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Sleep hasn’t always come easy for Vash since he wandered off on his own away from the Home ship.
Whether it’s not being able to afford a room for the night (which was about half the time) and being made to sleep somewhere abandoned or hidden from the world; or his insomnia eating him alive alongside the guilt after something bad happens to the people around him; or just not being able to rest in general due to being pursued, Vash doesn’t manage to get good sleep most of the time. The only time he manages it is when he’s able to get a room, which again, only happens about half the time, if that.
The reporters finding him is a nice reprieve from his usual struggle, in that he’s been able to just go where they do for the last week. He pays for his own room the couple of times they stay in a motel, but being with them eases a little bit of the anxiety of being alone. He still can’t get very much sleep, though.
Then he meets Nicholas D. Wolfwood and things change a little bit.
Slightly standoffish, blunt, sarcastic, and someone who has definitely experienced a lot of pain in his life. He was also definitely hired by his brother to bring him to JuLai, but Vash knows that deep down he’s a good guy. He just knows it, because you can’t fake the look of kindness in your eyes. Roberto thinks he’s bad news—he understands why, really he does, because he isn’t wrong that Wolfwood’s lying to them—and Meryl seems constantly annoyed by him, but Vash can tell there’s something of a soft spot there. Say what you will about the guy, but he’s definitely charming in his own right.
And he squeezes his way into their little travel group so easily, because Vash truly likes him and doesn’t want to tell him no. He may have led them into Zazie’s trap, but he also went back with Vash for Roberto and Meryl despite clearly not wanting to—no bad guy would do that, he would’ve stayed behind. The reporters argue a little, but Vash honestly doesn’t care. He wants Wolfwood there, doubly so since he’s sure something bad would happen to the supposed undertaker if he wasn’t able to fulfill whatever crappy contract he’d signed, but also because his presence is nice.
Vash feels some sort of strange kinship with Wolfwood. They’ve both been through hell before, they both have secrets they need to hide, they’re both used to being alone, they’re both sick of being alone—at least, Vash is pretty sure Wolfwood is. That’s the vibe he gets.
Despite all that, he’s still surprised at how comfortable he must feel around the guy, considering that he falls asleep easily next to him on their first night together. When they’re camping out, Vash has taken to sleeping on top of the reporters’ SUV when he’s able to. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but it beats sleeping on the desert ground even with tarp underneath them. That night, when he’s cleared the top and places his duffel at the end against the rack to use as a pillow, Wolfwood follows him up and nudges him over.
“Scoot it, Needle Noggin. ‘m not sleepin’ on the sand,” he mumbles through the crumpled, half burnt cigarette carefully placed between his teeth.
Vash is a little embarrassed to admit that he looks hot like that.
He can’t help but giggle when Wolfwood lightly shoves his shoulder to get him to move over, and happily makes room for the so-called undertaker to slide in next to him. Wolfwood adjusts himself so that they’re lying next to each other and looking up at the sky, now dressed in a white t-shirt with his arms on display. Vash swallows thickly and forces himself to keep his eyes off of Wolfwood and focused on the sky.
“D’ya know much about the stars, Blondie?” Wolfwood asks after a few seconds of silence, his smoky voice cutting through the atmosphere.
“Eh, kinda,” he laughs. “I don’t think we’ve really bothered formally naming much beyond the moons, but I know we have some constellations.”
Wolfwood smiles, features softly illuminated by the faint green glow of the worms in the sky over them as shadows spill over his neck and under his jaw, and for a few minutes Vash is fully captivated by Wolfwood and his explanations of the glittering sky above them, despite some of it obscured by the worms. He definitely doesn’t expect to fall asleep to the sound of his voice, eyes getting heavy quickly as he struggles to keep his gaze on Wolfwood.
When he wakes up, seemingly hours before the suns rise, he realizes he’d been asleep, uninterrupted, for what has to have been a while. He glances over at Wolfwood next to him, who’s currently sound asleep, lying on his side facing Vash. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, and Vash jokingly thinks that his energy is what helped him get to sleep for so long. He shuffles a bit so he’s lying on his side to face Wolfwood in return, and feels his eyes getting heavy again. The smell of cigarettes and sand and something that has to be just uniquely Wolfwood fills his mind, and he’s out like a light again.
