Soo wouldn’t die – couldn’t die, and by extension, that meant he would never see his parents. Not for a long, long while.
So he walks, hides and crawls, and makes his way to where his home was. The journey isn’t easy.
Ghosts continue to trail in his shadow. Their heavy hands make each step more arduous than the next. Those who wander the streets with breath still holding them upright look no better. Many have lost their way, their hope, their reason for living in the cataclysm.
Sometimes, it’s easier to just let go. Kim Rok Soo wished he could too. All it took was just– He shut down the thought. One foot in front of the other. Onward.
And finally, he arrived at his home. Or rather, where his home used to be.
The neighborhood had been flattened. The rows of apartments crushed into scattered piles of grey powder. Whatever beast made its way through here was on a completely different level, obliterating everything in its wake.
There are no signs left, no addresses posted to sides of buildings. He can only approximate where the apartment used to stand. But instead of a towering building, only dust swirls in its place. The dust rises and falls with each step, staining the bottom of his pants an ashy grey.
No shelters stand nearby, unlike the intersection where his parents died. It was probably destroyed the same night Kim Rok Soo’s original shelter was destroyed.
The words ‘ghost town’ are really fitting to describe this place. Because only ghosts stroll these dreary paths. There is nothing left alive.
So Kim Rok Soo weaved between formless bodies, trying as hard as he could not to let them know he’s avoiding them, that he can see them. Otherwise his shadows will stretch and grow and the weight at his back will grow stronger than ever.
He glanced at faces as he passed, quick, sneaky looks under the guise of looking for a place to hide.
The entire rest of the day is spent like that. And the day after as well. But once the third day comes, Kim Rok Soo can’t afford to stay any longer. His rations are running out, and there’s nothing here to replenish them with. And the longer he skulked around out in the open, the higher chance a monster would come to pick him off.
Maybe he’ll come back, some other day.
If his parents truly were still here, why didn’t they come out to see him? Unless…they didn’t want to?
The thought of it is frightening, and he quickly pushes the idea of it out of his head.
That’s right. His parents probably moved on already, simple as that. There was no need to overthink it. They weren’t refusing to see him, they just couldn’t anymore. Reentered the cycle of reincarnation and all that.
The thought is slightly convincing at best, and it somewhat settled Kim Rok Soo’s nerves.
But nonetheless, a small seed of doubt planted itself in his mind. Dug its roots in like a pestilent curse and waited to bloom.
—
One night when Lee Soo Hyuk got drunk and told Kim Rok Soo about the nature of [Embrace], Kim Rok Soo finally admitted to another human being that he had third power.
“A third?” Lee Soo Hyuk mumbled around his cup of soju. “You lucky little brat. Well, don’t keep me hanging. What is it?”
“A curse.” Kim Rok Soo said. And, maybe he’s just a tad drunk too, because he doesn’t know why he confessed so readily. So openly and vulnerably. He felt nervous, all of a sudden. Or it’s the soju making his heart race, he doesn’t know. He’s never been a heavy drinker.
Lee Soo Hyuk sobered. “Well, I suppose some blessings come with repercussions. Nothing is fair in this world, huh?”
“Since when has life ever been fair?” Kim Rok Soo responded. He doesn’t look up. Doesn’t want to see the Team Leader’s pitying gaze, instead he watched as the soju in his cup shimmered under the flickering lights. What a pretty little poison.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lee Soo Hyuk stood up from his seat and sat down next to Kim Rok Soo. He leaned to the side, pressing his weight comfortably against the smaller figure.
“Not really.”
If Kim Rok Soo leans his body just a bit more into Lee Soo Hyuk’s side, the other doesn’t comment, content to just hum in acknowledgement.
They sit in silence for a while, clinking glasses and trading turns filling each other’s cups. Eventually, Kim Rok Soo felt the alcohol take over his brain. Or maybe he let it. His brain is too muddled to tell.
“I can see ghosts.” He blurted out, voice rushed and filled with nerves.
Lee Soo Hyuk stilled beside him. A beat.
“Shit.” He said.
“Shit.” He said once again, with feeling.
Kim Rok Soo felt raw, exposed. Like a huge secret finally lifted itself off his shoulders. Which, it wasn’t really a secret. He simply didn’t want others to think he was weird or creepy, was that so bad? It’s not like the emergence of abilities removed the existence of prejudice against the ones thought strange and deviant. In a way, he didn’t let others know to protect himself.
