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"Long have I awaited a being such as you. You understand the cycle of destruction and recreation, yet still you seek a better path for Azuma. Therefore, I ask you to take Mihoshi Habaki's place as Azuma's guardian deity." The avatar of Mihoshi Habaki's voice was firm; this was not a joke, and she was entirely serious.
Once the shock of it all wore off, Subaru found his mind spinning. Me? Become a god? It seemed ridiculous, but then again, given the whole journey he'd been on, somehow it made an uncomfortable amount of sense. But what would it mean for him? What would he have to do? What would change, should he accept?
What would happen with his life with Cuilang?
All of these questions echoed noisily in his mind; the area in which they stood was silent, and he found himself getting more and more anxious and uncomfortable as he spun his wheels, trying to make a decision. He knew that the avatar of Mihoshi Habaki was waiting for his response—as was Woolby—but he couldn't just churn out an answer, then and there.
"Might I have some time to think about it?"
"Take what time you need, Earth Dancer. Just know that you will need to choose ere you leave, for once you are gone from this place the chances of you finding it ever again are nigh impossible."
Subaru swallowed. "I understand." It made sense, but it also made it that much harder for him to think rationally about the decision. Turning, he took a look around; finding a corner, he walked over, taking a seat as he opened his hip pouch to find his rations, feeling especially thirsty. He knew that Woolby probably had thoughts about the whole thing, but he also knew that he couldn't make his decision based on those alone, and he was grateful for the silence and the space to think things through on his own.
The first question was really rather simple. Protect Azuma? Of course. He might not be the brightest or the strongest person, but he'd started on this whole journey because he had people and places to protect, and that list had only grown longer the more he'd journeyed, the more he'd seen and done.
Was he the right choice? Maybe not, but then again, what other choice was there? Somebody with more knowledge and understanding than he had thought he was good enough, and it wasn't like there was any other option. If the choice was between him and nobody, and given that "nobody" had caused the previous Celestial Collapses, it was an easy choice to make. As for what his duties would be—he wasn't entirely sure, but given how much free time the rest of the gods had, he couldn't imagine that it would be something he couldn't do, he'd just have to learn how.
That just left "what would happen to him, his family, and his future?" And, as selfish as that might be… that was his biggest concern. As soon as he closed his eyes, Cuilang's face swam into view; his heart squeezed at the memory of those beautiful green eyes and that innocent smile his partner gave sometimes—always so fleeting—and he knew that no matter what, he couldn't give it up.
Would he have to?
There was no taboo against gods and mortals mingling, as far as he was aware. In fact, he had a sneaking suspicion that, had he not had eyes only for Cuilang, several of his friends who were also gods would not have minded a dinner date or two—not that anything had ever been said, for which he was grateful. And he'd even thought to himself a few times, for example, that Ula and Takumi would make a cute couple—if Takumi could ever take his eyes off his carpentry for long enough to see the way Ulalaka's eyes lit up every time he came to talk to her.
For now, Subaru was relatively certain that becoming a god wouldn't have an adverse effect on his relationship with Cuilang, unless Cuilang felt uncomfortable about it—and he didn't think that would be a concern, either. He trusted his partner to have his back, and he knew his partner would trust him. But that also brought him back to the topic of their life spans. If Cuilang was also a god, this decision would be easier; as it was, he might outlive Subaru, or he might break down long before Subaru's end came—they had no way of knowing.
But… what if I could change that?
It was a thought that had been in the back of his mind as soon as he'd heard the offer, although he'd tried not to jump immediately to it, not wanting to make it the sole reason for his choice. But he couldn't deny that it was the biggest reason he could have for accepting—if he became a god, could he grant Cuilang's heart's desire? Could he truly make his partner human?
It still wouldn't be perfect. As they were now, there was a chance that as a machine, Cuilang could live a very long life—especially now that he'd started taking better care of himself—and as a god, Subaru might be able to match that lifespan. But every time he thought about that, he remembered Cuilang's face when Subaru had confessed, when he called himself an old, broken-down machine, and it smote his heart. Yes, he'd come to terms with it—Subaru remembered the time he'd practically forced Cuilang to recite "I am now a human" until he'd finally come to accept that, for all intents and purposes, it didn't matter. Yes, they were happy together, having accepted that they'd take whatever time that fate allotted them together. But even if it "didn't matter" anymore, it didn't mean Cuilang had stopped wanting it—and there was no reason he should have to stop wanting it.
