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Sometimes grief is like being sick.
Shadow was lying on his bed, the same spot he’s been in for undoubtedly days now. Whether it was three, or five, they were all starting to blur together. He couldn’t remember a thing outside of the fact he stood up to go to the bathroom roughly a couple hours ago. That in itself felt like a chore, taking almost every ounce of energy Shadow just about had left in him at the moment just to pull his feet onto the ground. After that, his body took over rather than his mind, on auto-pilot as it took care of its needs.
Some days it will never even cross your mind,
Rouge has popped her head in every now and then, once an hour, sometimes twice, to assure he didn't need anything. Sometimes she’d ask if he’d want water, and regardless of Shadows answer, she’d bring him some anyway. Other times, it was for her own relief to make sure he was still breathing.
A few times over the course of the past few days, Rouge had invited herself completely into Shadow's room, sitting down comfortably on his bed against the wall just to simply chat about the recent events of her life, not caring if Shadow was even listening. He tried his best, but nothing stuck to his mind other than shrieks and gunfire accompanied by someone who should’ve never been associated with either of the two.
Shadow was grateful for Rouge, in ways he couldn't even fathom words being able to describe. For some reason, Rouge always seemed to know exactly what Shadow needed to hear, without him even having to state what he was upset about. She gives him never ending patience, and without a doubt has kept her word on being right where he needed her most.
A loud ping drags Shadow out of his mind, suddenly more aware of his surroundings. It was raining outside, the wind howling every so often with each and every gust. The droplets were a steady, heavy patter against his window. It was soothing besides the occasional eruption of thunder.
Shadow glanced down to the source of the noise, which was his phone that was laying flat against the mattress. He strained his eyes just enough to catch Sonic's name on the screen before the device turned off. For the first time in maybe two hours, Shadow moved to lift his phone off the bed and into his right hand. It felt heavy, and Shadow found himself straining harder than he should’ve to keep the phone in his hand.
He tapped the screen, waiting for it to register his face, and upon seeing the lock and the top unlock, tapped on the message Sonic had sent.
SONIC. : haven’t seen u in a few days
SONIC. : u still alive? lol
11:45 pm
Shadow stared at the screen for a moment, waiting for his own brain to process the words. After a few minutes, he used his thumb to slowly type out a response.
You : Yes.
11:51 pm
It only took a handful of seconds before a small bubble with three dots appeared, and Shadow found himself zoning out watching the small bubbles rhythmically blink until Sonic's message replaced them.
SONIC. : alr good
11:51 pm
Beneath it, the bubbles popped up again, but only for a moment before two more messages replaced them again.
SONIC. : u want me to come over?
SONIC. : tails is already long passed out
11:52 pm
Shadow gave the question on his screen a glare, almost like the hedgehog asking it could see his expression. The last thing Shadow wanted right now was the responsibility of holding a conversation with someone, let alone the opportunity of Sonic trying to drag him out of the safety of his bed. A few minutes had obviously passed without a movement from Shadow, because his phone screen faded to black in his hand.
He tapped it again, swiping upwards to reopen the messages between him and Sonic before hauling any energy he could muster to start typing again.
You : Rouge is here.
11:56 pm
Sonic started to type again, and before Shadow could even read the words he had sent, he turned his phone off. The weight of it in his hand was becoming more strenuous than he was willing to deal with right now, so he tossed his phone back onto the mattress, landing softly next to him.
Shadow rolled over and onto his back, covering his face with the palms of his bare hands. He breathed in deeply, heavy and forced until his lungs were filled tightly. He held that feeling for as long as he possibly could.
But when it gets to you,
Memories began to flood back into Shadows mind, his sight slowly drifting into an all too familiar image. The grey metal walls of The Ark surrounded the scene, closing him in on something he needed to get out of immediately.
His mind didn’t seem to acknowledge his request, and suddenly Shadow found himself in that same dreadful tube that had sent him to earth. Away from her. Black ears flicked in several directions listening for the inevitable threat, before he had to look ahead.
It was the same sight every time this vision replayed in Shadows mind, the same way it looked on the day it happened. Maria, hunched over and clenching onto the command table, her hand desperately reaching for a button. The bullet wound on the back of her shoulder stood out violently amongst the light blue fabric used to make Marias dress. Her blond hair was strayed anywhere it could go, unkept and messy, incredibly unlike her. Unlike the day it happened however, Marias face was a blurry memory Shadow violently wished he could remember.
He knew how this would go. Shadow would bang and hit relentlessly against the thick glass the tube was created with, shouting and screaming for her to let him out. He would beg over and over and over again just to let him help, to let him get them both out of here. No amount of pleading or sobbing ever changed the outcome.
“Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog…” Marias voice would strain to say, distorted and just barely above a whisper.
A bright flash and the tube Shadows was in would be launched, sent down to earth for him to protect. It's what Maria wanted from him, to defend the world and its inhabitants no matter the cost. And here Shadow was, mulling over the loss of her so much he couldn’t move in his own bed.
