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In the time it had taken for Eddie to go to Texas, tie up loose ends, and return to LA, something had shifted between him and Buck. Something had also shifted between Buck and Ravi, or maybe that was just something Eddie had missed on his visit while Bobby was in the hospital. No matter how hard he tried, Eddie couldn’t figure it out. It was made worse by the fact that any time Eddie attempted to bring it up with Buck, the man had some sort of plausible excuse. If it hadn’t been for the pitying looks thrown his way by the rest of the team, he would’ve thought he was imagining things.
The first thing that raised alarm bells was how quickly Buck had moved into a new place once Eddie officially announced his return. He had moved so quickly that Eddie, who had expected at least a few more weeks of cohabiting, had instead found his house empty. Buck hadn’t given him any sort of a heads up – he stood on the porch, keys in hand, and said, “It’s all yours.” It wasn’t supposed to be his; it was supposed to be theirs. When questioned about it, Buck just shrugged and said he must have forgotten to tell Eddie – an excuse that would have worked on most people, except Buck didn’t forget to tell Eddie anything. Other people, yes. Eddie, no. If Buck didn’t tell him something, he was intentionally keeping it a secret, which didn’t make sense to Eddie, especially considering how Buck had reacted over the move in the first place. Now Eddie was back, and it felt like he may as well still be in Texas.
Ultimately, Eddie knew the decision made sense. Chris was older now, and there was only so much room in the house. While neither of them had minded taking turns on the couch, they both knew it wasn’t a practical long-term solution. Eddie suggested they share the bed, like they did during COVID, but Buck insisted they all needed their own space, which was news to Eddie. Everyone joked that the pair lived in each other’s back pockets because of how attached they were. Buck was his partner in practically everything. But Buck wanted somewhere that was his; he was ready to settle down and look for a more permanent place. Buck also pointed out that they had too much stuff between the two of them, and this would save them from needing to use storage. It was all very logical, but it didn’t feel right.
Eddie had convinced himself that it wouldn’t matter too much in the long run because of the amount of time Buck had been there while living in the loft. Buck had his own key and had no qualms about letting himself in; they had even gone grocery shopping together frequently. As Buck had once pointed out, it had been a long time since he had been a guest in Eddie’s house. There were little bits of Buck everywhere around the house – his favorite drinks in the fridge, photos featuring him on display, a third gaming controller, and the Legos in Chris’ room he had helped build. If he was going to spend that much time there anyway, why did he need to be in a rush to live somewhere else?
So, Eddie felt justified in not liking the situation. He liked it even less when it made it easier for Buck to avoid him.
It had been three weeks since Buck moved out of their Eddie’s house.
Not that Eddie was counting.
Since Buck had moved out, the only time he had been to the house was when he was picking up Chris, which usually coincided with when Eddie had to work.
Which brought him to alarm bell number 2. On his first day back at the 118, he had walked in to Ravi’s name on his locker, the one next to Buck, which only stung more when Buck had taken up more B-shifts with Ravi. Ravi had immediately offered to move lockers, and Eddie hadn’t even tried to play nice – just stared at him and said thanks. He then gracefully ignored Ravi as he snickered at Chimney’s comment about there being a chill in the air.
Now Eddie considered himself a reasonable guy... most of the time. It wasn’t like he was partaking in illegal street fights or talking to his deceased wife’s doppelganger anymore. No. He was going to therapy and dealing with his shit. He had even realized that he hadn’t loved Shannon in the way he was expected to, and if he had felt safe enough to go another route, he would’ve chosen to be in Christopher’s life but not marry her. All things he desperately wanted to talk to Buck about, except... he was struggling to get hold of Buck alone for more than five minutes, and “I think I loved Shannon, but not like that, and I might be gay” wasn’t the type of thing to send via text.
But Ravi just irritated him. Eddie hadn’t known him too well before he left, but they’d gotten on. Now that Eddie was back, Ravi was always in his way. Ravi had his locker. Ravi shared chores with Buck. Ravi sat near Buck during their downtime on shift. It seemed like Ravi was everywhere he turned at the station.
