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Dazai never celebrated his birthdays Never. He even went out of his way to make sure no one even knew when his birthday was in the first place. The only people who knew were Chuuya, Mori, and Ango. Well… Odasaku knew, too, but… he wasn’t here right now.
Chuuya had bullied the answer out of him one day, so Dazai had been sort of forced to tell him, but he’d also been tempted to tell him soon, anyways. He’d mumbled something about not liking his birthday that much, and Chuuya had gave him an understanding look. From then, Chuuya had really just given him a stupid card and a, “happy birthday,” which Dazai had actually appreciated a lot.
Mori had just… randomly surprised him with a scalpel for his birthday. Dazai had immediately remembered the scalpel— it had been the one that had ran across the former boss’s throat. The one Mori had held while committing a murder with a smile— no, not a smile. A grin…
Odasaku and Ango had both found out from an offhanded, throwaway comment he’d made. He didn’t even remember what they had been talking about (a lie. He remembered every interaction he’d ever had with them.) but Oda had said something along the lines of, “you’re only 16,” and Dazai had cut in with a, “Yeah, but I’m turning 17 in two days!” Then the Odasaku and Ango had decided to plan a little thing. Dazai remembered crying, maybe.
But those were the only people to have ever heard anything, even just a mention, about Dazai’s birthday. The only other person Dazai suspected to know, though, was Ranpo, because Ranpo knew everything that Dazai didn’t want or need him to know.
But, thankfully for him, Ranpo didn’t share anything that he didn’t deem a necessity. And apparently, Ranpo didn’t deem the fact that Dazai had been in an enemy organization when he was a teenager, murdered and tortured hundreds, even knew the Port Mafia boss on a pretty personal level, a necessity. And that was very, very convenient for Dazai.
The man had never even mentioned something as simple as his favorite food to the Agency. Not that that mattered, Dazai always turned down offers for food, but it was just an example.
Sometimes, when someone will try to guess what Dazai had had as a job before all of this, Ranpo would give him an amused smirk and a wink. Dazai had always had to stifle a chuckle when that happened.
So, main point in the story: Dazai didn’t have to worry about Ranpo spilling his secrets. He always kept secrets, and if anyone needed to know something relatively unimportant that wouldn't have a major impact, he’d ask(demand) for candy in return. One time, Atsushi had came into the office with a sad wallet and a whole bag full of candy and other various snacks. Ranpo had dubbed him the snack-retriever after that. Atsushi’s wallet didn’t appreciate that.
So Dazai could always trust Ranpo with his little secrets, like his birthday, right?
Wrong.
~*~
“Dazai-san?”
Atsushi asked nervously, his grip tightening on the book he was clutching to his chest. The kid had always been so nervous, it never failed to make Dazai chuckle. ̶(̶H̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶v̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶P̶o̶r̶t̶ ̶M̶a̶f̶i̶a̶)̶
“Yeesssss, Atsushi-kun?”
Dazai replied smoothly, leaning back casually in his chair and turning his attention to Atsushi, a smile growing on his face.
Atsushi averted eye contact for a moment, awkwardly scuffing his boot against the floor, wincing as it made a loud scree! Kunikida huffed in the background, sticking his nose further into his paperwork. Dazai snickered quietly.
“When is, um…”
…
“When is your birthday?” Atsushi blurted. “I asked Kunikida-san, and he said that it was it was May 1st, but then Yosano-san said it was January 9th, but—”
“It’s today.”
Ranpo suddenly replied casually from his desk, not even looking up from his snacks that he was actively deciding about which one to eat first.
Dazai froze, head whipping around to face Ranpo. He mouthed a quick, “what the hell?” at him, making senseless hand gestures.
Atsushi blinked, eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly.
“I-It’s… today?”
He glanced towards the calendar. June 19th. Really? That wasn't any of the things that the other Agency members had told him. Had Dazai just… lied to everyone about it? But what was the point in that…?
Dazai slouched in his seat, looking a bit grumpy. He flashed a few glares at Ranpo, but looked at Atsushi with practiced indifference.
“Yep. Why do you ask?”
Dazai inquired innocently, tilting his head slightly and raising an eyebrow at Atsushi’s seemingly unprovoked question. Atsushi awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, face reddening in slight embarrassment.
“W-well, uh, I… ehm…”
Dazai chuckled softly at Atsushi’s sudden shyness, ruffling the kid’s soft, fluffy white hair. Atsushi yelped quietly and batted at his hand like a cat— ironic.
