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This all started for Alhaitham back in the Akademiya; he knew that well.
The first look at Kaveh had him head over heels in love. He met the blonde by pure chance, and since the first look, Alhaitham knew he wanted to be with Kaveh; he knew that he wanted Kaveh to be loved by him and him alone.
But the Kshahrewar scholar seemed not to realize Alhaitham’s staring was born from love. Maybe it was the fact that his senior never understood that each argument they had was a declaration of that same love; maybe it was because Alhaitham could never get the words ‘I love you’ to fall from his young lips in any of the languages he knew then.
All Alhaitham knew was that words failed him in every language he had stored away when it came to Kaveh. He broke each time that Kaveh got a new partner, his heart shattered when that partner would leave Kaveh; they always lacked the true love and warmth the blonde craved and begged for.
—***—
In later years, past shredded papers and a destroyed friendship, Alhaitham had followed a strict routine.
It was simpler that way.
That same routine always included Alhaitham leaving work and taking a trip to Lambad’s to pick up dinner for himself. It wasn’t that he was hoping to catch a glance of Kaveh, but it did happen to be a popular hangout for the renowned architect, often meeting with new clients.
(Not that Alhaitham knew Kaveh had a new client, he totally didn’t listen to gossip just to catch wind of Kaveh. It just happened that he overheard it a few times when near the tavern itself, nothing more and nothing less.)
Alhaitham stepped into Lambad’s and quickly resorted to turning his noise-cancelling on. The tavern was loud, much louder than normal, but then again, many scholars had just graduated recently.
His eyes drifted hopefully over the sea of faces, praying to the archons that he would spot Kaveh.
Though he hadn’t counted on the fact that he would see Kaveh drunk. Or, that he was currently flirting with some stranger.
He hadn’t expected to see Kaveh leaning in so close to this stranger, to see the blonde whispering words into the same stranger’s ear. Alhaitham’s eyes watched the body language of the two, feeling his heart shatter anew at the way they seemed all over each other, hands drifting across knees and arms.
Alhaitham felt jealousy rise in his chest like bile, anger on the tip of his tongue. He took a shaky step forward, towards Kaveh and this stranger, before he stopped himself. Alhaitham hadn’t spoken directly to Kaveh in years; this wasn't the time.
So instead of making a mess of the situation or causing a scene, Alhaitham turned around. He walked out of Lambad’s and back towards his home without ordering his dinner.
He couldn’t let himself ruin something that was already torn; he needed to put it together again first. He needed Kaveh to be happy, even without him.
—***—
Years after, when Kaveh had moved into what was now their home, Alhaitham couldn’t help but stare at the architect. It didn’t matter if he was simply rearranging the bookshelf into a ‘proper order’ or if he was cooking dinner. Alhaitham stared at the man he loved. Watching when Kaveh got ready for a date with someone else, he stared when Kaveh accidentally took Alhaitham’s shirt from the laundry to wear instead of his own.
The fights they had constantly didn’t help anything either. Seeing Kaveh shout at him for something that didn’t truly matter was enough to make Alhaitham want to confess his feelings for the man. But the cost of being rejected felt too high for Alhaitham. He didn’t need to ruin something that was barely being held together by worn tape and old glue.
Instead of actually confessing anything, he dreamed of how he would. Maybe he’d try to be romantic about it. Maybe he would simply say the words without elaboration. Maybe he could—
Alhaitham’s thoughts were cut off when the subject of them entered the living room, staring at him intently.
“Alhaitham!” The blonde shrieked, standing over Alhaitham now.
“Yes?”
“You told Salm that I cancelled our date? I went to meet him and he said I had sent a letter, which isn’t possible when I have been with clients all day,” Kaveh started, his voice rising with his anger. “When I asked to look at it, he showed me a letter with your chicken scratch handwriting!”
“So what? You don’t truly like the guy, and it would just end with you drunk and crying to me,” Alhaitham managed to keep his tone and face neutral, but inside, he shuddered. He knew he had upset Kaveh, but Alhaitham wouldn’t take watching one more failed relationship for the man he loved.
“You don’t know that!”
“I know more than you think.”
“Alhaitham, he is a good guy, I want to go on a date with him.”
“Then go on the date.”