Becoming human, however, would mean that Cuilang would definitely live a mortal's life, and if Subaru was now a god… even having already come to terms with the fact that they'd be parted someday, it felt more real now, and he felt a small, dark spot form in his heart, a knot of loneliness that he refused to acknowledge or touch. Nor would he give into it; for all intents and purposes that would be the only drawback to granting Cuilang's wish—and the advantages would be too many to number. Just thinking about the joy on his partner's face when he stepped out into the world for the first time as a human was more than enough to convince him; what was his loneliness compared to the happiness of the one he loved?
His thoughts somewhat in order, Subaru took a deep breath, standing; walking back over to the giant tree, he looked up again once more at its radiant, astral wings and called out to the avatar of Mihoshi Habaki. Her voice came back immediately.
"Have you decided, Earth Dancer?"
"Maybe. I think so, but I have a question." He paused, gathering his thoughts; apparently, he didn't need to, as she answered before he could speak again.
"You seek to use your new powers for something other than the protection of Azuma, I see."
He swallowed. "I know it's selfish, but I would still do my duties. I still want to guard Azuma, and keep her safe."
"It is selfish, but not unexpected. Nor do I think it changes your suitability for the role. Indeed, it would be possible, but you are aware of the repercussions, correct? You can grant humanity, but you cannot grant immortality."
"I'm aware. I would accept that as the price of my power." Subaru dipped his head, closing his eyes. "And if that's the case, then, O great progenitor Mihoshi Habaki, I have decided. I will accept this role and guard Azuma for as long as I have the capacity to do so."
"Excellent. I fully expected you to take on this mantle, Earth Dancer. Henceforth, I confer upon you godhood. As Azuma's guardian and seventh god, you shall stand at the head of its pantheon. Earth Dancer—no. The Heavenly Sovereign. I entrust Azuma's future to you."
Once she had spoken, silence descended upon them; somehow, Subaru expected something more, but it seemed that her duty had been done and now only he and Woolby remained. Looking down at his hands, he moved his fingers experimentally; surprisingly, he felt largely the same, but there was a new expanse in the back of his mind, a new awareness that was going to take some getting used to. He wondered if this was something all of the gods experienced, or if it was just him; he'd have to ask them later. Setting that aside for now, however, he turned.
"Time to head home, Woolby."
Luckily it was a much faster trip back than it was in, almost as if the realm itself was molding itself to his desires. Maybe it was because of his newfound powers, maybe it was because he was no longer being 'tested'; either way he was grateful that it only took half the time to reach the entrance as it had to reach the end.
He'd thought that once he stepped back into the Heavenly Realm, he might take a quick detour to Kanata's office to see if she had any insight for him; however, once he stepped through the door, he stopped in his tracks as he found all of the gods arrayed before the door. And as he did, they all bowed; he realised that they already knew what had transpired, and reached up to rub the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Come on, guys. Nothing's really changed, you know."
"As that may be, you still did Azuma a great service, O Heavenly Sovereign." As Kanata took his hand, his other friends surrounded him; each of them had something to say about his new role, and he was more than happy to have it acknowledged, but deep down inside he found himself just wanting to get back to Cuilang. Unfortunately, it seemed that he would still have to wait.
"This calls for a celebration!" Kanata, who was still holding onto his hand, started to pull him toward the exit; next to him Ula, Matsuri, and Kai all cheered—of course they're going to take any chance they have to drink—and Kurama just caught his eye with a long-suffering expression of camaraderie (although there was also a sparkle there that said that, no matter how he might act, he wasn't entirely against celebrating the newest addition to their pantheon). When Subaru looked to Fubuki for help, he found the wolf god too engrossed in discussion with Woolby to be of any assistance, so he gave in with a sigh and let himself be dragged along.
He really just wanted to go home, but he knew that wasn't going to be an option. He tried to get someone to agree to send word back to Autumn Village so that Cuilang would at least know he was safe, but everybody was too busy bustling around, putting in orders for food and drink and getting Summer Village set up for another party. Just as he was about to go off and find a seat—toying with the idea of just making a break for it, although he didn't want to waste his friends' efforts—Woolby popped up beside him.
"You're not going to be able to get away, you know. Matsuri would find you and bring you back before you got halfway."
"I know, I know." Subaru sighed, sitting down at a bench in the shade that was out of the worst of the summer heat. "And I'm grateful to them, but-"
"Well, lucky for you, I just so happen to be feeling magnanimous." Woolby put his hands on his hips, looking proud of himself. "So how about I pop back to Autumn Village and let loverboy know that you're home safe?"
Subaru's eyes lit up. "Woolby, you're a lifesaver. Would you?"
