Work Text:
Dess
Dess was…
No;
Dess is many things.
Maybe that’s why her absence weighs so heavily on her.
Noelle is pretty sure she’s never had a moment completely alone her entire life up until now.
The room next to hers feels so empty.
Which is ridiculous.
Dess didn’t spend all her time in her room, quite the contrary.
December Holiday’s room was oftentimes empty, what with the rebellious teen often being out and about doing anything she could to get on their mother’s nerves as if it was her sole mission.
But now it’s been two weeks, almost three, and Noelle misses her sister.
Then again, Noelle has to admit that Dess had been acting off even before disappearing.
Ever since her and Kris went exploring on their own.
She’d been more distant, more jumpy, paranoid…it scared Noelle, sometimes.
The way her sister would be talking and then trail off mid-sentence, her gaze fixed on nothing for minutes at a time, her expression completely blank before she’d seemingly come back and go on as if nothing happened.
Noelle could tell she wasn’t the only one freaked by Dess’ behaviour for the two weeks before she disappeared.
She saw Mom and Dad talk, she saw Mom and Aunt Toriel talk, she saw Dad and Uncle Asgore talk, she saw the concerned (and heartbroken) looks Asriel gave Dess.
She saw the way Kris started avoiding Dess.
Well, not just Dess, to be specific.
Noelle is pretty sure that in those two weeks she saw Kris maybe three times.
Which is very little considering she’s used to seeing them multiple times a day everyday.
At first they were sick, or so she was told.
But then Azzy told Dess (Noelle wasn’t meant to hear, but she did. Not on purpose tho!) they were feeling better but refused to leave their room.
Noelle remembers Dess immediately going over to the Dreemurr’s, presumably to talk to Kris since she came back with them in tow.
Noelle also remembers that Kris had spent the entire afternoon glued to Dess’ side, completely silent and that they not once met Noelle’s eyes.
When Dess didn’t come back that day ’s evening, and then didn’t pick up any of the adult’s or Asriel’s phone calls, the search began.
(It ended soon after. Two weeks of searching later, asking even the neighboring towns and cities to be on the lookout for one December Holiday, the denizens of Hometown stopped actively looking everyday, instead saying they’d ‘keep an eye out.’)
(That was also when Mom became…less Mom and more Mayor Holiday.)
Mom
If Noelle were to associate a word with Carol Holiday, she’d use the word cold.
But Mom…wasn’t always like that.
She used to be warm .
Even with all that came with being mayor, she still always, always made time for her family and loved ones.
No matter how strict she was, no matter how much Dess pushed the boundaries, Mom never really got mad.
Sure, she’d scold them, she’d ground them, but she never got angry at them.
Noelle could easily recognize the fondness in her mother’s eyes even as she reprimanded Dess whenever she did something that fell in the category of ‘irresponsible behaviours you should not partake in, December’.
Mom used to smile wide at Noelle whenever she gave her a handmade drawing, would hang it on the fridge if it was really good.
(The fridge used to have a bunch of things on it. Namely a picture of a five years old Dess holding a newborn Noelle, a picture of Dess, Asriel, Noelle and Kris at Noelle’s eighth birthday, and one of Mom, Dad and Aunt Toriel and Uncle Asgore from their college days. Then, there was a magnetic guitar pick that held up whatever drawing Noelle made that Mom decided was fridge-worthy.)
(Nowadays the fridge is bare, as if nothing was ever there.)
Mom used to stop working, saying that when she was home she was Carol Holiday, not Mayor Holiday.
Mom used to still smile when Noelle got a B instead of an A.
Mom…
…Mom changed when Dess didn’t return home.
Noelle is pretty sure that those first few weeks are the worst she’s ever seen her mother look.
(Noelle’s birthday was two weeks after Dess disappeared. Mom never wished her a happy tenth birthday.)
Three weeks later, after a pretty bad fight between Mom and Dad that Noelle is sure she was not meant to hear, Mom came into her room.
Noelle remembers that she looked…not sad.
More than that.
