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There were moments in Bradley’s life where he got into a funk.
The type of feeling that didn’t leave. He’d find himself staring off into space, zoning out in the worst moments. He always found himself isolating until it blew over, letting himself dissociate the days away.
Bradley wasn’t sure what was wrong with him, but he knew that there was something .
He hadn’t felt like that in a while. The itch of discomfort, the feeling that he needed to hide. That he wasn’t worthwhile to his friends in this state. Bradley felt like the feeling had subsided for a long time. Bradley reckoned that it was because Maverick was back in his life. Completely. And maybe that changed some stuff around, Bradley didn’t know. He had his family back, and for a while, that was all that truly mattered to him.
The feeling had started to settle around a year after their mission in Iran. He felt the familiarity start up once more while he was out at the Hard Deck with the old Daggers.
He smiled into his beer and looked away from the group, the heavy pit pooling in his stomach.
Bradley felt disgusting. He hadn’t before he left his place, and it nearly startled him to be feeling it now. The anxiety from it, the weird memories that tact themselves along with this process. Bradley tried not to make it seem like he was having trouble, shifting in his chair as he felt worse.
He wished he could quell the feeling. The thoughts that he wasn’t all that needed. His memories about his father, his mother. Everything negative seemed to rush him like a tidal wave, burying him underneath the water and not letting him up. Bradley felt like he was drowning .
The depression weighed him down quick, and the pilot found himself closing out his bill and getting into his Bronco for the night before he had time to register what he was doing.
Bradley shook his head a little, focusing on driving the best he could. He just needed to get home, and he’d be fine.
That’s what he told himself, anyway.
______________________
Three days. Three days since Bradley rushed out of the Hard Deck with a fake smile and cheap pleasantries. Jake turned his phone on for the upteenth time today, just seeing if Bradley would text him.
Sure, sometimes people get carried away with other shit. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. But Jake knew Bradley like he knew the back of his hand. And this was completely out of left field for him.
Jake was used to Bradley texting the afternoon after a night out. Joking about how he had slept through the day, or how he just looked at his phone. He’d gotten a text from Bradley the night after they went out, a short “sorry.” And Jake was starting to feel it wasn’t good enough. He quietly opened his phone up and stared at the messages between them.
Friday - 10:45 PM
HANGMAN: Hey, u left pretty quick. U OK?
ROOSTER🐓: sorry
SATURDAY - 9:06AM
HANGMAN: Hangover?
12:45PM
HANGMAN: Holding up OK?
HANGMAN: Txt me back Rooster
SUNDAY - 7:34PM
HANGMAN: Bradley?
HANGMAN: I don’t care if you’re pissed at me just LMK if you’re Ok. Thank you.
Technically, today was Monday. Which marked three days of no reply. And at this point, Jake was over it. He swiped over to the Daggers group chat and asked if anyone’s heard from him. A few of the guys said no, and that was proof of what he needed. The push to just go visit.
For all Jake knows, Bradley could be dead!
He texted the group that he was going to visit the man, then texted Bradley himself a quick message to let him know he was on his way.
It was all the warning Jake would give.
On his ride over, he half expected Bradley to call him and tell him not to come. But that never happened. He got to his house and noticed his Bronco sat there, sand from the Hard Deck still on the tires. Getting out of his car, Jake looked at the house and knit his brows, not seeing a single light on. No ounce of movement. The feeling of being pissed off was quickly replaced with worry.
Jake got up to his front door and knocked loudly, then rang the doorbell for a good measure.
He took a step back and waited, then knocked again.
Telling himself to wait longer than 30 seconds this time, Jake looked down at his watch, then to the door, back and forth until he heard footsteps walking up toward the entrance.
A look of quiet relief washed over Jake’s face as Bradley opened the door, only to be replaced by a blanket of dread.
