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Nagi hates the distance between him and Reo.
It is the kind of distance that Reo pretends isn't there whenever he pats Nagi's shoulder instead of ruffling his hair. That kind of distance where Reo is supposed to jump on Nagi's arms after he scored a goal, but Reo settles on a simple compliment and a high five.
Reo pretends—or maybe he does believe—that this is how he and Nagi used to act, used to be.
But Nagi knows. Nagi feels.
This is not how he and Reo acted before. Sure, the touches are there—shoulder pats, high fives, side hugs, and the like—and he can feel through those contacts that Reo finally loosened up to him after all the tension they had on second selection.
However, Reo remains inside the walls he built around himself, even when he occassionally welcomes Nagi. But Nagi can feel the barrier between them because he used to be able to touch Reo—skin to skin, so close like they're morphing into a single being. No distance.
So yeah. They're finally on speaking terms, and Nagi should be relieved, but all he feels is asphyxiation. He's choking at the mere idea of Reo keeping him at arm's length.
They're good, but it is not the same. Nagi does not like getting only a portion of Reo, when he knows how it feels to have Reo as a whole. And Nagi is a fucking greedy egoist when he wants to be—Reo knows that the most—so he won't be at peace by being treated like one of those NPCs around Reo who rejoices with just a crumb of his attention.
He's Reo's treasure, after all. Given that privilege, he used to monopolize Reo's attention, and Reo even found that adorable of him. So yeah, Nagi is Reo's treasure, and he was reminded of that many times before.
But with how things are going now, Nagi's not so sure anymore. He needs to be reminded again. He needs Reo (to remind him).
Especially now, at Blue Lock's cafeteria, where Reo is already sitting across Karasu and Yukimiya, laughing at something Nagi did not want to know. Reo did not wake Nagi up for breakfast—he probably forgot—but a more traitorous side of Nagi's brain told him that Reo just did not bother. He brushes that thought off. Fuck that.
Nagi walks towards the group, eyeing the space beside Reo. Good , he thinks, Reo still saved me a seat.
"Reo—"
"Purple bun! Give me some steak," A fucking insect whizzes past Nagi and steals his rightful seat beside Reo.
Nagi stops, glaring daggers at the back of Shidou's head as if he wants to smash his skull on the table. He actually does want that, but Reo will get bothered with all the blood that will spurt once he did.
So instead, Nagi walks towards the group. He taps Shidou on the shoulder. "I want to sit there."
Shidou, whose face is being pushed away by Reo as he tries to pinch a piece of steak on Reo's plate, lets himself be pushed to look at Nagi. Reo's attention also goes to him, acknowledging his presence. Fucking finally.
"Okay, what do you want me to do about that?" Shidou acts innocent, but his smirk is pissing Nagi off.
"Let me sit there," Nagi points at the seat.
"Why?" Shidou asks, not the least bit inquisitive. He just wants to mess with Nagi.
Nagi meets Reo's eye, telepathically asking him to take his side and push this fucking insect off of the damn seat because it's only right to have Nagi sit beside Reo instead of this goddamn annoyance. Reo did not get it, he just tilted his head to the side.
Okay, cute —that's not it! Why didn't he get it? Reo used to get what Nagi wants even without him speaking. What the hell.
"Because... uh..." Nagi stammers.
He does not know why he needs to explain himself to Shidou. Isn't it already obvious that he wants to sit there because Reo is there? He has to sit beside Reo, or else what's the whole point of going in this cafeteria full of people he does not give a single fuck about?
"If you use those two big eyes of yours, you will clearly see that there are a lot of empty seats. Go pick one and go away," Shidou said before attempting to snatch a piece of steak from Reo again.
"Fuck, Shidou— Ah fuck, whatever, eat that all, you glutton," Reo pushes his plate towards Shidou who, in return, gives Reo a pinch on his cheek as a sign of thanks.
Nagi narrows his eyes.
Now, isn't that crossing the line? Doing such a thing to Reo in front of Nagi? Is this fucker asking to be killed? What the hell is wrong with him?
Reo glances sideways at Nagi, then slaps Shidou's hand away. Nagi almost smirks—just to show off that Reo won't do that if it was him pinching his cheeks. Reo returns his attention back on Nagi.
