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It was getting late. Because a certain annoying partner of his didn't show up for the mission they had, Chuuya found himself trudging down to the shipping container that for whatever un godly reason Dazai called home.
He hates coming here, avoiding it whenever possible. No wonder the bastard was suicidal living in such a dreary miserable location. Isolated in the middle of nowhere, alone and dreadful and cold.
It's windy and a bit cold today. Overall a dull looking day in general. The atmosphere is filled with cool grays and blues. Chuuya didn't mind so much as he was preoccupied with the mission due and his missing partner.
He walks up to the cold metal door and bangs on it. “Dazai!! You bastard! Get up, I was waiting for ages!” Chuuya yells. He waits a moment, expecting as usual for Dazai to open the door shit-eating grin on his face. Then for him to dramatically whine and irritate him the entire way back.
But that didn't happen. In fact he didn't respond at all. Either that or he's off somewhere else entirely and he's wasting his time knocking on an empty container. Chuuya gets fed up and just kicks the thing open, his ability was strong enough to snap in half whatever cheap lock held this thing shut, if he had a lock at all that is. Chuuya highly doubts he does.
Chuuya peaks his head in first and is a little caught off guard by what his eyes first land on. There's a small blood splatter on the floor, not a dangerously large amount but enough to be concerned nonetheless.
As he trails his gaze further, he follows along a dotted line of blood dribbles that leads into darkness. He pushes open the creaky metal door as he does, shedding light on what would otherwise be too obscured in darkness to see. The door screeches uncomfortably.
The light runs over Dazai who seemingly hasn't even noticed Chuuya come in. He's certainly bleeding, that much was obvious, bandages winding down his now bare arms. Uncoiled in an almost panicked and disorganised manner and piling up below him.
His arms were the source of the bleeding, multiple cuts in both a messy but horrifically purposeful order. And what skin wasn't cut into was certainly scarred previously. Chuuya goes slightly wide eyed. He had never seen Dazai without the bandages before. But he already had a pretty good idea of why he wore them now.
Dazai was far from still, seemingly having some kind of breakdown. He desperately yanks and pulls at his hair and when that isn't enough he hits himself over and over, before pulling again. His eyes are squeezed shut and he's sobbing quietly.
Eventually he just sobs and lets his hands slip from their grip in his hair and push against his closed eyes, he curls up more. It's merely a few seconds before his hands are tangled in his hair again.
He's whimpering and crying like an injured animal and Chuuya isn't heartless enough to do nothing about this. Sure they fight all the time but this… this is something more worrying. He'd never seen Dazai in such a state. He jokes constantly about wanting to die but it always felt like just that.
Like a joke, something he says with a childish and hyperbolic tone to convey how much disdain he has for things, for how his life is.
Chuuya approaches carefully and sits down on the floor in front of him. He carefully grabs Dazai hand, squeezing it, trying to coax him into letting go of his hair, Dazai breath catches and he opens his eyes breathing fast, clearly not used to anyone actually showing up when he's like this.
He doesn't look up, maybe even afraid. That's if Dazai could ever truly be described as afraid. He blinks as tears just stream down his face, he looks miserable and quiet.
Perhaps he just doesn't want to meet Chuuya's gaze. Nevertheless he loosens his grip and complies when Chuuya pulls his arms forward, intertwining his fingers with Dazai’s.
Dazai felt hands on his, carefully intertwining his fingers. His breathing catches as he feels tears run down his face, when did he start crying? “Hey? What’s wrong? you're worrying me now” He can hear Chuuya’s voice but can't bring himself to look up, to see the disappointment that would undoubtedly be on his face. He can't stop himself from crying harder.
Chuuya sighs before carefully trying to pull his arm to him, “Come here… I'll treat your injuries for you, okay?”
Dazai barely responds. His eyes drowsily trail the ground, filled with an indescribable exhaustion, one that he doubts could be fixed. He can reflect off others emotions, very annoyingly so he can find momentary joy in interacting with people. But alone? He becomes all too aware of how much he hates himself, how much he hates being alive.
Chuuya sees his lack of response and just starts looking around for some bandages, “Dazai… look i- I'm sorry I yelled at you… I didn't know you were… hurt…” He thinks maybe Dazai is upset at him, he did bash on his door calling him a bastard after he slit his wrists open, albeit before Chuuya knew but still… he feels ashamed.
He knows he couldn't have known, but he still doesn't want to be the type of person who fights people at their lowest. No matter how annoying that person usually is. He'd happily fight Dazai any other time but now.
