Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

When Astarion’s alarm went off, he very nearly threw the phone across the room. The shrill, piercing  beeps were a dramatic contrast to the soft songs that usually tend to ease him from his slumbers. Today he knew he’d need the heavy hitters. Today was The Day.

Flipping the lid to the coffee maker, the guttural sputter and hiss of water hitting the hot heating element was his signal that he would soon have his traditional morning tonic. Dragging his feet as he walked, he flung open the curtains of his sliding door to allow the warm summer’s morning rays to brighten his room while he waited.

Sunshine proved promising.

Hopefully the forecast wouldn’t lie to him today.

In the bathroom, he jolted awake to the sound of an all too familiar ding from his phone. In his mad scramble to reach it and answer the message, his socks and a building numbness in his legs conspired to betray him, and he almost slipped on the tile. He wasn’t sure when he failed to reopen his eyes from a blink after sitting down, but the pins and needles surging down his calf were a blatant reminder that he did.

Six years. Six years since being able to see his best friend. Six long, grueling years, of being in love with his best friend.

The sigh that escaped him was heavy as he sat on the edge of the bed, phone cradled in his hands. ‘Late’ for Gale Dekarios is a normal person’s ‘early’, but that also didn’t account for an entire bus system possibly ruining their first pride together.

Their first in-person meet up since that night.

Falling back on the rumpled sheets of his unmade bed, the cotton material soft beneath Astarion’s bare back. Tired, violet eyes stare up at the scattered constellations of glow in the dark stars upon his ceiling. They’d long-since lost their magical properties, but they still held a special place in his heart. There aren’t as many as there used to be- most of them were lost in the move, but the few survivors that remained were a pleasant echo of  the life he left behind.

That night played over in  his mind on loop when he found himself staring up at these plastic stars. It had barely been twenty minutes into the start of his eighteenth birthday when his friends were throwing stones at his window. His bags were already packed, most of them hiding with one friend or another. Only the bare essentials. Only the things he wouldn’t be able to live without.

Thankfully he didn’t have much to begin with.

When he managed to make it down to the ground, his duffle was ripped from his hands seconds before he was pulled into a tight bear hug. It was impossible to know where one pair of arms started and the next set ended, and equally impossible to forget. “Don’t worry- what happened to your face?” The mortified look on Gale’s face, the moment it ended, also still haunted him to this day. Sometimes the wonderful things can be sandwiched between the bad.

Sitting his phone on his chest, he threw an arm over his eyes as an all too familiar sense of dread settled in his bones. Six years since he left that house. Six years since he had to cover his bruises with make-up. He still had nightmares from then, though thankfully they’ve decreased since leaving. Through trial and error, couch surfing, and throwing a tantrum, he was able to find the right therapist to help him work through his trauma. Through the PTSD.

Blowing a hot breath of air from his lungs, he pushed himself up to a sitting position, resting his elbows on his knees. Today is a day about celebration. About getting to finally be surrounded by his childhood friends. To be proud of who he is. Of what he’s accomplished. Giving his head a small shake, he rose from the bed and made his way back towards the bathroom to finish what he had originally started.

Rain fell down in torrential sheets around them, thunder rumbling overhead with the occasional crack of lightning off in the distance. Tucked away under an awning of the closed ice cream shop, it sounded as if they were surrounded by a waterfall. It was so loud, he was amazed to be able to hear his own thoughts.

A loud, thundering crack of lightning struck down close- too close for his liking, the sound of splintering wood echoing in his chest. With a yelp and a startled jump, Astarion clung to the warm body standing beside him. Warm arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“It’s alright, Star. I’ve got you.”

Gentle fingers tucked sopping wet curls around his slender ear, mindful of the sensitive tips. The delicate touch sent a startled shiver shooting down his spine, a soft gasp escaping him as he clung tighter. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against his friend’s chest. “It wasn’t supposed to rain tonight.”

The forecast called for cloudless skies and gentle breezes. Perfect for an evening walk in the early autumn. They wouldn’t have many of these left once winter came, not to mention his parents would be in town for longer stints than the rest of the year.