Somehow, though, he doesn’t regret saying it. Not to his Team Leader, who he knows he can trust. The boost of soju was all he needed to lay it all out. They do call it liquid courage afterall. But damn, he really can’t hold down his alcohol.
The rest of the night, Kim Rok Soo and Lee Jung Soo sat companionably on the bench. Words fell between them, known to their ears only. Of chilling ghosts and haunting hands and murmurs of comfort and acceptance.
For once in his life, Kim Rok Soo dared to hope–hope that things would get better.
—
Choi Jung Soo entered his life in blazing glory and exited just the same.
Somehow or another, Choi Jung Soo found out Kim Rok Soo could see ghosts not long after the Team Leader did.
When asked, all Choi Jung Soo did was give a casual wave of his hand. “I dunno, you just have this…spooky aura around you? Not sure how to describe it. Some folks in my hometown were extremely superstitious. I guess I’m used to seeing people like you? It just clicked for me after that.”
Kim Rok Soo doesn’t know if he should feel insulted or not. But it’s just Choi Jung Soo’s way of speaking. Casual and friendly, bordering on blasé when it came to deeper matters. It’s not like Choi Jung Soo was wrong, either. Kim Rok Soo was, in fact, haunted. So if someone else was attuned to the supernatural, wouldn’t Kim Rok Soo give off a strange aura to their eyes?
Nothing changed after that, to which Kim Rok Soo was grateful. Choi Jung Soo still insisted he call him Hyung, as the older of the pair. To which no, Kim Rok Soo would never give that guy the satisfaction (since when was he the dongsaeng? Their birthdays were the same!).
Sometimes, though, Kim Rok Soo found himself staring down a particularly nasty ghost, locked in place and frozen in fear. But Choi Jung Soo would swoop right in, phase right through the bloody ghost, and stand right in front of Kim Rok Soo.
Kim Rok Soo would find Choi Jung Soo’s hands squeezing his cheeks like a sandwich, staring into fierce but sparkling grey eyes. The soft touch of a shining white yong wrapping its way comfortingly around his shoulders. The ghost now but a forgotten spector.
“Hey, look at me.” Choi Jung Soo said. “I’m here, I’m with you.”
Deep steadying breaths, firm hands, and grounded words. Kim Rok Soo felt the cold grip of the ghosts loosen their hold, melting away to a warm and refreshing breeze.
“Next time,” Choi Jung Soo said, “If anything like that happens ever again, just call me, okay?” He jabbed a thumb at himself. “Forget about those dusty old fellows.”
Kim Rok Soo pushed Choi Jung Soo away from him in mock distaste. “I think I’d rather stare at their ugly mugs than your own.” He replied drily.
Choi Jung Soo just laughed good naturedly and slung his arm around Kim Rok Soo’s shoulder.
His days weren’t so harrowing, after that.
But soon, that changed too.
—
Kim Rok Soo found himself flung aside like a ragdoll, rolling across the uneven ground. Pain lanced through his arm, broken in several places and twisted oddly. Blood dripped from his mouth, backlash from [Instant].
Behind him, Choi Jung Soo stared at him stupidly, mouth slightly agape and eyes blinking.
“Ugh, crazy bastard! Snap out of it!” Kim Rok Soo shouted. Choi Jung Soo straightened at his call, seemingly shaking off whatever thoughts he was trapped in. The man slapped his cheeks, finally coming around.
“What are you doing here?” Choi Jung Soo asked. “Just support us from the rear!”
They both knew Kim Rok Soo had rushed to the frontlines to protect him.
Choi Jung Soo yanked Kim Rok Soo by the collar, away from a stray attack from the monster. “Go back. Just trust Team Leader and I, we can handle it from here.”
Kim Rok Soo felt himself get pushed back, and reluctantly retreated at Choi Jung Soo’s behest.
But it didn’t look good. The battle continued, but it looked more like a one-sided annihilation than a true fight. His teammates were felled one after the other. Soon, only Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo were left standing.
He saw Choi Jung Soo casting a glance back to the rearlines to where Kim Rok Soo hid, recording the entire fight and the monster’s attack patterns. He didn’t know what kind of expression rested on his face, but when their eyes locked, Choi Jung Soo looked away, face hardened and eyes steely and determined.
