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Han Solo, on rare occasions, would find his wife crying. It wasn’t always obvious why -- maybe something brought an old, painful memory to the surface, maybe she just felt like it was needed or maybe it was caused by something different entirely -- but she was the strongest person Han had ever met and when he found her crying, he never thought it made her any weaker; he knew it was a healthy thing to let out.
They had been cleaning out their apartment, something so pedestrian and normal for their family, and Han was headed to the main living area to ask Leia about a gaudy vase he found up in one of the storage spaces. If he recalled correctly, it had been one of the many gifts from one of the Hapan noble houses on their first visit to the sixty-three planet cluster -- when they wanted Leia to be their new Queen Mother. The smirk he had on his face regarding the “wedding gift” dissipated as soon as he heard what sounded like quiet cries. Han set the vase on a table against the wall in the hallway and quickly forgot about it as he saw her across the living area shaking with sobs, holding something in one hand while the other covered her face.
“Princess, hey…”
Stepping up behind her, he gently grabbed her upper arms, spotting the item she was holding. Any words he was going to use to comfort her were lost as he suddenly realized he now felt exactly the same way she did.
The twins had just turned sixteen and shortly after their birthday every year, the annual Solo family portrait appointment rolled around. As the kids got older, the three of them dreaded it less and less, but it was still a chore -- they all had to be in the same place (which was hard with the kids at the academy and Han and Leia sometimes off on different planets for different reasons -- political, social or both), get dressed up and travel to the holo studio, four out of five of them fidgety in their fancy dress clothes. Leia, always used to fashion of that sort, wouldn’t hesitate to chuckle at them every year.
When the five of them were in front of the holocamera, they all usually wanted to get the portrait done as quickly as possible, so they pasted smiles on their faces and sat still for a few moments while their image was captured. This year though, Han and Leia watched as their children made ridiculous expressions and goofed off, the Twi’lek behind the holocamera looking amused and snapping holos the whole way through the kids’ antics.
Jacen put gundark ears on his siblings then the three of them made overly exaggerated sad faces and Jaina pretended to punch both of her brothers after that. To annoy her, in the next holo, they leaned in and with a theatrical flair, pretended to kiss her cheeks, her same level of exaggerated disgust getting caught on camera just in time.
Leia opened her mouth to speak, to get them to calm down so they could get this over with and get out of there, but Han rested a hand on her shoulder.
“Leia, wait,” he murmured, shaking his head slowly when she looked up at him to protest. “Just… let ‘em get it out.”
Getting it out consisted of things like Anakin jumping on Jacen’s back, both of them cackling as Jaina pushed her way in front of them while the holographer snapped again. Or the siblings forming a spontaneous line of headlocks, Jacen grabbing Anakin while Jaina grabbed him. Getting it out involved them twisting their features as scrunched and awkward as they could manage, planting their hands in each other's faces and sticking their tongues out. Getting it out also included some hushed whispers and giggles then an attempt at coordinating a holo where they all jumped in the air at the same time, which was partially successful except for Jacen jumping after the count of three and not on the count of three.
After some more laughs filled the small studio, Jacen caught a glimpse of their mother to their right, who was giving them her famous side-eye, and he reached out and grabbed his siblings’ arms.
“Sorry, Mom,” he said, Jaina and Anakin echoing his sentiments.
“I’m showing these to Tenel Ka,” Leia deadpanned.
“Mom!” The whine that erupted from Jacen was long and drawn out and sounded more like Maaaaaahm! --and Leia had to fight to keep her lips from upturning. Anakin was hiding his mouth behind his hand, attempting to obscure his quiet chuckles and Jaina just laughed out loud.
Their parents thought everything would work out after that and the portrait session would be over, until they heard shuffles, scoffs and failed stealth giggles to their left. When they both turned, their children all delivered elbows to each other to stop.