Eddie finished restocking the engine and walked upstairs, where he saw Buck and Ravi sitting on the couches.
“Hopefully Tommy won’t be there this time. That would make it really awkward. ” Ravi laughed. Eddie looked at him, shocked, then slowly tilted his head to glare at Buck.
“Oh yeah, and why’s that? ” Eddie didn’t even need to know where there was.
Buck froze and looked over his shoulder. Neither one of them had noticed Eddie arriving.
Ravi had the decency to look guilty. He glanced at Buck. “You didn’t tell him. ”
“No, he didn’t tell me. ” Here was yet another thing Ravi had on Buck that Eddie didn’t. Eddie clenched his jaw as he crossed his arms and sat on the arm of the couch next to Buck. “So, Buck, what is there to tell me? ”
“Nothing, ” Buck shifted nervously under Eddie’s stare. “I swear, I just had a run-in with Tommy a while back. ”
“How long ago is a while back? ” Eddie couldn’t believe he was only just finding out about this.
“While you were in Texas. ”
“The first time or the second time? ”
Buck mumbled something.
“What was that? ”
“The first time. ”
“Why didn’t you tell me? ”
“Why didn’t you tell me you stopped being friends with him? ”
Everyone was now doing a bad job of pretending they weren’t listening to the conversation.
“Where’s the popcorn? ” Hen whispered to Chimney.
“It wasn’t important. Anyway, why would I be friends with my best friend/partner’s ex? ” Especially with the way he treated him, Eddie thought but didn’t say.
Buck shrugged. “You don’t need to stop being friends with someone just because of me. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t important. ”
Eddie caught Ravi’s scrutinizing look before he schooled his face. Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Then why would it be awkward if you saw him again? ”
“It’s just awkward seeing your ex, right? Look, Ravi’s exaggerating. Tommy helped get the cure for Chimney and Bobby, didn’t he? We can be friendly with each other. ”
Eddie wasn’t convinced. Buck was hiding something. Again. And Ravi knew. When Eddie looked around the table for the first time since the conversation had started, it seemed everyone knew.
“Did he say something to you? ” Tommy was known for making unnecessary comments.
Eddie filed Ravi’s scoff away for later because he was the only one to react.
“I slept with him, alright? ” Buck moved away from Eddie slightly and closer to Ravi. Ravi was watching Eddie curiously. “We were at the bar, and he was there too; I had a few drinks with him, and we, well, yeah, ” Buck rubbed a hand behind his neck nervously.
Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but Buck cut him off. “Look, you don’t need to tell me; it was a mistake. One that won’t happen again. ”
Before Eddie could respond, Buck stood up and left. He looked at Ravi, who just shrugged and turned the TV on.
Buck had posted a photo of himself and Ravi at some food truck he hadn’t seen before. Well, two could play at that game. Unfortunately, his go-to would have been Tommy. However, there was no way Eddie was going to reach out to Tommy. After the way he had treated Buck, it was good riddance, which was how he ended up at their regular bar with Karen, while Hen had agreed to look after the kids.
Eddie leaned against the bar. “Two of those honey whiskey things you said wouldn’t ruin us. ”
Karen raised an eyebrow. “Did you just let a 25-year-old man with a mustache decide your drink order? ”
Eddie shrugged. “In my defense, I’m tired, he said, ‘smooth finish, ’ and I have bad judgment. ”
Karen laughed. “Tell me something I don’t know. ”
They clunked glasses and sipped their drinks. Karen smirked. Eddie missed this. He’d spent the last few months so focused on himself and Christopher, it hadn’t left much room for anything. He’d hoped that when he came back to LA, he would get some of his life back. The conversation with Father Brian had made an impact, and a recurring theme throughout his therapy was how he consistently lived his life for others, trying to fit the cookie-cutter mold of what his life was supposed to be. He’d thought back to Carla asking him if he was dating who Chris wanted him to. Look at how well that had gone. One thing he really wanted to work on was doing more for himself, letting go of the anger, and allowing himself to feel that joy. The person he wanted to do that with, though, was Buck.