The last thing Kim Rok Soo saw was a bright white yong soaring up into the sky, jaw agape and reaching for the heavens.
He closed his eyes after that.
The human who could never forget always had to protect himself.
—
A week passed and Kim Rok Soo doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to face his teams’ ghosts. He sees them, sometimes. Filtering in and out of the office, sitting in their old seats and wandering aimlessly down the corridors. Other times, when he passed the battlefield where they all had their last stand, he sees them repeating their actions of That Day, as if stuck in a perpetual loop.
It’s hard to see and he started avoiding the areas he would often spot them to the best of his ability.
But one thing he found strange.
The ghosts of Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo don’t make an appearance.
Not after a day, when most ghosts usually manifest, not after a week when the rest of the team had started their haunting, and not even after the days string together to form a month, then half a year.
At first, Kim Rok Soo thought it was good that they didn’t reappear as ghosts. Not everyone does–only those with grudges, lingering resentment, or unfulfilled wishes. If someone dies without any of those, then they die at peace.
But then the doubt set in. The entire rest of the team all turned into ghosts. So why didn’t the two most important to him turn? In fact, it was almost guaranteed that someone would turn into a ghost if they died when killed in battle against a monster.
By the time a full month passed, Kim Rok Soo felt ready enough to confront the literal ghosts in his closet, but the Team Leader and Choi Jung Soo were still nowhere in sight.
He talked to the ghosts of his teammates that haunted the office space first, catching them in the early hours of the morning before his current teammates arrived for work.
He offered promises to watch over surviving family members, promises to visit hometowns and pay respect to elders. He watched as their blurry forms faded into nothingness, the only thing left to keep them tied to earth were now but mere memories. Memories that Kim Rok Soo would keep safely tucked away, aided by [Record].
And still, Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo didn’t show. Even though they both knew Kim Rok Soo could see the souls of the departed.
He yearned to see them to give them a proper goodbye. Not the rushed – stay safe, come back unharmed, we will get through this – that they last shared on that fateful day. Did they not at least wish to see him too before they made their final departure?
Half a year passed, and Kim Rok Soo finally resolved all his deceased team members’ final wishes. Minus Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo, that is. Thus, half a year passed, and Kim Rok Soo continued to wait for them to come.
Perhaps they were hiding? Or maybe they were stuck somewhere in a limbo between realms?
But by a year’s time, Kim Rok Soo’s optimistic yearning soured and fermented into bitterness. He can’t help it. The inevitable transformation of once hopeful feelings are left buried and untended, finally taking on a foulness twisted by insecurity and worn down by time.
Where are they?
He scoured the destroyed earth, risking his safety, looking for any signs of their appearances.
Where are they?
He hunted through ruins, tossing aside rubble and monsters alike.
Where are they?
His body gains more and more scars by the day. His overuse of [Instant] taking its heavy toll.
His team called him crazy, at times, but he didn’t care how he looked. Desperation drives a man mad, and Kim Rok Soo embraced it.
Why was it that despite his ability to see ghosts, he was cursed to never see the ones he loved the most? Instead trapped with those inconsequential, mere shades of what they once were, who clung wretchedly to his skin, following his footsteps and making his waking hours a living hell?
Was it such a big request to see his parents one last time? To tell them that he was doing well and not to worry so much? Was it such a big request to see Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo? To wish them well on their next journey and thank them for their friendship?
The thoughts churn and churn in his head. He’s never really wanted much in life. A roof over his head and food on the table was enough. But these things. These aren’t so much as wants anymore, but have transformed into needs .
Some days, anger consumed him. Anger at his parents for refusing to see him. Anger at the world. Anger at whatever deities orchestrated this whole disaster.
‘Damn this cruel world. Curse the selfish bastards who refused to spare me a look.’
Other days, sadness took over. Sadness for his Team Leader and Choi Jung Soo leaving him behind. Sadness for all the things he’s lost in his short, wretched life.
‘They must hate me. Everyone I care about always dies. Then, what if I stop caring? I’m cursed. Cursed to see death and cursed to be separated from those I love.’
Sometimes, Kim Rok Soo relishes in this newfound madness. But really, it was always there, all along, deep down. Ever since this world turned to destruction, his mind slowly crumbled with it. And this was his final breaking point.
Finally, one day, Kim Min Ah sat him down.
Kim Rok Soo found himself nearly reeling when faced with a living, breathing, human. Had it been that long since he’d interacted with a human instead of a ghost?
