Work Text:
What's even worse than your best friend leaving?
Realizing you're in love with him before he leaves.
Buck felt a headache coming on. The pain was overwhelming, like waves of a tsunami crashing over him one after another. They had gone out to dinner the night before, but hadn't drunk much, so it wasn't the kind of pain from a hangover. In fact, the pain hadn't stopped since the moment he discovered Eddie was moving out at Eddie's house.
When Eddie told him he was moving out with a tense expression, he felt the pain; when Eddie was humming a song while wiping the glass...he felt it again. When Eddie's shoulder brushed against his as they walked side by side, the warmth left him, and he immediately began to miss that contact and felt the pain.
When Eddie laughed out loud at one of Chim's dad jokes, and on the way back, Eddie sat in the passenger seat fiddling with his Spotify playlist, the thought of these moments slowly slipping away made him feel so much pain that he couldn't breathe.
Especially now that he realized his feelings for Eddie.
It wasn't even an earth-shattering emotional impact—Buck had always thought that when he finally met the love of his life, there would be some extraordinary emotional turmoil, like a rainstorm, a tornado, or an unusually hot sun, something very different from the ordinary.
But no, it was just an ordinary evening after a shift, with Eddie leaning tiredly against the dining table, arms crossed over his chest, occasionally yawning but nodding and responding to every word Buck said.
Buck finally finished organizing the cabinets and turned to look at him. Eddie's expression was calm, his eyelashes fluttering as he half-closed his eyes. The soft kitchen light reflected off his St. Christopher necklace, and Buck felt his heart melt into a pool of ice cream. A sense of fulfillment and happiness flowed through his veins like warm red wine.
"What happened next? Did she give you her recipe?"
Eddie asked, noticing he had stopped talking and raising his head in confusion. The most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen were filled with tears from sleepiness. Eddie blinked a few times and tried to suppress a yawn.
"Have you been listening to me?" Even when you were so tired your eyes couldn't stay open? Buck's voice was so gentle he was surprised by it himself.
Eddie furrowed his brow as if to say "Of course, what kind of question is that". He leaned closer to Buck, pinning him between Eddie's body and the counter. Buck's face flushed red for a moment, but Eddie simply picked up the water glass behind him and stepped back. He took a sip of water and placed the cup on the table.
"Next time you go, I'll go with you. That dish sounds like nothing but a big shopping expedition." His gaze lowered and fixed, he naturally lifted Buck's wrist and casually pulled a loose thread from the sleeve of his cardigan. "I'm going to take a shower and go to sleep." Eddie stretched his arms and slowly walked toward the bathroom.
Watching Eddie's back, which seemed enveloped in an imagined aura, Buck realized he wanted to end every day like this for the rest of his life—perhaps with Eddie leaning in for a hug and a tender goodnight kiss. He stood there, frozen and at a loss.
Oh, it's you.
He smiled happily and knowingly. Of course it was Eddie. But that happiness was almost immediately replaced by overwhelming panic.
Oh no.
For the rest of the night, Buck sat at the Diaz dining table holding a cup of coffee, almost until dawn. He recalled all the big and small moments they had shared over the past seven or eight years. Besides love, he couldn't find a more appropriate word to describe his feelings for Eddie.
The morning alarm rang, and he impatiently turned it off, flipping his phone face down on the table. He rested his elbows on the table, buried his face in his hands, and painfully pondered how to deal with the situation in front of him.
Loving Eddie wasn't painful; loving Eddie was the easiest thing he'd ever done, so easy that he hadn't even realized how long he'd been in love with him. The painful part was how to deal with loving Eddie when Eddie was straight and was about to leave him.
And he would experience everything they had left together from a new perspective. Every physical touch, every glance, every moment of quiet togetherness after completing a task would make the butterflies in his stomach flutter.
Buck felt like there was a countdown ticking above his head, ready to explode when Eddie finally left him, leaving his heart shattered into fragments as thin as cicada wings, easily carried away by the wind.
