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The light above her seemed to flicker as she stared into the mirror, frost creeping in around the edges. The air around her was thick, cold enough that she could see her breath. The center of the mirror was noticeably empty, where her closeness to the glass kept it warm enough to hold off the frost. She lifted her hand to the mirror, touching it lightly before immediately jumping several feet away from the mirror as her entire arm began to burn. It was cold, oh so cold. She was cold. Her arm was so cold, the tips of her fingers where she had come into contact with the mirror burned so much she feared they would fall off.
She stood up from the ground but didn’t look up. Perhaps she was scared. Of what, though? Of her reflection? It was just a mirror. She looked at one everyday when she brushed her teeth and combed her hair, when she fixed the collar of her shirt before leaving for school.
Slowly, she looked up at her own reflection. She didn’t recognize it.
Her eyes were empty, hollow, white. Her hair was longer than it should have been, lighter as well. Almost platinum compared to the normal golden blonde she was used to seeing. This wasn’t her. This couldn’t be her.
Before she could fully process what she saw in the mirror, her chest began to glow. A bright white light, originating from over her heart, illuminated the entire room. It was blinding, and it was cold. She looked down to see frost spreading across her body, starting where the light was, and rapidly engulfing every inch of her body. She couldn’t move her legs, or her arms, or even turn her head away. She was looking in the mirror, watching herself be consumed by this cold, this ice within her. It was cold. It was burning her.
It hurt.
It really hurt.
It hurt it hurt it hurt.
Make it stop.
Please. Someone. Anyone…
Make it STOP–
Noelle bolted upright in her bed as the mirror shattered, all the ice disappearing with it. She was in her bed, soaked in sweat and breathing heavily. Warm. She was warm. There was no frost in sight, no ice creeping in through the window. The moon was still high in the sky, and there was a gentle and comfortable chill filling her room. It wasn’t a burning cold like in her dream.
She looked around her room, at the picture on her night stand, at her computer, at the couch under her window. Normally, on a night like this, when she woke up from a dream feeling so alone and scared, she would text Kris. This time, though, she had to wonder if they would even answer her. They were always with Susie nowadays, always off somewhere else, always having fun doing the things they used to do with her. Susie, of all people. Susie, who she liked so much, but only from a distance.
Except for that night. That one night, in that strange world, with all those strange things, and the strange people, and the strange cold…
She was thinking about her dream again. She didn’t want to.
Noelle got out of bed, grabbed a jacket from her closet, and opened her window. A light chill filled her room, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the cold she felt before. This one was a comforting chill, the scent of fall in the air, something that brought memories to mind instead; memories of Kris, and their pranks, and the games they used to play together. Noelle looked down from her window, judging the distance from the closest ledge, then to the ground from there. It didn’t seem too far… Kris had climbed up and down this wall countless times just a few years ago, any time she would text them late at night asking for company. If they had done it, surely she could as well.
She steeled her nerves and shook her head, stepping through the window sill and on to the roof of whatever room was below her. She was too scared to think of what room that could be, just that she had to stay close to the platform beneath her feet. She fell to her knees, quietly to not alert her mother, and slowly began to crawl across the roof. Once at the edge, she looked down again. It seemed far away. How had Kris done this before, even when so young? She looked around once more before seeing one of the pine trees was within a short jump of the edge. That would have to do.
The chill in the air was starting to sink beneath her jacket as she stayed in the open, causing her to pull up the hood and look toward her window. Was this really a good idea? What if her mother came to check on her? Did she ever do that, though? Not that she could remember.
It was getting colder. She had to stop thinking about it. Noelle approached the tree and stood up, trying not to look down so as to not lose her balance– or her dinner.
Without giving it another thought, Noelle leaped from the roof and latched herself to the tree, clinging to it tightly. She was terrified, she had to be falling. Surely, she was falling. Right?
No. Of course not. She was sitting safely among the branches of the pine tree, sturdy beneath her. Slowly, she climbed down, keeping her eyes squeezed shut and her gaze away from the ground beneath her. Until it really was right beneath her, the dirt under her hooves. Oh right, her shoes. They were always by the door. She wasn’t wearing any.
She didn’t have time to worry about that. She was on the ground, and she didn’t have all night. She had a time limit here.
Shaking her head once more, mumbling to herself that she could do this, Noelle gripped the edge of her hood and started to run. The dirt was cold beneath her, but she didn’t mind. She wanted to see them. She had to see them. She knew the way there like the back of her hand, even despite how long it had been since she was there.