“So, how’s life without your emotional support Buck? ”
Eddie pulled a face. “Quieter. Weirdly… emptier. ”
“You say that like you didn’t build a whole pseudo-marriage with the man for two years. ” Apparently, Eddie was the only one surprised by the actual depth of their relationship.
“I didn’t... ”
Karen leveled Eddie with a look. “Please. ” She rolled her eyes. “You were one joint checking account away from filing taxes together. ”
Eddie opened his mouth, then closed it. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard jokes about their partnership, but it felt different this time like there was a truth behind it that he couldn’t ignore. Before he could reply, a man walked up a little too close next to him.
“Anyone sitting here? ” He had an easy smile.
Eddie assessed the man. The man had an olive skin tone and looked to be in his 30s. He had a well-groomed beard that traced the sharp angles of his jawline and dark eyes. His hair was thick and dark, styled in a casual but intentional swoop. He wore a fitted button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the forearms, revealing a sleeve of tattoos. It was clear he worked out a little. He wasn’t Buck, but he was attractive enough.
“Uh… no? ”
“Mind if I sit for a second? ”
“Blink twice, Karen. ”
Karen shook her head, holding in a laugh. “All yours, cowboy. ”
Eddie sighed. He wasn’t living that down for a while.
The guy sat down and ordered his drink.
“I’m Alex. ”
“Eddie. ”
“So, you live around here? ”
“Yeah, I work at a fire station near here. ”
“Oh – a firefighter? Even better. ”
Karen watched the conversation unfold with a slow, amused sip of her drink. Eddie shifted uncomfortably.
“Hey, listen… I appreciate it. I do. But I’m not really looking right now. ”
“Fair enough. If you change your mind... ”
He wrote his number on a napkin and slid it to Eddie. “Or you know, if you just decide you want another friend. ” Then he tipped an imaginary hat to Karen and walked off. A beat passed where neither of them said anything.
“So that was new. ”
Eddie blushed. He had completely forgotten she was there. He hadn’t told anyone but Chris because telling anyone before he told Buck felt wrong.
“I had some realizations in Texas. ” He said slowly, cautiously. This was a completely different conversation from the one with Chris. “But I haven’t told anyone but Chris, so you can’t say anything yet. ” He rushed out before she had the chance to say anything. “I’m still... ” Still what? Figuring things out? Waiting for his best friend to look at him? Eddie didn’t know. Ironically, he had always thought Buck saw him in a way no one else had. And yet, there was this huge part of him that Buck seemed clueless about.
Karen nodded and smiled softly. “There’s no specific timeline for these things, Eddie. You’ll tell people when you’re ready to. ”
Eddie sighed. “Thank you. ” Now that the original stress was gone, he was grateful to have someone know.
“But for what it’s worth, I think people will be a lot less surprised than you’re worried about. ”
“Really? ” Eddie was surprised.
“Yeah. ” Karen shrugged. “I sort of guessed. ”
“You did? ” What was it with people knowing him better than himself?
“I’m a lesbian married to a firefighter, Eddie. I clocked that “I’m in love with my best friend but can’t admit it ” face years ago. You’re just slower than most. ”
He raised his glass. “To catholic guilt and Southern repression. ”
Karen laughed. “He was cute. You’re his type. ”
“What does that even mean?
“Broody. Hot. Repressed. It’s a classic combo. ”
“I’m not drunk enough for this. ”
“Aw, my poor baby gay. ” Karen smiled softly after Eddie’s sharp inhale. “Sorry... too far? ”
“No... No. I haven’t really said it out loud. ”
“Well, congrats. Your first time being honest in a bar. I’m proud. ”
“Thanks. It only took a guy hitting on me and you being smug about it. ”
“I’m here for you. Always. Even if you suck at flirting. ” She gave him a knowing look. “And are hopelessly pining over your best friend. ”
“I’m not that hopeless. ” He mumbled.
“Really? Shall we discuss your antics with Ravi? ”
“How do... ” He swore under his breath. “Hen. ”
“Oh, it’s all anyone at the station is talking about. ”
Eddie groaned and hit his head against the bar. Karen chuckled.