Buck couldn't remember how he had managed to survive the long years before meeting Eddie.
After a series of hesitant actions, he quietly took over Eddie's lease. At least he could still have the house. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if all the traces of their life together over the past few years were completely erased from this place. Eddie's big eyes looked at him, filled with sadness, emotion, and something else he couldn't quite understand.
After returning from the team dinner, both he and Eddie were silent. He curled up on the flannel sofa in the living room, his eyes never leaving Eddie as he moved between the rooms, as if trying to etch every strand of hair, every inch of skin, every blink, and every tiny movement into his memory.
Eddie sighed and walked toward him with his pillow. Before falling asleep, he vaguely remembered the warm touch of Eddie's hands on his curly hair, remembered mumbling something incoherently in his sleep, asking him to stay, and remembered the scent of Eddie's shampoo and body wash on the blanket and pillow. He fell asleep wrapped in that scent, his heart on the verge of breaking.
So when he woke up the next day, his first sensation was a headache. He couldn't tell if it was from sleeping too long or not enough, from being too sad or from sleeping in an awkward position—it just hurt. He instinctively twisted his body and realized he hadn't fallen off the small sofa in Eddie's living room.
No, he was sleeping in bed.
Buck immediately opened his eyes, belatedly feeling the warm touch of another body pressed against his own, the unparalleled intimacy of arms wrapped around his waist and a head resting on his chest. If it weren't for the fact that he was too familiar with Eddie's ceiling, he might have screamed. Oh, right, Eddie.
Eddie was holding him, sleeping quietly in his arms, breathing steadily.
It wasn't that they hadn't slept in the same bed before, and there had indeed been mornings when they woke up to find themselves sprawled out with their legs tangled together, but they had silently attributed it to Buck's poor sleeping habits and laughed it off.
This was different. Eddie was holding him like he was a piece of wood floating in the sea, the only thing keeping him alive. If his headache hadn't been so severe, he would have thought he was still dreaming.
He carefully lifted one arm and called his name in a voice that was almost trembling. "...Eddie?" Eddie hummed twice and moved his head. Buck desperately realized that those little sounds were incredibly cute. Then Eddie sighed heavily, shifted his body, and opened his eyes.
Shit. He'd known Eddie for eight years, yet he was still occasionally stunned by how beautiful he was.
Those honey-colored eyes lifted from beneath his lashes to meet his, revealing a sweet smile, and Buck felt his heart skip a beat.
Eddie withdrew his hand from Buck's waist, propped himself up, and pressed a kiss on the birthmark at the corner of his eyebrow, then his cheek, then his nose, then his lips. Eddie placed one hand on the bed and the other on Buck's chest, kissing his chin with a sticky, lingering kiss.
Buck let out a helpless moan, which made Eddie stop and laugh. That soft laugh left Buck's mind blank. He finally planted a firm kiss on his cheek, making an exaggerated "mwah" sound, and smiled at him like a dream Buck had when he wasn't fully awake. "Good morning to you too, sweetheart."
What the hell is happening here?
It seemed that the look of sheer terror on his face had startled Eddie. Eddie slowly withdrew his smile, his expression turning concerned. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." He reached out to cup Buck's face, but Buck's breath caught, and he rolled off the bed with a thud.
The air froze in silence.
Buck quickly got up from the floor and looked at Eddie, who was sitting on the bed with a hurt expression.
Thinking that he was the cause of that expression made him want to bang his head against the wall.
Eddie furrowed his brows and stared at him for a moment, then crossed his arms over his chest and studied Buck. "Do you have something to tell me, Evan Buckley-Diaz?"
If this was a joke, it was a cruel, cruel joke.
"Whatever you're doing, Eddie, please stop." Buck pleaded almost desperately. Eddie blinked in confusion and sadness, "What am I doing?" "The hugging! The kissing! The 'good morning, sweetheart' thing!"
Buck was on the verge of tears, pacing frantically around the bedroom with his hands behind his head, "Did Maddie tell you something? Is this a prank? Right before you're about to leave me?"
