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Grian likes the sound of the rain. It relaxes him in the same way white noise does, the kind he plays every night in order to fall asleep peacefully. Since the sky is cloudy and dim, the air cold outside, it feels like the perfect weather to curl up in his bed and drink his cup of warm tea with a book in his hands. He has his lamp turned on, facing his bedside with a soft warm light as he flips each page.
Then there’s a thump at his window. And another.
Grian looks over and sees a dark hooded figure outside his window. It’s one of those bay windows with some roofing underneath it so Grian can climb out sometimes when he wants to. He scrambles to unlock it when he recognizes the brown eyes staring back at him, knocking at the glass with a sly smile.
“Joel, what the fuck?!” Grian exclaims, grabbing him as he climbs into his bedroom, “You’re getting everything wet!”
“Hey.” Joel grins, shrugging his jacket off. He shakes his head like a wet dog would, splattering Grian with the rain water.
“Eugh! Let me get you a towel at least!” Grian scowls at him, running to his bathroom to grab the towel hanging off the back of the door. He tosses it at Joel’s head and the latter ruffles his hair, smiling dumbly at Grian.
Grian’s used to Joel climbing into his windows and bothering him. He’s been doing this since they were kids, since Joel set eyes on him in elementary school and decided that he was his new best friend for life. It didn’t really help how excited his mom was for him to finally make friends either. Or the fact that Joel lived just a few houses down the block.
Ever since then, Joel’s been a pain in the neck.
“What are you doing here?!” Grian cries in a whisper, hoping he wasn’t loud enough to wake his parents in the other room.
“Just wanted to hang out.” Joel shrugs, tossing his wet towel in Grian’s face.
“At 12am?!?” Grian huffs, “You really can’t be here, my mom would kill me.”
“Oh please, your mom loves me. You worry too much.” Joel falls onto Grian’s bed, patting beside him.
Grian rolls his eyes, sitting beside him. “So what are you doing here, really.”
“Missed you.” Joel grins, sitting up to be side by side with Grian.
When they sit side by side, Joel looks shorter than him. It has to do with him being all legs instead of torso, because Joel is only slightly taller than Grian when standing. It still makes Grian feel slightly better because at least he isn’t always looking up at him.
Grian shoves him with his shoulder, biting his tongue, but it doesn’t do much to hide the smile forming on his lips. Joel catches it and grins wider.
“You saw me yesterday!”
“It’s been too longggg,” Joel whines, grabbing at Grian’s waist to pull him down with him. He has his arms wrapped around his waist and Grian might have shrieked but no one really knows because it was just between the two of them. He wacks at Joel lightly without real intent to hurt him.
Joel’s giggling into his chest, a light bubbly sound that makes Grian feel warm and he laughs with him, putting his arms around Joel’s neck. His clothes are still soaked in water, wet under Grian’s fingertips as he rests them on his shoulders.
If he was being honest, being away from Joel feels wrong. Sometimes it feels like a part of him is missing when he isn’t beside Joel, like a heart without a soul. If he was really honest, he would’ve told him that he missed him too.
But he’s not honest. And he’s a coward. So he doesn’t.
“Your clothes are still wet, Joel!”
Joel frowns dramatically. “So you hate me. I get a little wet and suddenly you hate me.”
“Oh please.”
“No, I get it.” Joel turns over, his back facing Grian, in mock anger. Grian pulls him back around and he lets up easily, smiling.
And they’re face to face, Grian’s arms around him. And Joel’s looking at him with those big brown eyes that shine with mischief. He has this cocky, arrogant smile that makes Grian tense everytime he looks at him that way, and he’s too aware of the heartbeat in his ears and through his veins.
Then he realizes he’s staring at his lips and it’s weird. It’s weird because it’s Joel, and he’s Grian and they’ve been Joel and Grian since they were kids, and that’s all they were supposed to be. They’re still Joel and Grian, the two of them who haven’t left each other’s side since they met, but probably not in this way.
And yet, it’s not weird because it’s Joel. And he’s Grian. It’s his Joel. It’s weird because it’s Joel but it’s not weird at the same time because it’s his Joel, and Grian feels like his entire life has always been a conundrum ever since Joel came into it.