He had hoped that Atsushi had taken the bait and forgotten about his previous inquiry, but unfortunately, luck was not on his side today. It never was.
“I wanted to ask, because… Well, I know you don’t think anyone notices, but… I’ve seen how you just quietly help all of us.”
Atsushi said slowly, like he was still figuring out how to word this and articulate his thoughts. Dazai watched patiently, fingers subconsciously fidgeting with the curly strands of coffee brown hair that framed his face, his reddish-tinted eyes staring quietly at Atsushi, calculating.
“You’ve helped me a lot, and I just wanted to do something nice for you… And what better time to do that then on your birthday…!”
The boy finished finally, locking eyes with Dazai again after staring at the ground for so long, yellow and purple shaded eyes meeting ones of deep red.
Dazai blinked dumbly, just looking up at Atsushi, dumbfounded. He… hadn’t expected that whatsoever. All that he'd been anticipating was just a simple case of “I wanted to get you something because that’s what you do on birthdays” but no. That was actually very far from the truth.
Atsushi noticed Dazai’s expression, and, probably taking it a bad way, quickly tried to explain himself more, waving his arms in front of him in a panic.
“I— err, s-sorry! I didn’t— was that too—I—”
“Relax, newbie. He just doesn’t know what it’s liked to be cared for anymore.”
Ranpo said casually around a lollipop, resting his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair in a more relaxed manner— a stark contrast to how Atsushi was currently reacting.
Atsushi paused, his hands freezing where they were in front of him, blinking dumbly as he processed Ranpo’s words. Slowly, he turned to looked at Ranpo. Then Dazai. Then Ranpo. Then Dazai. Dazai could practically see the cogs in his head spinning.
There was a very, very awkward moment of silence between the three males, each just silently staring at one another. Yosano walked out and put her hand up like she was about to say something, but then she saw the stare down and just sighed, walking away.
…
“So…”
Atsushi murmured quietly, breaking the awkward silence that had formed between the three of them.
“It’s… your birthday today…?”
Dazai sighed, leaning his elbow on his desk and placing his cheek into his palm, feigning boredom.
“Yep… Another year— another day in this place we call Earth Another long-awaited chance for a lovely double suicide with a beautiful woman lost with the hands of time.” He said wistfully, letting out a long, dramatic sigh. Atsushi blinked at him for a moment, tilting his head inquisitively.
“You don’t seem very excited about your birthday…?” Atsushi murmured to himself, tilting his head ever so slightly.
Dazai shrugged nonchalantly, tilting his head back so the back of it rested on the top of his chair as he stared at the ceiling.
“I just don’t quite get the point, my dear Atsushi-kun!” He said casually. “It’s just another day, eh?”
Atsushi sighed softly, reaching over and sliding the book that he was clutching tightly in his hands onto his own desk before focusing his attention back onto Dazai.
“But… It’s a sign that you’ve made it another year. Progress, right?”
Atsushi pointed out, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he thought about it deeply.
Sighing, Dazai leaned forwards and slouched forward, his chair sliding back slightly while he rested his chin on his desk. His bangs flopped against his forhead, almost covering his eyes. He’d been meaning to get a haircut, but he didn’t really trust anyone with sharp objects near his head. Though, he didn’t exactly trust himself, either…
“And that’s the exact opposite of what I want…” He murmured softly, more to himself than anyone else. Eyes trained on the stacks of paperwork in front of him, he sighed lazily. He felt Ranpo’s eyes on him…
Atsushi made a small sound of surprise, blinking in slight confusion before the realization caught up to him and he sighed softly, eyes softening ever so slightly as he watched Dazai for a moment longer.
He seemed to want to say something, but he reluctantly decided to keep to himself, his mouth opening and then promptly closing again.
Suddenly, something was tossed right past him, whizzing past his ear and landing smoothly on Dazai’s desk and rustling the stacks of paper that sat on the surface, and it only slightly bonked Dazai’s head.
Dazai blinked in slight surprise, raising an eyebrow and glancing at the object next to his head… Candy…?
It was just a single, apple-flavored lollipop, laying on the desk tauntingly, just waiting teasingly for Dazai to take it.
He immediately knew who this was from. BUt why would Ranpo share his snacks with him of all people? Last time he’d tried to take a piece of Ranpo’s candy, he’d left empty handed and with a small bite mark on his hand. Kunikida had made him go to Yosano to check to see if Dazai had rabies after that.