Empty .
Mom had hugged her, holding her close and cradling her to her chest, whispering how much she loved her and cherished her.
Noelle cried.
Asriel
Azzy is like a big brother to her.
He gives amazing hugs, always warm and soft and fluffy and safe .
Noelle knew that he was obviously closer to Dess than to her, and Kris was his little sibling, but she likes to think that she was also close to him.
Which is why when he left for college she was a bit sad to see him leave.
Yes, they hadn’t really talked in a while, but still.
Asriel was much more than just her neighbor.
Despite it all, he always made sure to find the time to hang out with her, to check up on her.
(‘ It all ’ being everything, starting from Dess. Because Noelle knows just how much he’s hurt by her leaving them all, and she knows that he has his own things to deal with, like school and extracurriculars and his mother and father fighting more and more, not to mention how Kris seems to be more and more…closed off. And yet Asriel seems to still find the time to knock on their door and ask if he can take her to the diner for a chat. He’d ask how she’s doing, how things are and how she’s feeling. He’d ask if there’s any way he can help. He’d reassure her that Dess didn’t voluntarily leave. And Noelle believes him, lets herself be comforted by the blind trust he has in the girl he loves.)
So when he finally left for college, Noelle felt a bit…
Abandoned, so to speak.
Obviously not as much as Kris, because they had missed school for two weeks straight when Asriel left, and only came back looking like…
…shit.
She overheard…Mrs. Toriel talk with her mom one day shortly after Asriel left, how she’s worried about Kris and how them refusing to leave their bed might be a bit more than a simple temper tantrum.
(When Kris came back, she smiled at them.
They seemed to stare through her.
She passed them the notes she’d made just for them, and they had frozen, looking at the papers as if their mere existence had somehow offended them, but eventually they took them from her hand and whispered a ‘thank you’ before leaving.)
Which is why she didn’t know what to say when, one phone call, Asriel asked about Kris, saying that they haven’t been answering texts or calls.
She ends up telling the truth, and Asriel sighs like he had already known it.
The two of them fall silent for a while, and eventually Noelle breaks it with a question that had been on her mind ever since Mrs. Toriel had announced that Asriel had gotten into a good college at Ebbot City.
“Do you think Dess would have gone to college with you, Azzy?”
The line is silent for long enough that Noelle checks if the call has disconnected, but nope, it’s still going.
A heavy breath, some shuffling, and then, “I don’t know. I like to think so, but…I don’t think she would have wanted to leave you and Kris all alone.”
…
No, Dess wouldn’t have wanted that-
(But she did.
Dess did.
She left Noelle, she left Mom, she left Dad, she left Azzy, she left Kris, she left all of them.
Why?
Why did she have to leave?
Why did Asriel have to leave?
Why did Mom change so much?
Why did Kris start avoiding her?
Why does everyone leave her?
Is…is that why Dess left? Because of her?)
She remains silent until she hears her mother open the front door.
“Gotta go Azzy. I’ll talk to you soon.”
She barely hears his answer.
(‘Soon’ ended up being three weeks later. And the ‘soon’ after that was two months later. And then it became just texting, with them answering weeks old texts only to receive an answer days later.)
Kris
Her…
Neighbor.
That’s all they are nowadays, really.
Were they best friends?
Yes.
But that was… before .
(Before Dess.)
In all honesty, had anyone asked Noelle to pinpoint when her relationship with Kris changed, she wouldn’t be able to give an actual reply.
Because it had been just a downward spiral, them pulling away more and more and her being hesitant in approaching them.
But if she were to really try, then she would say that it changed when their eyes started holding guilt more than anything else.
The few times that she had seen them after Dess disappeared, they were unable to look at her.
No matter how much she tried to reach out, to seek comfort in her best friend, to help them because she knew how much Dess meant to them too, they-
refused.
It eventually got better, they started coming over again, they’d do homework together, and Noelle thought they just didn’t know how to deal with everything.
(She didn’t, either. Still doesn’t, really.)