Hours later, he’s woken up by Wolfwood gently shaking his shoulder.
“Rise ‘n shine, Blondie,” he grins, sunglasses on the bridge of his (really gorgeous) nose as he fixes his messy black hair with his other hand—Vash can’t help it when his eyes lock on how his hand moves. Wolfwood has nice hands, he decides. He’s dressed in his blazer and button-up again. “Shorty says we gotta get goin’.”
Vash grumbles but sits up anyway, tearing his eyes away from him. “Can’t believe I slept for so long, that never happens.”
“Yeah?” Wolfwood asks. “Don’t get much sleep?”
“Not usually,” he sighs. “No big deal, I get enough to stay alive.”
Wolfwood raises his eyebrows at that, looking unimpressed. “Whatever ya say.”
Wolfwood climbs down from the SUV, and Vash follows—Wolfwood’s holding his hand out for Vash to grab as he jumps down and hits the ground, gripping it enough to steady himself. His hand in Vash’s feels as nice as it looks, and he’s not quite ready to let go but does anyway.
“Thanks,” he smiles.
Wolfwood shrugs and turns away, but Vash swears he can see a pinkish tint on his cheeks. He decides not to say anything about it, despite the feeling fluttering in his stomach, as they climb into the backseats together, and soon enough they’re on the road, with Vash feeling more rested than he had in… a long time.
Most of the rest of the day is spent traveling, with a quick stop at a charging station a couple of hours outside of the next town, and Meryl decides they’re going to stay for the night and get rooms at a motel. Vash and Wolfwood opt to share a room, pooling together their money on the counter and counting it out in front of the unamused receptionist and an impatient Meryl. They’re handed their keys once finished, and head off to the room they’re assigned, parting ways with the reporters.
It’s only their first full day together, but Vash doesn’t feel even a little bit out of place with Wolfwood around him once they enter the room and choose their beds. Their silences are comfortable, and they’re able to exist around each other without the expectation of putting on a mask for the other. They take turns showering, and while Vash is scrubbing himself clean of worm smell and sand, Wolfwood’s supposedly gone out to find something to eat with what’s left of their money. Vash didn’t even ask him to—he’d just demanded Vash give him a few double dollars and that he’d be back in a half hour with something to eat. He’d handed over his last $$5 without hesitation, and thought to himself that they need to make good on a bounty or something to replenish their funds. He knows Wolfwood is low on money now, too.
Once out of the shower, hair feeling blissfully clean and his skin softer than it’s been in far too long, he changes into a loose t-shirt and a comfortable pair of pants before leaning back on the bed and sighing. He’s starting to get a little tired, but he’s positive there’s no way he’s going to get as much uninterrupted sleep as he did last night. The thought makes him frown a bit, but he figures if that ends up being the case then he can always try and nap in the car in the morning—not that that usually works out too well, given Meryl’s driving habits, but it’s a nice thought that he’ll cling to until the last second.
Wolfwood gets back with sandwiches, tossing one to Vash. “Eat. Didn’t see ya eat all day.”
Vash frowns, but listens to Wolfwood and begins eating. He sees a smile on his face, and can’t help but tear his eyes away as he continues eating—the way Wolfwood watches him is doing things to his insides.
“Thanks,” he mumbles around a mouthful of his dinner.
“Sure thing, Blondie.”
A while later, once it’s fully dark out and they’ve both gotten ready for bed, Wolfwood is dead asleep while Vash lays awake but exhausted in his own bed and stares at the ceiling. He knew last night had to be a fluke, considering he’s been up for hours now. He glances over at his new companion, a little surge of jealousy zinging through his chest when he sees how peacefully he’s sleeping—Vash wishes that could be him.
He manages to get a little bit of sleep a little bit before the sun rises, and drags himself out of bed to get dressed and ready to leave. This place is just a stop on the way, they’re not lingering too long.