“As if it’s worth it now…”
“Then simply ignore my suggestions like always, Kaveh,” Alhaitham snarled, looking into the crimson eyes before him.
“Well, in that case, maybe I should just ignore you constantly so you’ll finally leave me and my decisions alone!” Kaveh shouted, his anger getting the better of him like it always did.
“Go ahead. It would be wonderful for you to not talk and distract me,” Alhaitham grumbled, lying through his teeth. Kaveh ignoring him would shatter his soul once more. “It’s not like we are more than roommates and far-removed coworkers, right?”
Kaveh froze for a moment at that, hurt flashing in his eyes before clenching his fists. “I’m sorry you don’t care for me enough to even think about what I feel or want, Alhaitham.”
Alhaitham’s eyes widened at that, confusion evident in the way he didn’t speak immediately.
“What did you say?” Alhaitham breathed, a hint of anxiety and hope in his tone.
“I’m sorry you never loved me like I loved you,” Kaveh clarified, his voice shaky while tears were building in his perfect crimson eyes.
“Kaveh,” Alhaitham started as he stood quickly, reaching out and grabbing the blonde’s wrists. “I love you. I have loved you since the day we met, the minute I saw you. How could I not love the one who made me feel safe? The one who gave me hope after everything?”
Kaveh had opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Alhaitham. “You may not love me now, but I have loved you every minute of every day since our first meeting. Every glance, every word, and every petty argument was a declaration of love. You shatter me every time you find someone else to kiss, to hold, to love… I know I am not the man you wish for. I know I am not the type of person you desire after all this time.”
Alhaitham pulled away now, stepping back as the silence stretched between them as vast as the ocean between Inazuma and Liyue.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Five minutes.
Ten minutes.
Fifteen minutes of silence.
Alhaitham finally shakes his head, speaking up again finally. “I’m sorry, I— I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t have said it. I wish for you to ignore it, ignore me. It wasn’t true,” he sputtered, too fast compared to his normal pace. Alhaitham walked off, back to his own room, as the door slammed shut behind him louder than he meant it to.
That wasn’t how Alhaitham wanted to confess. It never should have been that way. All his plans of elaborate confessions and pining words were ruined by one fight.
His door creaked open a few minutes later, and he heard Kaveh’s footsteps. He didn’t turn to look; instead, he looked at the book in his hands.
“Kaveh, I already apologized—” he started but was interrupted by a calloused hand gently cupping his cheek.
Kaveh’s warm palm tilted Alhaitham’s face up, noses brushing together for a brief moment before soft lips met his. There were no words needed, just them in this moment.
The kiss could have lasted a mere second or for several hours; it didn’t matter. It was the thing Alhaitham had needed since they met all those years ago. He lifted a hand to grab Kaveh’s waist, setting the book down with the other, and turned his desk chair so he could pull Kaveh closer without hurting the architect’s joints, tugging the blonde onto his lap so carefully.
Kaveh was the one to break the kiss after mere moments, smiling. “You never had to hide that you love me. I have loved you the same… we have always loved each other, two sides of the same coin,” He paused, bottom lip between his teeth, before he chuckled and continued. “A shame that my Haravatat scholar couldn’t find the words in any proper language to say ‘I love you’ until we were fighting.”
Alhaitham huffed, gently tugging Kaveh closer against his chest. “I did, though…” He paused, feeling a flush burning the tips of his ears under his headphones. “You simply didn’t understand my declarations of love.”
“For someone so utterly brilliant, you are the dumbest man I know,” Kaveh sighed, “I needed to hear you confirm it, to say you loved me out loud. I couldn’t assume that the way you looked at me was more than admiration for your senior.”
Alhaitham wrapped his arms around Kaveh’s waist, leaning in and kissing Kaveh again. It was hungrier this time, their lips pressing harder and needier, teeth and tongue fighting in the most loving manner. They moved against each other so perfectly, as if they were always meant to be like this, as if their bodies knew how to mold to one another.
And perhaps they were.
Perhaps Alhaitham and Kaveh were always meant to be in love like this.
Maybe Celestia had made them for each other, or maybe they had been written into Irminsul as a love story, but surely it was meant to be if Kaveh was sitting on Alhaitham’s lap right now. It was definitely meant to be if they were kissing like they were now.
They were the building blocks of their life together, a love story that could never be separated.