"Yeah, yeah, you're lucky to have me. You'd better make sure to save some grub for me, though."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure you get all the food you want. Thanks, Woolby."
No sooner had Woolby disappeared, however, than Matsuri found Subaru—he shuddered to think what she'd say if she'd had to track him down on his way back to Autumn Village—and she proceeded to drag him back over to where the party was picking up. Somebody thrust a cup into his hands as he joined his friends, and toast after toast kept the sake flowing like water. Between that and the contests—you couldn't get Ula, Kai and Matsuri in the same place without a drinking contest or three, and Kanata just compounded it—Subaru ended up a little tipsier than he wanted to. This made it easy enough for him to back out when the next contest started—he'd never really been in the running, anyway, since he rarely ever drank—and slipping away from the limelight (Kurama or Fubuki might have seen him go but if they did, they turned a blind eye to it) he started to meandered through the crowds looking for some place to catch his breath.
Suddenly, however, he spotted a familiar splash of red at the far end of the beach; as soon as he saw it he was back on his feet, and it was as if the crowds suddenly no longer existed as he pushed his way through, shortening the distance between him and his beloved as quickly as he could. By the time he reached Cuilang, intent upon throwing himself into the redhead's arms, his partner was already waiting; it seemed that he'd spotted Subaru before Subaru had spotted him.
"Cuiiiiilang~" As Cuilang's arms closed around him, Subaru grinned, burying his face against his partner's shoulder. "Lang, I'm home, I missed you so much~"
"Welcome home, my dear." The redhead's voice was as level as ever, but the affection in it was unmistakable. "I'm just glad to see you safe."
For a moment, Subaru didn't say anything; he just tightened his arms around Cuilang instead. After taking a deep breath, he lifted his head so that he could study his partner's face. "I missed you," he repeated, the feeling so strong that he had to say it twice.
Cuilang met his gaze easily, a far cry from when they'd first started dating. After cocking his head, he merely said, "You've been drinking." It's not like it was hard to tell—even Subaru was vaguely aware that he was being more publicly affectionate than usual, and if the burning in his cheeks was any indication, his cheeks were probably bright red.
Still, there was nothing but warmth in Cuilang's tone—Subaru had long since learned how to read him—and the brunette just responded by puffing out his cheeks. "Just a little. You know I'm a lightweight. It's not like I can tell Ula or Kai no when they get started."
"No one can tell Ulalaka or Kai no, I believe. Other than Yachiyo, perhaps."
Even though Cuilang's laugh sounded mechanical, Subaru knew that it came from his heart and he just smiled, resting his head on his partner's shoulder. They stood like that for a time, in quiet companionship; as much as he wanted to tell Cuilang all about what had happened, he didn't trust himself to get it right at the moment, so he decided to hold it until the morning. After a while, Cuilang shifted to rest his cheek on top of Subaru's head.
"Do you have anything else you wish to do here? Or shall we head back up to the Dragon Shrine? We can go back to Autumn Village in the morning."
Subaru looked around; with everyone busy and no one watching him it was the perfect time to leave so he nodded, straightening up. He was steady enough on his feet that he didn't need any assistance, but as they made their way up the steep stone steps leading up to their home in the Summer Village, Cuilang kept a protective arm around his waist—just in case. It was little gestures like this that reminded Subaru just how lucky he was to have someone as kind and gentle as Cuilang in his life, to love and be loved by him. Once again, he was struck by the thought that despite the fact that he was an automaton, Cuilang was still the most human person Subaru had ever met, and even now he was still learning from him.
As they settled into their futons, he rolled over to rest his head on Cuilang's shoulder again. "Love you so much, Lang" he murmured, already feeling his exhaustion—and tipsiness—catch up to him. The last thing he felt as sleep washed over him was a pair of lips on his forehead, with a quiet voice that followed him into his dreams.
"I love you, too, dear."
The next morning, Subaru woke up feeling like he'd been run over by a horse. It wasn't exactly a hangover, but between the heat, the drinking, and the journey he'd just finished, he really was feeling run-down. He'd feel resentful that being a god apparently granted him no special immunity when it came to times like this, but he was already well aware, seeing how Kai was on any given day. As he sat up, groaning, Cuilang handed him a glass of water.
"A soak would do you some good. Why don't you go down to Kusatsu's inn and take a bath? I'll have breakfast ready when you return home."