“Star,” his name was like a bell as Gale laughed softly. “I’m not upset. Least of all for you listening to the weather channel.”

Large hands cradled his shoulders, gently easing him from his chest before a knuckle hooked under his chin and tilted his head upwards. His vision was blurry, his glasses tucked away in his bag to shield them from the rain, as he stared up at his friend. It was criminal how much taller he was, even if he enjoyed watching him actively tilt his head down to look at him.

Dark brown strands of hair clung to his face, rivets of water tracking down his face from the unruly locks. Astarion was so glad Gale was holding him, otherwise he likely would have dropped from how weak his knees became when those warm caramel eyes sparkled down at him.

The sight took his breath away.

Gale’s smile faltered slightly, the hand supporting his chin sliding up to cup his cheek. “Oh, Star. Are you alright? You’re trembling.”

Was he? Gods, it was so hard to tell with how quickly his heart was beating. Gale was so close, all he would need to do is push up on his toes and their lips would touch. Just a gentle push, and he would finally be able to put a sensation to the thought of how those lips would feel pressed against his.

He wouldn’t, though.

They were just friends. Best friends, even. He refused to ruin it over a stupid little crush. Just because Gale was nice to him, supported him, accepted him, didn’t give Astarion the right to project his feelings on the other.

“Oh Star, look! The fireflies are out!”

Standing before the large mirror hanging over his sink, he couldn’t help but draw little stars and hearts in the condensation. They were comforting and familiar, so he indulged himself as a treat and drew a large heart around the initials ‘A+G’. He allowed the fantasy to continue until the scribbles were covered with a new layer of steam.

Reluctantly, he swiped his hand over the mirror in an attempt to clear the fog obscuring his vision. He really needed to put a lid on these feelings of his. It was made perfectly clear that Gale didn’t reciprocate his feelings.

Honestly? He’s lucky that Gale didn’t end their friendship that night.

He’s lucky for a lot of things now, thanks to that night. To the friends who came together to help him when he stayed silent despite what happened behind closed doors. To this day, Astarion’s certain they saved his life by stepping in.

Absent-mindedly the fingers of his left hand trace a familiar pattern along a smattering swirl of rainbow hearts and stars forever inked into his hip. If he continued down, he would feel the texture change of unblemished skin to scar tissue as the tattoo expanded into a burst of varying florals and vines.

There will be another flower added to the bunch today, and it will be all the more special. He’s letting Gale pick the newest addition after brunch.

“Star, where else have they hurt you?”

“N-no where. Don’t worry about it. We have to-” His words were cut off as an orchid scented hand clamped over his mouth. He was suddenly turned, forced to twist awkwardly in the back seat as his face was forced to stare Jenevelle in the eyes.

“Don’t you dare tell us ‘Don’t worry about it’ Astarion.” Those vibrant veridian eyes stare into his soul as the bright fluorescent lights of the highway streak by them as they leave the city behind them. “Whether you want to believe it or not, we’re your friends, and we care about you.”

“Yeah! We can’t help ya if you don’t tell us what the problem is! ‘S not really fair to let us unload all our bullshit on you while you keep yours tucked away.”

Narrowing his eyes at Jen, he struggles in her grasp before huffing an exhale through his nostrils. “It issn’t anee of yer concher-”

“Astarion. Respectfully? Shut the fuck up.”

The murmuring in the car comes to a stop, the others quieting down as they stare at the two of them packed together in the back of Wyll’s car.

“Star, please. At least let me in? I can’t in good conscience let you leave without at least knowing I’ve helped you to the best of my ability.”

At his lack of protest, Jen lets his face go and he scoots away from her, pressing himself against Gale’s thigh with a soft hiss.

The sound has Gale adjusting himself, turning to sit on his hip to allow Astarion more room, clearly aware that something is irritating his leg. “Fine,” he starts with a grumble. “I’ll tell you when we get to… where are we even going?”

The remainder of the car ride is a distraction. Something to keep Astarion’s mind off the fact that he’s basically being smuggled from his home in the early hours of the morning. He appreciates it, both the distraction and the apparently well planned rescue mission.