“Hey, wanna dance outside in the rain?” Joel whispers, as if it was an intimate secret between the two of them. As if anyone else could hear them.
“Out there?” Grian grimaces. “And get all wet like you?”
“Yeah,” Joel tilts his head, an eyebrow cocked up in questioning, “unless you’re scared?”
Fuck him.
Grian pulls Joel out of bed, ignoring how the other’s mouth smiles from ear to ear, as he drags him through the hallways and down the stairs as quietly as possible. When they reach the outside, Grian is already regretting all his choices but god forbid he loses to Joel when he’s clearly being challenged.
Joel’s standing in the middle of the road, spinning and looking up towards the sky like he’s welcoming the chill of the air. Grian, who was very ill-prepared for this weather, is standing there like a soaked kitten on the side of the road, his long-sleeved shirt drenched with water and beginning to look translucent against his skin. He watches Joel for a moment before the latter pulls him in, spinning him around and Grian can’t help but laugh.
There’s not really a good way to describe how he feels in the moment. It feels like they’re in their own world, completely closed off from the rest of the universe. It was just him and Joel, spinning in the cold rain underneath the street lamps. He feels Joel’s arms around his waist, their fingers intertwined, his breath in his hair, the sway of his hips.
They’re laughing, their heads touching each other, and they laugh into the space between them. The rain falls around them in erratic rhythms like the pulsing beneath his skin, cool to the skin when he feels like he’s burning up on the inside.
The more Joel holds him close, the hotter he feels. The burning of his palms on his waist, the warmth of his fingertips as they touch his cheek, as they meet eyes and Joel’s looking at him with those brown eyes. Grian can’t help but burn.
They’re quiet for a moment, staring at each other, and Grian can’t tell how long has passed since they’ve been outside. Maybe hours, maybe minutes. Time seems to pass by fast when he’s with Joel.
Joel reaches to pull his jacket off, wrapping it around Grian who has started to shiver underneath the relentless rain above them. He wraps the fabric around Grian’s shoulders and pulls him closer to his chest.
They’re so close they could touch.
“I think I love you,” Grian whispers. The words themselves are drowned out by the rain around them, loud as they hit the pavement, but there’s a recognition of the words in Joel’s eyes as he reads his lips. His eyes haven’t left his lips.
Joel doesn’t respond. More so, he doesn’t need to: he kisses Grian, rough and hungry like he’s been waiting for this all his life. Maybe he has. Maybe they both have since they first met. Maybe it’s been written in the cards since before they were born, in past lifetimes they can’t even remember now.
They crash into each other like they’ve been yearning for this for longer than they’ve known each other. Joel’s holding his cheek, then it slips into his hair, pushing and pulling. His other hand is on his waist, pulling him as close as possible. Grian wraps his arms around Joel’s neck and holds on. Joel tastes like iron, like earth, like salt mixed with blood, but he doesn’t know if he’s just tasting the rain as it pours above them. All he knows is Joel, Joel, Joel.
He doesn’t think he’s known satisfaction until this moment, and even then it doesn’t feel like enough. Like he can’t get enough of Joel, even when they’re kissing like they’re fighting. Like they have something to prove to each other. They’re grabbing and pulling at the fabric that serves as too thick of a layer between them. Like kissing isn’t enough, like the physical intimacy of holding each other will never be enough for them. Nothing might ever satisfy him until they somehow combine into one person, one soul, until Grian opens Joel up and climbs into his skin and stays.
When they pull away, they’re panting hard, their foreheads laying against one another. Then they meet eyes and Joel chuckles, and Grian chuckles, and they both laugh until their stomachs hurt and they can’t stop laughing. Grian can’t catch his breath and Joel can’t look at him without breaking into a breathy giggle and they just sit on the porch holding hands until the rain stops.
The droplets fall in front of them, much lighter than earlier. They’re sitting in puddles of water that has pooled beneath them, Grian’s head laid on Joel’s shoulder. The silence is comfortable and still.
I love you. Grian says through the pulse of his fingertips.
I know. Joel replies with the squeeze of his hands. I love you.