Solid, warm hands. An expression untainted and untwisted by death or regret. Instead, it was open, sincere, and…worried? He feels like the world beneath him shifted a meter left, leaving him wrongfooted and out of place.
She told him he needs a break, that he was throwing himself into work too hard and needed time off to relax. They were worried for him. For his safety and health. And wasn’t that strange? Kim Rok Soo doesn’t remember the last time anyone has cared for him. Not since…
Kim Rok Soo refused, thinking of his cold apartment that reeked of ghosts and decay. He doesn’t want to go back. It was better to stay here and work, where the sun shone through the windows and the ghosts didn’t seep through the cracks of the floor.
Jung So Hoon interceded here, forcefully taking Kim Rok Soo by the arm and marching him across town to a library, quoting something about ‘if you won’t take a week off, at least spend the day here and relax.’
Kim Rok Soo relented, and found himself wandering the quiet halls of the library, winding around the tall towering shelves filled with dusty covers and fraying pages. It’s the only library left in this godforsaken world. Stitched together by survivors who all carried pieces of their towns and left them here in remembrance.
It’s peaceful, too. The one place not haunted by ghosts. A secret little bubble of space untouched by death.
Finally, he picks a random book off the shelf–some sort of fantasy–and sits down to read.
—
It is only when he gets a second chance at life and awakens as Cale Henituse, does Kim Rok Soo realize it was never about hating him. Never about resentment for being the one to survive at the price of their own lives.
“Hey, Rok Soo-yah.”
A voice, so achingly familiar it makes Cale want to pry out his own heart from the twist of longinghurtresentment that makes his heart beat an erratic staccato.
“Why are you closing your eyes again?”
Cale keeps his eyes tightly shut, arm thrown across as if it will help block the scene in front of him.
“Are you still afraid of ghosts?” The voice continues, and oh – the teasing lilt to it makes Cale want to cry on the spot. Devolve into sobs and melt into a puddle on the floor. Unbecoming, he knows, but it has just been so long . Years wandering the ruined earth searching for that wide smile and tender gaze.
A gentle hand comes up to remove Cale’s arm. Two hands cup his face ever-so-softly. A thumb rubs against his cheek – rough and calloused. Familiar.
Cale opens his eyes.
He drinks it all in, rabidly, like a starving man served a lavish feast.
There, his Team Leader stands. He’s younger-looking, Cale’s [Records] automatically compare. Dark hair tousled to the side, deep set dimples. He’s a bit on the scrawny side, but deceptively hiding lean muscle and coiled strength. It’s the Lee Soo Hyuk from when Cale was still a rookie.
“Team Leader.” He greets, silently congratulating himself for keeping his voice measured and steady. It’s at odds with his own emotions, tumultuous and turmoiled as they are. He has so much he wants to say, so much he wants to ask; Where were you? Why couldn’t I find you? Did you not want to see me?
Do you hate me?
But where to start? The questions remain sealed in a jar and locked away. He wants to ask, but he’s afraid of the answers. Instead, he waits for the other to speak.
Lee Soo Hyuk’s grin is wide and cheerful. “Hey you little punk! I thought you’d be happier to see me! I know you’re not a hugger but c’mon!”
Cale’s stomach does little flips in place. He carefully considers his next words. “I am…happy.” He tries for a smile.
Lee Soo Hyuk, ever attentive to all of Kim Rok Soo’s various tells, immediately sobers.
“Oh.” He says. “Oh .” He repeats once more. “You resent me, don’t you.” It’s not phrased as a question, but moreso a statement. An observation.
Cale scoffs, but it sounds hollow to his ears. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” And suddenly, there’s anger. It twists and churns, an ugly hot tendril that crawls up his throat and laces his words with venom. “Why else would you refuse to see me?”
“It’s not like that.” Lee Soo Hyuk shakes his head, immediately refusing. He places a large hand on Cale’s shoulder. “Not like that at all.” The cheer is gone from his voice, replaced with solemnity and a touch of regret. It only serves to fuel Cale’s anger.
“Of all ghosts, the ghosts of our loved ones are the worst.” Cale says, words spilling like vitriol past his lips. “Both you and Choi Jung Soo are the same. My parents too. You all disappeared without a word, without a glance. You knew–” He accuses, feeling the rush of emotions fueling his anger, “and yet you didn’t come.” He’s left heaving, breathless, shaky. He trembles with rage, with grief, feeling like a young throwing a tantrum.