“Between you and me, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. ” He looked up enough to see the mischievous look on her face. It made him worried. “I’m presuming you saw Buck’s photo at the food trucks. ”
“Yes. ”
“We should order another round and take another one of our own. ”
Eddie flagged down the bartender.
Eddie blamed Karen when he posted a rare photo to his social media of two drinks on a bar with an arm in the clear shot and the caption ‘to new and close friends. ’
“Hey Hen, do you think Chris could spend next Tuesday at yours? Carla’s out of town for a few days. ”
They were all eating lunch before the station went back online. Hen looked between Eddie and Buck. “Uh, sure, I’ll check with Karen, but I can’t see it being a problem. ” She paused, and the look on her face said it was going to cause problems. “But I thought Buck had the day off, too. ” She glanced in Buck's direction. Buck looked up from his phone at the mention of his name.
Eddie shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been able to schedule a time in his busy schedule. ”
“I wouldn’t want to take you away from your new friends. ” Buck scoffed. “I do have the day off, so I could swing by and pick him up. If he decides he’s had enough, I’ll be around to take him back. ”
Eddie purposely ignored the comments about new friends. Buck wasn’t in a position to say anything. “ Okay, do you still remember where it is? Or do I need to send you the address? ”
Someone started choking in the background, but Eddie and Buck were locked in on each other. Buck opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the words to say.
“Just want to make sure you won’t get lost on your way. ” Eddie's voice dripped with fake sincerity.
Ravi elbowed Buck, who realized he eventually had to say something.
“Just let me know when I need to be there, ” Buck grumbled.
Eddie unlocked his phone to text Christopher but watched out the corner of his eye as Ravi said something quietly to Buck. What was most interesting was the way Buck responded – he subtly shook his head and walked off. He was doing that a lot recently.
Bobby, Eddie, Hen, and Chimney were all sat at a table in their regular bar together. Eddie was trying to ignore the way Buck and Ravi had walked in together, said their hellos, and then walked up to the bar to get drinks. At first, Eddie had thought Buck’s behavior was in retaliation to his move to El Paso. His temporary move to get his son back, he would point out. But now it seemed like something else entirely. Buck still showed up for Christopher in all the ways that counted, something that Eddie was grateful for. That hadn’t stopped Christopher from noticing that Buck had stopped showing up for Eddie, that Buck was keeping Eddie at arm’s length.
When Buck and Ravi came back to the table, Eddie tried his best to stay engaged in the conversation, but it was hard when all he wanted to do was pull Buck to one side and force him to tell Eddie what had happened. What had Eddie done that had caused this? And what could he do to fix it?
A hand grabbing his shoulder pulled him out of his thoughts.
“Eddie Diaz? I thought that was you. ”
“Alex? ” After their first run-in at the bar, Eddie had eventually decided to text Alex, thinking it would be nice to have someone outside of their circle to talk to about some of his issues. They were getting along as friends, but he hadn’t expected to run into him anytime soon. He tried not to pay attention to Buck, who was looking between the two of them. “What are you doing here? Not stalking me, are you? ” Eddie asked.
“Only on the weekends." Eddie chuckled. He stood up and greeted Alex with a quick handshake. The team watched with polite confusion.
"I was supposed to be meeting someone, but they bailed.”
“That sucks. I’m sorry, man. ”
“It happens. ”
“Oh... uh... this is some of my crew from the 118. ” Eddie turned to his team. "Everyone, this is Alex. We, uh... met a couple weeks ago. At a bar."
“Hey. I've heard a lot about the legendary 118. ”
They all waved.
“Are you joining us? ” Chimney asked.
Alex looked towards Eddie. “It’s up to you. You’re welcome to, but I can’t vouch for their behavior. ”
“Rude, ” Hen said in mock outrage.
"I wouldn't believe it. Eddie's told me nothing but amazing stories. It'd be a wonder if you didn't all have serious hero complexes."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Hen commented.
"You single? Asking for Buck here." Buck shot Chimney a look as Alex slid in next to Eddie - directly across from Buck. Their eyes met. Buck didn't smile.
Buck didn’t look happy about Alex joining them, but that was his problem. He had had plenty of opportunities to act like Eddie’s friend, so it was his own fault.
