Chapter Text
For the first time in her life, Jackie Taylor did not want to leave Wiskayok, New Jersey.
This feeling, so unfamiliar, sat uncomfortably in her chest as Lottie dug through Jackie’s closet, every once in a while tossing a shirt over her shoulder and into the wide black suitcase on the floor.
Jackie glanced up at her Rutgers banner, the banner that had adorned the space above her bed since she was six, and let out a sigh. Her whole life she’d wanted to leave New Jersey and now a reprieve for a summer was finally happening, and she was what? sad?
(caveat: Jackie knew she was a. being dramatic, she wasn’t actually leaving Wiskayok, it was barely even two months, and b. she was also being extremely ungrateful. a whole summer in Europe! and here she sat, sulking about it! it was pathetic)
Lottie was criss crossed on the plush carpet of Jackie’s room. She’d abandoned the closet search to simply fold Jackie’s clothes, neatly placing shirts and pants into the suitcase with deft hands.
Suddenly, as if sensing Jackie’s mood souring, she popped her head up with a smile, “Okay which top, green or pink?”
Her left hand held a sweet heart neckline baby pink shirt, and in the right, a matching shirt, but in light green.
Jackie put her head in her hands, “I don’t know”
“Well, let’s see” Lottie said, getting up and bringing the pink top to Jackie’s chest, placing light fingers on her shoulder that Jackie felt burn into her skin. Lottie quirked her head to one side, picked up the green, quirked it to the other.
“Hm I’m not sure either, both are your color.”
Jackie felt herself blush. She knew Lottie was being genuine, and the compliment brought unexpected heat to her face.
“Might as well throw both of them in there. My mom bought me this huge ass suitcase, I mean seriously, I could probably fit you in there if I tried,” Jackie said, tossing her hair to side.
“Awh don’t be so hard on her, she just wants to best for her baby,” Lottie said, deadpan. Jackie scrunched her nose at the thought and Lottie started to laugh. Jackie followed the sound with her own, breaking into a grin.
One thing her and Lottie Matthew’s had bonded over in their first year of middle school had been their parents. More like, the lack of them. It was such a strange phenomenon, simultaneously having their parents give them everything they needed materialistically, yet lacking the basic things parents were supposed to give like love and attention. Jackie could’ve even used a reassuring pat on the back.
So they found family in each other, and that was that.
Lottie went back to her spot and folded the two shirts to put them in the suitcase, “Shit, it’s 12:30. My parents have this fancy dinner they really want me to ‘attend’” Lottie said, Jackie could hear the air quotes.
“Since when do your parents care about you?” Jackie asked.
“Haha very funny. You know they’ve been up my ass about this business deal and the family values they want to show their clients or whatever,” Lottie sighed. Jackie could hear the words Lottie didn’t say, could hear the hurt she felt from being tossed aside by her parents her whole life, only noticed when she was doing something that got in their way.
“I’m sorry Lot,” Jackie said. She got up off the bed and sank to where Lottie sat, their knees touching.
Lottie just rolled her eyes, “It’s fine. I mean you know how it is.”
Jackie nodded, “Yeah so I know they’ll be pissed if you’re late.”
“I’m sorry, I really wanted to go with you to the airport,” Lottie said.
“No it’s fine, I’ll just suffer on my own” Jackie said, a smile she didn’t feel gracing her lips.
A real smile tugged at Lottie’s lips (Jackie could always tell when they were real), “You’re the best. I love you!”
Lottie pulled her into a hug that Jackie tried her best not to completely melt into. She tried.
“I love you too,” Jackie whispered into Lottie’s hair. She didn’t know what stopped her from saying it so that Lottie could actually hear. She tried to shake the thought away, pulling back and saying, “Alright now go!”
Lottie got to her feet, gave Jackie one last smile, saying, “Don’t forget me on your big European adventure!”
Jackie shook her head, hand grasping the heart shaped necklace on her throat, “I couldn’t even if I tried.”
Lottie was skipping the dinner. She wasn’t sure when she had decided, maybe sometime while digging in Jackie’s closet, or maybe she’d known as soon as she left the house that day. Sometimes, Lottie’s thoughts were so loud it hurt. Hurt to exist, hurt to sit with a friend and pretend she wasn’t screaming silently. So she wasn’t going to dinner. Instead, she was going to a dingy Chinese restaurant.
Chinese had always been her favorite food, ever since she was a little girl. Her mother hated it, but every once in a while, her dad would order it for her. Only when her mother was out of course, like it was their little secret.
Lottie hadn’t had Chinese food since she was 13.
It was the day she had come back from the hospital for what she’d promised was the last time. Her dad had gotten Chinese food, a little secret to ease her into all the big secrets she’d be expected to keep from there out.
“Your father’s trying to keep his business, Charlotte, he can’t afford to have a daughter with episodes.”
So she would not have episodes. She would take her meds. She would be normal.
It turned out that normal was a hell of a lot of work.
She mulled over this thought while staring at the menu of this Chinese restaurant. It was a takeout restaurant, nothing fancy. It was perfect.
Then the light flickered, and her right knee began to itch, and everything began to feel wrong.
She tried to swallow it down, that wrongness. She was able to get over the taste it left in her mouth just enough to order. She would wait for her food. She would get it, eat it here or maybe in a park. She would ignore the itch in her right knee.
“Can I get some fried rice? Uh yeah a small.”
Lottie looked up at the sound of a voice. A girl stood at the cashier, her hair bleach blonde. Her fingers, which were decked out with silver rings, tapped the counter. Once, twice, three times all in quick succession. Her feet shuffled a little to the side. It seemed like she couldn’t stand not to be in constant motion, and the sight of it, someone so alive, calmed Lottie down a notch.
She was here, in a Chinese restaurant, and no where else, and she was fine. She was going to talk to that girl.
“Hey,” Lottie said, leaning slightly on the corner of the counter.
The girl squinted her eyes, “Hi?”
Lottie blinked.
“Sorry, do I know you?” the girl asked.
“No, I mean I don’t think so? Sorry, i just wanted to say that.. I liked your rings,” Lottie said.
The girls mouth turned upwards, “Thanks.”
Lottie nodded, “Yeah of course.”
“Hey what did you mean by you didn’t think i knew you?” The girl asked just as Lottie was going to turn away. Her eyes were crinkled, an unspoken laugh hiding behind them.
“Oh I just meant that you might know me if you go to Wiskayok High, or like you might’ve seen me like around or whatever,” Lottie said, all in one breath.
The end of the girls mouth turned even further up, lips forming a smirk, “No I just moved here, but trust me, I think I’d remember you.”
Lottie blew a breath out of her nose. She nodded, was about to say something equally flattering (Like what “I’d remember you too?” Come on-) when the worker at the counter called the name Natalie.
The girl, Natalie, walked with ease to take the bag straight from the workers hand. It was then that Lottie noticed a bag with her own name scribbled sloppily on the side.
They must’ve called her name and she had completely missed it. Dear Lord.
To her surprise, Natalie grabbed the bag as if she had just noticed it herself, grinning, “This you? Jesus what does that say? Poppie, with an E?”
Lottie blushed, “No, it’s Lottie.”
“Oh okay Lottie, here,” Natalie passed the bag, their hands brushing. She gave Lottie a tilt of the head then made for the exit.
Lottie watched, almost outside her body, as she called after her, “Hey Natalie! Want to go eat this at a park or something?”
Natalie didn’t respond, she just nodded with a grin, holding the door open for Lottie. As Lottie passed through, she had the strangest feeling. She felt like she had no clue what the hell she was doing, and for once, she didn’t really care.