"Do you want to sit here instead, Nagi?" Reo asked him pertaining to his seat, "Just sit here. I'll get you some food."
No , Nagi wants to say but Reo's already standing up, I don't want your seat. I want the seat beside you.
"Reo... I'll go with you," Nagi insisted.
After experiencing withdrawals due to Reo's absence during the second selection, which left him pissed and annoyed with everyone, Nagi learned to take every opportunity to be as close to Reo as possible.
"Jesus, Mikage, that overgrown brat can get himself his own food. Just sit here," Shidou is really pushing Nagi's limits here. Karasu and Yukimiya swore they could see Nagi's skull aura when he glared at Shidou.
"What am I even going to do here when you already stole my food, you prick. I'm gonna go shower after I get Nagi some food," Reo says, and Nagi's eyes visibly widens.
Reo will leave? No...
Reo will not feed him, nor cut his steak into pieces. Nagi thinks Reo does not have to do that anyway, but at least wait for him to eat so they can head to the showers together?
"Nagi, take my seat. I'll get you some food."
Nagi will rather die than sit beside Shidou.
"Ah, no, Reo..." Nagi calls out but Reo is already walking away.
"Wow, he does look like an abandoned puppy when Reo leaves him..." Karasu comments.
"He's vicious on the field, but when it comes to Reo, he goes all big, stupid eyes like he's begging Reo to spare him some love," Yukimiya adds while nodding.
Nagi pays them no mind (the middle finger he sent them was instinct). Nagi just lost his appetite.
•••
Nagi finds himself being dragged by Isagi for a three versus three training match.
Nagi really wants to pull Isagi's sprout hair for disturbing his supposedly rest time for another hassle of a training. He already planned to use his break to do some more productive things such as laying down on his bed and playing games (it's a jackpot if he can pull Reo along and baits him into spending some time with him). But when he gets to the practice area and sees Reo near the far left corner, tying his cleats while talking to Chigiri, Nagi notes to himself that he will lessen his bad attitude towards Isagi.
So Reo's playing too. Nice, Nagi thinks.
Nagi wants to be on the same team as Reo. He wants to receive passes from Reo, score a goal, and hopefully this time, Reo will jump to his arms and sing praises for him. If he's lucky enough, maybe Reo will get ecstatic and give Nagi a kiss. It may be due to adrenaline, but Nagi will take whatever he can have. Nevertheless, he wishes Reo will react like that.
But Isagi—Nagi would really pull his sprout hair this time—decided to be the fucking boss and put him and Reo on separate teams. So now, it's Reo, Chigiri, and Hiori, while Isagi and Bachira are on Nagi's team. It's just like second selection all over again, but Kunigami's too emo to practice with the others so Hiori took his place.
There goes his fantasy of being kissed after scoring a goal. Fucking piece of shit Isagi.
Nagi glances at Reo, and sees him unbothered with the team ups. What the hell .
Nagi pouts. Reo did not even greet him earlier, he just smiled when he saw him. Now, he does not even protest that Nagi's not on his team?
Sure, they have an unspoken vow that they will not rely on each other anymore, and will just strive to get better by themselves, but come on, this is just a practice match. They can still put that vow aside off the field, can't they?
Nagi can see Reo's lips curled up, probably already thinking of a game plan. He can't help but think: God, he's so pretty, and he's so smart. He's so perfect. I hope I'm the one whose ears he talks off with his brilliant strategies.
But that won't happen today. Nagi stares (glares—it's just not noticeable) at the back of Isagi's head, pressuring him to look back. When Isagi felt the piercing gaze behind him, he turns around and Nagi sends him a dirty finger. Nagi ignores Isagi's confused and shocked face. It’s all your fucking fault.
They now get into position for the kick off. Reo stands a bit far from Nagi but still, his eyes lands on him, looking at the white-haired boy with so much determination and a hint of taunt, like saying 'show me what you got, genius.'
And that's enough to get Nagi fired up.
•••
The match ended on Nagi's team's win. It was a close match, with their team only being one point ahead Reo's team. Nagi can't help but get amazed with how Reo improved. His techniques, skills, and improvisation during the training match was definitely above from his level when they entered Blue Lock.
"We're gonna hit the bath now, Nagicchi. You coming?" Bachira asks, Isagi behind him.