Bradley’s face was scruffy, unshaven. His hair wasn’t done up like regular, and he just looked. Different. He had an old shirt on, something worn and larger than what would fit him. He had on sweatpants, and kind of reeked of sweat. He looked exhausted, eyebags prevalent on his face. His mouth was turned down into a sad frown. He looked so alien to how he usually looked, which only startled Jake further.
“Hey, Bradley,” Jake mumbled, not really knowing what to say.
Jake didn’t care how Bradley looked. He found himself stepping closer and hugging Bradley close, just happy that his friend was alive , even if he was the furthest thing from okay.
“Jake?” Bradley mumbled into Jake’s neck, hands tentatively wrapping around the other. “What are you doing here?”
“I told you, I was worried about you. So I came. Why didn’t you reply to my messages?”
“Iunno, I think… I think my phone’s dead. I’m not sure. I’m sorry,” Bradley tucked his face into the others neck, and they held one another for a long while. Jake rubbed the man’s back in large circles, sighing softly.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Jake said quietly as he finally pulled back, watching Bradley nod.
“Sorry for not seeing your messages,” Bradley apologized again, moving out of Jake’s way.
The pilot took it as an invitation to go inside, which he did. He noted almost all of the lights were off, the only source of light coming from behind closed curtains. He looked back at Bradley in the light of the door, spotting a large cut down the side of his cheek.
“What happened?” Jake asked, then pointed to the cut.
Bradley looked at his finger, then slowly moved a hand up to his cheek, “oh. I tried to shave.”
Jake watched, seeing the man’s hands tremble. He wondered when the last time Bradley had eaten. His hand tremors were bad . Instead of saying anything, Jake gave his kindest grin. Tried not to pity him.
“I can help with that,” Jake said kindly, shutting the door that Bradley had left open.
The man turned his head as if he were lagging behind, watching the shut door as if it had closed by itself. “Help me shave?” He clarified.
“Yeah, come on, Bradshaw.”
Jake tried to shake the worry from his shoulders, but with how off Bradley was acting, he only worried more. The man seemed like he wasn’t all there, his head distant and somewhere else. Jake felt like it was his responsibility to stick around and help out. Something in him burned that he hadn’t come sooner. Thinking about Bradley like this for the past three days made him anxious and riddled with guilt.
He ended up leading Bradley to the bathroom, sitting him down on the toilet once he’d closed the lid. He got the shaving tools ready, foaming up the cream before gently applying it to the man’s face.
Bradley shut his eyes, shoulders drooping down as his face was so gently touched. He drank up the small breath of affection like honey, trying not to lean into the blade as Jake shaved him. The man held his chin gently in one hand, the blade in the other, carefully freshening him up.
“There we go,” Jake purred out, working on Bradley quietly. “You’re looking better already.”
Bradley hummed, the side of his mouth twitching. It was close enough to a smile, which was a win in Jake’s book.
Soon enough, he’d gotten the other all shaven, with some antibiotic on his cheek. The aftershave was put on, and Bradley couldn’t help but fully lean into the other’s hands, sighing softly as it was applied and gently rubbed in by Jake’s warm fingers.
“You want to take a shower? I can get us something to eat.” Jake said softly.
Bradley didn’t respond, head still weighing on Jake’s hand. He gently moved Bradley’s head with a small smile. “Hey, don’t fall asleep on me now.”
Bradley hummed, peering his eyes open and wrapping his arms around Jake’s waist from where he was sat, leaning into the warmth. “Thanks.”
“...Don’t mention it,” Jake breathed out, face flushing as he carefully pushed some of Bradley’s hair back.
“Guess I’ll shower, yeah,” Bradley finally replied as he let go, moving to stand. Jake gave him room and nodded.
“I’ll dig around in your kitchen, then.”
Bradley gave a hum in reply and started to take off his shirt, his stomach beginning to show. Jake watched in a frozen state of awe for a moment, face still red. When he’d realized what he was doing, he quickly left the bathroom, booking it down the hall as calmly as possible.
Jake ended up finding some bread and made toast, then rummaged around. It wasn’t too long before he found some tea. He didn’t even know Bradley liked tea. Still, he made it anyway. The other’s eye bags were enough to think tea was a good idea.