The thought yanked him out of his mind harshly, pulling his hands off his face. Shadow grimaced at the sight of the smallest prickles of drying blood against his claws. He brought a thumb back to his face, swiping against his forehead before pulling his hand back. He wasn’t bleeding anymore.
Shadow took in a shakier inhale than his last, letting it exit his lungs slowly. He repeated this motion several times, pausing in between to place his hands against his chest before continuing.
In. One, two, three, four.
Out. One, two, three, four.
It feels like the worst thing ever.
Once Shadow felt himself reeling back into reality, he gave a glance to the side. Looking at the clock on top of his nightstand, bright red numbers were harshly bright in his face. He felt his stomach sink at the time it read before looking back over, rapidly searching for his phone.
He swiped quickly to unlock it and open his messages between him and Sonic again, finally reading the last one Sonic had sent.
SONIC. : ok, but do you want me to?
11:57 pm
Shadow allowed himself the chance to think of something other than what previously had been haunting him down, the weight in his chest still heavy from it all. The tighter his chest tightened, the quicker he brought himself to start typing out a response.
You : Ok.
You : Sorry.
1:02 am
It stunned Shadow when the same bubbles from earlier showed up immediately, and in typical Sonic fashion, a response swiftly filled the screen in a matter of seconds.
SONIC. : Don’t.
SONIC. : I’ll be there in 5, ok?
1:02 am
Shadow bit his lip at the tone laced in Sonic's text, his chest aching harder for a now completely different reason. His usual carefree, grammarless messages were replaced with an uncanny seriousness that sent shivers through the edges of Shadows fur. He fought back the tears that threatened to well in his eyes, thinking for a moment before he moved his finger to send Sonic a thumbs up emoji.
Shadow turned his phone off after his own message was sent, deciding he wasn’t going to bother making sure he saw anything else Sonic could have sent, knowing that he was on his way. For a moment, Shadow felt himself starting to regret agreeing to the blue hedgehogs company. It was an impulsive decision, his emotions haywired into something Shadow still couldn't find himself to be able to get in control of. He should figure this out himself, this wasn’t a weight he needed to put on others.
This wasn't the first time Shadow has had an episode like this, the last one causing an eruption of concern from both Rouge and Sonic that overwhelmed Shadow beyond any emotion he’d felt beforehand. However, Shadow was certain he’d find himself in their shoes if he had seen either of them sitting on the edge of a bridge in the middle of nowhere.
He wasn’t going to do it, just… considered it. It’s not like it would’ve worked anyway.
Perhaps that was why Rouge had been so consistent on checking up on Shadow. Maybe she was assuring herself that the hedgehog was still somewhere she knew he was safe. With the realization, Shadow bit his tongue as a wave of regret seemed to fill his veins at any snark he had made at her in the past week.
It was still raining outside, and Shadow found himself dragging his mind to focus on that rather than the oncoming wave of self deprecating thoughts he knew was about to plague him. It hadn’t thundered in a moment, and for that Shadow was incredibly grateful. No matter how long he's spent his time here on this planet, he still cannot get used to the shock the sound gave him.
Too close to-
A knock against the front door kept him from getting any further on that train of thought. Chaos, had that much time had passed already?
Shadow dragged his body out from underneath his covers, black socks covered the feet that hit the ground gently. With careful precision, Shadow hauled his body slowly towards his own door and opened it.
Sonic stood outside of the front door of Team Darks apartment, blue fur dripping off any excess rain that hadn't shook off with the speed of which Sonic was running prior. He had his hands tucked into the pockets of the red zip-up hoodie he was wearing. One of his feet tapped impatiently at the ground as he waited for one of the residents to open the door.
Usually he’d be asleep by now, given how early into the morning it was, but something about the lack of response from Shadow to his question made an uncomfortable feeling settle in his gut. The feeling kept him awake, he tried his best not to frantically check every other minute for a response from Shadow. It wasn’t unusual for Shadow to ignore his texts, and the chances of him falling asleep before seeing it were all the same, but Sonic knew something wasn’t right.
He was proven right at Shadows ease at letting him come over when he did eventually respond, even more so when he apologized right after. He wasn’t going to question it over the phone, and wasn’t honestly sure if it was something he should question even at all. There were enough context clues to realize maybe Shadow wasn’t in the best headspace to begin with.
The door opened in front of him, breaking Sonic out of his trance. Rouge, with a pink curler in her bangs, a black bra and a pair of baggy grey sweatpants, stood in the doorway with a small slouch against the half open door. Usually, the bat would’ve given him a questioning look with a raised eyebrow and a frown, sometimes even a hand on her hip, but this time wasn’t the same as any other.
Rouge had a knowing look on her face as to why Sonic was here, concerned pulling her eyebrows into a furrow as she stood in the doorway. She stepped back a foot pulling the door with her, giving Sonic room to enter into the apartment.