On the way, her mind raced. What if it wasn’t them? What if it was… whatever that other voice was? Whoever it belonged to? Would Kris be the one to open the window for her, or would it be whatever resided deep inside them? She didn’t want to hear that other voice. The raspy, mumbly, scratchy voice… That wasn’t Kris. She wanted Kris right now. Kris was loud, Kris was pushy, Kris was warm . She wanted Kris.
She reached their house in just a few minutes and immediately ran to the back, picking up a pebble from the driveway on her way. Her hooves ached from running so far in the cold street, but she didn’t care anymore. She stood under a tree and looked up. Kris’ light was still on. They never did break their insomniatic habits, did they? It was nice, knowing at least that would never change. She even let herself get a bit hopeful. Maybe it meant she would actually see Kris this time.
Noelle took a step forward and threw the pebble, watching it bounce off of the window and fall back to the ground. Then she stood there. She waited. Shadows moved against the wall inside the room, and then there they were. Kris stood in the window, their silhouette feeling like the most amazing thing Noelle had ever seen with how badly she missed it. She stepped forward from under the tree, into the light. She had no clue where she was supposed to climb up from. Where did Kris climb up and down from? There were less ledges and trees here…
She noticed that Kris had stepped back from the window. Then a red light flashed, flew across the room, and Kris was back. They opened the window and threw down a rope made of blankets tied together. It didn’t seem very safe or sturdy, but if that was what Kris had used for all these years… Noelle grabbed the rope and started to scale the wall, climbing in through the window and falling to the ground. She didn’t move. Just stayed there for a moment, laying on the floor until she was ready.
Kris stood over her, a rather goofy and smug smile on their face. It was Kris’ smile. Not the other one. They knelt next to her, but before Noelle could think to move, they had fallen even further and were laying on top of her.
This time, she didn’t mind the weight, though. She needed it, maybe. Just a little.
Okay, maybe she needed this really badly, actually. Her arms instinctively wrapped around Kris, keeping them where they were. Keeping their head down, so they couldn’t see the tears beginning to pool. The tears beginning to fall. The tear drops falling against their hair. They didn’t need to see. She didn’t want them to see.
“Noelle.”
There it was. The voice she missed. She held them tighter.
“Noelle…”
Not yet. Please, don’t get up. She wasn’t ready to let go.
“Noelle, let’s get off the floor. My bed will be more comfortable.”
Oh. Right.
“Oh, yes, of course! Of course it would. Haha,” Noelle lifted her arms and quickly wiped her tears from her face while Kris lifted themself off of her, offering a hand. She took it gently, and they pulled her up with ease, then led her to the bed to sit down.
She sank down. It was soft. She fell to her side. It was so warm. She felt so warm. Her chest felt warm. An arm wrapped around her, and it was a fire. Kris was a flame engulfing her, melting away the ice that had consumed her in her sleep. They shifted a bit, holding her closer against their chest, her back facing them as she started to cry once more. They didn’t prompt her to turn around, only held her. Softly. She could feel their face pressed into her hair, the warmth of their breaths on her antlers.
Peace .
That’s what this was. That’s what Kris was. Kris was peace, and Kris was chaos, and Kris knew just when to be what she needed.
Their arm moved further around her waist, their grip more secure. “Why are you here? You never sneak out.”
Oh, that’s right. She had a reason for coming. What had it been? The dream? Was that really it? Her room had been dark. Lonely. Cold. Did she just miss them? Did she just want to see Kris? To be with them? “I don’t remember… Do I have to have a reason?” That was all she could really say. Everything else was far too confusing.
Kris laughed. Goodness, how she missed that laugh. Their laugh. It was playful, it was warm, it was just a little breathy. It wasn’t scratchy and harsh. It was perfect.
“I… I missed you. I missed you, Kris.”
Wait, what?
“I mean, you . You haven’t been yourself. Your voice has been different, and everything you do… I missed you.”
Why was she saying that? That’s not what she came here for. No, that would make her cry more.
Her body started to shake. Her tears began to fall faster, and she choked back a sob. She tried to still herself. She didn’t want to break. Not now.
Then Kris’ arm moved, their body shifted. They weren’t behind her. They placed their hand on her arm and pulled her over, rolling her onto her back. Kris was propped over her, looking down at her tear stained face. Her fur was getting clumped under the tracks. She tried to stop herself, to cover her face, but Kris grabbed her hands and pulled them away.
What was this? Why? Why couldn’t she control her tears now? She was always so good at keeping them in around her mother, at school, when she saw Susie and Kris doing their own thing around town, so why now of all times wouldn’t they stop?
Kris fell on her again.
Just fell, arms wrapping around her tightly.
That was all it took.
Noelle held onto Kris tightly again, sobbing into their hair. It was loud, it was gross, and she felt terrible. Here they were, everything she wanted, and all she could do was cry. All she could do was cover their hair in snot and tears.
