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Magnus should have expected this, really. It was only a matter of time before Alec became too overwhelmed with everything that had happened recently, from the disappearance of his parabatai to the drama with Camille and the various insecurities she had managed to dig up.
It was still a surprise to him however, when three days after Jocelyn had woken up, Magnus was awoken at 4 in the morning by the insistent knocking on his door. And to open his door to find none other than Alec Lightwood there, after days of radio silence was, well, shocking, to say the least.
“If I’m not mistaken, they do have clocks at that big, fancy Shadowhunter Institute of yours, right? Are you aware of what time it is, Alexander?” Magnus asked, his fond and amused tone contradicting the impatience of the statement. He stopped though, noticing Alec’s pallid face, sunken eyes, and pronounced flinch after Magnus’ questions.
“I-,” Alec began in a cracked, slightly high pitched voice that did nothing to dispel Magnus’ worries, before clearing his throat and continuing. “I’m sorry, I… just wanted to see you again. I didn’t realize how late it was, or that…”
Magnus immediately noted the blank, lost expression on Alec’s face and resolved to stop mentioning the time, as it seemed that his boyfriend (a term that made Magnus giddy, although could he still use it?) was definitely not aware of his surroundings or generally fitting the definition of okay. He spoke in a soft, gentle voice so as to comfort Alec.
“Of course, darling, do come inside. Do you want some tea? Make yourself at home on the couch.” Alec’s reaction to this worried Magnus even further, as he staggered into the loft with a defeated look in his eyes before collapsing on the couch. Magnus speedily brewed some chamomile tea with a few snaps of his fingers before placing it upon the coffee table in front of Alec and cautiously sitting next to him.
“Did you want to talk about anything, dear?” Magnus took the plunge and attempted to approach everything that had hung between them for the past few days, placing one hand on Alec’s back and another on his joined hands, rubbing his fingers in soft circles.
And the dam broke. Alec talked about everything, how he didn’t understand why Jace didn’t just let him help him at Camille’s apartment, how he could still feel Jace alive but that was all he could feel, how everyone looked to him to lead the Institute against Valentine now but he had no idea where to start. He talked about the others too, about how he still felt guilty about what he had done to Lydia, how sad Izzy, Clary, Simon, Luke, and Jocelyn looked, how he never wanted to hurt Magnus by leaving him behind due to his mortality (and fuck, if Magnus’ heart hadn’t broken then). He talked and talked, wildly motioning with his hands and barely noticing when tears started streaming down his cheeks and he began hiccuping while speaking. And Magnus let him, because he knew Alec needed this and that it had been a long time coming. He didn’t try to give false reassurances to Alec, didn’t attempt to tell him what he didn’t know, because Alec needed to let it all out.
Alec trailed off uncertainly, his last sentence about how his parents seemed to have found a way to place the blame for Jace’s disappearance solely on Alec, Izzy, and Clary, a look of insecurity suddenly blanketing his face that made Magnus curse every force of nature that had done this to Alec. And he finally responded, not with words, but simply taking Alec into his arms and tightly hugging him, gently kissing the top of his head and slightly patting his back.
Both men heaved long sighs at the predicament they were in before Alec murmured, his voice muffled by Magnus’ sweater, “I- It’s too soon to fall in love with you, isn’t it?”
Magnus’ heart damn near stopped at those words. For all of his years, nobody had managed to astound and amaze and leave him gasping for breath or just a touch more than Alexander Lightwood. Everything in him said, no, stop, you foolish, foolish man, stop, before he breaks your heart and becomes your ultimate demise.
“It’s too soon to fall in love with you.”
They shared tentative smiles, and that, in itself, was a sort of promise.