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“Everybody ready?” Ezran asked anticipatingly.
They have been busy with the preparations for Callum’s birthday celebration since early morning—his excitement surely couldn’t wait any further.
Ezran whipped out his checklist to ensure that everyone had fulfilled the necessary requirements.
“Balloons?”
“Check!” Allen confirmed.
“Grub cake?”
“Check.” Lujanne responded with a light chuckle.
“And finally, Bait, did you already master that birthday song I taught you?” Ezran smiled as he inched forward to pet Bait.
Bait responded with a playful, and, of course, grumpy growl like always.
“Okay, seems like we’re all set!” Ezran perked up.
“Wait, what about my special dance number?” Soren added, as he proceeded to demonstrate a set of his “wonderfully crafted” interpretative dance, leaving everyone mildly bewildered.
Ezran let out a hearty chuckle, “Sure, Soren—I’ll add that on the list too.”
This is it, Ezran thought. This would be their first birthday without their father. He was going to make sure that Callum would still be reminded of his little brother’s company. However lonely it may seem.
Ezran gestured with his fingers, counting down from three as he whispered.
3…
2…
1…
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CALLUM!!!” Everyone bursted through the room, shouting out in excitement.
…
They were met with a wave of silence. It wasn’t the gentle silence accompanied with the snores of another. It was haunting, brutal, cold—the air felt like it could choke the life out of you.
Something was wrong. Something was missing.
Everyone stood frozen in place, still processing the drastic turn of events, as their eyes landed on an empty bed that lay abandoned.
Rayla’s bed…
Their attention was brought back to Callum as a muffled sob erupted throughout the room.
Ezran slowly approached Callum, who sat at the edge of his bed, staring onto a piece of soaked paper—grief written all over his face. Tears streamed down his face like a dam overflowing nonstop.
“Callum, are you okay?” Ezran asked worriedly.
“She left us…”
“Rayla?”
Callum paused for a moment, allowing Ezran to get a glimpse of his severely bloodshot eyes.
“She’s gone…”
The birthday cake had been left forgotten.
Truth be told, Ezran never expected to come home with a miserable brother and the loss of his first true best friend.
His big sister.
He wasn’t used to seeing his older brother in such a state. He’d only seen him feel sad or downcast from time-to-time, but it was never to such an extreme point where he’d pass out due to his immense heartache and distress. It pained Ezran seeing Callum this bedridden with depression. To witness him fly off day and night to search for his love; his muse and moon, even to the point where he fell ill.
Callum’s endless pining had severely drained his motivation and spark. He refused to eat, drink, or even get out of bed. His sketchbook was left untouched, and he was left to yearn; to brood over a “white lie” and an unkept promise.
Today was a week before his sixteenth birthday. Or rather much known now as the day Rayla left him. Unfortunately, this “sweet sixteen” definitely won’t be so sweet, as Callum had relapsed to his depressive state once more.
Seeing as Callum hadn’t been eating properly these past few days, Ezran decided to check up on him, even if it meant having to temporarily delay his duties for a while. He set foot toward Callum’s room with a meal in hand and knocked once again for the umpteenth time.
“Hey, Callum.” Ezran began.
He was met with no response, a common occurrence accompanied with the dead air.
“I brought you something to eat, you skipped dinner agai-”
“I’m not hungry, Ez.” Callum interrupted.
Ezran remained unconvinced as the rumbling of Callum’s stomach gave it all away.
“You’ve been saying that over and over again for the past five days.” Ezran remarked.
He waited for a brief moment before discreetly opening the door; he took a small peek, and was immediately hit with the harsh scent of sweat and scattered specks of dust around each corner. Surely, this room has seen better days, he thought. As always, he found Callum laying there dissociatively all while huddled up in his blanket.
It took a while for Ezran to adjust to his grief-stricken condition, though that didn’t mean it was easy for him to do so. There’s a part of him still hurting which he chooses not to acknowledge all the way through. Besides, he has to stay strong for his brother anyways.
Ezran carefully made his way into Callum’s room, taking in the sight of his unkempt bed. Pillows were strewn across the room, perhaps in a fit of rage, and the crinkle of the rug could be felt with each step he took. Something caught the corner of his eye, however. A rolled, crumpled piece of paper was sitting in the dark.
Rayla’s letter.