Jake was finishing up their mugs of tea as Bradley walked down the hall, a large hoodie on. He had a faint smile, hair still dripping as if he hadn’t dried himself off at all. Jake couldn’t blame him, he was probably still shaking and may not even have the energy to dry himself off. Jake felt a pang of guilt again for even leaving him to shower by himself, but he tried to brush it off.
“Your hair’s soaked.”
“Yeah?” Bradley replied as if he hadn’t noticed water falling down the sides of his face.
“Let me dry you off,” Jake replied with a slight eye roll, grabbing a clean dish rag. Bradley looked up as he mindlessly followed Jake into the living room, his face in a small pout.
“You don’t have to do this, you know.”
He watched Jake sit on the couch, spreading his legs for the other and pointing down to the floor. Bradley didn’t think he could argue, sitting between the other’s legs. The comfortability of feeling safe came back when Jake began to dry his hair off, his eyes fluttering shut. Bradley found himself wordlessly tilting his head back, hungry for touch. That small bit of physical affection grounding him. Tethering him back down.
“I also made tea. And toast,” Jake mumbled into the silence, listening to Bradley’s hum of acknowledgement.
“You’ve been really nice,” Bradley finally said, once the hair drying was done, and Jake only kept his hands in Bradley’s hair for comfort.
Jake watched as Bradley tilted his head back to look up at him, and he could have sworn that the man’s eyes shone with unshed tears. Before he had time to comment, Bradley moved and blinked, crawling up onto the couch.
“Y-Yeah, of course I’m nice,” Jake laughed, getting up and grabbing their food to distract himself. He brought it all and set it on the table, coaxing the plate of toast in the other’s hands. Bradley took it with a shrug in regard to their conversation, starting to nibble.
“Yeah, guess so… It means a lot you came over.” He fished for his words, feeling like nothing he was saying was particularly good enough.
Jake grabbed his mug and sipped on the tea, watching a black TV. “Of course I’d come over.”
“I guess,” Bradley gestured a little, shoulders curling in. Making himself smaller. “ I don’t get why you’d do this for me .”
The words that left Bradley’s mouth stung . They weren’t meant to, no, but Jake knew why. He felt bad already, but knowing that they were always arguing while Bradley was possibly going through this every time he was home… It definitely didn’t sit right with him. Every time Jake had lashed out at Bradley at the Hard Deck, or gave him trouble during his flights…
“I don’t know why either,” Jake felt himself saying before he could stop himself, trying not to cringe at how bad that sounded. He took a sip of tea to try to mitigate the anxiety pooling in his stomach.
“Well,” Bradley decided to say, “if you ever figure it out, let me know.”
Jake nodded, and leaned back into his side of the couch. He ended up getting up after their food was finished, which Jake was glad Bradley ate something . He turned on a few lights on his way back to the couch, watching the other pilot grab the remote.
The two talked softly about what movie to put on, ending on some action movie. Jake found himself enjoying it, glancing over to Bradley who was perched up on the other end of the couch, eyes closed. He looked small, knees tucked up to his chin, eyes still heavy. He’d gotten all of the necessary tasks out of the way, which calmed Jake, but he definitely wasn’t fixed. By any means.
Soon enough, Jake realized Bradley fell asleep like that. He sighed fondly and ended up fixing the man to where he was laying back, hoping that it was comfortable for him. Jake really couldn’t tell. He stayed while Bradley slept, legs on Jake like he didn’t want to be too far from him even in his sleep . It made the man wonder what he wanted out of this. Why he showed up. Why he even cared enough to text Bradley every day before coming to his fucking house .
He ended up falling asleep thinking about his own whys and hows, knowing that he was happy with the fact alone that he was able to push Bradley in the right direction. Sure, he wasn’t fine. And maybe Jake wanted to stick around and find out why. But for now, Bradley was asleep and comfortable, and it was all Jake could ask for.