Sonic immediately slipped off his dirtied red shoes before making it past the doorway, to which Rouge gave a pleased tsk at. Sonic replied with a scoff and a roll of his own green eyes, although no malice was truly laced into it.
Rouge made her way back into her perch in the living room, plopping herself back onto the couch and getting comfortable underneath a soft purple throw blanket. When Sonic straightened back up after situating his shoes in front of the doorway, he caught Rouge's eyes in a glance that seemed almost like a plea.
He returned a concerned look to the bat before turning his head slightly, looking into the hallway and unexpectedly meeting the sight of Shadow. The look of the dark hedgehog made Sonics chest ache, an unfamiliar pull of worry. Shadow looked exhausted, to put it lightly. Deepened dark circles underneath his eyes were amongst the tan fur of his muzzle, and his quills were messy and ungroomed. Sonic noticed how his hands lacked the usual white leather gloves he typically wore, and the fact Shadow hadn’t bothered to put them on was enough for Sonic to confirm his earlier suspicion Shadow was in fact not okay.
The two hedgehogs stared at each other for a long moment, and when Shadow’s arms uncrossed from against his chest and moved outwards, Sonic was swift to take the few steps he needed to get closer, moving into the hall that covered them both from unwanted eyes.
When Sonic was close enough, both of them were quick to wrap their arms around each other, an act infrequent between the two. Surprisingly, Shadow was the one to wrap his arms around Sonic first, a desperate pull to get the other close. In response, one of Sonic's arms quickly wrapped around the back of Shadows neck, the other around his waist as he pulled Shadow in firmly.
Shadow buried his muzzle deep into the fabric of the white collar of Sonics jacket, his face slotting perfectly in the crook of the cobalt hedgehog's neck. Sonic's arms around him were gentle but tight, and Shadow found himself incapable of thinking of anything else.
Sonic's own face tilted into Shadow’s own, peach lips pressing a faint kiss into the black fur of Shadows face. The hug lasted several minutes, and they only pulled back when Sonic felt the weight of Shadow leaning into his arms increasing.
Sonic's hand moved to the back of Shadow's shoulder, carefully guiding them both into Shadow’s room. When they entered, Sonic closed the door behind them, not bothering to fall into his usual habit of locking it when he stayed here. Sonic followed Shadow to the onyx hedgehog's bed, reaching in front of him to lift the red and beige blankets up for Shadow to get in comfortably before placing the fabrics over him.
As Shadow situated himself under the covers, Sonic shimmied his jacket off his shoulders. With the clothing now in his hand, he slowly stepped over to the main window in Shadows room. He reached up, taking a gloved hand to the rod that would twist the blinds shut, the act deafening the rainstorm slightly. Before pulling the deep maroon curtains shut, he tossed his jacket into the chair in front of the window.
When Sonic moved back over to the front of Shadows bed, he slipped his own gloves off, tossing them carelessly onto the nightstand beside him. Shadow lifted the blanket in front of himself with one arm, and Sonic knelt onto the bed to crawl in beside the other hedgehog. The blue hedgehog dug a hand into his own quills for a moment before pulling his phone out and turning it on Do Not Disturb, setting it on top of his gloves on the nightstand.
Sonic shifted in his spot on the bed for a moment, situating himself into a comfortable position in front of Shadow before finally laying his head down on the pillow they now shared. Emerald caught crimson, Shadows half lidded eyes looking at him with a silent question. Sonic responded to the glance by pulling his arms around Shadow.
Shadow reacted similarly, wrapping one of his arms around Sonic, pushing his face into the peach fur of Sonic’s chest. Sonic brought one of his hands up to smooth out the fur along Shadows unkempt quills.
A few minutes of silence passed, the other basking in each other's company. Shadow found himself no longer mulling over the idea of Sonic being here as dreadful , instead burying himself further into the warmth Sonic radiated with a sense of comfort he hadn't felt in days.
“What do you want to eat when you wake up?” Sonic mumbled, breaking the silence.
Shadow's ear flicked at the words, slightly stunned. If Shadow was expecting anything from Sonic, it certainly wasn’t that. For a second, Shadow thought over his answer. He wanted to completely ignore and deflect it completely, not enthusiastic about the idea of food to begin with, but Sonic's tone was laced with something that made it clear the idea was nonnegotiable.
“Hash Browns.” Shadow rasped out, moving his head to the side so he wouldn’t be muffled by the fur of Sonic's chest.
“With the bell peppers in it?” Sonic asked, the movements with his hand lowering to the side of Shadows face, a thumb running over Shadows cheek.
“Yes.” Shadow muttered, like it should’ve been obvious.
Sonic gave a small, breathy laugh at the tone before leaning down to rest his cheek against the top of Shadows head. It didn’t take long before either of them dozed off, seemingly at the same time, in their typical sync. Shadow had no dreams that night.
But it’s easier when you have someone to take care of you.