He propped the meal on Callum’s bedside table and comfortably settled in beside his brother. “Callum, please, you really need to eat.”
Callum immediately turned to face Ezran and snapped, “Would you stop being a nuisance, Ezran!?”
…
Ouch, well that hit too close to home.
It took Callum a brief moment to simmer down as he drew in a deep breath. “Look, Ezran. I’m not in the mood to argue right now, so would you please, just…”
“Just let me be.”
Although Callum’s words had deeply stung Ezran, he couldn’t help but feel utterly sorry for him. He knew how much of a jerkface his brother could be at times, but this one was different. He’s the one struggling now, and the wound hasn’t been officially bandaged up yet. But surely, they’ll find a way out of it like they always have, right?
Ezran stood observing Callum, his stomach tightening in unease, “I’m sorry, Callum. Everyone’s just been so worried about you lately, and…” He paused, fidgeting through his nervousness.
“I miss you, Callum. We all do.”
Ezran continued on, “I promise we’re all trying our best to support you, and I’d do whatever it takes for you to feel better again.”
Callum remained slumped on his bed as Ezran’s words echoed in the air. He’d truly never been himself ever since, as each conversation was met with the same hollow emptiness Ezran had grown familiar with. Nevertheless, Ezran still persisted.
“You know, I don’t think Rayla ever meant to leave you alone like that.”
Callum immediately broke away from his stupor, “Damn it, Ezran, didn’t we talk about this…”
They sat in a silence so deafening, Ezran could feel his heart in his head. The only sound he could make out was Callum’s ragged breathing, desperately trying to regain his composure.
Then, Callum abruptly stood up.
“Sources, you never learn, do you!?” he soon retorted in exasperation.
Ezran stood aghast as he froze in shock from the sudden event. He cowered among the dark, brooding figure of his brother towering before him. Time seemed to stop, and it felt like he’d go on like this forever. Watching and feeling so small and helpless like a little kid all over again.
Until suddenly, Callum’s knees gave in and he instantly dropped to the ground—his palms barely catching him.
“She said we’d go together.” He muttered incomprehensibly, trembling through his agitation.
“No…”
“She promised.” Callum shakily looked Ezran in the eye.
Ezran finally got a clear view of his brother within the faint glow of the lamp, and goodness, he could see how much of a wreck he’d been. Covered in his own tears and snot, staring with those bloodshot eyes; each vein pulsating in madness. It would soon haunt Ezran in the years to come. He couldn’t bear to look at it. He couldn’t watch his brother suffer in the dark any longer.
Callum spoke again, “Everyday, I try so hard to forget.”
He paused momentarily as he drew in a deep breath, gathering every ounce of strength left that he could muster.
“But god, I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil without ever being reminded of those sketches of her.”
He’s seen the dust of the charcoal; each stroke filled with passion as he draws the girl in white. Smiling, frowning, angry—all in different expressions. Ezran still remembers Callum praying every night, perhaps begging the moon to have mercy so it may guide Rayla on her way. So it may guide Rayla home. So it may guide Rayla to his heart, even if she’s been there all along.
Callum continued on, “That crumpled-up letter—I wanted so hard to tear it into pieces but,” the knot around his throat went tight, as he broke down in a fit of tears once again. “I just couldn’t…”
Ezran softened his gaze, feeling nothing but deep empathy for his brother. Although he’s been treated like a silhouette after Rayla left, never once did he blame his brother. Never once did he blame him for being holed up in his room.
He carefully approached Callum who was sobbing on the floor, planning to caress him, but was instead met with forceful hands that pushed him away.
Callum had slapped Ezran’s hands away from him, sending his brother with full force onto the ground.
“Don’t you get it, Ezran? She’s never coming back.”
Callum faltered to a halt, as something inside of him snapped.
“She left us all!”
The impact from the ground hit Ezran immensely hard—he could feel a bruise forming on his bottom side, though nothing hit harder than having to watch the person who you looked up to and loved so dearly breaking down in front of you.
He never wanted to admit it, but god was he so tired of trying. The frustration following restless nights—one after the other, spent thinking in sheer worry and concern as his brother continuously deteriorated in front of his very eyes. Thinking about a happy birthday celebration. About what could’ve been.
It didn’t help either that Callum had pushed him away both physically and mentally. He had shut himself off from the world. He had shut himself off his brother.