Before Nagi answers, he looks for Reo first, confirming something. He sees him bidding Chigiri and Hiori goodbye as he sips on his water bottle. Nagi figures Reo's going to stay a bit longer in the room.
Bachira follows Nagi's gaze and he grins, knowing what's running on Nagi's mind.
"I'll go later," Nagi replies, and Bachira expected as much.
"Alrighty then! We're gonna go now. Have fun here with Reocchi!"
Nagi nods, waiting for the doors of the practice room to close. Then, Nagi sighs a breath of relief.
Finally. Alone with Reo.
"Reo," Nagi calls, and Reo looks up from where he is stretching.
"Hey, what's up—Oh, did everyone leave already?"
Reo probably did not register that only he and Nagi are the only ones in this room because he was busy cooling down.
Nagi pouts. Lately, Reo's not noticing anything much about him, meanwhile he catalogues everything about Reo. Nagi thinks, I wish I take up most of his thoughts just like how he does with mine.
If only he knew.
"Yeah, we're the only ones here," Nagi says, looking for a reaction on Reo's face.
And, there it is. A glint of surprise that turns into something off—hesitation? discomfort? anxiousness? Nagi realizes that those feelings directed at him are almost always apparent even when Reo tries to hide it by acting natural. He suppresses a frown.
"Y-Yeah? Uh... so what about you? Are you staying here?" Reo asks, smiling at Nagi, trying to create a light atmosphere as if the air around them does not carry any weight.
If I say I am, are you going to leave? Nagi wants to ask.
"I'm going to wait for you," Nagi says, before proceeding to sit beside Reo to also do some cool down stretches.
"I'm about to finish soon, you can just go first. I'll go after this," Reo's voice is casual, but it sounds heavy on Nagi's ears. It's as if he is being pushed away (he is, and he fucking hates it).
Nagi misses Reo so bad. He misses the times where Reo would rejoice at the thought of Nagi staying more minutes to wait for him, and would praise him like 'That's so considerate of you, my treasure! I'll just finish this and we can go to the bath together! I'll even give you a piggyback ride.' But now, Reo even suggests the idea of him leaving.
Nagi ignores the sting in his chest. Instead, he says, "Reo, you haven't praised me yet. Didn't I do amazing in the training match earlier?"
If acting like an abandoned puppy with big, stupid eyes won't work on Reo anymore when he's fishing for his compliments, Nagi has no choice but to take the direct approach.
"Oh—uh—Of course you did great, Nagi! As expected of you! You really are a genius."
Yeah, Reo's genius, specifically. But okay, that's a good start, Nagi notes.
Nagi slides closer to Reo, catching Reo's gaze that can't seem to focus anywhere as he keeps on looking everywhere but Nagi. Shamelessly, he demands, "Pat my head?"
"What—Why?" Reo almost squeaks, instinctively backing his face away from Nagi who's still inching closer towards him.
"Why not? You used to do it before because you know that I like it."
Nagi takes Reo's hand, but not forcing to put it on his head. He wants Reo to put his hand on his hair out of his own volition.
"Like it—You didn't say any of that..."
"It's obvious, though. I like it when you touch me, Reo."
And I love it when I touch you, goes unsaid.
Nagi watches how Reo's adam's apple sinks for a moment. He can feel the twitch of Reo's hand as if he's deciding to give in to Nagi's requests.
He eventually did.
"There," Reo hesitantly says as he stiffly pats Nagi's head. "That okay?"
Nagi leans on Reo's touch, holding him by his wrist, tugging on it to urge Reo to move closer. He locks his eyes with Reo, and he wishes nothing but for this moment to stop so he can forever look at Reo's beautiful purple irises. Nagi sees his reflection there, and he loves it.
Seeing the look on Nagi's face that Reo translates to 'give-me-more', Reo moves closer. His gaze softens. He's really so fucking weak when it comes to Nagi. Did he really change?
His hands drops from Nagi's head to his cheek, cupping it. "You did well today, Nagi."
"Mhm," Nagi hums, basking in the softness of Reo's hand and the fondness of his praise. "Wanted to show off for Reo. Wanted you to caress me like this."
"Why?" Reo asks, almost out of breath.