He doesn’t say anything else on the matter of what happened until Gale and he are left to their own room in the small motel somewhere off the beaten path. And he only says something because Gale noticed the small stain on his pajama pants.

“Are you bleeding Star?”

Famous last words.

“It’s nothing seri-”

“Astarion.”

Immediately he stops in his tracks as Gale’s tone shifts and authority drips from his name. He’s just at the doorway to the bathroom when suddenly Gale’s beside him, staring him down in the mirror. “No more deflecting. Tell me what happened.”

So he told him. He carefully pulled his pajama buttons down to expose the gash mark that ran from just above his hip down to just before his knee. It’s jagged, a battle scar from being thrown against the back patio glass door. That was a week ago, and it was still breaking open and bleeding.

He’d never seen Gale so angry before.

But he’d also never been touched so gently either.

The next afternoon found him standing amongst a crowd of passengers awaiting approval to board, watching their bags get tossed in the undercarriage. There was a ticket to a safer place clenched in his hands. A new home where another of their friends lived. A burner phone resided in his back pocket, his old phone probably shattered somewhere two counties back on the side of the highway.

Over the scent of diesel and cigarette smoke the familiar scent of woodsy floral and citrus with the softest hint of vanilla overwhelmed his senses. Breathing in a sigh of relief an all too familiar weight rested on his shoulders. “I’m going to miss you, you know that right?”

Those simple words wrapped around his heart and squeezed, taking the breath from him, making him shut his eyes to hold back the threatening sting of tears from falling.

“Not as much as I’m going to miss you, Darling.” His voice broke at the end of his sentence, giving away the nerves that were eating him alive.

“Oh Star. Come here.”

Astarion let himself be turned without resistance, head turning to avoid looking up at his best friend. “You say it as if I’m being sent off to the gallows. Like we’re never going to see each other again.”

A gasp is pulled from him as he’s caught in a tight hug, a specialty of one Gale Dekarios. It only makes the grip on his heart tighten as he stands there limp in his best friend’s arms.Tears sting the corners of his eyes as Gale gently noses his neck, at the tender spot beneath his ear.

It’s no different than any other hug the two of them have shared, but it almost feels final. Like this is the end of them. That once he steps on that bus, he’ll lose everything. It’s that thought that has his arms wrapping tightly around his middle, fingers digging into the meat of his shoulders as he tries to merge them together.

This won’t be the last time. He isn’t leaving Gale behind and moving on. They’ll be able to meet up once the smoke blows over. Especially if the testaments his friends bullied him into admitting take root. This won’t be the last time they’ll get to hug like this.

“Attention passengers. The ten o’clock bus designated for Gate Eight will be departing in five minutes. Again, the-”

Slender ears flatten against the sides of his head as the crackling intercom breaks his reverie, making him grumble against his friend’s chest. The irritation doesn’t last long, for what was originally one pair of arms turns into two, into four, until Astarion is surrounded by his friends in the tightest group hug of the century.

“Keep us updated, Astarion. We’ll make sure Gale knows.”

“Here,” a small lunch box is placed in his hands once everyone steps back to give him air. “It isn’t much, but we made sure there were snacks in there to keep you full until Lae’zel picks you up. There are no sodas, but Karlach provided a couple of her water enhancers in there for you. And yes, before you pitch a fit, we made sure there are strawberry gummies in there for you.”

“Wyll…” He could feel his bottom lip trembling as he took in his friends standing before him. “You… you guys shouldn’t have…”

“Yeah, well. We did. Stop acting like you’re a burden. Otherwise I’ll tell Lae’zel to drag you by your ear once you get there.”

“Jen, be nice.”

“I am! If I wasn’t I’d be the one dragging him by his ear, and he knows it.”

The snort that left him was not the least bit flattering, but it left him smiling as the intercom crackled the request that those not riding return to the building. There were another round of hugs and well wishes as everyone made sure to get their last goodbyes in before heading back inside.

Once more he found himself staring up at his best friend.

“This isn’t forever, Gale. You know I would never leave you forever.”

“I know, Star. I know.” The way he cradled his cheek formed a flurry of butterflies in his stomach, his cheeks heating and burning a trail up to the tips of his ears. “You’ll be safer there, despite my best efforts. I’ll come visit you, every chance I get. And everyday I’ll call you. I swear to you that I’ll never let you be alone.”

