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It is commonly recognized that four young men lying on a two-seater couch on a sultry summer day is not a pleasant sight, not at all.
Kenma and Keiji were sitting uncomfortably at the two extremes of the sofa with Suga in the middle. Luckily, they all were pretty thin, the real problem was Oikawa, sprawled gracelessly in his 1,84 meters of height on their legs: head on Kenma’s lap and feet dangerously near to Keiji’s face.
Everything started with Kozume feeling sad, it just was a bad day for him, and Koushi and Akaashi, as the good moms they were, thought he already spent enough time sighing on the couch and tried making him feel better. Eventually, Oikawa came back from his afternoon jog.
“Is this a family reunion without me? I wanna join too… super hug!”
He jumped on their sofa, sweaty and gross, peppering his flatmates’ faces with kisses.
Keiji wondered for the thousandth time why they even agreed on letting him live with them.
“Tooru, I love you, but you’re not really a feather, I can’t feel my thighs anymore”
“But it’s soo comfy, and are you saying I’m fat?! That’s mean, Suga-chan!” Oikawa chirped, moving his legs without paying attention. Keiji sighed heavily, counting from one to ten, I am strong, I can stand Koutarou, that’s nothing I can’t handle, but I swear to God if his foot-
And then he felt something dry in his mouth, as dry as cotton, as dry as Oikawa’s cotton socks.
“Tooru, I’m very patient but-“
Oikawa shushed him, holding his digit up to make him wait, while tapping on his phone with his right hand.
Akaashi scowled at him.
The first to notice was Kenma, who was already playing with his phone.
AliensHaveSwag added you to the group chat
AliensHaveSwag added NotYourMom to the group chat
Suga’s phone buzzed in his back pocket, while he tried to reach it without making Oikawa fall from his legs.
AliensHaveSwag added PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce to the group chat
Keiji lifted his phone from the little table near the couch’s arm.
AliensHaveSwag changed the group chat name into PSU-Pretty Setters United
AliensHaveSwag: need 2 talk abt smtn rly important laadds
Suga laughed at Akaashi’s expression.
“We are literally in the same room, I can hear you breathing”
AliensHaveSwag: shut up kei-channn
Akaashi scowled at him. Harder.
NotYourMom: come on keiji, it’s fun
AliensHaveSwag: yass, that’s why suga-chan is my fav
“He’s you favourite just because he never scolds you”
AliensHaveSwag: cant hear u à u gotta write here
btw kenma I luv u 2
Kozume smiled lightly, passing his fingers through Oikawa’s hair.
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: FINE
AliensHaveSwag: alllright beauties, time to face 2 topics
first why kei-chan hasn’t changd that name yet… explain
NotYourMom: yeah, it’s quite embarrassing keiji
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: I’m sorry, Bokuto chose it and I really don’t know how to change it.
KozumeKenma: yeah true, Kuroo suggested it
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?
KozumeKenma: you know how he is
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: YEAH BUT
I MEAN, PRETTY FACE WITH PRETTY ACE, IT’S LIKE A MELANIE MARTINEZ SONG.
KozumeKenma: plz stop writing in capitals, i’m too sleepy for it
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Oh, yes, sorry.
However, Aliens Have Swag is the worst name I’ve ever heard, worse than Professional Hooter, and It’s Bokuto’s.
KozumeKenma: kuroo’s is Pussy Magnet, but nor girls nor kittens like him
AliensHaveSwag: 1) kei-chan not true
2) Ken-chan your sass is underestimated
NotYourMom: but kenma, you’re dating him
KozumeKenma: i make bad choices
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: 1) Oikawa, absolutely true.
2) Kenma, I know that feeling, and I guess Iwaizumi knows too.
AliensHaveSwag: ehy wat u tryna say??
btw kei-chan? rly? u dunno how to change your name? r u 80??????
KozumeKenma: please less question marks
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Yes, I’m eighty years old, but you are five and need to create a group chat to talk to us, even though we are sitting next to each other.