“Sleep okay?” Wolfwood asks as he hauls his cross over his back.
“Eh,” he shrugs noncommittally. “I’ve slept worse.”
Wolfwood leans in close to Vash, noses nearly touching and making Vash’s heart flutter, and frowns. “You look tired.”
“No big deal,” he laughs, forcing a smile on his face with the hope that Wolfwood can’t notice what he’s doing to him.
“You and your stupid fake smile,” he scoffs as someone begins banging on the door. “Let’s go before Shorty breaks the door down.”
He laughs softly and grabs his bag to follow Wolfwood out of the room, coming face to face with a tired Roberto and an irritated Meryl.
“It’s late! We gotta get going if we’re gonna cover any ground,” she pouts, hands on her hips as a foot taps impatiently.
Adorable. “Sure thing,” Vash replies.
Once they’re all piled back into the SUV and get going, Wolfwood a foot or so away from him in the backseat, Vash’s exhaustion feels like it hits him full force. Despite the ride being bumpy and uneven as ever, he can still feel his eyes growing heavier. He glances over at Wolfwood, and some sort of calm floods his system.
“‘m gonna sleep a little,” he sighs, leaning his head against the window.
“Good luck,” Wolfwood mumbles, sticking a cigarette between his teeth and lighting it.
Vash’s eyes stay open just long enough to watch the tendons and veins in Wolfwood’s right hand flex under his warm brown skin as he manipulates the lighter, mesmerized by their movement, and the last thing he thinks of before succumbing to sleep is that he’d like to feel those tendons and veins under his fingertips. He isn’t totally sure how long he’s out, but he knows that he feels more comfortable than usual once he wakes up.
His eyes crack open, and he realizes that he’s lying curled up on his side across the seats, eye level with Wolfwood’s shirt, his head resting on his thigh while the raven’s left hand mindlessly plays with his hair—he tilts his head up at his companion, who has an unlit cigarette hanging loosely from his lips as he hums softly to the gospel music playing over the radio. It makes Vash feel warm, seeing him do something so mundane.
“Oh, you’re up,” Wolfwood says softly, his fingers stilling. “Feelin’ better?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbles, not quite ready to get up. “Could sleep some more.”
“Go for it, we aren’t stopping for a while,” he says, his voice softer than Vash has heard thus far and soothing like a promise.
Vash nods, and turns his head back to the side to face Wolfwood’s stomach again. He thinks of how soft-but-strong his thighs are and how his calloused fingertips feel gently scraping against his scalp, how the scent of cigarettes clings to his clothes but on him it isn’t stale or overpowering, it smells like home and comfort and like it’s calming an ache he didn’t know he had. He finds it easy to fall back asleep, the bumpiness of the drive not even hindering him this time.
The next couple of weeks continue in a strange pattern—when they camp and Vash is next to Wolfwood, he has no trouble sleeping. The couple of times they get rooms or they’re not next to each other while camping out, he can’t sleep, but once they’re in the backseat of the SUV together he has no trouble falling asleep on Wolfwood’s shoulder or lap. He finally realizes that Wolfwood is the reason he’s able to sleep so well, and it makes him feel embarrassingly and excitingly human. He also isn’t really sure how to bring it up to Wolfwood. Sure, they’ve quickly developed a tight understanding of each other and Vash really enjoys being around Wolfwood (he’s pretty sure Wolfwood feels the same) but that doesn’t mean he can just tell him.
They stop at a motel for the night after four days of camping, and Vash is stoked to take a shower again. He’s not, however, stoked for the fact that he probably won’t end up getting that good of a night’s sleep tonight. He’s been spoiled the last four days, with Wolfwood seemingly making it a point to stay next to Vash during the nights. They’ll have their own beds tonight, but Vash can’t exactly say that.
After Meryl and Roberto get their own rooms, Vash and Wolfwood step up to get their own.
“Single or double?” the receptionist asks.