Noelle held them tighter.
More tears came.
Kris held her tighter.
She felt their body shake. She heard them sniffle. Mumble.
She got scared, but this mumble wasn’t raspy or sharp. This was the warm, soft mumble she knew. It was still Kris.
“I missed you, too…”
If only it could last forever.
She needed this so desperately. How could she ever let it go now.
Kris rolled to the side again, still holding Noelle close, their arms tightly around her waist. She clung to their hoodie, sobbing into their chest while Kris’ own tears wet her hair for a while. It felt like they were sitting there for mere minutes. It felt like they were sitting there for hours. She wasn’t sure anymore. It could have been forever, and it would have felt like seconds. It could have been milliseconds, and it would have felt like years. It was perfect. It was peace.
When they had both stopped crying, Noelle lifted her head to wipe her nose with her sleeve. Kris laughed, and she could only imagine how gross she looked. Even so, she couldn’t help but laugh in return. She couldn’t bring herself to pout or be grumpy with them like she used to. She was just happy to be in their arms again.
“Do you remember,” Noelle turned onto her back to stare at the ceiling, and Kris followed suit, resting their head on her shoulder. “There was that tire swing at the park. The rope was so terribly frayed, and I tried to tell you not to use it, but then Dess just had to triple dog dare you.”
Kris laughed and sat up, glaring down at her. “Well I can’t turn down a triple dog dare! You know that. I have pride, you know.”
“You were six years old.”
“I can’t lose my dignity too young.”
Noelle shook her head with a laugh, reaching up to pull Kris back down next to her. “Well, you got on that swing, and sure enough, it snapped. Dess took a picture right as it snapped, though. Just before you hit the mud.”
“Wait, she did? Why wasn’t I told? That’s even worse than if I had just said no!”
“Sure it is… Well, it was a really blurry photo. I have it.” Noelle moved her head to Kris’ chest, facing towards them. “I see it every day, actually. It’s my screensaver on the computer in my room.”
Kris stared at her, their mouth just hanging open, as if they were still processing what to say. They didn’t say anything, though, only rolled their eyes and moved their gaze away from Noelle.
She laughed at that, understanding easily that the fact had embarrassed them.
“Sometimes I just turn on my computer when I don’t even have any work to do, and I just look at the picture. I think about that day, the muddy park, Dess laughing at you while Azzy and I both rushed to make sure you were okay. Of course, all you did was throw mud at us.”
“Oh yeah, your mom was so upset about that dress.”
“It was my favorite too, you know!”
Kris laughed and looked back at Noelle, who was now pouting at them instead. Their smile was so gentle, so warm, so…
Noelle’s eyes got wide, and she bolted upright to the edge of the bed. She heard and felt the mattress shift as Kris got up and moved next to her. They weren’t far, just right over her shoulder.
She turned to face them just as Kris went to blow on her ear, the breath hitting her lips instead. A squeak escaped her as she jumped away, falling to the floor. Kris looked just as shocked, or maybe even embarrassed themself as their attempted prank had… backfired? Did it backfire?
Noelle pulled her hood up again, shrinking into it to hide her face as Kris got off the bed and stepped closer.
They kneeled in front of her, leaning close and staring at her.
Really staring.
Noelle stared back.
There was a knock at the door, and Kris jumped back. Noelle panicked, and Kris quickly motioned for her to go under their bed. She did just that as Kris opened the door, Toriel’s voice carrying in.
“Something loud woke me up, are you alright… It sounded like you fell.”
“I just rolled too close to the edge of the bed. I’m okay.”
“Oh, please be careful… If that was all it was, I’ll let you go back to sleep. Goodnight.”
Kris shut the door. They both listened for Toriel’s footsteps to trail away before Noelle crawled out from under the bed.
She didn’t get the chance to stand up, though, before Kris had propped themself over her again. She felt her entire body get warm as they looked at her. Smiled at her.
“I should… Probably get home, no? Mom will worry if I’m not there in the morning, and–”
“No.” Kris didn’t move. They just looked at her, stern but not cold. Demanding, almost.
“... Okay. No. I won’t.” Why did she just agree? Did she even think before she spoke? Did she ever think before she spoke? Goodness, what was wrong with her. One little nightmare, and she loses grip on herself, and her emotions, and everything else. Kris was still looking at her. Staring at her. How long were they going to stare at her? Better question, were they closer now than they were before?
Yes. Yes they were.
She felt their lips against hers before she could even process how close they had gotten to her.
It was warm. It was fireworks. It was poprocks and fizzy juice and the burst of confetti as she opened her locker on her birthday.
And it was Kris.
And it was her.
And it was them.
And it was so, so peaceful…