Eddie got out of bed and walked toward him, gently placing his hand on his shoulder. "Breathe for me, Buck." Buck followed his lead and took a deep breath, calming down almost immediately. The peace he felt under Eddie's soothing touch was as instinctive as a Pavlovian response.
"Great. You're doing well, baby." Buck finally lifted his head and met Eddie's gaze. Eddie's beautiful eyes, filled with love and concern, seemed to pierce straight into the depths of his soul. "Okay. Now would you give a proper reason why I can't kiss my husband?"
2.
When Eddie reached over from his side of the bed and handed him two rings engraved with their names, Buck finally dared to believe that this wasn't a prank.
The two silver rings lay elegantly in his palm, burning his hands and heart with heat.
Eddie continued to hover around him, trying to check his condition. He sighed and pressed Eddie to the spot. "Eddie, I swear I'm fine. I haven't lost my memory, and I haven't suffered any other brain injuries. I just feel like..."
He looked around sadly at the room he shared with Eddie, the wedding photo on the bedside table, their clothes mixed together in the half-open wardrobe, and the notes on the door reminding each other of things to do, each ending with "love you".
"I just...I don't belong here."
"I don't understand." Eddie adopted the familiar, slightly wary yet concerned posture Buck was accustomed to, like when he faced an unstable animal in need of rescue during a call.
"It means, in my universe, we're not together." Buck pointed at Eddie then at himself, hating the way each word sounded as he spoke it. Eddie pursed his lips, thinking. "Actually, it's kind of hard to imagine any universe where we're not together."
Ouch.
Buck's heart shattered into two pieces. He tried to explain, "I mean, of course we love each other, but not in that way." What way?" Eddie asked honestly. Buck clenched his teeth and tried to defend himself, "The 'love of my life' way."
"You don't love me as the love of your life?" Eddie's expression was like that of a wounded deer.
OOOOOUCH.
Buck didn't know how to survive in this situation. He wanted to go crazy, to scream, to shout at the God who had written the script for his universe, "How could you do this to me?"
He clutched the ring in his hand until it left two circular indentations in his palm. "Wait, if you're not my Buck," Eddie emphasized the "my Buck," "then where is he?"
Yeah where is that luckiest asshole in the world?
He gave a wry smile and reluctantly returned the ring to Eddie. He wished so much that the ring truly belonged to him, especially since it fit his ring finger perfectly. "Guess you're stuck with me right now."
Then, as if suddenly remembering something, he exclaimed in horror, "If he's in my universe right now and still thinks you're my husband, he'll..."
"Do the same thing I did this morning, yeah." Eddie rolled his eyes affectionately. Buck groaned in agony—how had things gotten so messed up?
The worst thing in the world is falling in love with your best friend. Worse than that is him leaving the state soon. Worse than that is discovering that in another universe, the two of you are in love and married, while you somehow messed everything up in your own universe.
Just as he was about to say something like, "What should we do now?" the phone on the bedside table rang. Eddie glanced at him, walked over to pick up the phone, unlocked it smoothly, and saw the notification, his face lighting up with realization.
"Oh, it's your schedule reminder." Eddie read through the list item by item, "Buy materials for Chris's project—I forgot to tell you I already bought them yesterday at the supermarket, this one's done. This afternoon is Jee's ballet performance, and tonight is the date—"
"Chris is here?!" Buck looked up so quickly he almost twisted his neck. Eddie, startled by the interruption, blinked and replied, "Yeah... not here here, I mean, he's having a sleepover at his friend's house, which means we could have the whole two day without kids..." Eddie stammered, unable to finish the sentence. Buck took a moment to process what he was implying, then nodded in understanding and said, "Oh, so. Date. tonight."