“Single’s fine,” Wolfwood mumbles, unfolding a couple of bills in his hand before holding his other one out to Vash in a signal for money.
Vash feels stunned and freezes as he goes to reach for his pocket. Apparently he waits too long, because Wolfwood nudges him and reaches for Vash to give him money—he snaps out of it and hands it over, watching wordlessly as Wolfwood trades the money for the room keys.
“Ya good, Needle Noggin?” he asks as they walk over to where they’re staying.
“Uh, yeah,” Vash answers with a nervous laugh. “Uh… one bed?”
“Ya sleep like shit without me.” His tone is so certain, so matter-of-fact, as he unlocks the door and gestures for Vash to walk in first. “And you’re too much of a coward to ask me to sleep with ya. Problem solved.”
Vash feels his face warm up, and he turns his head away as he enters the room. Wolfwood closes the door behind them, then immediately kicks his shoes off and sets his cross down next to them. Vash stands in the middle of the room and stares at the bed hesitantly while he sets his duffel down on the table.
“It ain’t gonna bite, ya baby,” Wolfwood teases, stripping his blazer off and unbuttoning his shirt. “If it really bothers ya, I can sleep on the floor.”
“No! No, it’s not that,” he promises, another nervous laugh escaping his lips as he watches the flat planes of Wolfwood’s chest and stomach slowly become exposed as more cloth falls away from it. “I just… you don’t mind?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t have gotten the room. If you’re not gonna look out for yourself, I’ll do it for ya.”
Vash’s breath hitches in his throat—it’s said so casually, so normally, especially when it’s been longer than he can remember that he’s had someone want to look out for him. He finds it incredibly hard to believe that that’s the case though. So much bad has happened because of him, does he deserve this?
“Sure.” It’s all he manages to say before he feels like crying. He wants to melt into the floor and hide from Wolfwood—the way he’s staring at Vash right now is beyond uncomfortable, it makes his skin feel hot and itchy and his insides swirl.
“What’s wrong, Blondie?” Wolfwood’s voice is soft in a way he isn’t used to.
He shakes his head and keeps his eyes averted from him. He feels too vulnerable to face him head on right now. “You’re only doing this as part of your contract. Nai doesn’t want me dead.”
The room gets tense, and Wolfwood sighs softly, almost defeated. “I’m not. That’s one of the stipulations, but it’s not why.”
Vash picks his head up as the tears sting in his eyes. Wolfwood’s glasses are off and his torso is stripped of his usual clothing. His eyes seem a little tired, but the kindness Vash knows exists is still there, evident in the softness of his expression—an expression directed at Vash.
I don’t deserve this.
“C’mere, idiot,” Wolfwood mumbles, stepping towards Vash with his arms half open.
Vash tentatively shuffles forward, but Wolfwood closes the distance quicker and awkwardly hugs him, pulling him close to his own body. Vash can faintly feel Wolfwood’s heartbeat against his own chest, and when he rests his head in the crook of his neck he can feel his pulse against the bridge of his nose. It’s comforting, and Vash feels his mind go a little fuzzy, his thoughts turning off and going calm as he inhales the scent of cigarettes and sweat and salt. It fills his lungs and his head and he sinks further into Wolfwood’s arms, causing them to relax around Vash in a better position. He can feel one of his big hands gently squeezing the junction between his neck and shoulder, the pressure sinking into his upper trap and releasing some of the tension still lingering.
“You’re just tired and need a shower. Both of us do. We’ve been sleepin’ either in the car, on the car, or on the sand for the entire week. You’ll feel better in a bit once you’re cleaned up and can get some good sleep.”
It’s the most reassuring he’s ever heard Wolfwood sound, and Vash’s hazy mind can’t help but believe him as he nods a little against his neck. He’s not quite ready to peel himself off of Wolfwood’s warm skin and comforting pulse but he does, sniffling a little as he steps back. His eyes still burn with tears, and Wolfwood could never undo 150 years worth of guilt and self punishment with a single sentence and gesture, but he knows he’s right that Vash will feel better after a (hopefully) hot shower and a few hours of sleep in an actual bed.