But the guilt was still there, and Noelle couldn’t for the life of her figure out just what they were guilty about.
One day in particular, the two of them were playing after homework, the house empty, when Kris suddenly got to their feet, mumbling something about a snack before leaving.
Had it been anyone else she would have gone with to be a good host and serve the snacks herself.
But it’s Kris, they know where everything is and certainly don’t need her help, so she stays put in the living room.
When she hears the sound of the piano from the other room, she dismisses it.
It wouldn’t be the first time she imagined the sound of piano or violin coming from somewhere in the house. And she’s chased after the sound so many times, hoping to find Dess only to find nothing, to the point that she knows better than to get up.
But it doesn’t stop, and it doesn’t even sound like Dess’ playing, and Kris still hasn’t returned, so Noelle gets up and makes her way to the dining area only to freeze when she sees Kris at piano that had gone untouched for-
Five months now.
They notice her, and immediately get up, their movements gentle as they put everything back in place before hurrying out of the room, not looking at her even once.
She’s not surprised to hear the front door open and close.
(Asriel comes by later to get Kris’ stuff. Noelle fears that they’ll pull away again, but they still come over occasionally. And it would always be the same thing. Homework, playing, and then snack which turns into an impromptu piano session. Maybe that’s when Noelle started questioning her relationship with Kris. It…felt like they were friends with her for the piano, at times. Still, Noelle knew how much playing meant to Kris, and she knew they only allowed those they trusted to hear, so she took comfort in that as she sat on the living room couch, listening to what felt like a concert just for her.)
Eventually, even their piano-driven visits dwindled, and Noelle tried to not take it to heart when the two of them started drifting apart.
It felt like there was a huge gap between them, and Noelle felt like all Kris did was make that gap wider while shooting down any and all attempts she made to bridge it.
Still, Noelle liked to think of them as friends.
Everything they went through, the bond they had, it couldn’t mean so much to her and so little to them, could it?
Maybe that’s why she gets slightly ( really ) annoyed with Berdly when he decides that the cactus in her room should be renamed.
That’s Krismas , she wants to shout.
Berdly probably assumed that she must have meant ‘Christmas’ and that it was just one of the many things with a holiday-themed name in her house.
But no, Krismas is what Dess had called it after deciding that it looked just like Kris.
Kris had protested, headbutting Dess, but she hadn’t budged and the name had stuck.
Instead she decides to just nod along as Berdly renames it ‘Tsun-Tsun’.
She gives up on the idea that she and Kris are still friends after Asriel leaves for college.
Or more specifically, shortly after the Dreemurr’s fighting came to a head.
Second Family
Noelle remembers hearing, as a child, that home is where the heart is.
Which was why she considered home not only the Holiday manor, but the Dreemurr house as well.
After all, if asked where she grew up she’d have to say that it’s a pretty even split between hers and Kris’ house.
Many evenings of her childhood life were spent in the small but well loved living room, the adults on the couch and the kids on the floor, watching TV together.
A big family.
But she has to admit that ever since Mr. Dreemurr lost his job as police chief, things had been going downhill.
Sometimes she’d be playing with Kris in their room and she’d hear fighting from downstairs.
Other times she’d overhear Mrs. Dreemurr talk with her Mom in the kitchen, complaining about this and that.
As they grew older and the fighting got worse, she’d hear Asriel tell Dess about it.
Aside from being upset at seeing two people she cares about fight all the time, what really hurt her about the whole thing was just how much Kris was affected by it.
It had gotten to the point where Kris would spend entire days at the Holidays’ house rather than stay home.
But then Dess disappeared.
And just like that Holiday-Dreemurr dinners grew more and more scarce, going from every week to maybe once a month to once in a while until they stopped around the time Noelle was twelve.
And what was like a second family to Noelle basically disappeared, Aunt Toriel becoming Mrs. Toriel (the same way all kids in Hometown call her.) and Uncle Asgore became Mr. Dreemurr.
Just her neighbors.