Sitting up properly, he leaned back in his seat to look behind Atsushi and at Ranpo, who was silently tossing another piece of candy into his mouth and acting like he didn't just throw candy at Dazai’s desk. But then he glanced at the younger man and flashed him a grin and a wink.
Dazai blinked, and then he chuckled softly, shaking his head and carefully unwrapping the lollipop wrapping, balling it up and tossing it into the trash bin over in the corner, then proceeded to pop the lollipop into his mouth with a small smile of thanks in Ranpo’s direction. In return, he was given a quiet snicker. Classic Ranpo.
Atsushi just silently looked between the two, awkwardly watching their friendly, wordless exchange. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt shyly, having not often seen Ranpo and Dazai interact often, especially not so buddy-buddy towards each other. It was strange— they always acted so alike, yet they hardly ever interacted… Well, not that Atsushi had seen, at least. For all he knew, they could be like, best friends or something. As he learned recently, a lot of different things went on in the Agency that not everyone was fully aware of.
So for now, he just watched the interaction, even if he was feeling a little bit awkward. It was nice to see these two interacting so casually, like they knew each other so well. And honestly, they probably did. If Atsushi had to pick out the two smartest people here in the Agency, the top two would definitely be Ranpo and Dazai.
Ranpo because, well, he was Ranpo: able to figure out even the hardest of cases in the blink of an eye, acting as if they were nothing more than a simple riddle, child’s play.
Dazai because he was able to predict most everything in the long run, his plans so elaborate and well thought out that even the most difficult of enemies would just fall right into place, like pieces in a puzzl, fitting in just right.
It was almost terrifying how smart they both were, and Atsushi had a feeling that they would be even scarier when grouped together…
…
Dazai glanced at Ranpo, holding up the lollipop imbetween his index finger and middle finger like how you would hold a cigarette.
“Is this my present?”
He joked, a faint smirk visible on his face as he looked smugly at the older yet childish man sitting at his desk in the corner.
“Whatever floats your boat.” Ranpo said, rolling his eyes and resting his chin in his palm.
Atsushi glanced at Ranpo, and then back at Dazai. Then a smile made its way onto his face. “Happy Birthday, Dazai-san!”
Dazai smiled softly in return, stretching his arm up and ruffling the boy’s hair affectionately, shaking his head.
“Thanks, kiddo. Just… don’t go telling people about this, ‘kay?”
Atsushi blinked. Not tell people about his birthday…? A bit of a strange request, but… okay. He nodded quietly.
“You can’t hide it forever, you know.” Ranpo murmured. Dazai glanced at him and sighed, visibly deflating.
“I know, I know, I just…”
“I know.”
Silence.
Somewhat awkward… Somewhat comfortable. A pleasant mixture of the two. Not too bad, not too good. Also a relatively accurate description of Dazai’s life.
But.. Instead of focusing on the bad parts of life… Dazai decided that, today, he wanted to focus on the good parts of life. He imagined the times he’s had on his birthday— the good ones.
Chuuya giving him a reluctant yet affectionate pat on the back and murmuring a semi-embarrassed, “happy birthday, waste of bandages.” and Dazai giving him a hug. Over text, when Chuuya was on an overseas mission, he hadn’t forgotten to text Dazai a quick yet thoughtful happy birthday. On Dazai’s 18th birthday, they’d even shared a first kiss. He remembered the way they had stared at each other after— dumbfounded, shocked, but… glad. Glad that this had happened. And they’d even shared the same look of affection and love as they stared at each other. That night, they’d realized something…
Odasaku and Ango handing him a psychology test— the one they had done one night in Lupin— a small cat plush, since they thought he could use something comforting in his life, and a card. While at the time, people would've thought that Osamu Dazai, the Demon Prodigy, the Youngest Port Mafia Executive in history, would’ve hated the birthday gifts of a sappy birthday card, a book, and a plush of a cat. But to Dazai, it was a well thought out birthday haul. A card was the classic birthday gift, of course, but the way it had been written… A psychology book, to look back on and to remember that fun time they’d had together as friends. A plush of a cat, his favorite animal, that he could sit with when upset.
Every single good memory of his birthdays made everything harder seem… smaller. Less significant.
And he liked that feeling. He liked that feeling a lot.
Suddenly, there was a soft murmur coming from Ranpo’s desk, cutting through the silence like a hot knife against plastic.
“Happy Birthday, Dazai.”