Now that he was awake, Subaru wanted nothing more than to talk to his partner about everything, but he also wanted to be fully cognizant and awake when he did. So without any (or much) grumbling, he did as Cuilang suggested, heading down the street to the hot spring. And Cuilang was right—after a long bath Subaru felt remarkably more refreshed, enough to notice instead just how hungry he was. It was hard to ignore all of the delicious smells coming from up and down the street—Summer Village was always full of bustling stores and street food vendors, as well as the teahouses and izakayas—but he knew his partner was waiting for him back at the shrine and that alone was enough to keep his feet moving.
Breakfast was a quiet affair, as was usual for the two of them; Subaru was often slow to wake up and he liked to take that time to mentally sort through everything he needed to do in the day, and Cuilang wasn't one to fill silence with idle chatter. This time, however, it was more due to the fact that the brunette was too busy thinking about everything he wanted to tell his partner, as well as what he'd need to do if Cuilang really did take him up on his offer.
As the rice in his bowl dwindled, he finally set it aside. When he did, Cuilang looked up, as if he'd been able to tell that something was on Subaru's mind and he'd just been waiting patiently to hear him out. Subaru was nervous, but the redhead's attentiveness at least made things a little easier. Reaching around the firepit, he took Cuilang's hand. "Hey, partner. I want to talk to you about what happened in the Forest of Endings."
"Please do. I'm all ears." Cuilang moved closer, so that they were sitting next to each other, instead of across. He kept hold of Subaru's hand, however, which made Subaru feel both better and more nervous; he might be a god now but apparently gods still got cold feet.
What if Cuilang resents me for the choice I made?
In truth, he knew that would never happen. But that didn't stop his voice from quivering a bit as he worked his way through his tale, though he stopped short at the true reason for his choice, wanting to save that to talk about by itself.
Next to him, Cuilang's expression shifted, and he could tell that his partner was thinking through everything. When their eyes met, he smiled, and Subaru felt a wave of relief wash over him. "I could tell there was something different about you when I saw you again. How do you feel?"
"Mmmm." Subaru wiggled his fingers again, looking down at his hands. "Honestly? I feel the same as ever—mostly. There's just… something extra now, like everything has an additional layer to it. Sorry… I don't really know how to explain it. But for the most part, I'm still the same as I was. At least, I think I am." Subaru rubbed the back of his head, feeling embarrassed, but Cuilang took his hand again and squeezed it.
"Good. I'm glad to hear it was your choice. I was afraid it was something you were forced into when you first mentioned it."
"Oh, no. I just…" Before they could get into further implications, he decided to go for it. After all, Cuilang's choice—whether to accept his offer, or stay as he was—would change how their future played out. Subaru would be lying if he'd said he wasn't nervous, but he also felt more at ease that Cuilang would pick the option that he truly wanted. "Hey, Cuilang?"
"Hmm?" The redhead tilted his head, patiently waiting for whatever it was that Subaru had to ask. Steeling himself, the brunette took a deep breath.
It's now or never, Subaru.
"Do you still want to become human? I mean, I know we haven't talked about it in a long time, but… if you could become human right now, would you want to?"
There it was, a look of surprise that he hadn't seen on his partner's face in a long time. He wasn't exactly hoping for it, but he was expecting it. Cuilang opened his mouth, then closed it again, and Subaru continued. "Consider this an actual question, not just a hypothetical. I can do that for you, I can make that come true."
Cuilang's eyes widened even further; he opened his mouth again, but nothing emerged. Finally, in a voice more robotic than Subaru had heard in a long time, he started to stammer. "Hu- hu- hu- hu-man- ERROR. ERROR. ERROR. REBOOTING."
He hadn't had an error in a long time. Woolby really had helped him come such a long way from when they'd first started dating, but that didn't stop Subaru from holding his breath every time it happened; even if he stayed by Cuilang's side each time, just as he'd sworn he always would, there was still that small voice in the back of his head that whispered, what if this is the final error? He still remembered Cuilang telling him that he could stop functioning at any time, and he'd never gotten a straight answer on what "before long" entailed—not that he suspected that his partner knew any more than he did.
Luckily this error didn't persist for too long, and only a few moments later Cuilang's head lifted and he met Subaru's eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, looking down at the hand his partner was holding. "I- I need some time to process this. Can I think about it?"
"Oh, yeah, of course! I wouldn't expect you to just make this kind of decision on a whim. I'm going to head back to the Autumn Village shrine, meet me there whenever you want to talk about it?" Subaru hated how his voice rose just a little any time he was anxious, but it was clear that Cuilang could also hear it, and the redhead squeezed his partner's hand as if to say, "don't worry".
"I won't be gone all day. I promise you that."