So when, about a month after Asriel left for college, her Dad told her that Mr. Dreemurr had moved into his little flower shop, Noelle had felt…
A sort of detached sadness.
Kind of like she should be sad, but isn’t, really.
Not for them.
She’d heard her father say that they had decided to take a break, give each other space, but Noelle understood just as well as anyone else that it would end with a divorce.
So, she immediately went back to her room and pulled out her phone.
The last text she’d sent Kris was dated October 31st, when they’d turned fourteen.
It was left on read.
Still.
Private DMs: Krismas🌲
October 31st, 09:31 AM
Happy Birthday Kris!
Today, 12:09 PM
Hey
I heard about your parents
I’m sorry
In all honesty she hadn’t expected a reply.
But her phone pings as soon as she sets it down, and she’s surprised to see that Kris has answered immediately.
hey
it’s whatever
at least they won't fight as much anymore
Still
It must be so weird
kinda
not really
idk
Wanna talk about it?
She’s pushing her luck, she knows, but she still wants to try.
no.
That’s okay too
i just don’t get it
they’ve been fighting for ages
why now
just cause azzy left?
was he worth pretending for?
I don’t think that’s it, Kris
But I guess I understand why you’d think that…
they said its cause i’m old enough to get it
get
what???
Do…do you maybe wanna go to QC’s? And we can talk there?
(They’ll say no. They’ll say no. They’ll say no. They’ll say no. They’ll say no. They’ll say no-)
…you know what sure
i’ll be at your front gate in 5
(Kris walked her home that evening, their afternoon spent together in a way that made her feel hopeful.
Oh how foolish she was.
To think that one random afternoon could change anything.
If anything, it felt like they started avoiding her more, almost as if ashamed of having talked to her, having opened up to her.
So, she’d gone back to giving them space. Eventually she stopped lying to herself. It was clear that Kris didn't want to be friends anymore.
They have their own things to worry about.
And so does she.)
(She had no idea how true it would be, once Dad collapsed.)
Rudy
Private DMs: Krismas🌲
January 6th, 12:25 PM
hey
happy bday
Thank you Kris!
How are you doing?
fine.
Glad to hear it!
Today, 09:40 PM
mom told me about your dad
i’m sorry
but don’t worry
he’s strong
he’ll get better soon
if
you need anything
lemme know i guess
Noelle wishes she could muster up the will to answer Kris’ messages.
But she hasn’t been able to do anything at all since visiting hours ended and she had to come back home.
They took the time to text her, and all she can do is stare at the screen of her phone.
She’s-
Tired, really.
Tired of losing so much.
Her sister, her mother, her brother figure, her best friend, her family.
And now her father.
Ill, bedridden, and the doctors still don’t know why.
He’d been the last good thing left from her childhood.
And now she’ll lose him too.
She thought she had no more tears to cry, but it seems that she’s proven wrong by the fresh stream of them flowing down her face.
Stifling a whimper, she turns off her phone and rolls to her other side.
She misses Dess.
If Dess were here, then she wouldn’t be so alone in such a big house.
Big empty house.
But she is alone, because Dad is at the hospital, Mom is working late again and Dess is gone.
It’s impulse that leads her to grab her phone again.
(Impulse born from not wanting to be alone. She’s tired of being alone, of being left behind, of being abandoned, of being-)
Can you come over
I don’t want to be alone
She could have texted Berdly.
She could have sucked it up.
But no, she wants Kris.
She wants her best friend back, and isn’t that funny, they’re not her best friend anymore, how can she dare to call them that when they barely interact anymore, when she could only watch as they were bullied, when she couldn’t bring herself to interfere, make them tell their mom or even tell her herself, how can she call them that when she did nothing as they pulled away not only from her but from everyone, when she could clearly see they were drowning in guilt over something , when she could see they were struggling so much-
Ping.
She can’t breathe.
The tears won’t stop, she can barely make out the words on the screen, but she manages to see enough to figure out what it says.
[Krismas🌲; 9:48]: omw
(Five minutes later, they’re climbing the tree to her bedroom window.)