Work Text:
Two weeks after Pam and Roy's non-wedding, things more or less go back normal. Michael stops making his Runaway Bride jokes, although now that means he's focusing all his attention on getting Ryan to come on board as a full-time employee. Ryan tries to avoid Michael as much as possible during his free time, because some of the things Michael's saying is making too much sense – health, dental, job security. (He sees the shit his roommate goes through just to get the occasional gig at some dive bar downtown, and it pisses Ryan off when he can't make the rent. Sometimes he wants to tell him to just grow up, and then wonders if being a temp is any more responsible.)
That's how Ryan finds himself having lunch in the break room with Kelly, who even Michael knows to avoid if he can help it. Kelly is in the middle of telling him about her cousin's wedding that she went to this weekend and how when she gets married, she's not going to have a traditional Indian one in case her husband isn't Indian (Ryan looks at anything but her when she says this), when Roy comes in to use the men's room, mumbling something about the one in the warehouse being busted.
Kelly leans in with a grin on her face. "Oh my god, that's like his fifth time coming up here even though none of the other warehouse guys have even been here once. I know because he has to go by my desk every time."
Ryan knows this too, because Roy has to pass him and Pam before he even gets to Kelly, so that observation, like so many other things about Kelly, is pretty useless.
"Yeah?" is all he says, because saying what he's really thinking would just be mean. Kelly gets on his nerves, but he's not looking to make her cry.
"Roy's gotten cute," Kelly says, staring at the closed door of the men's bathroom. "I think he's been working out." Ryan follows her gaze half-heartedly but then goes back to his sandwich, tearing off the crust as he goes along. Kelly keeps picking them off his plate, so he finally asks her if she wants some of his sandwich.
"No," she answers, chewing the crust absent-mindedly, her gaze still on the bathroom door. "I'm on a no carb diet." Ryan can't even bring himself to roll his eyes.
When Roy comes back out, Kelly startles in her seat a little, making a big show about how she was not staring at him. He waves a little at the both of them before leaving, and Ryan can imagine him, standing awkwardly over Pam's desk, looking like a lost bear.
He can't help but agree with Kelly – Roy has been looking better these days. Ryan's always been secure enough with himself that he could admit things like that about other men. If a guy looks good, then he looks good; he's not going to bluster about it. But ever since he started working at Dunder Mifflin and feeling Michael's eyes on him wherever he goes, Ryan hasn't been able to say those things out loud.
Kelly starts babbling again – about how she was so looking forward to their wedding and maybe they'll get back together now that Roy's lost all that weight and she'll finally get to wear that new dress she bought – and Ryan sighs, resigns himself to his sandwich.
--
Ryan comes in on Wednesday and is met with tiny American flags all over the office. That's how he finds out that it's Flag Day, which can only mean one thing – another sad office party. What's even sadder is that he's actually going to show up for it because he has nothing better to do. At least there'll be free booze. Ryan has come to appreciate the value of alcohol much more now than he ever did before he started working at Dunder Mifflin.
Kelly excitedly tells him that she's going to wear her new dress tonight, and if Pam and Roy ever do get back together and really have a wedding this time, she can just buy another new dress. The stupid thing is that Ryan honestly doesn't care, but then she comes in that night looking hot in some flimsy, green thing, and he finds himself standing next to her, wanting to feel her curves through the fabric.
He drinks a lot that night. Somewhere along the line he loses Kelly, who at one point seemed to be in every corner of the room at the same time, giggling and laughing and talking. Now he can't find her at all, and it's not that he wants to find her exactly, it's just that he's really drunk and kind of horny and somebody needs to take him home.
He checks under his desk; all he finds is dust and some old post-its. He checks Michael's office; Meredith is in there zipping her pants back up and he really doesn't want to know why. He checks the conference room, and that's where he finds Kelly, kissing Roy. Ryan lurches out of the room, feeling nauseous from the eight red, white, and blue jello shots that he did, and he can hear Kelly calling after him. He doesn't stop until he reaches the stairwell.