That in and of itself was enough to reassure Subaru, and he watched Cuilang walk off—probably to go for a walk, maybe to his master's old house or even his grave—with a complicated feeling in his heart. While he was entirely certain of his decision, he couldn't help worrying that things might change between them because of it. Even if he did make Cuilang a human, would he do a good job with it? Would he mess things up? Even if he did everything correctly, would it change their relationship?
Still, such thoughts weren't helpful, so he busied himself by clearing away their breakfast dishes and then getting ready to return back to Autumn Village. It was a bit of a lonely trip by himself—Woolby was off somewhere, he'd told Subaru he'd give them space to deal with things on their own, so it was likely they wouldn't see him again for the rest of the day. Which was okay, because although Subaru didn't want to get lost in his own thoughts, at the same time, he didn't think he was up for talking about it, not if it wasn't with Cuilang, and he really wasn't in the mood to talk about other things, either. So he busied himself with focusing on the trip, as well as this new awareness he had, to see if he could test its boundaries and limits.
Stepping back into the village, it was comforting to see everything as it was when he'd left it, a little less than a week before. Not that he'd expected anything to change, but because he had changed, it was nice to be back in familiar surroundings. And there was plenty for him to do; even if the villagers were perfectly fine at taking care of the fields on their own, and even if Cuilang had taken care of the shrine and their chores while he'd been gone, it didn't mean he could be complacent. There were always things to clean and tidy up, and he wanted to take a walk around the village to make sure there wasn't anything that needed his attention.
He managed to keep himself busy enough that he didn't even register the coming and going of the lunch hour; it wasn't until he passed Yachiyo's and smelled her cooking that his stomach started to growl. Taking that as a sign—especially since he didn't want to rush back to the shrine only to find that Cuilang was still out—he sat down for a quick bite, trading light conversation with the proprietress where they talked about the village, the weather, and everything except for his trip and what had arisen from it.
His hunger sated, Subaru paid his bill and turned his feet back toward the Dragon Shrine; halfway there he spotted a familiar splash of colour, coming down the path to meet him, and his heart started to hammer. Hurrying forward, he was greeted by his partner's smile, and the sight had never been more beautiful to him.
Cuilang took his hand. "Welcome home. Is now a good time to talk? I have some questions."
"Of course." They walked back to the shrine hand-in-hand, and Subaru took a few minutes to make tea for them, knowing that having something in his hands would probably steady him. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you returned."
"Please, do not worry. I took a long walk and did not tell you when I would return, so it made sense that you would be away. It's comforting to see that the Heavenly Sovereign still walks among his people." There was mirth in his tone as he said this, and Subaru couldn't help but smile in return.
"Oh, come on. It's not like we didn't already know a half-dozen other gods," he said. "We still have to earn our living, y'know!"
"Unless you're Kai."
"Unless you're Kai, but I don't particularly want to have a tab at Yachi's. If anything serves as a reminder to bring my wallet with me everywhere I go, he does."
The small talk had served to lighten the mood, but as they both took a seat, tea in hand, Subaru found his anxiety coming back. But he trusted Cuilang, so he just turned to his partner. "You said you had some questions?" A pause. "You're… not disappointed in me, are you, Lang? Or mad at me?"
Cuilang blinked at him, looking surprised. "Why would I be mad?"
"Well… I made this decision without you. I mean, I know I had to, but I still feel bad about it. And now I'm making you think about something we put to rest a long time ago."
"No, not at all." Cuilang's voice was gentle and just those words were enough to drain almost all of the anxiety out of Subaru's shoulders. "Like you said, you had to make the decision on the spot. If anything, I should be disappointed in myself for not going with you." He raised his hand before Subaru could protest. "I know, we already talked about that. But as for the topic of me being human, how could I ever be mad at you for that? I know you're thinking about my dreams and I love you for it, so very much. Besides, I trust you completely."
Subaru felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes and he blinked them away, furiously. "Alright, then. Thanks, Lang. But this isn't about me, so… what did you want to talk about?"
"Obviously, about becoming human." Cuilang put down his cup, seemingly more content to hold onto Subaru's hand. "First, if I become human and you're a god, you'll outlive me, yes?"
Wincing, Subaru nodded. It was no surprise that Cuilang went for the crux of the matter first. "Yes." He paused, waiting; he knew that Cuilang had organized everything he wanted to say and he didn't want to derail his train of thought. This meant there was a long, weighted pause while both of them considered what had been said. Finally, Cuilang sighed.
"I don't like that. I don't like thinking that one day I'll have to leave you alone."