It wasn't that he hadn't looked at Eddie that way before; Eddie was objectively attractive, and everyone knew it. After he realized he was in love with Eddie, the impact of his appearance on him increased to a painful degree. He naturally imagined Eddie's warm hands tangled in his curly hair, Eddie's legs wrapped around his waist, him placing Eddie on the kitchen counter and leaning down to kiss the small mole at the corner of his eye, feeling Eddie's entire body tremble slightly—
"Buck." Eddie called out to him in a resigned tone, and he snapped back to reality, his face flushing red. Eddie rubbed his temples, checked the time on his phone, and added with a hint of sadness, "Look, I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable. I know you only see me as a friend."
Buck let out a choked sound.
"We don't have to go on the evening date. We can figure out a way to solve this problem. But I might have to ask you to come with me to see Jee's performance. She has been practicing for this for a long time."
Buck blinked. "Eddie, you never have to 'ask me' to go with my best friend to see my niece's performance. I'd be more than happy to go." Eddie looked at him with a meaningful expression, then sighed in relief. "Okay, alright." As if thinking of something, Eddie suddenly chuckled, "God, Buck would be so upset. He's been really looking forward to watching her show."
He was captivated by the way Eddie talked about his Buck—gentle, familial, full of love—like the way he heard Maddie talk about Chim or Bobby talk about Athena.
It was a feeling of unconditionally choosing someone, belonging to someone. It was as if this person could mess up a lot of things and make a lot of mistakes, but you would still hold him, wrap your arms around his waist, kiss his temple, and tell him everything would be okay.
3.
On the way to Jee's school, Buck drove while slowly recounting the story in his universe to Eddie.
He swore Eddie's expression was like when he chatted with Pepa about the telenovela he was watching. And he couldn't count how many times Eddie said, "He what?" "You what?"
When talking about Chris, Buck was very careful not to mention the reason Chris left, and Eddie also fell silent without asking further. After a long time, he sighed, "This must be very painful for all three of you."
Buck understood that in Eddie's narrative structure, the three of them would always appear as a family.
He had also just realized that in his own universe, he had been too focused on alleviating Eddie's pain, temporarily setting aside the pain that Chris's departure had caused him. In fact, every time he went to Eddie's house, seeing Chris's empty room and thinking about how long it had been since he had heard his laughter at home, his heart felt hollow.
He wished things could be that simple—he loved Eddie, and Eddie loved him back, and no one would leave anyone else. Even when he rashly crossed over to another universe, he wore the ring that belonged to him and his Eddie. At the school parking lot, Buck parked the car and gazed sadly at the photo of the three of them on the passenger seat, briefly pretending he truly had all of this.
Eddie sighed deeply, curled up in the passenger seat, and rubbed his face gloomily. "I still can't believe you two don't love each other—" "Oh, I do," Buck interrupted him, his tone firm, his smile bitter. Eddie turned to look at him, as if recalling their conversation from that morning, "But not in that way?"
"I love him in every possible way."
Buck's gaze drifted off into the distance. Children skipping and jumping at the school gate held their parents' hands excitedly, chatting about something. The afternoon sun shone on the pavement, resembling a perfect family afternoon from a European art film. For Eddie and Buck in this universe, this was indeed their perfect afternoon.
"Baby…" Eddie's gaze softened, softening to the point where Buck felt he might melt into his eyes. He lowered his voice gently, his expression brimming with unparalleled cherishment, along with a hint of heartache that Buck could easily recognize. "You just realized it, did you?"
Since Eddie announced his moving to Texas, Buck's growing sadness had been building up like a balloon, and now it burst.
His eyes welled up with tears, and he blinked hard to hold them back. Eddie opened the passenger door and got out, walked around the front of the car to the driver's side, opened the door, took his hand, and led him out, gently holding him in his arms.
There, at the entrance of his niece's school parking lot, Buck allowed himself to embrace Eddie as if there were no tomorrow, burying his head in his neck and taking deep breaths.
Eddie loved coconut-scented shampoo, and Eddie was kind and incomparably beautiful. So he felt lucky for himself, even if he couldn't have him in every possible way, he would always be grateful that Eddie had appeared in his life.
