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Tanuma can’t help but be jealous.
He hates that it feels like he’s drowning in it while Taki and Natsume are deep in conversation on the bench next to him. He feels like an outsider, like he’s intruding; so he turns away, to give them some privacy, he tells himself.
The fact that Natsume got hurt protecting Tanuma without him noticing had nothing to do with it, he tells himself.
It’s not at all because hearing how this girl he’s only just met is able to offer Natsume more help than Tanuma even knows how to, he tells himself.
He doesn’t feel pathetic and useless at all, he tells himself.
It’s not very convincing and he knows it.
Since getting to know Natsume, it’s been a struggle. Tanuma barely knows how to navigate a normal friendship; one without yokai, or one where he doesn’t harbor such intense, weighted feelings every time he thinks Natsume might be struggling, or anytime Natsume smiles his way.
He tries not to let it bother him when Natsume says he doesn’t need help looking for Kai. After all, just the day before he had stood there without anything of value to contribute while Taki checked him over for any injuries, much like she had done just before to Natsume.
“He doesn’t know how to be a friend.” Nyanko-sensei says after Nastume disappeared into the bushes, surprising Tanuma.
“Nyan-nyan-sensei…”
“He thinks he won’t cause others any trouble if he takes it on by himself.” Nyanko-sensei sighs, shaking his head. “He’s so thoughtless.”
Tanuma isn’t sure if he’s supposed to find comfort in Nyanko-sensei’s words, and he can't help but feel small under his pitying gaze. He supposes he’ll have to take it in stride.
When he runs into Taki about an hour later, Tanuma feels like his lungs are coated in ice. Each breath hurts, he’s clenching his fists so tight his nails are biting into the skin of his palms, and he’s struggling to keep his face neutral.
Natsume didn’t want Tanuma’s help, but it seemed he wanted Taki’s.
It hurt. Did Natsume really think so little of him? That he couldn’t be helpful in any way? How was Tanuma supposed to remain polite and kind when Taki so casually revealed that she had obtained the one thing Tanuma wanted more than anything?
Tanuma gives her a smile when he offers to help, and hopes she doesn’t notice how forced it is.
Even if Natsume didn’t think of Tanuma as his best friend, he was Tanuma’s. And Tanuma would never treat such a thing lightly.
Luckily, he did help, because in no time Tanuma was able to locate the well that had eluded Taki the entire time she searched alone. She was so excited that she threw herself at Tanuma, hugging him tightly as if they had known each other for years.
“Don’t tell Natsume I helped.” Tanuma says quickly once Taki pulls away, and she looks hesitant but nods in understanding.
Tanuma can’t bring himself to hate her when she’s turning around to grin and wave at him before going off to search for Natsume. It only makes the jealousy taste more bitter in his mouth.
But Tanuma decides that’s the price he must pay, if this is what it means to have Natsume in his life. He’ll just have to learn to deal with the possessiveness, the desperation, the longing.
For Natsume, it would be easy work. He’s more than happy to do it, he tells himself.
A few days later, when Natsume and Tanuma are about to part ways on their walk home from school, Natsume catches Tanuma by the elbow, holding him back.
He’s shy; nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot, staring down at the dirt like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
His cheeks are pink when he finally looks Tanuma in the eye, expression earnest enough to be surprising, but no less cute than Tanuma already thought Natsume was.
“Taki told me you were the one who found the well.” He says slowly, like each word was delicate and at risk of fracture. “I wanted to thank you. It was a big help.”
Tanuma wished he was more embarrassed about the warmth that bloomed in his chest at the recognition. It felt so good that he couldn’t even spare a thought to be upset with Taki for exposing his involvement.
Natsume seems to relax some when Tanuma smiles at him, taking the hand that was on his elbow and lowering it between them, but not letting go as he forms his response.
“I’m glad things worked out in the end.” Tanuma starts, feeling a flush start to creep up the back of his neck. “And I’m always happy when I’m able to lend a hand.”
“I’ll do my best to keep that in mind, Tanuma.” Natsume doesn’t look away from Tanuma, even though it was obvious that the vulnerability was starting to make him squirm. “I promise.”
Tanuma swore he felt Natsume squeeze his hand gently when he spoke those last words.
“Come over for dinner?” Tanuma asks, reluctantly letting go of Natsume’s hand. He can’t help but notice the way Natsume’s hand doesn’t immediately retreat back to his side.
“I can’t tonight, Miss Fujiwara is making tempura.” He looks disappointed, even though he loves her cooking. “Tomorrow, maybe?”
“Tomorrow it is.”
Tanuma knows he’ll forever treasure the way Natsume’s face lit up.