I don't like it either, but there's not really a choice, is there? "We've already-"
"I know." Cuilang gently stopped him. "I know, we've already had this discussion. The truth is that I might stop working any time, or I might continue on indefinitely. There's no way for us to know how much more time I might have. Making me human could shorten my life, but it also could prolong it, and either way, we'd at least have a better idea."
"Yes." This time, Subaru was the one to put his cup down, placing his hand over Cuilang's. "And even though I already said it, I'll say it again. I don't want to lose you, but loss is inevitable, and I've come to accept that. Besides… this isn't just about giving you a definite lifespan." Subaru looked up, catching his partner's gaze. "Lang, you've given me so much. You've taught me so much. I want to do this for you, I want to make your dream come true." He smiled past a knot that was forming in his throat despite his best efforts, remembering something Cuilang had said back when they first started dating. "I want you to know joy. To live a long, carefree life."
Cuilang's eyes widened at this, and Subaru knew he remembered, too. There was a long pause that he was afraid might be a precursor to another error, but eventually the redhead sighed, giving him a small smile.
"Then let me ask you something else. For all intents and purposes, I am a human. We already discussed that, and I know it's true. Would it hurt you if I said no, that I was already human enough?"
"No, never." Subaru shook his head. For all that he wanted to grant his partner's wish and give him what he'd always wanted, this wasn't about him, this was about Cuilang. "If you tell me no, then you'll still be human in every way that matters, and you'll still be my love. And the offer will always be there if you change your mind. And if you say yes, nothing will change between us, either. I promise you. I said this on the day I proposed, and I still mean it now—the person I love is the person you are. That will never, ever change."
Usually, in their relationship, Subaru was the effusive one between them—it wasn't that Cuilang didn't love him, it was just that he wasn't very outgoing in his affection, either because of his nature or because of his personality. That's why it was always such a surprise when Cuilang took the initiative, such as when he moved his seat closer, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Subaru's shoulder while tightening his grip on his hand. No words were exchanged, but none were needed; Subaru just put an arm around Cuilang's waist, holding him close as he himself blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall after such an intense declaration. But every word of it was true, and he would never, ever regret saying it.
Eventually, Cuilang sat back up, and the look on his face made Subaru swallow again, it was so heavy with love and affection. "Thank you. I will say, I came up with an entire list of pros and cons while I was out walking earlier. And I still don't like the idea of leaving you alone one day. But if I'm not mistaken, you wanted me to decide based on what I wanted, not what I thought was best for us, correct?"
"Mhm." Subaru smiled. "You do remember. I'm proud of you."
"Then…" Cuilang picked up Subaru's hand again, squeezing it. "I want to become human. It's a frightening thought, but also an exciting one."
"Whatever happens, I'll be right beside you." The brunette smiled, and Cuilang nodded.
"I know you will be."
With this out of the way, Subaru's anxiety started to spike for an entirely different reason, so he took a few moments to breathe quietly. While Cuilang got ready, Subaru went to find Woolby; no sooner did he stick his head outside of the back of the shrine, however, than he was met by a large, white dragon's head.
"You are going through with it, then?"
Apropos of nothing, Subaru did find himself wondering just how much of what went on in the shrine Woolby was aware of, despite having promised to give them space, but that wasn't important at the moment. Instead, he nodded.
Woolby continued. "What you seek to do is beyond me, you know. I cannot help you with it."
"I know," Subaru said, exhaling. "But you helped Cuilang work through his errors. I would feel relieved if you were at least with me, since that's an experience I don't have."
"Of course. You are still the rider I chose, as well as my friend, as is Cuilang. I will stay with you, and let you know if I sense anything amiss."
"Thanks, Woolby."
When he stepped back inside, Cuilang was already in his futon, fast "asleep"; as Subaru settled down on the tatami next to him, Woolby poked his head in to follow, hovering above them.
"Are you absolutely certain you want to do this?"
Subaru could hear the concern in his friend's voice, and he understood it. Even now he was worried, worried that he'd mess something up, worried that they were making the wrong choice, that Cuilang would suffer for it in the long run. And underneath the worry was that small, dark spot, the loneliness he knew he'd feel for an eternity once he was finally alone. But none of that mattered in the face of the searing hope he felt, hope that he'd get to see the love of his life experience his greatest wish. As he let that hope flow through him, he squared his shoulders, nodding at Woolby.
"I am."
And that was all it took. Reaching out, he picked up Cuilang's hand; as always, it felt cool and smooth, a testament of ingenuity and artificiality—the reason that his partner always wore gloves was to hide this artificiality from the rest of the world. Beneath the covers, the redhead's chest rose and fell with mechanical precision; holding onto his hand Subaru studied the automaton before him, letting his new "awareness" wash over him even as he committed this image to memory.