Perhaps there could be worse situations—what if in some circumstances, due to some twist of fate, the two of them never met at all? Their names were meant to be together. Buck couldn't imagine how devastated he'd be if he ended up in those universes. He'd search the world for Eddie like looking for a needle in a haystack—
"Buck! Eddie!"
A very familiar voice called out from nearby. Buck blinked and turned his head. Maddie was holding Jee's hand and waving at them. "Hey, Maddie." Eddie said with a smile.
Jee, seeing Eddie, screamed like a wild colt and ran toward him, "Uncle Eddie!!!" "That's my princess!" Eddie mimicked her tone exaggeratedly, spreading his arms and skillfully lifting her into his embrace. His thin beard tickled her cheeks, making Jee giggle.
Buck pouted and looked at Jee, pretending to be hurt, "No hugs for Uncle Buck, Jee?" Jee squirmed on Eddie's arm, reaching out to hug Buck's neck, and the three of them ended up in a rather awkward pile.
"Oh wow, you two can't be apart for a moment, can you?" Maddie laughed in a typical older sister tone. Buck's gentle gaze shifted from Jee to Maddie. She was wearing a light purple dress, with her long brown hair hanging by her ears, calm, determined, and beautiful, almost indistinguishable from his Maddie. She looked happy.
"Ok, is our superstar ready to go on stage?" Eddie carefully placed Jee on the ground, crossed his arms, and looked at her affectionately. Jee excitedly replied, "Yeeees!" "We could—" Eddie dragged out the last syllable, "Dazzle the audience!" Jee immediately answered, jumping up to high-five Eddie. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. He turned to look at Buck and nodded, taking the performance dress from Maddie's hands and leading Jee toward the performance hall.
Buck watched their departing figures for a long time until Maddie's cough broke the silence, "Blink, brother." Buck felt his face grow warm. Maddie teased him with a smile, "Believe me, I understand. Every time I see Chim interacting with the kids, I want to marry him again a thousand times over."
I haven't even married him once yet.
Buck fidgeted uncomfortably with the ring on his ring finger, feeling that this moment shouldn't belong to him.
"Where's Chim, by the way?"
Buck asked as if remembering something, and Maddie sighed deeply, "He swapped shifts with someone from another fire station last time, and the day he was supposed to shift back was exactly the day of Jee's performance. He's super, super upset."
Maddie chuckled, "But I heard him threaten Eddie that he had to film the entire performance for Jee, including the backstage footage. If he missed a single second, he'd send Eddie's number to every psychic he knew in Los Angeles."
Buck burst into laughter. "Oh, watch your husband."
"Watch your husband." Maddie smiled and gently patted his arm, linking her arm through his as they walked toward the performance hall.
Eddie was actually very good with children. In his world, Eddie and Jee also had their own special activities, though it was just drawing.
Buck couldn't forget the time when he and Eddie were babysitting Jee. While he went out to buy desserts, Eddie stayed with Jee. When Buck returned, he found Eddie and Jee lying on the dining table, with a sheet of paper spread out in front of them, intently using watercolor pens to draw. Hearing the sound at the door, the two looked up together, and Buck noticed that Eddie's face was covered in colorful, crooked butterflies drawn by Jee.
At the time, he couldn't define what caused his heart to race when he saw that scene, but later he understood.
God, he missed his Eddie. His goofy, sweet Eddie.
4.
Jee's performance was a huge success. Dressed in a white ballet skirt, she looked like a newborn swan, tiptoeing across the vibrant stage alongside the other little girls. Everyone in the audience couldn't help but gaze at the stage with eyes full of heart. It was so adorable that Buck completely understood why this universe's Buck had been eagerly anticipating this performance.
Eddie was recording the whole time, and the pride in his eyes as he watched Jee was palpable. Buck felt an overwhelming surge of emotion at the thought of the close bond between them.
As he said goodbye to Jee and Maddie, he suddenly missed Chris. He wondered how this Chris might differ from his Chris, but he was certain they were both the coolest kids in the world.