He’s thankful for the intercom crackling to life as a choked sob leaves him. The tears he tried to hold back begin to fall from the corners of his eyes, and Gale’s quick to wipe at them with both of his thumbs. This man is too kind to him. Too good to him. Even trying to be a better person than what his family made him out to be, it isn’t enough to warrant Gale’s dedication.

Their foreheads touch and it makes his heart break. The reality of the situation crashes into him, and he realizes he’ll never get to experience this whenever he’s sad. Whenever he needs reassurance. He really is leaving his best friend.

“Astarion, you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re mine too, Gale.”

“And we will always be friends forever, yeah?”

Astarion had to bite his tongue to keep a sob from bubbling up from his lungs and spilling over as tears. How could it be that something so soft, so tender, that was once an everyday occurrence was turning into something so heartbreakingly painful?

“Yeah,” he managed with a ragged exhale. “Forever.”

“Attention passengers. Final boarding for bus 243 departing from Gate Eight. Please have your tickets prepared before boarding. Thank you for choosing Wandering Star Travel Lines, and have a blessed drive.”

Gale holds them forehead to forehead a moment longer, and Astarion wants nothing more than to drag him onto the bus with him or for them to both run off together and never look back, but he knows that would be too suspicious. He isn’t sure what possesses him to act, be it delusion, fear, desperation, but as Gale starts to pull away, Astarion chases him to claim those plush lips with his own.

A toothbrush sticks out from flushed lips, a trickle of minty toothpaste trailing from the corner of his mouth as he scrolls through his social media. It’s his reward for running through the ever time-consuming process of drying and styling his curls. He purposely made sure that he would be working with a fresh head, letting them wilt before his shower this morning.

Sitting out on his little balcony he has his feet propped up on the railing crossed at the ankles as he double taps his screen. A reel on how to make a zucchini pasta appears on his For You Page, causing his stomach to growl in a reminder that coffee is unfortunately not a major food group.

Checking the latest ETA Gale sent, he chewed on his lip in thought. There were still almost three hours left before he would arrive. At least another two before Astarion had to leave to make it to the station. Afterwards they were going for brunch, then they would get to enjoy the festivities downtown together.

He already informed the others of the delay, taking the brunt of the groaning so that Gale wouldn’t blame himself completely. In turn he promised to buy the bottomless mimosas at brunch. Which reminded him: he needed to stop by the bank before catching the bus himself.

Standing from the couch, he picked up his mug and empty bowl, padding quietly to the kitchen to deposit them into the sink. He’ll run the dishwasher as he leaves. Let that be Tomorrow Astarion’s problem.

Today Astarion’s problem involves finishing getting ready, and taking his medication.

The alarm on his phone went off; the thirty minute warning for him to be ready to leave.

Violet eyes narrowed on his reflection to inspect the hard work he’s put in so far. The shimmer of the iridescent stars meticulously hand drawn along his temples, complemented the intricate rainbow eyeliner drying on his upper lids. It wasn’t as over-the-top or extravagant as what he knew he would see out at the event, but was still a bold statement on his part. He also hoped to pick up some goodies while they’re out to add to his ensemble.

He was about to open the small container of opalescent shimmer to dust over his chest when his phone pinged. It was a short billow of wind chimes, a unique notification for Gale, and the sound bounced off the bathroom walls. There was a wall of missed messages that brought a flush to his cheeks and stirred up the butterflies in his stomach.

Astarion hissed softly when he pulled thee needle back from his thigh. He quickly covered it with a cotton ball. The sting never got old, even after being on these injections for four years.  Per usual, the swab of cotton pulled away clean, and he disposed of the used items on autopilot before he pulled his trusty box of rainbow-patterned band aids from the medicine cabinet.

He was rather pleased that the stars on the band aid matched the constellation of stars he littered his along his face and shoulders.. It would complement the look.

He double checked the time, and was pleasantly surprised to see that he was still on track for the rest of his day. If everything at the bank went well, he would make it to the station with plenty of time in the event that Gale somehow arrived early.