“Yeah, okay,” he agrees.
Just like the last couple of times they’ve stayed in motels, Wolfwood showers first then digs through Vash’s discarded coat for a few double dollars before telling the blonde to shower and he’d be back with something to eat. It feels easier to take care of himself when he knows Wolfwood wants him to.
And later in the night when they’re in the bed together, on their sides facing each other, Vash feels his heart speed up in a way he hasn’t felt in so so long when Wolfwood’s arm drapes over his bare waist. His hand dangles over his lower back as he uses a bit of force to pull him closer, and Vash finally feels like he can relax and reach up to touch Wolfwood’s arm.
He can’t help it when his fingers gently squeeze into the muscle of his bicep, thumb rubbing across the inside of his upper arm and feeling the soft skin under his own. Wolfwood doesn’t seem to mind Vash’s motions, letting him continue to carefully grip various parts of his arm and learn what he feels like in his hands. He eventually lets his arm fall over Wolfwood’s torso, hand resting over his ribcage right below his armpit and applying soft pressure to each of his ribs as he runs his fingers over the ridged planes, smoothing over them again and again. They trail down his waist, the skin becoming smoother and softer and giving in more when he presses a bit deeper. He hears Wolfwood sigh softly in the comfortable silence when his fingertips brush over his hip bone, and he moves to gently grip it and run his thumb back and forth over the valley of the dip between it and his stomach. He smiles to himself when he feels a bit of hair the closer he gets to the center
“Like what ya feel?”
“Mhm,” Vash hums.
Wolfwood simply hums in response and closes his eyes, allowing Vash to continue as he pleases. And he does, letting himself get closer to allow his fingers to slowly run up the length of his spine, feeling every piece of it along the way under warm skin. On the way back down, he lets his fingers glide along the planes of muscle along the side of the bones, applying a little more pressure when he hears Wolfwood softly groan as he hits the spot between his spine and shoulder blade. It nearly makes Vash shudder with him.
“Little sore there?”
“Pretty much always.”
“That cross of yours is rather heavy,” Vash murmurs while continuing to methodically dig his fingertips into the muscle.
“So’s yours,” Wolfwood mumbles back, tilting his face into the pillow like he’s rolling to give Vash more access. As he does this, his hand starts pressing into the curve where Vash’s side turns into his back, right under his armpit and laying flat over the bony expanse of skin, the pressure and warmth of it seeping into his body and making him curl further into him.
Vash doesn’t acknowledge what Wolfwood says, not ready to face what he means by that as his hand drift to the other side of Wolfwood’s back, letting his fingers rub deep circles into the identical spot he’d just been working into. Wolfwood leans into Vash’s body, his bare shoulder bumping against Vash’s. He lets himself bury his face back into the crook of Wolfwood’s neck, his fingers drifting down to his lower back to brush over the dip where the backs of his hip bones lie, grazing the waistband of the soft pants he’s wearing. Another night, Vash thinks he might try and see if he can go further, but for now he’s content just touching Wolfwood and feeling him like this.
It hits him right then how much he likes Wolfwood already, and it feels slightly terrifying. He knows he’s going to lose him eventually, the thought making his arm pull the undertaker even closer to him. He breathes him in again, still smelling faintly of cigarettes, but now mixed with the scent of clean hair and sleepy, warm skin. His eyes grow heavy, but he continues touching Wolfwood’s back, being greedy and soaking in the atmosphere.
“Ya need some sleep, Blondie,” he faintly hears Wolfwood murmur.
“Wanna keep touching you,” Vash replies.
“We got time.”
It’s a lie and they both know it—Vash presses a deep, firm kiss over the pulse point in the dip of his collarbone, sighing softly into Wolfwood. He feels a full, slightly chapped set of lips against the freshly shaved hair on the side of his head, and his chest aches. “We do.”
It’s too easy to slip into a blissful night of sleep, legs tangled with Wolfwood’s and arms around each other as they drift off together. Vash can deal with whatever’s going to happen, as it happens. Hasn’t he always?