Lee Soo Hyuk is silent for a while. They stare at each other, air tense between them, caught between burning gazes and Kim Rok Soo’s unsteady breaths. The world holds still around them, a familiar office space trapped within the memories of the past but tugged forward by the tumult of the present. “I’m sorry.” He says finally, after Cale’s gaze finally wears him down. “I made a choice that hurt you. But it’s one that I’ll do again if I have to.”
Die for you.
The words remain unspoken, but their impact is felt all the same. They linger, weigh down as a familiar burden on Cale’s shoulders. Countless nights, he’d spend in bed, awake. Not from the ghosts that haunted him, but from the what ifs and the whys. What if Kim Rok Soo had not been so injured, could he have saved them? Raced to the frontlines and aided them in battle? Why didn’t he die in their place? Like he should have? And, why didn’t they come see him when they passed?
At the unspoken admission, Cale finds the anger dissipating suddenly, like wind stolen from a sailboat’s sails.
Tears threaten to fall from his eyes. But he holds them back. He hasn’t cried in a long time. Not since–images flash behind his eyes, a team led by two men charging into battle, the weak little Kim Rok Soo left behind. They’re dragged up unwillingly by [Record]. He forcefully shuts it down, slamming an imaginary door shut. Well, the man is standing right in front of him, now. There should be no reason to cry.
“I–we–were given a choice. And I took the one I thought was best. Even it meant parting for a while.”
“We?” Cale immediately hones in on. “What about Choi Jung Soo?”
“I can’t speak for him.” Lee Soo Hyuk shakes his head. “While the choice he made was slightly different from mine–that punk met his paternal cousin once removed. I don’t have someone like that–but I do have you.” Lee Soo Hyuk smiles at him. “But because of that choice we made, there were repercussions, such as not manifesting as ghosts like you expected. Our souls were taken…elsewhere.”
“That motherfucking God of Death bastard.”
Lee Soo Hyuk barks out a laugh. “You’re right. He’s a total nutjob.”
Cale brushes a hand through his hair. It comes back covered in ashes and blood. In the back of his mind, he thinks somewhat ironically, that he probably looks more like a ghost with his pale skin and blood coated look than a human. “So, is this your goodbye? In lieu of what couldn’t be done before?” Bitterness still coats his tongue, but the knot in his stomach is slowly unraveling at the revelations.
He’s going to blame it all on that bastard God of Death. All his hate, his anger and resentment. For separating him from his friends and causing a whole lot of unnecessary drama.
“No, this isn’t a goodbye at all.” Lee Soo Hyuk grins. “I have something for you, you’ll find it handy in your upcoming battles. But first, I just want to get this off my chest.”
Lee Soo Hyuk’s eyes skitter away, glancing out into the murky darkness outside the office window. He takes a deep breath and turns back to face Cale. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you. You must’ve–no, I know you went through a hard time. But please, believe me when I say I didn’t intend for you to suffer for so long.”
Lee Soo Hyuk smiles. It’s soft and kind and so, so warm, and for once, Cale feels grateful that this face never turned into the twisted and gruesome features of a ghost, caught in the final throes of death. At the sight, Cale finally, finally, feels himself letting go.
He still doesn’t quite understand why Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo made the choice they did. Their decision left him drowning in a cold and ghost-riddled world with nary a familiar face or comforting hold. But, seeing Choi Han manifest his black yong and being able to see his Team Leader now lessens the hurt and pain. They had their reasons, reasons which are now assisting Cale in his fight against the White Star and his eventual slacker life.
He’s grateful towards them. They care for him, in their own ways, and have all along. They never hated him, never wished not to see him, never resented him for dying in his place.
“Go.” Lee Soo Hyuk says. “Go to the Eastern Continent and you’ll find your answers. As to why I never appeared in front of you as a ghost, and why I made the choice I did.”
Cale – no, Kim Rok Soo stares into Lee Soo Hyuk’s earnest gaze, as if searching for any sign of falsity. He doesn’t want to be burned once more, not now, not ever.
But he finds no trace of it. Lee Soo Hyuk is beaming at him, his signature wide grin and boyish charm. He takes Kim Rok Soo’s hands in his own and gives them a tight squeeze. His grip is firm, warm, alive.
“I think you’ll like what you see.”