Once the proper holo had finally been taken -- the Twi’lek proclaiming that “that was the one” once it was snapped -- they all thanked her and filed out of the studio. Han hung back, waited until his family was far enough ahead of them and leaned to the holographer, lowering his voice.
“Could you give me a copies of all of these?”
“Of course, Mister Solo.”
“Thanks a lot.”
Han stood alone in the living area, the holo of his smiling family sitting in his hands, shoved into them before his wife had vanished into the hallway, her sniffles growing fainter as she moved deeper into the apartment. He peered at it, his own face staring back from the still image, lopsided grin spread across his lips and his hands on his wife’s shoulders, who had been seated in front of him. She wore a smile that people outside of her family rarely saw. It wasn’t the one she used for speeches or social functions, it was the one she used when she was truly happy -- surrounded by people she loved with all of her heart.
Anakin Solo, the shortest in the family at that point, was standing in front of his older siblings, blue eyes wide and mouth stretched into a big, toothy grin. Han could still hear his youngest son’s voice -- the tiny, meek one he used as a child and the much more mature sound it developed into after the war with the Yuuzhan Vong began.
Resting on his left and right shoulders respectively, were the hands of Jacen and Jaina, his older siblings. Jaina’s smile was her mother’s with a dash of her father’s thrown in while Jacen’s was all Han’s, crooked and roguish. Seeing the twins so close together like that made his throat close up. He would never, ever comprehend what happened to Jacen and he would never be able to understand what Jaina went through when she had to kill what her twin brother and other half became.
Han’s eyes glazed over as he studied the holo, blinking back tears and tightening his grip on the small piece of machinery in his grasp. It was the last family holograph they had taken -- the Yuuzhan Vong had invaded shortly after that and then Anakin died. None of them brought up the family portraits again. Han almost forgot about them completely until Leia had stumbled across this one, switched off and stashed behind other knick-knacks on a shelf in the main living area.
As he went to set the frame down, his finger brushed against the small control panel on the side, the proper image of them changing to one that showed Han and Leia, trying to hide amusement from their faces as their children acted like children -- something they never got to do as much as they should have during their lives. He continued to repeatedly swipe his fingertip across the small panel, seeing Anakin’s head out of the frame of the holo while Jaina focused on pushing both of her brothers aside, seeing them all melodramatically posing like the models in the fashion holozines always did, haughty expressions pasted on their faces and then seeing them standing side-by-side -- Jacen with his hands over his mouth, Jaina with her hands over her ears and Anakin with his hands over his eyes. The holograph he came to a halt on though, was one of his three children, Jacen, slightly taller than the others and at the very beginning of his growth spurt, his arms hooked around Jaina and Anakin’s necks and his beaming face between theirs while their mouths were caught open, in the midst of peals of laughter.
Han had forgotten his request to the holographer to include all the other shots as well as the main one, and as he focused on that last one, he silently thanked his younger self. He also absently apologized to his younger self for all the torment and heartache he would soon face following that portrait session.
“Leia?” His voice was hoarse and he didn’t think there would a response at all, but when he finally turned around to go seek her out, he found her standing in the mouth of the hallway, her bloodshot eyes looking at him expectantly.
He said nothing, he just ambled over to her, holding out the frame she had left him with earlier. When her dark brown eyes met with the image of their three children laughing, Han watched as another round of tears came. These tears were soon punctuated by giggles instead of sobs though, when Han began scrolling through all the shots of Jacen, Jaina and Anakin being the children they remembered -- being themselves. Leia rested a hand on Han’s arm as she observed each image come up, nodding slowly. Those were their children, their babies -- they always would be.
“We should give this to Jaina,” Leia said. “Let her know to make sure Jag sees them too. And Tahiri.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.”
“We should also tell her to show them all to Tenel Ka.”
“And Allana,” Han added.
Leia and Han exchanged mischievous glances and she could still hear Jacen’s Maaaaaahm! --in her head -- crystal clear, even with the number of years that had passed.