Roy is the one that follows him out, of all people. Ryan was half-expecting, half-dreading that it would be Kelly. He sits down on the stairs, breathing hard. He can't figure out why, if he's about to throw up or if he's angry or if he's relieved. A mix of all three, probably, which makes him feel even worse.
"I had no idea, man," Roy says and sits down next to him. "I thought you guys were just friends."
Ryan shakes his head. "We are. I mean, we're–" he stops. He can't think of any way to finish that sentence without it being a lie.
"Yeah," Roy says like he understands, but Ryan is pretty sure that he doesn't. At all. "I mean, we were both pretty drunk."
"You're not drunk," Ryan says and is surprised to realize that he'd been paying attention to Roy that closely. The only thing Roy had to drink tonight was club soda; Ryan's not sure why he knows that.
Roy laughs a little. "You're right, I'm not drunk. I kind of gave it up." There's a story behind that, but Ryan is too sick to ask; instead he sneaks a sidelong glance at Roy. "You're not going to tell Pam, are you?" Roy asks when their eyes meet for the first time that night.
"No," he answers honestly; he doesn't want to get involved in that mess. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. I don't think I ever got a chance to tell you."
"Yeah, well. I mean, that's what me and Kelly were talking about, when...." Roy looks down at his hands. "She's nice. She's a good listener."
Ryan's eyes go wide, but he lets that one go. Roy obviously doesn't know her very well, and there's nothing he can say to that without it sounding like he's making things up about her.
"So," Roy says, after a moment of fidgeting. "Michael tells me you're going to be working here full time."
"That's still kind of up in the air." One of Roy's large arms brushes up against his. "I haven't really come to a decision yet."
Roy nods, again like he understands. "Well, you know what they say. Either shit or get off the pot."
Ryan gives him a funny look. "That's exactly what Michael said to me."
"Yeah," he laughs a little, "he said that to me too, that night on the boat when I proposed to Pam for real. I guess even back then it was too late." Roy turns the words over slowly, like they're something profound. "Either shit... or get off the pot."
It's too much, sitting here like this, being depressed with Roy, seriously contemplating the words of Michael Scott. Ryan moves to stand up but he'd forgotten how drunk he was, and he stumbles a little before Roy catches him. Roy is tall, and strong, and all the things Ryan wished he was when he was growing up, before he learned to accept that girls are into skinny guys like him too. There must still be a little adrenaline left in him from before, when he got angry at seeing Roy and Kelly together, because suddenly Ryan's heart is beating faster and he wants to do something stupid, like fight Roy or maybe kiss him. It's irrational, but Roy's hand is warm on his back and he's asking, "Are you all right, man?" like he really cares, like up until half an hour ago they hadn't practically been strangers.
Ryan pushes past him and heads straight for Michael's office, which thankfully is empty. He digs through the drawers and finds the contract for permanent hire, and signs the thing without blinking.
He feels nauseous. He feels relieved. He feels like his life is going to go on forever and at the same time, like it's ending, right here, right now.
Kelly catches him as he's leaving Michael's office. She looks worried.
"Ryan, I am so sorry." He doesn't say anything, and the longer he stays silent, the more panicked she looks. "Are you mad?"
"No," he says, and that's the truth.
"Then... do you want to come over tonight?"
"No," and that's the truth too. She looks crestfallen – because of course she thinks this is about her, and maybe it is, a little – but there's no way he can deal with her crying right now. "Look, I'll–" he stops, because if he says I'll call you tomorrow, that would be a lie, and if he saysI won't call you tomorrow, that would be a lie too. He just doesn't know. "I have to go," he says instead, and leaves her standing there, on the verge of tears.
Roy's still sitting in the stairwell when Ryan goes to leave, and they meet each other's eyes like they understand each other, but Ryan doubts it. He really doubts it.