"You want a drink, Alex?" Eddie asked.
"Only if it comes with a story about how you once tackled a flaming garbage can."
And it was as easy as that. Alex fit in seamlessly with the team, well, except for Buck. The evening passed by. Everyone relaxed, and the conversation flowed. It was almost easy for Eddie to ignore the fact that Buck remained quiet, sipping a beer. His eyes were locked on every casual touch Alex gave Eddie's arm, shoulder, or back. Alex noticed. Alex also noticed that the only time Buck had something to say was related to Eddie.
Alex wasn’t rising to the bait in a serious way. Instead, he was smirking and egging Buck on. Eddie had never been more confused.
“I need a refill. ”
“I’ll join you. This rounds on me. ”
"You sure?"
"For you? Always?"
Buck watched them as they moved to the bar together. His lips were pressed in a line. Hen nudged him.
"You good?"
"Fine."
Alex leaned on the bar facing Eddie. "Your friend doesn't like me much."
"Buck? Don't take it personally. He doesn't like anyone near me. He's weirdly territorial."
“So, I presume this friend who’s been trying to stake his claim over you is the reason you’re not looking for anything right now. ”
“Not entirely, but he is a big part of it, yes. ” Eddie paused. “I wouldn’t say he was staking his claim; he just gets jealous easily. Ironically enough, the last friend of mine he was jealous of he started dating. ”
“Oh, but he’s not staking his claim right now. Just like if I turned around, he wouldn’t be glaring holes in the back of my head. ” Alex smirked, knowing he was right. “Did he do something? Is there a complicated history I’m missing? Because at first, I thought it was a one-sided thing, but that’s clearly not the case. ”
“Wait, what? ”
“Oh, don’t tell me you didn’t know. ” Alex laughed at the look on Eddie’s face. “Man, how did you not know? You just told me he got jealous of your friend, not of you, your friend, and then started dating said friend. ”
“I... I didn’t even know I... you know... until recently. I think you got it wrong. He’s been avoiding me for weeks. ”
“ Okay, do you trust me? ”
“Maybe... ”
Alex chuckled. He leaned into Eddie and whispered, “just watch this. ” Alex put his hand on Eddie’s lower back. “He is already jealous of me - wait until he sees me flirt with you and get you blushing. ” He stepped back, enjoying the flustered look on Eddie's face. He lightly brushed Eddie's fingers as he handed him his drink. Alex walked close enough to Eddie that they were brushing shoulders. He waited until they got close enough for Buck to hear and said, "For what it's worth, you look really good tonight. That shirt's doing God's work."
Eddie blushed and looked down. Then he heard a chair scraping. Buck abruptly stood up. "I need some air."
Eddie watched as Buck walked out.
"Well, that's not subtle."
Hen glared at Chimney but remained quiet as Eddie said, "I should go after him."
After he had left, Hen said, "I give it ten minutes before they're either making out or punching each other."
Eddie saw Buck standing leaning against the brick wall with his hands in his pockets and jaw clenched. "You okay?"
"You tell me." Buck snapped. "Or am I not wearing enough cologne for you."
"Why do you have such a problem with Alex? You've known him all of an hour."
“Because he’s flirting with you and making you uncomfortable. ”
“He’s not.”
“Eddie, I think I know what flirting looks like. ”
“No that’s not... I mean, yes, I know he’s flirting, but it’s not making me uncomfortable. ”
“He should still back off. ”
“Why? ”
“You’re... You’re... you’re straight. ” Buck stuttered.
“I’m not.”