Nagi leans in, his breath kissing Reo's lips, almost mocking his mouth for not being able to do the same. He settles on that for now and says, "Because I miss you."
Reo's eyes widens. His heart drums on his chest. Out of panic.
Nagi's minute bliss feels like Reo's longest minute. Which is why, Reo quickly stands up from the grassy ground, taking his hand back from Nagi.
Too much, he thought. He's doing too much again. He should leave or else he would indulge Nagi again. He is afraid that he would forget why he needed to separate himself from Nagi.
Their co-dependency before, not just in terms of soccer, have already fucked him up, and he's not going to make that mistake again. He should not cross the line he drew himself.
"I'm done cooling down," Reo says, almost tripping on his own foot from how quick he stood up. "Let's go now."
Reo grabs his water bottle. But when he turns around to leave, Nagi is standing in front of him. In his softest voice—the one which he knows Reo can't reject—he calls, "Reo..."
Reo closes his eyes, sighing. He frowns. Goddamn it.
"Are you mad at me? Are we still not okay?" Nagi asks, his voice that usually sounds emotionless hints a tone of sadness, or something more miserable than that. Nagi licks his lips and sighs.
He steps forward, and Reo backs away. Something pierces Nagi's chest, sharp and cold. The distance again. It's here.
"Reo, why? I thought—Don't you feel—I mean," Nagi can't find the right words. He closes his mouth for a second, gulping down the uneasiness in his gut, before he asks, "Do you hate me?"
Reo's breath hitches and he struggles to keep his cool. God fucking damn it...
Reo places a hand on Nagi's chest, implying for him to back away. He swears to all the gods out there that he will not be able to handle Nagi this close.
The fire on Reo's fingertips intends to burn, but Nagi relishes on its warmth instead. For a moment, Nagi can close his eyes and imagine that Reo's hand on his chest is feeling his heart instead of pushing him away.
"Nagi, we're both tired. Let's save this talk for some other time."
Nagi shakes his head. He presses—persists. He does not want that some other time because he wants Reo now , wants to fix this now, because delaying this any further is like denying Nagi oxygen to breathe.
He steps forward again. Until he closes that gap, until Reo doesn't have any choice but to let Nagi in, Nagi keeps on moving forward.
"Nagi—" Reo stumbles, and his body hits the wall after taking another step back.
Nagi does not like trapping Reo, but what can he do? Trapping is his genius—the one Reo had discovered, and the one that had gravitated Reo to him.
"Reo, please," Nagi says. He begs . "I hate this."
"H-Hate what?"
Nagi sighs. Verbalizing what he feels is definitely more taxing than keeping it to himself, but he's willing to go through this if it means making Reo understand.
"The distance between us. We're not like how we were before. I don't want that. I want us back, Reo."
Reo looks shaken because he knows, but can't admit, that Nagi's right. He looks away, then he looks down, yet ultimately still unsure of where to look at.
Nagi notices—because he always does—and he wants to tell Reo, Damn it, look ahead, look in front of you... look at me.
"I don't know what you're saying. We're perfectly fine," Reo says in a quiet tone, almost mumbling.
Liar .
"Look at me and say that if that's what you truly believe," Nagi challenges and Reo did not dare.
Nagi lets out a breath. He knows Reo's the hardest to crack when he's guarded, when he does not let himself loose, when he puts up his Mikage persona, and when he bottles up all of his emotions. It's hard to deal with this kind of Reo, but it's okay. After all, Nagi loves this kind of Reo as well.
He starts moving, tucking Reo's bangs behind his ear. "Why don't you touch me anymore, Reo?"
"Didn't I just pat your head earlier? What more do you want?" There's a bite on Reo's words, but still, Nagi yields to it.
I want a lot, Reo. I become selfish and greedy when it comes to you.
"I want you closer," Nagi whispers. Close enough to extinguish this gap between us—to fill the gaping hole in my chest.
It seems like Reo's still not getting what Nagi is saying, so Nagi takes it upon himself to demonstrate. He places his hands on Reo's waist, slowly wrapping him in his arms. He let his head drop on Reo's shoulder, burying himself on his neck, nosing his pulse, and savoring the feeling of his world in his embrace. Nagi heaves a deep breath and tightens his hold on Reo.
