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A little over half of the glee club sit in the choir room before practice is supposed to start, Kurt using the extra time to catch up with his dad before going home later, sitting at the piano to do so, while the rest of the club sits on the risers at the back of the room.
Over the phone, Burt finishes relaying the contents of the pantry to Kurt, so he can plan dinner. “Thanks, daddy.”
“Hm?” Blaine's head snaps up in confusion as he hears the word, panicking and lowering his head again, realising his fatal mistake.
“I'll start dinner when I get home, okay?” Kurt finishes up on the phone to his dad, turning around on the piano bench to face the rest of the room, only to see the humoured faces of the rest of the club.
Both Puck and Santana are smirking, looking at Kurt, while Mercedes, Artie, Tina and Artie are all pathetically attempting to hide their laughter. Rachel is using Finn's (who looks more confused than anything, but laughs along anyway to hide his confusion) arm to muffle her own giggles.
“What the hell are you guys laughing at?” He scans the room, analysing the laughing faces and recounting the last few moments to himself. “Okay, sometimes calling my dad ‘daddy’ isn't weird.”
“I mean-” Puck speaks up with a smirk, before being harshly cut off by Kurt.
“Shut it, Puckerman. What would you know?”
He scans the room once again. Almost everyone has successfully quelled their laughter, but when Kurt's eyes pass over Rory, he bursts out in hysterical laughter once again.
“What are you laughing at?” Kurt asks with genuine bewilderment. “I know for a fact you call your parents mammy and daddy.”
“It's not-” Rory answers between peels of laughter, “we're not laughing at you.”
Blaine finally looks up again, a look of pure terror across his face. “Rory, don't you dare. Please.”
This only prompts Kurt's suspicious, glaring at Blaine as he orders, “No. Go on, Rory.”
Most people would agree that Kurt is far scarier than Blaine. Sure, he's a devout pacifist and one of the kinder members of the glee club (though that isn't saying much), but that, frankly, makes him even scarier. The possible outlets for his anger are endless.
“It's Blaine.” Even under Kurt's interrogating gaze, Rory still can't stop his laughter.
“I gathered. What did he do?”
“When you-” he cuts himself off with yet another bout of giggles, “when you were on the phone with your da-”
“Get on with it, Flanagan.”
“You said ‘thanks, daddy's, and Blaine looked up like he thought you were talking to him.” It's the first sentence Rory manages to get out in full, before breaking into a fit of laughter, then prompting the rest of the room, with the exception of a still confused Finn, back into their own giggles
Kurt, on the other hand, feels his face heat up with embarrassment, as he fixes his jaw and glares at Blaine, who still sits with his head down in shame, hands in his lap.
“Oh, he totally thought Kurt was talking to him.” Santana shouts, with a huge grin on her face.
“Guys, it's not funny.” Blaine mumbles, chin against his chest, making him difficult to hear.
“It's hilarious” Artie protests at the same time Rachel says, “Yeah, it is pretty funny.”
A look of realisation and then, steadily, horror creeps across Finn's face as he seems to catch onto what everyone is talking about.
“Oh! Ew! Dude, what the hell?” He shouts, looking Blaine up and down with a mixture of anger and disgust.
Blaine finally looks up in bewilderment, face still red with humiliation. “Me? What about Kurt? It takes two to tango, you know.”
“Oh my god, Blaine, if you ever say ‘it takes two to tango’ in regards to our sex life, we will not have a sex life. Got it?”
Just as Blaine is about to answer, he is cut off by Finn's shock, “You two are having sex?”
Once again, Blaine looks at Finn with a look of utter bewilderment. “Huh? Finn, I asked you for a condom once. What the hell did you think I was doing with it?”
“Arts and crafts?” Finn shrugs, characteristically uninformed about sex education, “I didn't even know gay dudes needed condoms. It's not like you can get pregnant.”
“Oh my god…” Blaine groans, burying his face in his hand, while the rest of the club looks at Finn with a mixture of amusement and pity.
“Hold on, you borrowed a condom from my stepbrother?” Kurt stared down Blaine once again, horrified at the notion that, if Finn were slightly more astute, Blaine could have let him know when they were having sex.
Blaine lifts his head from his hands just barely enough to be heard when he corrects Kurt, “Well, you can't really ‘borrow’ a condom.”
“Shut up, Blaine.”
“Yeah,” Blaine replies, hiding his face back in his hands fully, “I'll do that.”
Rather than sit next to Blaine as he normally would, Kurt crosses to the opposite side of the room, sitting next to Finn with his arms crossed over his chest.
For the next few minutes, the room is left in awkward silence, the only noise being the occasional snicker which is promptly ended by a death stare from Kurt, until the arrival of Mr Schuester.
His eyes are immediately drawn to Blaine, who still sits in shame, though he is no longer covering his face with his hands, and Kurt, who appears to be no less furious than he had been before. “Come on, guys. We can't have this infighting so close to nationals. Do you two need to see Miss Pillsbury again?”
Both Kurt and Blaine sit up straight and shout in unison “No!” prompting the rest of the club, minus Finn, who is still disgusted, and Mercedes, who is trying her best to be slightly respectful, into hysterics once again, causing Mr Schue to recoil in shock.
“Maybe some disciplinary action will be required.” Santana suggests with a wiggle of her eyebrows, just loud enough for those sat in the risers to hear, but not Mr Schue.
“Maybe Kurt's ‘daddy’ can sort it out.” Puck follows up, significantly less subtly, drawing the attention of Mr Schue.
“Shut up!” Kurt, Blaine and Finn shout at Puck in unison, as Mr Schue raises an eyebrow, looking between the four of them.
“You don't wanna know.” Finn assures Mr Schue, shaking his head with purpose.
“Okay, then. Moving on…” The room slips back into relative silence, with nothing but a few unrelated mutters as the room begins to fill up.
Once almost everyone has arrived, Finn leans over, onto Kurt's space and whispers, “He's younger than you, though.”
Kurt refuses to look at Finn, but hisses at him, “Shut. Up.”