If anyone had asked him what he was going to do, or what he needed to do to make this miracle happen, he couldn't have told them. Yet, somehow, he knew; perhaps it was the remnants of Mihoshi Habaki guiding him, or perhaps it was the power itself, but he wasn't going to question it, wherever it came from. Instead, he closed his eyes, focusing, letting his power flow through him and into the body before him, directing it as needed.
In this state, time had no meaning. The only way he could measure progress was by the feel of the hand in his; slowly it grew warmer and softer, and next to him Cuilang's slow breathing began to hitch, losing the mechanical edge of its rhythm. It wasn't until Woolby said his name, his voice calm, but firm, that Subaru snapped out of his trance; he looked dazedly up at the dragon's head above him, and wordlessly, Woolby nodded toward the futon, where Cuilang was stirring, his restlessness a far cry from his usual methodical awakening.
Still holding Cuilang's hand, Subaru leaned forward, placing the other hand gently on the redhead's shoulder before gently saying his name. There was a pause, and then, suddenly, Cuilang sat up with a gasp, his shoulders and chest heaving as he took in his surroundings. He looked at Subaru with wide eyes, lifted one hand and then the other to examine them, and then placed one against his own cheek and the other against his chest.
Subaru watched all of this with bated breath; so far, it seemed as if everything was working out, and he didn't want to disturb his partner's first experiences as a flesh-and-blood human. Before long, however, Cuilang wordlessly grabbed Subaru's hand again, pressing it against his chest, where Subaru could feel the steady drum of a heartbeat; it was enough to make him tear up, and when he met the redhead's gaze he saw that he wasn't the only one feeling emotional.
"I have a heart," Cuilang whispered, his eyes wide with amazement and wet with tears.
Swallowing, the brunette nodded; he opened his arms and his beloved fell into them. As they embraced, Cuilang's hot tears falling onto his neck, Subaru felt his own emotions finally overflowing and he tightened his arms, holding the redhead close. Several times, Cuilang murmured, "I'm human, Subaru. I'm human-" and each time, Subaru felt his own heart swell, joy in the certainty that they'd made the right choice threatening to consume him completely.
When the happy whispers subsided, Subaru pulled back a little, just enough to study his partner's face. Cuilang's eyes were red-rimmed from tears, but his smile was incandescent; Subaru couldn't help but smile in return as he leaned in, kissing the tear tracks along Cuilang's cheeks, feeling the warmth of his partner's skin even as he tasted the salt against his lips.
"How do you feel, Lang?" he asked, his voice echoing in the space between them. In return, Cuilang's smile just grew wider as he wrapped his arms around Subaru again, tugging him closer until they both toppled over onto the futon together.
"Alive." The word had never sounded more joyous. "I feel alive. Thank you, my love."
Somewhere in the midst of all of this, Subaru sensed Woolby withdrawing from the shrine. He let him go; there would be plenty of time later to meet again and discuss things, but for now, this time was for him and Cuilang alone.
Cuilang took to life as a human like a duck to water. His personality hadn't changed—overall, he was still quiet, methodical, and precise. But there was an undercurrent of newness, of amazement, in everything they did; from their first meal together, where even the bowls of rice and miso soup were a source of wonder, to their first trek to Winter Village, where they huddled together next to the fire after a long hike to find a new stargazing spot, their cheeks and fingers equally as red and chilled—everyday activities were suddenly new again as Cuilang experienced them from an entirely different perspective than he ever had before. Each new experience and interaction pushed that small, dark spot in Subaru's heart further away into the recesses; after all, they only had one lifetime to spend together, and they were determined to make the most of it.
Most people—especially those of Autumn Village—seemed to realise that something was different with Cuilang, but just as they had never questioned his ways before, they didn't question him now. Besides, who would want to, when someone so bright and sunny smiled at them in such obvious delight?
Little things that had never mattered before to Cuilang suddenly took on new meaning. One of the first things they did—once some of the 'newness' had worn off, and there was less risk of needing to explain things to their friends and neighbours—was visit Yachiyo's izakaya, where Cuilang ordered a whole slew of dishes, far too many for two people, and Subaru just took her aside and asked her to play along, explaining that Cuilang had become interested in cooking (which wasn't entirely untrue).
As they made their way through all of the proprietress's excellent offerings, Cuilang praised each of them in turn, savouring them as he picked and chose which were his favourites. It was 'just a little thing', and yet Subaru knew it was something that had bothered Yachiyo in the past—that Cuilang had never gushed over her cooking the way others did—and he was glad to see her glowing under the praise, even if she still seemed a little confused as to where it had suddenly come from.