"Closer than this," Nagi states. What a fucking greedy egoist, really.
"No... Nagi, you can't—we can't—" Reo groans, holding Nagi's arms, with the slightest attempt of pushing Nagi away. Again. "Please, Nagi, just let go."
Nagi's heart breaks at Reo's words, but he doesn't let it shake his resolve. Nagi hugs Reo tighter, presses their bodies together, until Reo feels how restless Nagi's heart is whenever he's close (and more so, whenever he's not around). It beats fast.
"I don't want to, Reo..." Nagi's voice cracks.
"Please, don't deny me this. I'm sorry . I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for being greedy, for being a hassle, for hurting you so much. I promise I never want you to be hurt. I promise I will make our dream come true. I'll put the World Cup on your palms. Please, Reo, I'll do anything to make it up to you, just—" Nagi pauses. He pulls away from Reo's neck and presses his forehead on Reo's. "Don't throw me away..."
"Wha—Nagi, I—"
"I still want to dream with you, Reo. I still want—I always want to be with you."
Reo stills, frozen on his feet. His hands find purchase on Nagi's arms that are holding him tightly. He doesn't know what to say. Funny how their roles have reversed. Reo's the quiet one now, and Nagi's doing all the talking.
"Why aren't you calling me your treasure anymore?" Nagi asks, breathless. "I will forget who I am if you don't remind me of that."
Saying that as if your world revolves entirely around me, Reo utters mentally. You idiot.
If only he knew.
Nagi opens his eyes, nervous at the lack of response from Reo. "Reo?"
"Dummy..." Reo mutters before he lifts the back of his hand over his mouth, looking away as his eyes become glossy.
Nagi's eyes widens. Reo's tearing up, I'm making him cry—
"Who's throwing away who?" Reo says. "I will never dream of dreaming this dream with anyone but you, Nagi. How can I throw you away?"
Reo's fingers brush Nagi's bangs away from his face, giving him a good view of a pair of eyes that looks at him like he made a paradise out of this brutal hellhole called Blue Lock.
For Nagi, though, that's exactly the case. After all, Reo's the sole reason why Nagi's here. In fact, anywhere is a hellhole wherever Reo's not with him. He can't even remember his life without Reo. Reo makes everything better for him, and he really will die without him. That's for sure.
Reo cups Nagi's cheeks, and he feels warm all over. "Nagi, I still value you. It's just that everything that's going on here is, you know, too much? It's overwhelming, and I'm getting impatient. I want to improve quick so I can catch up to you, and I promised to do better alone, so I— I don't want to get too dependent on you again. I don't want to hold you back."
Nagi frowns. He shifts impossibly closer to Reo.
"Hold me back? Reo, you're my driving force. You push me to grow better. Every decision I make here, every effort I put into troublesome trainings, and every move I take are all for the purpose of achieving our dream. It's all for you, Reo. For us. So don't say that you're holding me back... don't stay away because of that. Don't stay away at all."
Nagi should feel breathless from all the words that left his mouth, but he feels like he still has a lot to say. He really just hopes Reo will give in now. Will give in to Nagi's touch, and this time let Nagi make him feel like a treasure—Nagi's treasure.
Reo breathes and Nagi leans in, their noses touching. Nagi feels the distance shortening, and he holds on to Reo more, afraid that the gap between them will widen again if he as much as blinks.
"I don't know what to do..." Reo says helplessly. "I'm so unsure of everything now, Nagi."
"I'm sure of us, Reo. You should be too. Trust me. I promise you."
Reo consumes the sincerity in Nagi's words—contains it deep in his heart. Because one thing about Nagi is that he promises to Reo like it's his mother tongue, even though promises feel foreign to him because making them means ensuring a future that is yet to come. Nagi's not a god to speak absolute of such uncertainty. But Nagi's way of life is driven by his devotion to Reo. Pair that fervor with his genius, and he can make everything possible.
Reo knows that, because Reo believes in Nagi.
"Seal it," Reo says. "Seal the promise."
Nagi feels his lips curling into a small smile from Reo's words. Here's an order from his boss, and he's functioned to do what he was told. This is natural. Reo's wish is Nagi's one and only command.
"Yes, boss."
Nagi kisses Reo.
And there, the distance finally closes .