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“We know these halls, the odds can be tilted!” The suitors stood in the hall, preparing themselves for when Odysseus would strike…
“You don't think I know my own palace? I BUILT IT!” Only for Odysseus to appear from behind a pillar… However, just as he was about to stab the suitor he faced…
“BEHIND YOU!” One of the suitors shouted, but it was too late as Odysseus was stabbed through the chest. As he limply fell, a duet of pianos signaled Telemachus’ appearance as he twirled his spear to shake off the blood. As he posed with it, the suitors could swear they saw the image of Athena behind him.
“Throw down those weapons, and I'll ensure you'll be spared!” Telemachus said to the group, only to see them freeze up, then look at each other.
“Um…” One suitor spoke to another. “Do we tell him or…”
“Huh? G-guys! This is like, my big moment here! The culmination of my character arc!” Telemachus said.
“Y-yeah, but uh…” Melanthius chupsed before pointing to Odysseus’ body. “I think we’re already spared if you know what I mean.”
Telemachus wasn’t sure what he meant before he went over and flipped Odysseus’ body over. Although he couldn’t recognize him, the feeling of pain in his chest, as though his heart had been stabbed by the Gods themselves, managed to tell him all he needed to know…
“All my life, I'd have died to meet you… Thought about your name so much it hurts… For twenty years, I'd dreamt of how I'd greet you…” Just then, Penelope waltzed in, decked out in Spartan armor.
“Alright, I heard what you all had been plotting from behind my bedroom door and if you think you’d lay a finger on me or my boy, you’d-” Her anger and fury suddenly washed away the moment she saw Telemachus cradling Odysseus’ body. “Who… Who did this? WHO DID THIS!?” She grabbed Melanthius by the collar.
“The boy came from behind and stabbed him in the ba-ack!” He sang in response.
“You did this? You did this?” Penelope shuddered and let Melanthius go before looking at Telemachus with a cold, almost worrying glare.
“I didn’t know, I thought he was part of the attack!” As Telemachus began to weep, the Suitors awkwardly shuffled away. Between Antinous plotting for unspeakable things and Odysseus murdering a good chunk of them, they decided to just give up taking the throne altogether…
Though, now the throne is forever empty…
“Telemachus, no!” Athena shouted as she watched the massacre unfold from a viewing globe that the Gods convened around. As Telemachus realized the man he stabbed was his own father, Athena buried her face into her palms. “Fuck, little wolf… fuck, little wolf… Fuck!”
“Hmm…” Aphrodite quickly looked away to a smaller viewing globe in her hands. “Huh, no results on Archive of Our Own where that phrase is used…” She muttered before pulling Hermes away for a little… commission.
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised by this outcome but at the same time, damn…” Zeus sighed.
“The boy barely knew what his father looked like, one was bound to stab the other.” As Poseidon shrugged.
“You planned this, didn’t you!?” Athena glared at him.
“What? Me? Nooooo…” Poseidon grinned, recalling how, moments prior, he allowed Odysseus passage home…
Just so he can be a few moments early enough to have a… ‘reunion’ with his son… A fitting end.
“All I hear are screeeeaaaaamms.” Odysseus said as he flowed in the river of lost souls alongside his six hundred men (and his mom) who are now stabbing him six hundred times.
“Look, I’m gonna be honest,” Hades stood next to Teiresias, “you probably should have been a lot more specific and said ‘meet up with your son before you started brutally massacring people’.”
“That’s not what prophets do.” Teiresias would have rolled his eyes, though his blindfold kinda made it hard to convey that to the Lord of the Dead.
“I dunno, just sons killing their own fathers is kinda messed up. Like, Zeus and I fucked up our dad, our dad fucked up his dad, eventually Zeus’ son is gonna bring the destruction of Olympus… Dionysus is considering making some summer camp where all the lovechildren are gonna bunk at as though that’s not gonna stew some rebel teens… It’s a vicious cycle…” As Hades said that, a young adult in red and black Greek clothes, pale skin, and the earth scorching beneath his feet ran up to him.
“Father, I’m going to leave the Underworld again!” He said as Hades facepalmed.
“You don’t exist in this continuity, Zagreus!” Hades bemoaned as Zagreus frowned.
“Oooh…” He sadly walked away as foreboding music played.