Clothing became a new source of interest, as well. Now that Cuilang no longer had to worry about his parts or seams showing, he no longer felt the need to cover his hands, feet, and neck. Combined with the fact that he actually felt the temperature changes in various environments, this led to them spending quite a bit of time with Tsubame, sorting through new fabrics and fashions. Not that Cuilang wanted to give up his original clothing, made in the style of his master's homeland, of course. It was especially useful whenever they went anywhere especially cold.
But he also branched out, wearing more clothing that matched the fashions of Azuma. It wasn't unusual to see him wearing a new kosode, hakama, or yukata. And he looked good enough in all of it to keep Subaru's heart racing—which might help to explain just why Cuilang was so fond of trying out new fashions.
And so the years passed, enough that anyone keeping track would have lost count.They were all joyous, with new experiences giving way to comfortable routines, and even when they weren't joyous, they were still years the two faced together, never farther apart than they had to be, even when Subaru had to see to his duties.
Spring turned to summer, summer to fall, and fall to winter; the seasons turned, and as they did, Cuilang grew older. No matter how old he became, however, his eyes stayed bright and his smile wide; at his side Subaru, who looked the same as he had when he first returned from the Forest of Endings, never once looked away from him, his eyes ever alight with the same adoration, the same boundless warmth and overwhelming love as on the day they married.
They never talked again about their inevitable separation. Subaru refused to let it colour their days together, and Cuilang seemed to have accepted that it was Subaru's choice, and respected that choice.
Unfortunately, a human life is still finite, and on one otherwise normal day, the end arrived. It wasn't sudden—there was more than enough time for them to come to terms with it, to spend their last days, and say their goodbyes. But that didn't make it any easier, and as Cuilang's eyes closed, Subaru reached out to take the hand resting on top of the futon cover in both of his own. Clasping it, feeling its dying warmth, he remembered that day, so long ago, on the morning of their wedding when Cuilang had done the same for him to soothe his anxiety.
Mustering up a fragile smile, Subaru leaned over to kiss it, then to kiss his partner's forehead; that small, dark spot of grief in his heart had finally blossomed and he knew the years ahead would be painfully, desperately lonely. And yet there was still a joy somewhere in all of it; as he had once said, " at the very least… I'll have chosen that life. And if that choice causes me pain in the long run, then so be it." And he'd made this choice, too, knowing that one day he'd be alone. And just like the choice to love Cuilang had come to him without hesitation, so too had the choice to grant Cuilang's greatest wish even though that in doing so, he knew that one day he'd have to let him go.
"Rest well," he murmured, his voice rough with unshed tears. "I'm sorry that it'll take so long, but I know you'll wait for me, and I promise I'll join you as soon as my work is finished."
The Heavenly Sovereign of Azuma walks among his people every day. They say that all of the gods of Azuma are friendly, but he is even more so; despite being the God of Gods, the Prime God of Azuma, he's surprisingly down-to-earth. Whether you are a mischievous tanuki playing tricks on indulgent townsfolk, a cheerful izakaya proprietor who needs a hand procuring fish, or just a curious traveler who wants to know more about automata, he will always be willing to lend a hand or an ear. Even if you don't need his aid, you're welcome to stop and talk to him; he'll always have time for a smile or story, or to give you directions to one of the many hot springs that dot the land. And if you're especially lucky, he might invite you into his home for tea.
The Dragon Shrine is elegant, and each religious accessory is well-maintained, ready to be used at a moment's notice. However, if you look closely, you may see a spot in the corner; unlike the rest of the pristine space surrounding you, the little shrine holds an air of homely warmth. The incense is always freshly lit, the dish always holds an offering—usually onigiri, or tamagoyaki—and the well-worn set of tools and gears scattered nearby are all immaculately clean without a speck of dust on them. Behind the shrine hangs an outfit, foreign and bright; it seems incredibly old, but also well-cared-for, kept out of the sunlight so that its myriad colours don't fade. And if you get close enough, you'll see a small, draped painting of a young man with short red hair, bright green eyes, and a wide, beautiful smile; a dried red plum branch rests against the painting, a testament to vows and a commitment long past, but never forgotten.
If you do happen to notice this shrine, you'll also see the Heavenly Sovereign's expression shift, turning from its usual friendliness to something more akin to adoration, boundlessly warm with overwhelming love and a tinge of wistfulness.
"His name was Cuilang," he'll tell you. "He was the kindest person I've ever known, the one who taught me what it truly means to be human."