So he thought that Chris wasn't there because he was at a friend's house for a sleepover, and then he thought that because of this sleepover, he and Eddie had arranged a date.
A date. With Eddie.
"Eddie."
As they walked toward the parking lot, he suddenly called out to him. Eddie's hand paused as he reached for the passenger door, and Buck couldn't help but notice that none of the Eddies liked driving.
"Let's go on the date. Don't cancel the plans. I know you're looking forward to it, and that restaurant is hard to book…" Buck said. He didn't know if his tone sounded like he was going on his first date with Eddie—literally, it was his first time, so he was nervous and his hands were shaking.
He didn't know where this universe's Buck got that courage.
Eddie smiled and shook his head, leaning against the car and looking at him. "Sometimes you're so sweet it makes my teeth hurt, Buck." He gently tugged at Buck's sleeve, pulling him closer until Buck met his focused gaze.
"We've had so many amazing dates—as boyfriends, as fiancés, as husbands—but one of my favorite dates was our first official date. After the poker game, you officially asked me out, and we didn't go out to eat—we stayed in my dining room." Eddie recalled with a gentle gaze.
"You made a list of my favorite dishes and desserts and started preparing them from noon onward, and I helped you. In the end, the oven broke, and when you crawled under the table to pick up the spatula, you accidentally overturned the table, leaving the kitchen in shambles."
"Oh god." Buck closed his eyes. Eddie giggled, "In the end, we ate the leftover ham and waffles from the fridge. You started kissing me while we were cleaning up after dinner, and we never stopped kissing after that."
Buck could vividly imagine those scenes. He was immersed in Eddie's overly vivid descriptions—the clinking sounds, the smoking oven, and him and Eddie cuddling by the sink, kissing slowly with soap bubbles on their hands from washing dishes.
"What we ate wasn't the point. The point was you. Your reaction. Panicked, cute, tense, and uncontrollable. I wasn't much better either. I spent half the time watching you and half the time thinking about kissing you."
Eddie sighed, "The first date is a precious moment, and I wouldn't take that moment away from your Eddie."
Oh.
Buck choked up, "Why are you so sure he loves me back? We might not even have a date. My Eddie's straight." Eddie gave him a playful sideways glance. "You didn't know you were bisexual at first either." "You didn't answer my question," Buck muttered gloomily.
Eddie said, "I knew because I'm Eddie too. It's not because you guys did anything wrong; it might just be a little luck, but in the end, you'll always find your way back to each other. Trust that no matter what."
There was one thing Buck could confirm: "There's no one I trust more than him." "Exactly." Eddie opened the car door for him. "Now, let's go home and figure this out. You've got your Eddie back, and I've got my Buck back." "Yes, sir."
There was another thing Buck could confirm: Buck missed his Eddie so much.
5.
The moment Eddie woke up, he jumped out of bed. He saw the empty bed next to him and remembered that Buck hadn't slept with him last night. He also remembered that his Buck hadn't been with him at all yesterday...
He slipped on a Henley and walked into the living room, where he saw Buck, who had slept on the couch last night, still frowning in his sleep. He gently tapped his arm, and Buck opened his eyes dazedly.
Then, as if remembering something, he sat up straight, looked at Eddie in surprise, and after glancing around, let out a satisfied "Huh."
He's such a dork and Eddie loves him so much.
Buck stood up and tried to lean in for a kiss, but Eddie held his shoulders. "Ugh, no." Eddie knew his Buck was back, but he couldn't resist teasing him. He held back a smile and looked at Buck's pitiful puppy expression with a serious expression.
"How do I know you're my Buck? Quick question: What were you wearing when I proposed to you?"
Buck answered proudly, "You were wearing my old blue hoodie, and I was wearing my gray pajamas. When you got down on one knee, I was sitting on the couch without shoes, holding a piece of toast in my mouth..."
Okay, that's enough.
So Eddie kissed him and smiled, saying, "Welcome back, sweetheart."