Dazai on the other hand is rather out of it, he hadn't even noticed when he yelled, nor did he have the will to do anything at all. Dazai just sort of leans against him, nudging Chuuya's shoulder with his head. “Chuuya overthinks too much” Dazai mumbles.
Chuuya is slightly caught off guard but extremely glad to hear his partner speak again. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was getting really worried. It scared him seeing the state Dazai was in, he didn't understand it.
He keeps looking around for bandages. Surely his constantly bandage wearing partner has some in this dump he unfortunately chooses to live in.
His eyes scan the room before landing on a box filled with rolls of bandages. He quickly gets up to go get them but as he pulls away he becomes hyper aware of the fact that Dazai was holding onto him too, he didn't want him to let go.
Dazai held tightly onto his hand not wanting to let go. It made Chuuya's heart feel things he'd rather not think about or face right now. Not today, not tomorrow, never.
But he needed the bandages so he quickly walked away. In the short time it took him to grab bandages and a first aid kit, Dazai had started scratching at the cuts that were beginning to scab, trying to reopen them.
Chuuya is quick to grab his arms again, “H-hey!? Dazai don't do that! What are you doing??” He just sniffles in response and Chuuya looks at a loss, unsure how to deal with this situation, “...Osamu” he says quietly, an almost pleading tone to his voice.
Dazai actually looks up at him wide eyed when he says this. He's sniffling miserably, “Chuuya…” his voice breaks, as well as breaking Chuuya's heart. It's becoming harder to convince himself he truly hates Dazai when he finds himself desperately wanting to pull him into a hug. He wants to reassure him, honestly do anything for him to go back to normal.
Chuuya sighs, he has Dazai miserable but at the very least calm. For some reason, him being there helps. He slowly pours some disinfectant onto a cloth and carefully tries to disinfect the cuts. It was a necessary evil, especially since he didn't even know what Dazai had cut himself with.
Dazai winces and yelps in pain as Chuuya presses the cloth to his injuries, suddenly trying to pull away, “Chuu! Stop that, that hurts! What the hell”. Chuuya holds him still, “Shhh, just give me a minute okay? You're fine, they'll get infected otherwise” He finishes as quickly as he can, keeping Dazai still until it's done.
He tosses the cloth away and Dazai sniffles. He seems to have come back to reality a bit more after that. Scrunching his face up slightly as it stings. “...At least warn me next time…” Dazai mumbles, Chuuya sighs dramatically, “Yes, okay fine, I promise”.
After that he starts to gently wrap bandages over his wrists and Dazai stops struggling for this. He seems rather calm as his arms are covered like they were before. Chuuya figures it's a comfort thing, the bandages. He really badly hopes that's it and not that Dazai cuts himself often enough to always need the bandages.
That's when Dazai fully calms down, his breathing returning to a somewhat normal rhythm. He breathes calmly and exhausted, he leans his head on Chuuya's shoulder, he looks tired and miserable, eyes still glossy.
Chuuya tries not to focus on how this is making him feel, how fondly he's starting to feel towards his partner. The one he's supposed to hate, he's sure that after this they'd return to how they were before.
But for now, he finished bandaging his wrists and he slowly moved to sit in his lap wrapping his arms around him. He lets Dazai hug him back tightly like his life depended on it, he just sniffles miserably into Chuuya's hair resting his face in it.
For a short moment it's somewhat peaceful but at the same time it hurts. A heavy atmosphere in the air. It's hard to feel anything other than sorrow as they sit there hugging each other, both stained with blood in Dazai's miserable looking shipping container.
Chuuya sighs “Come on… I'm not sure how much I trust leaving you alone like this but I'm certainly not staying here”. Chuuya says with a tone on disgust, gesturing to Dazai's god awful living arrangement. Dazai sniffles, “You want me to go with you then? …So I won't kill myself” He bluntly remarks, but there's not even a hint of a joke in there, he means what he said.
“Well be honest, if you're left alone right now would you?” Dazai without hesitation responds with “Yes” and that's all Chuuya needed to know.
“Then we're going, that's final, you piss me off but you're not dying on my watch” Dazai hugs him tighter, a silent way of showing his appreciation, he actually smiles again for the first time today. “Ha, you care about me” He jokes, more in the tone of how he usually acts.
Chuuya playfully shoves his head, not hard enough to actually hurt and laughs slightly, “Don't read too much into it will ya?” Dazai responds in a sort of sing-song voice “But you dooooo” Chuuya laughs slightly, running his fingers through his hair “Fine yes, I do”.