KozumeKenma: sorry to bring this up to you, but you took an eternity to write this
AliensHaveSwag: ye i can see u sweatin while tryn find the letters
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: I’m sweating because it’s august and we’re glued to each other.
NotYourMom: he has a point
what was the second topic anyway
?
AliensHaveSwag: could’ve told u before if u weren’t complainin
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Nobody is complaining.
AliensHaveSwag: can hear u brain complainin though
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Just write what you want.
NotYourMom: there there
AliensHaveSwag: right
it’s been a while we ve been livin together, side by side, u r my homies and homies tell each other secrets
i was wonderin, as we r all pretty much gay
in your couple
who tops and who bottoms
Kenma coughed, his nose turning a light shade of pink; Suga just slapped his hand on Oikawa’s torso while Keiji was staring at him with a neutral face, not really knowing what to say.
“Are you really bringing this up now?”
Tooru just shrugged.
“Whatever, we’re friends” Suga giggled while tapping on the screen of his phone.
NotYourMom: i bottom
daichi and i once tried something different but none of us liked it, so…
KozumeKenma: wow you have no shame
NotYourMom: nope
AliensHaveSwag: so you like taking it in the ass
NotYourMom: tooru, watch you language
Oikawa pressed his right shoulder on Koushi’s lap, gaining a smile.
AliensHaveSwag: kenma ur turn
KozumeKenma: *sighs*
(He really sighed)
KozumeKenma: guess the answer is obvious
i bottom too
NotYourMom: well yeah, no offence honey but we already knew it
AliensHaveSwag: yep, guess kuroo is an animal
KozumeKenma: …
AliensHaveSwag: suga-chan, 1 question
dadchi wears those grandpa socks even in bed
NotYourMom: he doesn’t wear grandpa socks
AliensHaveSwag: u only say it cuz he your husbando
NotYourMom: we’re not married (yet)
KozumeKenma: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Worlds-Best-Grandpa-Mens-Socks/dp/B014V02FAC
just in case you didn’t know what to buy him for xmas
AliensHaveSwag: keeeen-chan luv uuu <333
KozumeKenma: thanks
NotYourMom: guys i think we broke keiji
Akaashi was resting his head on the palm of his right hand, staring at his phone quietly.
“I’m not broken, I’m just wondering why I even live with you”
“Because the other option was living with Bokuto and you weren’t ready to see your kitchen set on fire” Suga said cheerfully and Kenma nodded.
“Thanks”
“Anytime”
“Guyss, we are in the middle of a serious conversation here!” Oikawa cried pointing at his phone “We are waiting for your answer Kei-chan… On the phone! It’s more discreet”
Akaashi rolled his eyes.
AliensHaveSwag: bet u top
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: As if I could even make Bokuto stay still.
AliensHaveSwag: u are a bottom 2??
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Have you even seen my boyfriend?
AliensHaveSwag: well it actually makes sense, but still, dunno, u can be bossy sometimes
NotYourMom: yeah, i agree on this one
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: I can be both.
AliensHaveSwag: so i’m the only one who tops
thats cool
KozumeKenma: i wouldn’t believe you in a million years
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: Same.
AliensHaveSwag: wat
that’s true
ken-chan u r always quiet and nice why r u like this now
how unconvenient
NotYourMom: tooru i’m sorry but, i mean, we are talking about iwaizumi
AliensHaveSwag: so?
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: I found a dildo in your room last week while cleaning.
AliensHaveSwag: it’s iwa-chan’s
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: A pink dildo with constellations printed on it?
NotYourMom: …
KozumeKenma: …
AliensHaveSwag: FINE
imma bottom 2, okay??
but i’m working on it
i’ll have hajime’s butt
sooner or later
KozumeKenma: more later than sooner
PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce: I’d say never.
Tooru turned his phone off, standing up from the couch (finally).
“I hate you… thought we were friends” he pouted.
The three of them shrugged.
“You are the one who brought this whole thing up” Keiji always had a point.
Sugawara laughed suddenly, staring at Oikawa: “Where did you even buy that dildo… constellations, wow, it’s quite romantic”.
Oikawa whined loudly.