“What? ”
“I’m not straight, Buck. ”
“Since when? ” Buck instantly realized what he said and backtracked. “ I mean, how long have you known or suspected? ”
“While I was in Texas with Chris. ”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve been supportive. ”
“That would have required you to be here, Buck, and you haven’t. When I was here for Bobby, it wasn’t the right time, so I planned to talk to you about it when I moved back here. I actually really wanted someone to talk to about it. ” Eddie knew he sounded desperate. “ But you’ve been dodging my texts and calls; when you show up for Chris, you can’t wait to leave, I didn’t want to tell you at the station, and even if you did everywhere you are Ravi's there. You know the first person who knew besides Chris was? ” Eddie tried to get Buck to look at him. “Huh...? It was Karen. Not you. Karen. ” He let out a breath. “It was supposed to be you, Buck. ” He said, a little quieter. “I love Karen, and she’s been great to talk to, but it was supposed to be my best friend. ”
Neither one of them spoke for a few moments. Eddie had gotten what he needed to off his chest. He hoped Buck knew how bad he had messed up.
Buck sucked in a breath. “Do you like him? ” Buck refused to look at Eddie.
“Who? Alex? ” Eddie couldn’t believe that after all that, that was the question Buck asked. Buck nodded.
Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? It’s all new to me, and he’s been good to talk to. ”
Buck nodded, looking like he was psyching himself up. “ Okay... yeah... okay. I’m glad you’ve got him. ”
“I’m supposed to have you. ”
“Eds... ” Buck finally looked Eddie in the eyes. “I’m sorry I can’t... Tell them I wasn’t feeling well or something came up. ” Buck moved to leave, but Eddie grabbed his arm.
“No. You don’t just get to leave like this. Do you really have nothing else to say? You can’t what? ”
Buck turned his head to the side. Eddie thought he looked in pain. Why wouldn’t he talk to him about whatever was going on? Buck huffed, seeing Eddie wasn’t budging. “I can’t go back in there and sit and watch whatever is going on between you and that guy... ”
“Alex,” Eddie knew Buck was only trying to prove a point.
Buck rolled his eyes. “Right, Alex, knowing there’s a chance. ”
“A chance? What do you mean? You’re not making sense. ” Eddie was confused. He knew Alex had said earlier that Buck was jealous, but Buck had always been jealous of the other people he had been close with outside of their family.
“A chance of there being something between you two. ”
“Why? You’ll always be my partner. ”
“Damn it, Eddie. Because I want it to be me, not him! Me, your partner of how many years, the guy you come to for all your problems, even when it’s about your son. The person who’s on Chris’ school pickup list. The person who took over your lease so you could come back whenever you wanted. The one who’s been at your hospital bed every single time dragged you to safety after you were shot. I'm your first call for everything. It’s Buck and Eddie, right? ” Eddie hated the sad look on Buck's face. “Why am I good enough for everything but this? ”
Eddie was frozen. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, nor how stupid they’d both been. He took too long to respond.
“It’s okay, Eddie, I’m not expecting anything from you. ” Buck took out his phone. “I’ll call that Uber now. ”
Instead of saying anything, Eddie grabbed either side of Buck's face, forcing him to look at him. Then his mouth was on Buck’s. It was slow at first, cautious; Eddie was trying to communicate everything he couldn’t put into words. He needed Buck to know just how important he was. Eddie pulled away slightly. He rested his forehead on Buck’s.
“Does that mean...? ”
Eddie laughed quietly. “Yes Buck. Alex was flirting with me to prove that you would get jealous. ”
Buck grinned. “We have to go in and tell everyone. ”
“We don’t have to, but it would create more questions if we just left. Besides, I think we’re the only ones surprised. ”
As they stepped back slightly, Eddie trailed one of his hands down Buck’s arm. He held Buck's hand. They would face everyone together. He went to start walking inside but saw Buck's hesitancy.
“The morning after, with Tommy, he said he wouldn’t mind getting back together because the competition was gone. ”
“The competition being me? ”
Buck nodded. Now, it made sense to Eddie why Buck hadn’t wanted to tell him.
“I said I was wrong, but it got me thinking. I was at the bar with Ravi originally. Him and Maddie were the only ones who knew the full story. ”
Eddie supposed he had been a bit harsh on Ravi recently. “I probably need to apologize to Ravi. ”
Buck shrugged. “Eh, you probably don’t, ” he laughed at the confusion on Eddie’s face. “I think he’s been aware the entire time. He kept trying to convince me to tell you how I was feeling. He’s been a bit like my Alex, but not quite as extreme. ”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Come on. ” They’d have to face everyone at some point.