All because of Rayla. Maybe if she hadn’t left, he’d still have his brother.
“She left me.” Callum barely mustered.
Ezran barely heard Callum speak as each drop of his tears had drowned out the whole scenery. He was no longer looking at his brother with the earlier sorrow he had had on display.
He was looking at him in fear.
Before he knew it, Ezran’s facade had broken. All the hurt he’d been keeping welled up in his throat had burst open. Through his blurry unfocused vision, he could feel his heart thumping out his chest, desperate to break free. His breaths turned into wheezing gasps as if he’s being sunk into the ground. As if a boulder has been stuck on top of his back, pushing him deeper and deeper. Everything is his fault. Everything is his fault.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry–
“...Ezran?” Callum looked up only to find him in an agitated state, barely staring him in the eye and visibly trembling at his sight.
Shit, what have I done?
He had hurt his brother. His own brother. His own brother who had only tried to help him. His own brother who had done absolutely nothing wrong.
It took long enough before Callum had registered the guards barging in and interfering with the whole incident. He hears each voice checking in, asking if the king was okay, wondering what in hell happened to lead up to this current predicament. They completely fretted over his well-being.
Callum sat completely alone, his eyes darted towards the ground in a look of shame. A look of guilt. Guilt for pushing away one of the only people he has left.
He feels numb all over, a familiar ache that has been gnawing at him ever since. Unable to pull himself together, he returned to zoning out, tuning away everything before him. Callum hates to say it, but he has his own ways of running away too just like Ezran. Perhaps, he deserves this after all. Everyone will keep leaving him.
Then, he feels something warm.
His brother had rushed into him, enveloping him in a tight tender hug. He can sense his soft hands rubbing soothing circles around his back. Fuck, what did he even do to deserve this? He was the one who hurt Ezran, he should be the one making it up to him, not the other way around.
“Ezran…”
Callum, fully taken aback by surprise, had returned the gesture. He embraced Ezran with every ounce of strength in his body, and buried his face as he proceeded to cry a river on his back.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Callum continuously muffled through Ezran’s tunic. It had now been drowning in his tears and he feels as if he terribly owes an apology hundredfold. He’s already lost Rayla—he couldn’t bear the thought of losing his baby brother too.
They didn’t know how long they sat sobbing in each other’s arms, but they spent it cherishing the warmth they both so desperately needed. The barrier and distance between the two brothers had finally broken as they make up for lost time.
With all the tension that has subsided, Ezran spoke again.
“Callum, I think you’re squeezing me too much.” Ezran manages a lighthearted laugh, despite the pain quite nearly being equivalent to Aunt Amaya’s bone-crushing hugs.
“I’m sorry.” Callum chuckles genuinely this time. Realizing how much tension he’s been holding on his grip, he slowly loosens up and backs away, wiping off his tear-stained face.
Ezran signals the guards to head off and return to stand by outside.
“So, are we good now?”
Callum nods, as he prepares another apology, one deep from the heart.
“I’m so sorry, Ezran. I hope you know I never meant to hurt you like that.”
“I know.”
“I promise, no matter what, I’ll never leave you this time. ”
“Promise?”
Callum shifted closer towards his brother and raised up his pinky finger, “I promise.”
Ezran held up his pinky finger, and in return, intertwined it with his brother’s. They both smiled at each other, and for the first time, it had finally reached Callum’s eyes although melancholic it may seem.
It was then that Callum came to a realization. Something he should’ve taken into mind sooner, and sources, he feels so stupid and foolish for only discovering it just now.
He hadn’t truly lost everything, and even though the world felt like it would end, it didn’t. Sure, Rayla had left, but Callum still had his brother. Even if it didn’t feel the same, he was still a piece of Callum, and it would break him if he were to lose Ezran too.
“You do know your meal’s gone cold now, right?” Ezran said, completely catching Callum off guard.
“Oops, forgot about that.” Callum realized as he rubbed a hand behind his neck.
Ezran giggled as he suddenly remembered something.
“By the way, one more thing. After you eat, I better see that jerkface dance!” Ezran teased.
Callum sighed lightheartedly this time, “Alright, fine.”
They embrace in a tight hug for one last time before officially parting their separate ways.
“Happy birthday, Callum.”
Callum looked at his brother once more, and with that, he vowed never to abandon Ezran the way Rayla did to him. However cruel fate may seem.